Mad World
by gotellalice
Summary: Bella,a very powerful vampire, goes to Forks to rescue Emmett from death.There she finds Edward, her singer, whom she is determined to keep. She blackmails Emmett into trading him for Rosalie, but what happens when she finally tastes his blood? Dark Bella
1. Selftitled

**Mad World, Chapter One: Self-titled**

It's almost my turn. The room is completely silent, nothing stirring, not even a heartbeat. His voice is the only thing that can be heard, echoing off the walls and chilling the room. Names fall from his cold lips like a guillotine blade, killing even these, the undead. Had I not long ago abandoned the Gods and their ways, I would be praying to them, praying that I would make it through this.

It's ridiculous for me, of all people, to be afraid of this. I am probably the strongest vampire here, besides the ancients. Who here could they choose who could possibly present a threat to me, a demon whose name has haunted mortals and vampires alike for decades?

"Isabella Volturi."

All heads snap to look at me - a hundred bright red spotlights on my pale skin. I don't make eye contact with anyone. I simply stand and march to the front, head held high and shoulders square. No one looking at me would ever guess that I am nervous. To an observer, I probably just look frustrated.

That is exactly what I want.

An ancient stands before me, all dark eyes and porcelain skin. Aro, the one who holds the most interest in me, is the one who took me into this guard in the first place, hungry for the power granted to me by the change. His eyes are appraising as he flashes a false smile, knowing his stalling irritates me. I just want to know who my opponent will be; the masked enemy is always worse than the one who waits in the light.

"It has been far too long, my dear," Aro whispers, his silky voice laced with dark intentions, and his ebony eyes echoing the same.

It annoys me that he insists on delaying the information he knows I crave. _Damn his forked tongue and serpentine smile._

I simply nod and his smile falters a bit as he clears his throat, glancing down at the paper in his hands. Everyone is aware that he already knows who I'm up against. I hold the breath I don't even need, the only indication of my nervousness. _This is it_, I tell myself.

The Challenge is a ritual held every decade amongst the ranks of the Volturi. The vampires chosen by the ancients have to fight: for both their rank and their lives. This is how vampires progress through the ranks of the Volturi guard – by killing chosen opponents. You could choose to let them live, but most did not. This is the only thing that matters to most of them: the chance to achieve glory. It gives them purpose in their immortality.

I am already a lieutenant, an incredibly high rank for someone as young as I. Only fifty years have passed since I was changed on the streets of Phoenix. That night did more than end my human life; it took away my soul and my humanity against my will. Fifty long years, and from the beginning, I have been stronger than the rest of my kind. My body has an innate defense mechanism, enabling me to do extraordinary things when threatened. Most vampires fear me, others hate me. None of it matters though, since I am always the victor.

It is time to either defend my position in the guard or fight for a better one. No one knows who the ancients have decided they should fight against, and so it is understandable that everyone in the room is radiating tension. Today could very well be the last day of their existence. But not mine. I am strong.

"We have decided," Aro drones out slowly. I feel my fists clench as venom wells up in my mouth. Just say it! But Aro will not be denied his grand announcement.

It must be something big for him to stall this way.

Finally, he continues in a grand voice, "that you will be challenging today for the position of...General of the guard."

General?

Despite my firm control, I feel my jaw go slack for a second. General? That is the highest ranking member of the guard, second only to the ancients themselves. It is unheard of for one to become General so young, especially one who has never been a Captain. I can hear whispers around the room, most shocked, but a few angry. Aro holds up his hand, and immediately all is silent.

"James, please step forward."

James is the current General. His crimson eyes are blazing with aggression. Other than that he looks amused as he makes his way slowly to the front, all eyes on him now. James has a reputation for killing anyone and everyone who has ever opposed him, as well as a few just because. I'm confident in my own ability, but I can't help but feel the hand of dread on my shoulder as he stands before me, looking down into my eyes with those murderous orbs. His face is a mask of scars; a testament to countless battles won that left their marks upon his flesh. Many have died in the attempt to kill him.

I may be younger, but still the strength of many surges through my limbs and I know I stand a chance in a fight with this vampire. I stare back with a blank expression, my own mask of war. He smirks, obviously thinking he has the fight won already. Little does he know.

Aro instructs us to shake hands, and after his near-crushing grip releases my hand, we step into the ring. For this is no ordinary room: It is a battle field. The others sit in a ring of seats, watching each pair of challengers step into the center to fight for rank and honor. It is the vampire way.

I have put on tight, weightless clothes that will enable me to bend, twist and move without resistance. Body armor is futile, as nothing can stop a vampire's teeth or fists from penetrating it, so I went for comfort. James seems to have done the same. He pulls off his cloak to reveal a skin-tight shirt that exposes his enormous biceps and forearms, as well as the strong planes of his chest. A worthy opponent indeed.

There is hardly any time between the announcement and the battle so that both challengers can rely only upon their own skill. Sometimes battles last days, which causes The Challenge to sometimes last for months at a time. This fight, however, will probably be quick.

_At least, I hope so_.

Caius steps into the ring, giving me a glare. He's never liked me, but that's probably because he's afraid of me. He should be too, I think smugly. One day…

My thoughts focus back on James who stands a mere ten yards from me, still wearing that arrogant smirk. I will knock that smile from his face soon enough, but for now I close my eyes and focus my power. The raw strength ripples through my body, causing me to shudder slightly. _I can do this_.

Caius' voice calls out through the otherwise silent room, making me open my eyes to look at James once more.

"Challengers," he addresses us.

I keep my eyes locked on my target.

"You are to fight for the rank of General. The winner gets the glory. Loser earns nothing but shame and possibly death."

James nods his head at me, but I don't break my mask of stone. To the death, so be it.

Caius steps aside and claps his hands twice. It begins.

James moves lightning-fast, a growl ripping from his chest as he lunges for me with palms outstretched. I snarl back, jumping lithely out of the way and narrowly avoiding his harder-than-diamond nails. He whirls at once and jumps again, this time making contact with my right arm which sends a flash of pain through my body. Hissing, I strike him deftly with the back of my hand, causing his head to snap back for a split second. He begins to growl again and strikes so fast that it takes all I have to avoid being pummeled.

We trade blows - ducking, weaving and circling in a blur of fists, teeth and snarls. It's an even match so far, but James is amazingly powerful. Without a doubt he is the strongest vampire I have faced thus far, and I push myself to be quicker and to hit harder.

The smile is indeed gone from his face and he frowns in concentration, trying to catch me off-guard with a swipe to the face. I jerk back and lash out with my mind at the same time. The force of my mind throws James back a yard or so, stunning him momentarily.

This is my gift, earned by the torture I endured during my change. It is a kind of mental force-field that blocks the gifts of other vampires, but it also serves as a physical force that can do a variety of attacks, chosen seemingly at random. Activated when threatened, I have almost no control over how my gift will attack an enemy, but it seems to do just fine without my guidance.

James is stunned by the attack, and I hurl my body at him, eliciting a scream of pain from my opponent as my teeth cut into his shoulder. I must release, however, and the two of us go back to circling. James looks furious, but suddenly he is darting around me with blinding speed. This is his gift: incredible speed. He is a blur as he darts all around me, and he seems to be everywhere at once. At this rate, I can hardly keep him from my throat as he moves too quickly for me to stop him. The fight has taken a sudden turn for the worse, and I know I have to do something quickly before it ends completely.

I call my mind's power forward again, and this time it feels different: almost like it's pulsing with a new force. I push the power out, and instantly James cries out in agony. I whip around to find him on the ground, writhing under an invisible force that crushes his chest. His hard bones make terrible cracking sounds as he struggles to get out from under my power.

_This is new._

Thanks once again to my unpredictable power, the tide is turned in my favor. I quickly take advantage of James' predicament and pin him beneath me, bludgeoning him with my fists and tearing at his skin with my nails. My power has released him, but now I'm holding him down with my legs as he tries to push me off. I hold on with all my might and continue to bash his head with my hands, ignoring his blows that are raining on my back and legs.

James looks desperate, and I know I've nearly won. All that's left is to seal the victory with his death. He is not foolish, however, and he manages to ward off my attempts to reach his neck by snapping his teeth and flailing his limbs. It takes nearly all my strength to hold on, to keep him down. If I slip up for even a second, he will slither out of my grasp and my advantage will be lost. I search frantically for a way to finish him, and a daring thought enters my mind. It's incredibly risky, but I'm growing weary of holding James down.

With a quick jerk back, my right hand releases my hold on James. His left hand catches me across the face; scoring deep welts that make me grit my teeth in pain. Nevertheless, I surprise James by slamming my hand down on his chest, my fingers hooked like claws. The strength of the blow sends the sharp tips of my nails deep into James' flesh, right over where his dead heart is held silent. He screeches in anguish as I hook my claws tight under his skin and wrench, pulling his back off the ground and then slamming him back down. My risk pays off, for now James is securely in my grip and also temporarily immobilized by pain.

The crowd is silent as my teeth snap shut around my victim's throat. The former General dies like the prey he's hunted for so many years: throat ripped open and gurgling screams bubbling from his mouth. As his fangs clench and unclench uselessly, the guards waiting nearby rush out to light him ablaze. All that can be heard now is the shuffle of my clothes as I rise victorious and the crackling of the flames that consume my foe. I stand a champion before the masses, my opponent's taste on my teeth and his flesh under my nails. No one speaks. No one claps. They all stand as one, silent as death itself, and bow before me.

Bella, the Vampire General.

_One month later._

"General, a moment please."

I turn from the door, my hand still on the handle, and stare unblinkingly at the vampire before me. Felix is certainly one of the more outspoken of the vampires who oppose me and probably the most annoying. Even now, he says my title as though it tastes foul in his mouth.

_Stupid, jealous Captain_. One of five and the only one who dares to continually contradict my authority. In Felix's eyes, I should never have been selected since I've never been a Captain.

_Tough shit._

Still, I have to stay and listen to him. After all, he is a Captain, and this is a meeting for the higher-ranking vampires. It's required for me to hear him out, no matter how much I loathe him.

"Yes?" I ask with false patience, wishing I could just leave and go back to my home. My new one in the General's quarters. But Felix won't grant me my wish, and the look in his eyes clearly says that I won't enjoy what he has to say.

"It has come to my attention that a certain vampire has revealed himself to a human family somewhere in the U.S.," Felix says, smirking slightly for some reason. "He's been sentenced to death for breaking the laws. Tomorrow, if I'm not mistaken, is when we're scheduled to take him out."

_So?_ I sigh, tired of dealing with this imbecile. The past month has been a rough one, and I am tired of people wasting my time.

"You know perfectly well that this is none of my concern, Felix." I tell him in exasperation, making it clear that I'm annoyed. He knows that such matters are dealt with by lesser ranks, and that investigating traitorous vampires is not something Generals are expected to take care of. "Now if you'll excuse me-" I turn towards the door.

"It's Emmett McCarty," Felix purrs, effectively stopping me in my tracks.

Suddenly, the evil glint in Felix's eyes makes sense, and my stomach clenches slightly. _Shit._

Emmett is probably the only real friend I have in the world. He is the one who helped me when I was first changed; the one who took care of me when I was a rampant newborn. If there is anyone who can claim to know me, it is Emmett.

Strong, sweet, smiling Emmett.

And now I'm going to have to kill him.

Felix is still smirking and a low growl rumbles in my throat. He knows this hurts me and that's why he is here, rubbing it in my face. He's using my one weakness against me, just to be a prick. _Emmett…_

"Fuck you, Felix." I snarl, baring my teeth.

I want to rip this asshole to pieces. The glare in my eyes must be murderous because suddenly Jane, my second in command, is standing between Felix and me, her red eyes tinged with concern. Small as Jane is, she is also very, very powerful. Just a look from her and you're feeling pain like nothing you've ever experienced, except perhaps for the change into a vampire. Despite the fact that she was an obvious choice for General, she has supported my position from the start and has been much more responsive than the others.

"Easy," she murmurs soothingly, putting a hand on my shoulder. Felix continues smiling cruelly, taking advantage of Jane's distraction by pushing past me to head out the door. My hands clench, barely resisting the urge to lunge for his throat. I tell myself he's not worth it.

_But Emmett is_.

I push Jane's hand off of me and start to stalk out of the room. I have no idea what I'm going to do; Emmett has been sentenced to death, and there is nothing I can do about it. My one and only friend is going to die tomorrow, again - for we are all already dead.

"You're the General," Jane calls out after me.

Her voice pulls me back, and I turn and question her with my eyes over one shoulder. She stares back at me, her gaze steady and calm.

"You have the ability to change things, Bella." She calls me by my given name, something that usually makes me angry. Jane seems sincere, almost caring, so I let it go. Plus, her words are intriguing. Jane leaves before the meaning has sunk in completely, brushing quietly past me as I consider what she said.

'_You can change things.'_

I can, too. I have the power to save Emmett from this. I can assert my power, overstep the previous decision…But should I? It will anger the others, and surely Felix will raise hell about it. I shouldn't be seen playing favorites already.

_Should I save Emmett?_

_No._

_But I will._

Hours later, I'm on a plane to Forks, Washington. Actually, it's my private jet, so I can get there faster. I have told only Jane that I am leaving, and she is in charge back in Italy. She is a valuable asset, I have decided. Hopefully, I can win her loyalty and support for the years to come because with her I will have even more power. Power to rule. After all, I am the strongest.

I don't sleep on the trip, of course. I don't sleep, for I'm already living a nightmare.

The lack of fatigue gives me time to consider my options for handling this situation. I want to stay within the rules, if at all possible. It will look better if I handle things appropriately.

Besides killing Emmett, I have two options: one, I can transform the whole family into vampires; two, I can kill them all. But surely that would upset Emmett, as obviously he feels some connection to the humans. Why else would he have broken the one rule regularly enforced for our kind? Emmet is not stupid, nor does he have a death wish, so these humans must mean a great deal to him. Would he be willing to curse them all, to damn them?

Will he even have a choice? It was damnation or death. Not exactly the best choices, but that's how it has to be. At least Emmett will live.

My plane touches down after an uneventful flight, and I step out into a rainstorm. The rain feels warm on my icy skin, and I'm grateful that the sun isn't out. Getting around while avoiding direct sunlight is a pain, and I immediately know why Emmett decided to live here. It's prime vampire turf.

Donning a pair of sunglasses to hide my crimson eyes, I step into the car I've rented for the trip: A black, five-speed Mitsubishi Eclipse. It's much slower than most of my cars but decent enough. Plus it's fairly discrete, and I'd like to avoid attention as much as possible.

My source told me Emmett is in fact staying with the human family he revealed his secret to, and that they live deep within the forest a short distance from town. Again, a smart place for a vampire to hide, especially a vegetarian one like Emmett who only feeds off of animals. Despite his obvious error at telling the humans his secret, Emmett has made quite a few smart choices.

I'm nervous about seeing Emmett while bearing such bad news, but I tell myself that it's the only way to save him. Hopefully, he will understand. He must. I am here for him. _After what he has done for me, I owe him this._

Traffic is light and soon I pull into the well-hidden driveway that leads to the house. It's a beautiful home, covered in large windows and gorgeous landscaping. I step out of the car, sensing Emmett's scent immediately. It is so familiar, and it puts my mind at ease. Then, as I walk slowly towards the door, I become aware of another scent that stops me dead in my tracks.

_Fuck._

Never before has human blood appealed to me in such a way. I feel intoxicated by this smell: a sweet fruit-like musk dancing across my senses. It is all consuming and it pulls me forward, darkening my eyes and heightening my senses. I have to pull myself together quickly, or I'll be killing one of Emmett's humans, and that won't help matters.

Before I can fully get over the scent, a familiar voice is booming from the house, shaking the windows with its volume.

"Bella! Is that you?" Emmett hollers. Without waiting for a response, he leaps from a window and embraces me tightly. I fight back my instinct to push him off of me, and I hug him back gingerly.

"Emmett, it's good to see you." I say as calmly as I can. The scent, the delicious one, is on Emmett and it's driving my senses wild. But here he is, my savior and best friend. The one I'm here to rescue.

"I'll say! What a surprise!" Emmett lets me go and steps back to look at me, smiling broadly.

"Still as scary as ever I see," he jokes, obviously not at all afraid of me. _If only he knew!_ He rambles on about random things like an excited kid, not letting me get a word in. He's the only one in the world who's ever excited to see me.

Eventually, though, he'll wish I hadn't come. That thought sobers me, pulling me away from the delirium of the mysterious scent.

"Emmett…" I interrupt his insistence that I meet someone he calls Rosalie. It's plain from the way his eyes go soft at her name that he is in love with her. _So this is what caused him to break the law. He's in love with a human._

He finally calms down enough to notice my solemn expression, and his eyes become wary.

"Why are you here, Bella?" He asks slowly.

I take a deep breath, hating the fact that I must deliver him bad news when he is obviously so happy here, but I know if I don't do it others will come and do it for me. They will come not only for his human family but also for him.

"Emmett, you broke the rules." I say gently, looking deep into his honey eyes and seeing realization slowly set in. His mouth goes slack, and he pulls away from me. He looks afraid.

"What do you mean?" He asks, playing dumb. But Emmett is far from dumb, and I know it. He just can't believe I'm here for that. Hell, neither can I. I can hear someone heading for the front door, and I sigh sadly.

"You know what I mean. You've been sentenced to death, Emmett. You broke the most important rule."

The door opens and both of us look over to see a beautiful blonde girl peek her head out. She looks like a model, full lips and breasts, with sapphire eyes that shine like stars. Surely, she is the stuff that most males drool over. She could be a vampire, if not for her beating heart and colorful eyes. Emmett tenses and he holds up a hand to the girl.

"Rose, honey, go back inside." He says shakily, forcefully. _Rose? Ah. __So this is the one__... _

She stares first at Emmett, then at me as she wordlessly heads back inside, obviously very trusting of him. But I can hear her worried voice as she calls to someone inside.

Absently, I notice she isn't the one with the enticing scent. Dragging my focus back to Emmett, I find him staring at me as if I had just hit him. I sigh again, knowing I have little in the way of relief to offer him.

"Em…I'm not here to kill you. I am here saving your life. Hers too."

Emmett just stares blankly, seeming too shocked to deal with what I'm telling him.

I press on. "The laws are clear. You have to change them all, or they must die along with you."

Emmett flinches, but I know I have to be honest. It's the only way. "I came here to tell you, and to make sure…that you do it. I'm sorry, Emmett."

He nods, and then suddenly falls to his knees, shaking with emotion. My dead heart twists with pain as I kneel beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. It hurts to see him so weak and filled with despair.

"Bella," he groans. "How can I do this? I can't. I can't k-kill them. Or damn them. W-what do I do?" Emmett stammers as he speaks, breathing hard though his lungs need no air.

"I'm so sorry," I murmur. I don't know what to tell him. His world has just been flipped upside down, but sorry is the best I can do. He shakes, his head slumped low.

"You have to, Em. Change them, or let me do it. It's the only way."

"No." He whimpers.

Suddenly he is on his feet, his body placed protectively between me and the house. His hands are raised in a fighting position, and my heart drops as he clenches his fists. I stand slowly, warily. I don't want to hurt him.

"Don't do this." I plead, though my voice is hard.

He's my best friend, but I will fight him if I have to. And I will win_. I always do._

"I can't let you hurt them," He whines, not backing down.

His eyes would be tearing up if they could, but Emmett is dead. "Please, just go away, Bella." _Oh how I wish I could_. But I can't. With or without Emmett's assistance, these humans will die today. Die, and be reborn, if you could in fact call it that. They will wake up as creatures of the night, whether they like it or not. It's the law. And I am a monster. A monster who is seconds away from beating her best friend unconscious and tearing apart the family he loves.

Emmett stands firm, eyes like those of a mad man. I tense up, ready to fight him, but suddenly the door slams open and an angry voice rings out.

"What's going on?"

I look over Emmett's shoulder and see an angry human boy standing there. His hair is a perfection of messiness and his green eyes look like they could tear into my very soul.

_It's lucky I don't have one then._

"Go back inside, Edward." Emmett growls, and suddenly the wind blows the boy's scent towards me. I freeze.

It's him.

The smell.

I must have it.

I must have him.


	2. My Curse

**Mad World, Chapter Two: My Curse**

_I watched you walk away_  
_ Helpless, with nothing to say_  
_ I strain my eyes_  
_ Hoping to see you again_

_ This is my curse (the longing)_  
_ This is my curse (time)_  
_ This is my curse (the yearning)_  
_ This is my curse_

_ There is love burning to find you_  
_ Will you wait for me?_  
_ Will you be there?_

_ Your silence haunts me_  
_ But still I hunger for you_

_ This is my curse (the wanting)_  
_ This is my curse (time)_  
_ This is my curse (the needing)_  
_ This is my curse_

_ There is love burning to find you_  
_ Will you wait for me?_

_ Still I want_  
_ And still I ache_  
_ But still I wait_  
_ To see you again_

_ Dying, inside, these walls (2x)_

_ And I see your face in these tears, In these fears_  
_ And I see your face..._

_ There is love (8x)_

A loud snarl springs unbidden from my throat, and my body jerks forward of its own accord. Emmett's eyes widen as suddenly I slam into him, knocking him over effortlessly. The smell is too powerful to resist. I am out of my rational mind.

I need the blood.

Before I can make it to the human, Emmett catches my leg and drags me backwards with a mighty heave. Growling ferociously, I reach back and catch him with a right hook to the face, catching him off-guard. He immediately loosens his grip, and my sights are set back on the human boy. He is stunned, unable to move as I lunge for him, fear obvious in his deep green eyes.

So close. I can practically taste his blood when a voice from behind has me skidding to a halt.

"Bella! What the hell are you doing?" Emmett screams. His voice is high, hysterical, and it brings me crashing back down to Earth. His voice brings sanity. _Emmett is my friend. Emmett is my friend_. Mt mind is spinning as I struggle to regain control, fighting back the rush of pure instinct that roars at me to take the human in front of me and drain him. I am only barely aware that my hand is fisted in his t-shirt, holding him, trapping him before me. His rushing heartbeat is dizzyingly tantalizing, calling to me.

Singing to me.

That's it. The boy is my singer. I have heard of such humans, ones with blood that is irresistible to certain vampires. This must be the case, for even my steely self control almost failed me when I smelled him so close. Now, it is pure torture to resist. I cannot make my fist let go.

Emmett is stalking towards me and the human is struggling wildly in my grip, fear and anger pouring off of him to mix with the aroma of his sweet red nectar. It isn't helping. His attempts to flee only heighten my predatory instincts. Unknowingly, he is putting his life in much more danger now.

"Stay still!" I hiss from between my teeth. I refuse to breathe, knowing doing so would cause me to attack his vulnerable throat. So close. I want it so bad, but I can't hurt Emmett. The boy finally is still, breathing hard and watching me fearfully. He doesn't scream.

"Bella," Emmett says in a low voice. He is close behind me, but wisely keeping his distance. The knowledge of another predator being so close to my prey makes me angry, but I shove the fury down along with the thirst. Control.

"Let him go," Emmett commands, earning a quiet growl from my throat. I can't let him go. He is mine. His blood is mine. Emmett wants him so he can have the blood for himself. He wants the blood…

_No. It isn't true_. This is just the predator talking. Even in my current state, I can tell Emmett is genuinely concerned for this boy. The human means something to him. It must be one of the family. The one I came to save. To condemn.

"Singer," I spit out, not trusting myself to open my mouth any longer. The human's taste is on my tongue and against my teeth. His eyes bore into me, and there is terror in them. It feeds some kind of sick happiness in me, seeing him so afraid and helpless in my grasp.

Emmett understands, and his voice is more gentle but also more afraid. "Please, let him go, Bella," he whispers. He shuffles forward, and though I tense up instinctively, I don't attack. Control is mine once more, though it is a delicate hold. Emmett is now close enough to touch me, and I flinch at his hand on my shoulder.

"Please, Bells," he mummers, calling me by his favorite nickname from so many years ago. "Don't hurt him. He's her brother. Don't do this to her. To me. Let him go."

I want to, but I just can't. It's too much to handle. My whole body shakes with indecision, betraying my inner struggle. Emmett is…my…friend… And with that in mind, I shove the human backwards forcefully, sending him flying into the wall of the house. There is a dull thud as his head hits, and a whoosh of air being forced from his lungs. Thankfully, he is not cut, and it is a relief to have him farther away. But Emmett tenses with worry, and beyond my selfish happiness I can see that the boy's green eyes are rolling back into his head, a low groan escapes his lips. I threw him too hard, forgetting how fragile he was. His head hit the wall, again, too hard. He slumps to the ground, unconscious.

But not dead.

The door opens and suddenly there are more humans, rushing over to the motionless singer and crying out with worry. A tall, blonde man kneels beside the unconscious boy, checking his pulse and inspecting his head. I know he will be fine, though he'll probably have a splitting headache when he wakes up. I might feel bad for hurting him if I wasn't entirely focused on not killing him. Even with him far away, it's a struggle to stay still.

One human, smaller than the rest, is glaring daggers at me. Unlike the others, her eyes are on me and not the hurt one. Her short, spiked hair and petite frame do nothing to mark her as any kind of threat, but the intensity in her gaze is surprising. Still, I'm a monster, and my eyes are scarier. I see her shudder slightly as my flame colored eyes find hers, staring her into submission. No one can engage in an intimidation battle with a vampire and win.

Emmett alone stays away from the gathering. I can sense he is still watching me, and reluctantly I turn to meet his golden eyes. They are a collideascope of emotions. Pain, fear, anger, sorrow. They are all mixed into his burning stare, and I feel awful for having made them this way.

"I'm sorry, Emmett," I say in a low voice, too quiet for the humans to hear. "For almost killing him, not for coming here. Regardless of how you feel, a decision must be made. Decide, or I will." Immediately I shake off the regret and get back to business. Leave it to me to switch from an apology to a threat in the same breath.

Speaking of breath, I carefully suck one in through my teeth, losing myself temporarily in the powerful lure of the blood. I can do this. I may be a heartless monster, but damnit I'm a monster with control.

Emmett's eyes darken with obvious grief, but I refuse to back down. Emmett needs to stop being such a soft-hearted fool. Turn the humans or kill them. Better yet, don't get involved in the first place. Loving someone brings only pain in the long run.

"Can-can I just have a few days? You know, to decide?" he pleads, wringing his hands nervously. I have never seen Emmett look so vulnerable. So torn. It's unsettling, but I again stand firm. I don't have time to care about anyone, even my only friend.

"Please? For me, Isabella," Emmett whispers, soft even by vampire standards. The humans are still blabbering on in the back ground, all but the girl called Rosalie. She is watching Emmett and I, fear and confusion written on her face, blue eyes cloudy. I don't care at all if she dies or not, but Emmett does. She has a family. I don't like the idea of giving in to this foolishness, but I've always had a soft spot for Emmett. I sigh.

"I'll be back tomorrow." I growl, loud enough for the humans to hear. They all turn to look at me, watching fearfully. I'm glad they're afraid. They should be. "Tomorrow night, and I won't be so lenient again, Emmett." My eyes narrow to dark red slits, emphasizing my meaning. Emmett just nods enthusiastically, relief flooding his features.

"Thank you, thank you Bella," he breathes. He looks as if he is going to embrace me, but I turn sharply on my heel and stalk off, putting my back to Emmett and his stupid human family. They make me angry, these helpless creatures that should be dead by now. Dead or damned. I hate them for turning Emmett against me

And above all I hate my singer. For tempting me with his ungodly smell, for torturing me by belonging to Emmett and therefore being untouchable. For being…beautiful?

I shake that last though out of my head, quickly getting into my car and slamming the door shut. Everyone is watching me, save the unconscious one. The blonde girl is hanging onto Emmett who refuses to meet her eyes. The small one glares at me still, though she cannot possibly see my face through the tinted windows. She has fire in her, I decide. She'll make a good vampire.

Unlike her brother. I wish I could keep him human. It is an interesting idea, and I toy with the notion as I race away from the house. To keep him for myself, to be able to feed from him from time to time. If only I was strong enough, because deep down I knew if I tried, I'd end up draining him. It was just too much to handle. Even thinking about it makes my hands tighten on the wheel, leaving small impressions. My eyes burn, and I pull sharply off the road, pulling into the woods, not caring if I damage the car.

_I need to hunt. Right. Now._

Trees fly by. My feet ghost over the ground, making absolutely no sound. It's as if I'm a phantom, the way I move. The grace of a killer. I have found a scent that I like, and I glide effortlessly towards the human who is unlucky enough to be out alone here in these woods. His smell is dusty, but full of promise. A young male. I spot him hiking up over a hill, sweating profusely from the exertion. A ridiculous baseball cap is perched upon his head, making him look stupid. He's plain, nothing worth staring at, except perhaps for his bright blue eyes. They are like sapphires.

He is unaware of my presence - his weak human senses failing to protect him from me as I stalk towards him. All is quiet. This isn't even necessary. I could simply call out to him, for my physical beauty would probably bring him willingly to my arms, being that he is a male and I am not a mortal. Stupid humans. They all fall for the mask. The deception. But it's more fun to stalk because it brings out the predator begging to be released. And so, I let it go.

A hand slips around his neck, pulling him back and down. A leg swipes his feet out from under him, and he screams as he is trapped in my unyielding grip, struggling uselessly. His arms flail about, his eyes go wild. Pathetic. The inner monster loves how he wiggles futilely, having no chance of escaping from my hold. I'm far too strong for him. For anyone.

His fear scent makes me shudder, loving the power and control I feel. There is something disgustingly pleasing about having something at my mercy, beneath my fangs. But I must end it now before his screams attract attention. With a practiced lunge, my teeth find the pulsing vein in his throat and sink in effortlessly. I can't even hear his final shrieks of agony, so consumed am I by the warm blood pouring down my throat. Dampening my thirst.

But it is not enough.

It's not good enough.

It is disgusting.

I drink the human dry despite my frustration, snarling gutturally as I toss the limp body into the trees. His blood was not enough. Foul, compared to the blood I now crave. The blood I cannot stop thinking about, imagining it running down my throat and washing over my fangs and tongue.

The green-eyed one. He is all I want now. Another furious growl bubbles from my throat as I storm back towards my car. The dead man lays lifelessly in the woods behind me, already forgotten. Never before have I been so dissatisfied with my hunt. Blood tastes like dirt in my mouth, now that I know what it could be. I knock over a small tree with an angry swipe, my mind savage. I want that stupid boy. I must have him. If it wasn't for Emmett, I'd have him already.

Emmett. That was the problem. He probably wouldn't give up his human so easily, and I didn't know if I could take it without his permission.

_I can. I want it too badly. Too badly to let it all go. _I hunger for that one. Thirst for him like no other. He is like heroin, and I an addict. I want him with me, struggling in my grasp while I press my lips to his vulnerable jugular and suck. Suck all the life out of him, claim his perfect blood as my own. I would do it. If only…

Forcefully I push the bloodlust back, taking deep breaths to calm myself. Even though I don't need air, it helps. The thirst is duller at least, though I know nothing will ever satisfy me like his blood could. I want it more than I've ever wanted anything. It was practically a need.

My car roars to life and I speed back up the road, giving in at least a little bit to the hunger raging in my cold, dead heart. I just wanted to talk to Emmett. Or so I told myself.

The forest shimmers gold as I fly down the road. It's almost twilight. Hovering on the edge of day and night. I wish it was dark already, for the dark is where I am at home. It is the time of monsters. I didn't even realize It'd been such a long time since I'd left, the hours seeming more like seconds to my eternal self.

My hands clench and unclench in anticipation as I park the car a few hundred yards down the road from the house. I want to see how they act when they don't know I'm there. Hopefully Emmett wouldn't hear me sneaking around…

God. The smell. It hits me as soon as I open the door. It's like swallowing nails, the way it tears up my throat and brings the thirst back with a vengeance. It's only slightly better since I fed, but I'm grateful for the small relief.

Still, my body reacts on its own, sending me slinking through the dense trees to the side of the house, staying low and quiet. Again, I am a ghost. Just a bad dream. The smell carries me forward, unable to break its hold on me. He is co close.

To hell with Emmett. The boy must be mine. I don't deny the fact that I am a heartless, selfish brute. I am more than willing to hurt my friend, my only friend, to have this blood. I just have to drain him.

And I will. I will wait until night has completely blanketed the forest, and then I will take him, cutting of his air so that he cannot scream. I'll take him deep into the woods before I let him go, allow him to try to run. But he stands no chance. I only let him to make it more fun for me. I will catch him, and I will see the fear light up those beautiful green eyes as my fangs plunge into his skin and take the blood he has teased me with. Oh yes. And finally I shall have it.

With my plan decided, I hunker down into the branches of a nearby tree and prepare to wait. The time seems to drag now, stressed as I am. I feel an underlying sense of shame, knowing that Emmett won't forgive me for this. Ever. _But I can't help it, _I tell myself. It is out of my hands.

I can hear the humans, listen to them talk worriedly with Emmett as he tries to explain the situation to them I have almost forgotten, so wrapped up in the bloodlust was I. But then I realize I had promised to help Emmett, and in only a few minutes I was going to betray him. It is hard to rationalize this time. I didn't really want to hurt Emmett… And even now the humans are crying and groaning and sighing in pain and I can sense his distress. It is hurting him.

I will hurt him.

Suddenly, there is a new sound coming from the house. A slow, melancholy tune plays itself out beautifully, sinking and twisting and embodying obvious pain. It is enchanting, and I want to know what it is. What makes these grievous tunes that twist at even my still heart?

_A piano_, I realize moments later. The sound is hauntingly familiar, though surely it has been years since I've heard one. It speaks to me, for once quieting the bloodlust and drawing me closer still. It comes from a lighted room, the only one besides the family room. An open window looks to be the best bet, and under cover of the shadow you spring up soundlessly, hoisting yourself up. The smell paralyzes me and I nearly fall off the window sill in shock. It's so strong, like a punch to the face.

And there he is. My singer, playing the lonely notes on the keyboard that cause my undead soul to ache. He is bent over the keys, long, elegant fingers running fluidly across the black and white. It is hypnotizing. His heavenly smell and his pained music, combining in my head and creating a plethora of emotions I cannot even begin to understand. I can only watch, staring at his flawless hands and seeing the shadows play across his rusty mane of hair. Suddenly, I don't just want his blood.

I want _all_ of him.

And then the notes are no longer melodious, they are a cacophony of chaos. The sound snaps me from my daze and I am suddenly staring deep into the emerald eyes of my prey. My prey. He stares over his shoulder at me, mouth agape and fingers fisted onto the keys, creating the awful noise. I smell his terror, his shock.

Without another thought, I fling myself at him, getting a hand over his mouth before he can scream for help. My arm loops around his waist, pulling his back flush against my chest and sending a jolt of electricity through my body. It is like handling fire, his skin thrums so under my touch. It makes me dizzy and painfully aware at the same time. He wisely chooses not to fight back, maybe remembering what had happened the last time I held him in my grasp.

Never has he been this close. My throat is scorched and aching, begging for him. My mouth swells with venom, but I cannot bring myself to bite. The music still echoes in my mind, mixing with his haggard breathing and frantic heartbeat. It is too much. So much. Not enough. I resist the urge to taste his skin, wanting so badly to run my tongue across his cheek or neck. Just to have his taste somewhere in my mouth. I want it, but I make myself wait.

Emmett must be pretty distracted to not notice the two of us up here, but all the better. I'm not sure how much I can handle before this strange, unwanted resistance snaps. I can feel him flinch slightly as my hands grip his fragile form to tightly, bruising him. Marking him. I like that idea. He should be mine, and everyone should know that. I have no idea where all these feelings are coming from, and quite frankly it was making me angry. He shifts slightly in my hold, trying to lessen the pain I'm sure I'm causing him. But he is hurting me too.

I don't know what to do now. Should I take him? Drain him? Leave? I stand stock still, indecision paralyzing me. Finally, against my better judgment, I speak to him, letting my breath tickle his neck. "Behave, and I'll let you go," I hiss. "Say nothing unless I ask you to. I'm not afraid to hurt you."

That's a lie.

But he is quiet as I let my hand fall from his lips, and he does nothing but rub his skin where I have hurt him when I let him go. I _don't _feel bad that I've hurt him, I tell myself. My eyes burn into him, analyzing every move he makes, hypnotized again. I can tell he is afraid to turn and face me, but I spin him around easily with one cold hand. Green eyes like purest jade stir insanity in the heart I know to be dead. Skin nearly as pale as my own calls sweetly to me, mocking me for being so unable to take the blood it conceals. A body worthy of a statue, a Greek hero with long limbs and strong arms and chiseled features. Almost vampiric in it's beauty. But no. The smell is upon me, and if I still had the need to breathe I would be suffocating right now.

I want to hear him speak. To see if his voice is as beautiful as the rest of him. I know I am pushing my luck with Emmett so close downstairs, but I can't resist. Just like the rest of him, I am helpless to resist. "What is your name, human?" I ask in my silky, melodic voice. Just another seemingly attractive quality granted by immortality. Another façade to draw a human nearer.

His face shows a flash of surprise, then returns to the look of fear and…anger? Perhaps. He eyes scream defiance, but he does as I ask. A smart choice, considering I wouldn't take disobedience well right now. Even if his bravery is a bit…interesting.

"Edward," he says finally, and I struggle not to shiver at the sound. His voice is indeed wonderful, a tribute to the rest of him. I suddenly rethink my ridiculous assumption that the piano sounded beautiful. No, this here was true beauty. And I want it for my own.

"Edward," I repeat, noticing he watches my lips as they move, parting to reveal perfect white teeth, and he is surely afraid. For some reason this makes me smile, drawing my lips even further back, stretched taught and showing off even more of my teeth. He shivers, and I wonder if he knows how much these teeth ache to be buried in him. Probably not, or he would have run screaming. Though he is certainly braver than I thought.

I start to say more, wanting to tell him how much I desire him, but suddenly a loud, angry voice distracts me. At first I cringe, thinking perhaps Emmett is finally aware of my presence here, but no. I finally register the words, and in a flash I am flying back through the window, leaving a stupefied Edward behind. Hit the ground running quite literally, moving to head off the car coming up the road as quickly as I can. Hoping I make it in time.

As my feet touch pavement, a bright red Ferrari comes screeching around the corner, heading for me. I don't move. I instead slam one hand into the hood of the car since it cannot stop fast enough to avoid me. The metal gives easily around my diamond skin, crunching and concaving and ultimately creating quite a blemish on the once beautiful car. I don't care, I am only worried about the driver and passengers.

A blonde male vampire springs from the car, hissing angrily as he surveys the damaged car. His blazing eyes find mine and he flinches when he sees they are a thousand times more furious than his own. Two others emerge from the ruined car, eying me just as warily. They probably don't recognize me, since I have only been general a month. But it matters not, for I will tell them, and I will make them leave.

"I am Isabella Volturi, General of the Guard!" I spit, clenching my fists and no doubt looking the spitting image of a monster. The three vampires let their jaws fall open in shock, speechless and probably terrified. "Identify yourselves!"

The blonde one, obviously the leader, snaps out of the daze. His eyes are wide and he shakes with fear, but addresses me courageously. "My name is Jasper, and these two are Sam and Quil." The other two are still struck dumb, but I pay them no attention.

"why are you here?" I ask, suddenly whispering. I know the reason, but I don't want to believe it. I though I'd have more time. I'd forgotten that luck was never on my side.

The leader, Jasper, confirms my fears and seals his fate in one sentence. "We're here to kill Emmett McCarty."


	3. The Crimson

**A/N: So my poll got very little action. Second person ended up winning…but I'd already started this one in first. Sorry guys. But I'm super excited about where this is goin'… Song by Atreyu**

**Chapter Three: The Crimson.**

_**I feel it welling up inside **_

_**And Robert Smith lied, **_

_**Boys do cry and with **_

_**Blood tears in my eyes**_

_** I'm an Anne Rice novel come to life. **_

_**I can't hide the monster… anymore. **_

_**One can, only feel desolate for so long until **_

_**One starts to change into **_

_**Something the mirror doesn't recognize. **_

_**Metamorphosize. **_

_**The darkness has been biding its time**_

_**To claim its latest victim, **_

_**Fresh meat for carnal desires, **_

_**To become, what I became. **_

_**I viewed the sun for the last time. **_

_**(Chorus) Will you still hold me when you see what I have done? **_

_**Will you still kiss me the same, **_

_**When you taste my bitter blood? **_

_**So crimson and red,**_

_**I feel it flowing from your lips. (Crimson and red)**_

_**My heart is dead and so are you. **_

_**And it pulses through, **_

_**The desire to change, to deconstruct **_

_**All of my,**_

_**All of my, past failings. **_

_**But where to begin, because when you live in sin**_

_**It's hard to look at saints,**_

_**Without them reflecting your jet black aura back on you. **_

_**And all I have is hope**_

_**My inner burn's not fading, **_

_**I'll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day. C**_

_**horusAnd all I have is hope **_

_**And all I need is time **_

_**To bury in pine under six feet of time **_

_**The lies I told me about myself. **_

_**Claw my way out, **_

_**Pick the splinters from under my fingernails. **_

_**I won't lose hope, I won't give in. **_

_**Just live and breathe, try not to die again**_

_**justlive and breathe, try not to die again**_

_**just live and breathe, try not to die again.**_

_**I try not to die again.**_

Things start to happen so fast, I can't even react right away. As soon as Emmett's name leaves the blonde vampire's lips, there he is. Emmett tackles Jasper so hard, I can count how many bones snap as the two fly into a tree, Jasper crying out in agony and Emmett letting out a feral snarl. In the same instant, the two other vampires fly off towards the house, never once bothering to help their friend with the enraged Emmett. Nor do they pay me any attention as they race towards the building, no doubt set on murdering the humans inside. After all, that's what they're here for.

As for me, well, for exactly three and a half seconds, I stand immobile by the red Ferrari. By that time, Emmett has abandoned the wounded Jasper and is in pursuit of the two trying to kill his human family. The blonde vampire is practically embedded in the tree, groaning in pain as his bones snap back into place. Miraculous healing courtesy of immortality.

It is not until he takes his very first step to follow the three others that I make myself move. Faster than any of the other monsters, I speed off toward the house. What was in reality only about five seconds seems like an eternity to the undead, and finally I catch up to Emmett just yards from the front door. Fury and fear practically radiates off of him and he has not ceased his snarl once. Hurtling past him, I crash through the week wooden door just in time to slam into Quil as he lunges for the older blonde male human. The weaker vampire is sent slamming into a television, landing in a spray of glass and rubble.

The room is swimming with the scent of human fear, and even without looking around I can tell that the whole family is down here, save for the only one who _really _matters. Edward. He must still be upstairs. My thoughts are interrupted as Emmett arrives, launching himself onto a waiting Sam and knocking him onto the ground. They are locked in a twisting, snarling heap as Emmett unleashes his rage onto his opponent, using his superior strength to pin Sam down and beat the shit out of his face with flying fists. Jasper appears suddenly, and his eyes lock on mine. He looks afraid. Terrified.

"Stop!" I howl, effectively causing everyone in the room to freeze. Even the humans, who are now huddled together in the corner are quiet besides the pitiful sobbing of two of the females. Emmett still sits perched upon Sam's chest, his fists hovering just above his opponent's face. Quil is standing in the pile of broken glass, casting glances between Jasper, the ground, and me.

I can feel my eyes burning with hellfire as I survey the room, shaking with anger and primal need. The instinctual fighting instinct makes my body bubble with barely suppressed strength. I channel all the excess energy into my voice as I turn to scream at the blonde human and his family.

"Get the fuck out of here!" I roar, pointing up at the stairs. If I wasn't so pissed, I might have laughed at the looks of horror on their faces as they fell over each other in their attempts to get up the stairs. All but the girl, Rosalie, who looks worriedly at Emmett, seeming torn. Eventually, she just sits on the top step, watching, refusing to leave him. I let it go.

My fury now turns to the three assassins. I focus on Jasper, the leader, and give him a look which will no doubt intimidate him. Sure enough, he shrinks before my wrath, and I feel powerful. Even Emmett looks a bit worried.

"What were you thinking?" I spit from between my teeth, looking back and forth between the three. "Did you not hear me? You do _not _act against your General!" They all flinch at this, and Jasper lowers his eyes to the floor. Unacceptable.

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you!" I yell, and instantly his eyes come back up. I am on a roll, rage building with every unnecessary breath I take. I need to calm down, before I kill them all. I've felt this way before, and I know how dangerous it is for me to continue on this way. It's hard to stop, though.

"Get the hell out of this house. Go back to your car, and wait there until I come for you," I order in a no-nonsense voice. I glare at Emmett, and reluctantly he climbs off Sam, shooting him a very dangerous look as he slinks out of the door behind his partners. They don't argue, just obey. It is their place. I wait until I can no longer hear them before I turn to Emmett, still not having spent my full anger.

"See what you've done?" I hiss accusingly. Emmett meets my gaze steadily, his chest heaving with anger. "I tried to warn you. But no. You had to be so damn stubborn. And now those three," I jerk my head at the door, "Are here to kill you. And your stupid humans too. Happy now?"

Through my bloodlust, I can see my words have had an impact on Emmett. The anger remains but now sadness is added to the fire in his golden eyes that are blackened with hate. It does little to dampen my anger, but his next words do.

"No, I'm not happy." He murmurs. His voice is low and pained, a stark contrast to the anger from moments ago. "I just wanted to keep them safe, Bella. I don't want to kill them. I-I love them." Emmett slumps forward, holding his head in his hands. It is a heartbreaking look, and I sigh with regret. Emmett has backed himself into a corner, and his only options are terrible. But he must choose.

"Bells," He whimpers, looking up at last. His eyes are wild, scared, crazy even. I watch him warily, wondering what he's thinking. "Please help me. I'll do anything. You can have anything, just don't make me kill them." He is sobbing dryly now, switching from furious to broken in an instant. My own anger has left for the most part now too, replaced by pity. I watch Emmett sob, but I do not go to him. There is nothing I can do for him.

Without warning, I am suddenly feeling lightheaded. Dizzy and…thirsty. Damnit, it's that scent again. Edward. It didn't affect me too much when I was so preoccupied with the others, but now it was here in full force. It is next to impossible to refrain from running upstairs to find him, and I start shaking with the effort. Just as I am about to force myself to leave the house, an idea pops into my head.

Immediately, I know it is beyond selfish. Beyond terrible. But it's also unbelievably tempting. And quite possible, if I manage to swallow what little decency I have left and do it correctly. My mind races, considering each and every aspect of the idea, pushing back the disgust I feel with myself for even considering…

Suddenly, I know it will work. Emmett is way past desperate, he's deranged in his need to save his love from death and damnation. He will accept this offer, despite the horror of it. He will have no choice but to give in to such a demand. But what of other vampires? I frown. This would be bending the rules…but only slightly. It is not unheard of for a high-ranking vampire to allow a friend more time to consider changing someone. It was rare, but there was a precedence. The only difference here was that I wouldn't be doing it purely out of friendship.

But could I do this? Sure, I am a monster. But this…this went beyond the "normal" atrocities I had committed. This was cruel and wrong…but I want it. No doubt about it, I want with every fiber of my being to do this. And what I want, I do. I am a monster, but sometimes that was ok with me.

"Emmett," I say hesitantly, finally making up my mind. I just hope he won't hate me too much…this will save his precious Rose, after all. All of a sudden I remember that she is sitting on the stairs, watching us with tears pouring down her cheeks. Oh well. I'll talk quietly.

Emmett looks up at me at the sound of my voice. I continue slowly, in a tone too soft for humans to hear. She wouldn't like what I had to say. "I will help you. I can give you more time." My stomach twists with self-directed loathing as Emmett's eyes light up with sudden hope and he jumps in the air.

"Bella!" he booms, making the human jump, and instantly I growl at him.

"Shut up, Emmett!" I snarl. He nods his head quickly, nearly alight with energy. His eyes are glowing and he is filled with hope, bouncing around happily.

"Oh, god, thank you Bella! Th-" He starts, but I quickly interrupt him.

"On one condition." I growl low, in a vampire-only volume. There is obvious threat in my voice, and Emmett immediately sobers up. He looks wary now, the hope dying a bit in his honey eyes. The human girl notices and she is straining to hear what we're saying, though it's useless. It's too soft for all but Emmett and me.

"I'll give you one year, you know, to decide." I offer slowly, stalling. I'm contemplating not only how to word my proposition best, but also the best way to escape if Emmett attacks me, which he probably will. The window, I decide.

"For what?" Emmett asks softly, his brow furrowed with worry. I can tell he's wondering what it is I want. He thinks he'll trade anything, but he has no idea just how horrific I really am. I don't want to answer him. Suddenly I am not the strongest vampire in the country, I am a scared, filthy monster. I force myself to stand straight, to keep my voice steady. Here goes nothing.

"The human boy, Edward." I murmur. One second passes. Five. Emmett's eyes are wide, his jaw slack. He stares sightlessly at me, unwilling to comprehend. I stare back, nervous but not showing it. Red meets gold in a battle for good and evil. But I have something Emmett doesn't: The ability to walk away from this.

Since he won' speak, I do. "I want to take him back with me to Italy." I continue, watching him and prepared to sprint for the window. He makes no move. "I will try not to kill him-"

Then Emmett moves. He lunges for me, but I'm faster. He flies past as I dash for the window, leaping through the glass with ease. I cast a glance over my shoulder and I'm surprised to see that Emmett isn't chasing me. I skid to a halt and cautiously pad over to the window, looking through at his shaking form. He faces away from me, knowing I'm there. I say nothing.

"Bella!" He screams suddenly. He turns to me, eyes now completely black. I stand where I am, not flinching. He may be disappointed in me, but I already knew I was evil. "How can you do this to me?"

I don't have an answer for him. Not a good one, anyways. "I need that blood, Em. He's my singer." That's the honest to god truth, but I can see it doesn't help my case. He is just glaring at me, betrayal in his obsidian eyes. I pretend not to care. Time to push the dagger deeper.

"It's him or all of them, Emmett." I growl threateningly. He flinches at my words and stares at me with his mouth agape. The girl is at his side now, asking what's wrong. He ignores her, just gapes at me. He is definitely hurt now. Hurt that I would do this to him, when he has always been a friend to me. He always thought I was better than I really am.

I guess I've proved him wrong.

"You can't make me choose, Bells." Emmett cries. He looks at me pleadingly, begging me not to do this. I just stare, keeping my face blank. It's easier to get things when no one can tell you regret it. So that's what I do to Emmett. I keep my expression a mask of apathy, not giving in to the way his face tugs on my heart. I latch onto the image of how good it would be to keep Edward with me, to have him constantly at my mercy. In my house. My pet.

"Choose, Emmett." I mutter, knowing already what his decision will be. He glances over at the girl standing by his side, and for a moment I'm floored by the love I see in his eyes. He stares at that human like she was a Godsend, an angel. A miracle.

He turns back to me, and thankfully I've managed to push my feelings down again. His eyes are sad, resigned. I know I've won. Red meets gold and gold has been broken. But he has to say it. He has to give me permission. I can see it's killing him, but I know in the end he'll do it. To save his angel.

When he finally speaks, he can't look me in the eye, and his voice trembles and shatters like glass. Despite my imposed distance, I'm cut by the pieces. "Fine," He whimpers, soft and broken. Buttery eyes are dead and dark, choked off. "Bring him back when the year's over."

I know I should be ashamed. I know I should feel awful for putting my only friend through this pain, for taking advantage of him in his most desperate hour. But I don't. I feel relieved. Almost…happy. In a sick, sadistic way, I couldn't bring myself to feel too bad for Emmett. His precious little humans would be safe for another year, thanks to me. It was his fault in the first place, for getting involved. All I asked in return for saving his ass was one pathetic, helpless human.

The look on Emmett's face, however, screamed that he didn't think of it that way. He looked down despairingly at his fragile human girlfriend, ignoring her demands that he explain what was happening. Wordlessly, I leave. I head over to the three vampires nervously waiting by the mangled car. I wonder what Emmett will tell them. If he'll tell them.

Jasper and the others shuffle about worriedly as I approach, eyes trained on the ground. I wonder what I should do with them. Kill them? Probably not. They didn't _really _do anything wrong. But I can't risk them returning here again, so as I draw closer, I let a growl escape my lips. I stand a few feet from them, then slowly I walk over to the tallest one: Sam. He trembles before me, and then yelps as without warning my hand connects with his face in a vicious backhand, sending him stumbling away.

This was one rule that all vampire leaders knew: Punish disobedience, or allow it to happen again. In other words, you made sure they hurt enough that they would remember not to cross you again. I leap at Quil, knocking him over easily and kicking him harshly in the ribs. He moans as one cracks, but makes no move to stand up. Turning to the leader of the group, I stalk slowly forward, my entire stance screaming _predator._

"You need to leave. Go back to Italy, and never come back." I snarl, standing aggressively in front of Jasper. "That is an order. If I catch you here again, I'll burn you myself." I accent the last few words with a hand on Jasper's throat, squeezing just hard enough to make him swallow painfully. I push him away then, impatient to get back to the house so I can collect my human. MY human.

They all nod wordlessly, backing slowly into the still-workable car. I watch as they speed away, no doubt grateful to have escaped so easily. Usually I would have probably kicked them around a bit more, but like I said, I was impatient to get back. If this had happened any other time, they would have probably been beaten senseless. For now, however, I was sure they were acceptably terrified of me.

Once they are out of earshot, I glide back to the house, growing more and more excited as I get closer to obtaining the singer. Even so, I know I've not yet heard the last from Emmett, especially if he's told the other humans. Surely he won't let one of his "family" go with his monster of a friend without a fight.

My suspicions are confirmed as the sounds of raised voices reach my ears about fifty feet from the house. I stop, wanting to listen without being noticed.

"Emmett, what the hell are you-"

"What is going on?"

"What agreement did you make with her?"

Emmett is silent under the barrage of questions. I suppose he hasn't told them yet._ I don't remember him being so cowardly before, _I think cynically. What could the humans really do to him? Or to me? Nothing. But he obviously cared for them, so their opinions must matter to him.

But not to me.

I smirk slightly at that thought before taking off at a run towards the window I'd broken through, leaping through it and almost colliding with Emmett who is standing protectively in front of the humans. Rolling my eyes at him, I plop presumptuously into a very soft lounge chair, grinning savagely at the family that eyed me with certain terror. Good.

My eyes immediately seek out Edward, and I find him eying me with an unreadable expression from over Emmett's shoulder. I stare deep into his bright, innocent green eyes and will my eyes to darken with the need I feel, turning from bright red to a smoldering black. It must have worked, because I see him shudder and I smirk in response. He doesn't know just how scared he really should be. His scent burns my throat and I'm just itching to take him away.

When Emmett finally drops his ridiculous guard dog routine, I bounce lithely to my feet. The look in his eyes is shocking. They burn with anger and fear and overall a sickening amount of grief as he looks at me. I imagine that this is how a person would look as they burned at the stake. Even my selfish soul twists a bit at the sight, and a familiar sense of guilt floods my senses.

"Please?" Emmett moans, loud enough for the humans to hear. Their eyes snap over to him, then to me, filled with curiosity and dread. I meet each one of their eyes, starting with the elderly woman. I look at her gentle green eyes so like her son's, and I ask myself: _Can I really take her child from her? _Her husband, too, with his sparkling blue orbs and kind face. I want to steal their son, want to take him far away and make him mine. But could I?

The pixie girl is next, and I decide that I like her for some reason. She reminded me most of Edward, with her green eyes that held only a little fear. So brave. She had fire within her, I could see it. Would I extinguish that with my own selfish want?

Then, I look at Rosalie. The human that had caused all of this mess. I didn't like her, not even a little. I hated what she had done to Emmett, to me. I hate the pleading in her eyes and I hated her simple, fragile human self. I hate her, and I know I could hurt her. It is only Emmett that stops it from happening.

Finally, my eyes find Edward. My singer. My sinful desire. He is so devastatingly perfect in my eyes, so beautiful and helpless and _mouthwatering_. I ache for him with my whole self, want him enough to do just about anything. He looks back at me curiously, so damn naïve. So unaware.

I can do it, I think, looking at him hungrily. I can hurt these others for him. I really don't care.

I look at Emmett, ignoring his pained expression. I shake my head, and he falls to his knees. Pathetic. He has changed so much. Become soft. But I am a rock. Unmoving. I will have his human, for he is mine now.

"No, Emmett." I snarl, looking down at him with disdain. "I'm taking it. Get up and stop acting like such a damn fool." Emmett is still for a moment, and then he is on his feet. _There, now this is the Emmett I know, _I think, looking at his angry expression. I smile ruefully at him, making it look more like a snarl than a grin.

Emmett falls slowly into a low crouch, and I laugh loudly. His eyes are so hurt, but I can't help myself. "Are you going to fight me, Emmett?" I ask disbelievingly. He just clenches his fists, looking like a cornered animal. Rosalie puts a hand on him worriedly, looking horrified at the thought of him fighting me. I push the smile from my face, replacing it with a glare.

"Try it Emmett," I dare. "Try it, and see how long your little humans last when I'm done with you." Emmett's eyes go wide with shock, unable to believe that I've said that. But I did. I will do it. With or without Emmett's consent, I will be taking the singer with me to Italy. Or perhaps just around the corner to drain him. Depends, I suppose.

"What is wrong with you, Bella?" Emmett cries out, shaking with emotion. He is truly surprised at how horrific I am. I simply shrug my shoulders dismissively. Tired of waiting.

"I'm a monster, Emmett." I growl, fixing my red eyes on his. I bare my teeth, making the point. "It's how I am. Now hurry up, I'm tired of waiting."

Emmett slumps over, defeated at last. The pixie girl walks to stand boldly in front of him, hands on her hips. "What is it she wants, Emmett?" She demands, and I smile. I do like her. Emmett just shakes his head helplessly, and the girl turns to me for an answer. Still smiling evilly, I point. She follows my finger to her brother's shocked, frightened eyes. The room is silent for a few moment as everyone stares at Edward. Except foe Emmett who stares at the floor in shame.

The humans react almost simultaneously. The woman bursts into tears. The man and the pixie make identical sounds of anger and look as though they want to hurt me. As if they could. They take up protective stances in front of the boy standing in the way of my pointing finger. Edward just stands there, mouth open, eyes glassed over.

_Yes, _I think, watching him. _You will be mine, beautiful one. Your blood and your body and your soul…all mine. _I see him shudder, and I wonder if I spoke aloud. No, he is simply afraid despite not truly knowing. It's amusing.

Emmett is suddenly shouting, finally answering the din of questions and demands being hurled at him as I watch the green eyed boy. "God damnit, Don't you think I want to stop her?" He screams, shocking them all into silence. I stop myself from feeling bad by watching Edward fidget, not meeting my gaze. Mine.

"I can't." Emmett whimpers, dropping his eyes to the floor once more. Rose touches him, but he shakes her off. "She'll kill you all. This...this is the best thing to do. Isn't it?" He looks around at everyone but me, then rushes to Edward and falls at his feet. "I'm so sorry Edward!" He cries, shaking his head violently. "I'm sorry I can't help you. I want to, I want to…"

Edward just looks sadly at the fallen vampire beneath him, finally tearing his eyes from mine. I don't like it. But I admit to myself that I'm already going to hate myself for hurting Emmett, I might as well make it as easy as I can. I let him sob dryly at Edward's feet for a few minutes, before finally stepping forward. The two humans in front of my target immediately tense, and I growl at them.

"Get out of the way, or I'll kill you." I promise. I push through them easily, and they make no move to stop me. My singer trembles as I stand next to him, ignoring Emmett. Sensing all eyes on me, I lean in close to his ear, pulling him towards me as gently as I can. This close, his blood hums just inches from my mouth, and I feel venom swell around my fangs. Resisting, I pull so close that my lips are almost touching his ear.

"Save them." I whisper, so soft no one but Edward can make out the words. I am offering him the tiniest bit of comfort. Giving him a reason to leave with me somewhat willingly. "It's you or them, boy." Finished, I pull backwards, watching his face. His eyes are troubled, and his face is twisted into a grimace. But with little hesitation, he nods just slightly.

My fingers clench as he looks me in the eyes and speaks, velvet voice feeding my addiction. "Ok," He whispers. He closes his eyes briefly, then opens them.

"Take me."

**A/N: YAY FOR REVIEWERS! I gave everyone who reviewed the sneak-peek (Except the last one, sorry but I didn't read it until today…but I'll send you one for chapter four k?**

**Same deal as last time-first five get a sneak-peek! Ten total gives you a Friday update! Thank you so much!**

**MADNESS??? THIS IS….oh wait…**

**THIS. IS. MAD WORLD!**


	4. Sky Is Over

**A/N: I sure hope you're appreciating the lyrics at the beginning of each chapter...they really are quite good. Thanks to all you readers, not to mention Antlers! You keep me goin.**

**Mad World Chapter Four: Sky Is Over**

_Everybody knows,_

_Everybody knows,_

_That you cradle the sun, sun_

_Living in remorse,_

_Sky is over,_

_Don't you want to hold me baby,_

_Disappointed, going crazy,_

_Even though we can't afford_

_The sky is over,_

_Even though we can't afford_

_The sky is over,_

_I don't want to see you go,_

_The sky is over_

_Even though we can't afford_

_The sky is over,_

_Behind closes eyes lieT_

_he minds ready to awa__ken you,_

_Are you at war with land_

_And all of its creatures,_

_Your not-so-gentle persuasion_

_Has been known to wreck economies_

_Of countries, of empires, the sky is over,_

_Don't you want to hold me baby,_

_Disappointed, going crazy,_

_Not even from the sun,_

_Not even from the sun_

_Not even from the sun,_

_Don't you want me to run,_

_Even though you cant afford_

_The sky is over,_

_Even though we can't afford_

_The sky is over,_

_I don't want to see you go,_

_The sky is over_

_The sky is over us._

_Take me._

I smile at him wickedly, satisfaction coursing through me. Deaf to all the others around me, I wrap my cool fingers around his searing wrist. The agreement is cemented as he shakes someone off of him, whispering words to them I can't hear. Well, words I'm not listening to. I pull him to me with one quick jerk, sending his soft, warm body crashing into my hard cold one.

"With pleasure," I hiss into his ear. Edward makes no sound as I wrap an arm around his middle, he just stares at the other humans with a look of despair. I can barely make out what they're all saying; I'm too wrapped up in the alluring scent swimming around me. All mine.

Then my lips pull back and I snarl at Emmett, who has placed himself directly in front of me, blocking my escape. I am reduced to a wary predator, holding my prey tightly against me and not caring when he struggles because I'm holding too tight. Emmett is a threat, and I'm unwilling to let him take my human from me.

He holds up his hands in a gesture meant to calm me down, but I don't cease my snarl. I'm too far gone to notice the way his eyes burn grievously into mine. Edward groans in my grip and I snap out of it long enough to loosen my hold slightly. I watch, fascinated, as blood rushes to the spots where my hands pressed against him too roughly. It's going to bruise. I want to lick the darkening skin, feel the blood tingling just under the surface.

"Isabella," Emmett says, getting my attention. Since when does he call me that? Oh wait. Since I grabbed one of his humans and decided to take him across the world with me to be my pet. I feel saddened for a moment, but it's hard to stay that way with my singer so close to my hungering mouth. I look at Emmett warily, wondering what he wants from me.

"Let…let him say goodbye." Emmett whispers pleadingly, jerking his head towards the sobbing humans watching us closely. I follow his gaze, noting how they all shrink from my glare. They look instead at the boy in my arms. I don't like it. He's mine.

There is a tense silence, all of them waiting for my decision. Do I take this small move of redemption? I can't say letting him go is appealing to me in the slightest, but maybe it would make things…easier. Reluctantly, I push him softly towards them.

Edward is immediately wrapped in a huge, sobbing mess as they all hold him at once. His mother cries loudly on his shoulder, and even the fairy girl is tearing up. _Don't leave us_, they cry to him. He simply hugs them hard and tells them that he loves them all. He doesn't cry.

Feeling disgusted with myself, I look away from the tearful goodbye. A flash of movement catches my eye and I turn just in time to catch Emmett's fist right in the face, sending me flying through the wall behind me. His blow catches me by surprise, and it makes my whole face ache with pain. _What the hell? _But now I'm prepared as he launches himself at me. His eyes are once again tinged with insanity, his face twisted into a grimace.

_Stupid asshole. Idiotic, whipped, infuriating Emmett. Now I'm going to have to kick your ass in front of all your stupid humans. _

Growling angrily, I duck his attack and slam my right elbow hard into the small of his back. It takes only seconds to go from zero to furious, and I have no qualms about hurting Emmett now, friend or not. Emmett cries out as he is slammed hard into the wood flooring, cracking it. With supernatural speed, I pounce on his back, aiming vicious punches at his head. He is not used to how strong I have become, but he still manages to throw me off. He grabs my leg in one huge hand and swings me into a wall, causing me to hiss in pain as my left arm cracks under the pressure. It heals in seconds, and I'm already lunging back at my attacker.

Fuck Emmett. He thinks he's being all noble protecting his fragile humans, but really he's just making it harder on himself and them. I tell him so as I swipe his legs out from under him. He falls hard, and immediately I'm there on his chest. I grab his head and proceed to slam his head into the ground over and over again. His porcelain skin is diamond-tough but I hit so hard that it splits and his skull fractures.

A scream from behind makes me glance over my shoulder. Rosalie is watching us, a hand covering her mouth as she shrieks in terror. Her crystal blue eyes are wide with horror and tears are pouring down her cheeks. I hate her. I snarl at her, picking Emmett up easily. His head lolls forward, barely conscious through the pain. I toss him at the girl and he slams into her hard, causing her head to crack sickeningly as she hits the ground under him. I watch the other humans as they scream and try to pull Emmett off the girl. I laugh heartlessly, clenching and unclenching my fists. Beating Emmett was really too easy, and I'm still pumped up and ready for a fight.

Edward is watching me with fear, and I give him a toothy grin. See if any of them try to stop me again. I leap over to them, scattering the humans and dragging Emmett off the girl and holding him up to my face. "Pathetic." I spit in his face, tossing him over to the side. I turn back to Edward, meeting his green eyes and smelling his scent. My prize.

"Get over here." I order. He obeys quickly, seeming much more brave than I would have expected. I wrap him quickly into a tight hold, lifting him up and carrying him easily. The other humans part as I move quickly through them. I need to get out of here, I need to set Edward down before I end up biting him. I need to leave before their tears break me down.

It probably looks strange, me holding this big, strong boy in my arms like a child. Really, he weighs almost nothing to me. I could carry fifty Edwards with as much effort as a human carrying an infant. Damn, he smells good so close. It is an effort to keep my teeth to myself. His heart pounds wildly in his chest, filling my ears with its beating. I want to bite him.

The humans swarm around me, crying out in fear as I take the boy with me. _I tried, _I tell them with my eyes. I tried to let him say goodbye, but Emmett ruined that. I am leaving. Leaving them all behind and stealing their son, brother, friend. I am a monster.

I push past the father, knocking him over. He falls roughly to the ground, landing flat on his back. His blue eyes are broken as he looks up at me, pleading one last time. "Don't take him." He whispers. "You can have me. Just let Edward go." He stares at me with such bitter hope, and it hurts.

I say nothing to the man, I just turn my blood-colored eyes away and leap through the window with Edward, landing lithely and breaking off at a run towards my car. The blonde man shook something deep within me, offering himself that way. I wanted to erase that look of agony in his eyes. I wanted to give in to his request.

But I don't want him.

A loud scream rips through the air as I reach the car. I turn around, holding Edward tightly against me. Birds scatter at the frightening sound, flapping loudly as they flee the noise. A loud _crash _is heard and then horrendous sobs fill the cool mountain air. Emmett. He's destroying something, percussion to the symphony of sorrow emanating from the house as the humans cry too. I can smell the salt of their tears even from here.

And just like a monster should, I turn my back on the terrible scene. I turn my back on what is right and what is fair. I turn my back on who was once my only friend, leaving him to burn in the fires of grief. I have no friends. Not anymore.

I have Edward.

I open the back door and toss him bodily inside, slamming the fragile door shut before he even hits the seats. In the blink of an eye, I am inside the car, turning the key and slamming on the gas. The tires squeal and I smell rubber burning as I tear out of the driveway. I hear and feel Edward slam into the back of my seat as the car takes the curve at sixty mph. I force myself not to look back at him, instead pushing the car faster and faster. He doesn't even get to see his home one last time before we're on the highway pushing one hundred.

I just want to get out of this Godforsaken town. I want to get away from memories. Get away from Emmett. I want to take Edward and get away.

_Ah, Edward_. The thought of never having to leave him makes me smile to myself despite everything else. We are already near the airport and I glance at the rearview mirror and see him looking out the window, eyes a dark forest green that are glassy and unfocused. He managed to get his seatbelt on at some point, and he tugs on it unconsciously. He turns suddenly and looks back at me in the reflection, causing my hands to tighten automatically on the steering wheel. I want so badly to climb back there with him and taste him. It's almost mind-blowing how fast my mood switches from desolate to hungry. I force my attention back to the road instead, growling low in my throat.

I hear Edward's breath hiss between his teeth as I jerk the wheel masterfully to avoid hitting a minivan. We're going as fast as this car can handle: about 165 mph. I wish it would go faster. I want to tell him I won't crash: my reflexes are uncanny. I could maneuver serpentines this fast without breaking a sweat. I want to tell him not to worry. Instead, I whip out my phone and quickly dial the number of my pilot. It rings only once before he picks up, and I hiss "Be ready," before hanging up. Edward watches me with those same empty eyes, and I suddenly want to yell at him. I don't know why.

For the rest of the ride, we say nothing. I suffocate in his scent, and he drowns in his grief. I can't help that I'm glad he's here. At least one of us is.

We reach the airport, screeching to a stop just shy of my jet. There's no one here at this hour, so I don't bother trying to mask what's going on. Human speed is tiresome, and I'm glad I can act as my nature intended. I hop out and race to Edward's door, moving so fast he's shocked when I appear in front of him. Swinging it open, I lean my head down to look at the boy inside.

"Get out and follow me," I command. Trying my best to ignore his scent. It's like a punch to the throat every time, but I can't have him now, not until I'm out of this stupid place. Edward clambers out of the vehicle, looking dazed. I realize I never let him get anything: No clothes, no pictures… nothing. Well, I have more than enough to buy him new things. He will be fine. I stride off towards the jet, listening to find out if he's obeying. After a brief pause I hear him shuffling after me, heart beating unevenly. Good.

The ramp is down and the vampire pilot stands next to it. He stiffens when he smells Edward, then flinches when I growl at him. _Mine, _I say with a very uncomfortable, he nods at me and I rush past him, climbing into the jet quickly. Edward comes in soon after, looking about him with an expression of confusion. He stands uncertainly in the aisle, annoying me. I want out and I'm unbelievably high-strung, so I just grab his arm and push him pretty roughly into the seat next to mine. He glares up at me, the fire returning to those emerald orbs, and I smirk back at him. Finally, some emotion.

Yelling at the captain to hurry it up, I sit next to my singer, repressing a snarl as he moves as far away from me as he can get. _He will learn in time. _I watch him silently as he looks around the aircraft. It's a very luxurious jet, complete with full bar and couch cushions and televisions. The Volturi spared no expense, that was for sure. I don't know why, but I want him to be impressed. _See, it isn't so bad, _I want to say to him. He looks at me as the jet roars to life, starting its trek down the runway. I don't hide the fact that I'm watching him. I don't have to. He's mine now. I smile again at the thought.

I sigh as he shivers and sinks as far into his seat as he can, not wanting to be anywhere near me, obviously. I'm not sure what I expected from him, but his distaste frustrates me slightly. It is bad enough that his blood is so tempting, but his body was now calling to me as well. I let my eyes wander over his form, taking in his chiseled muscles that are not overly bulky but still clearly defined. He has long, elegant hands, perfect for playing the piano, as I have seen. I sit mesmerized as they clench and unclench, betraying his nerves. His skin is pale like my own, but unlike me he radiates warmth whilst I chill the room with my presence. I want to touch the warm, yielding flesh that vibrates with life. I can, too. He can't stop me, and since he is mine, no one else can either.

I drag my eyes back up to his face and I'm slightly taken aback when I find him glaring daggers at me. His humanly green eyes are blazing with indignation, and he doesn't look away from my red ones. His fists are clenched tightly and I can hear his breathing speed.

"You finished?" He explodes, his breath hitting me in the face. My head reels at the smell, causing my vision to go hazy. _Jesus, everything about him is perfect. _After a moment, my head clears, and I realize he's still glaring at me. He must have seen me appraising him, checking him out, even. Suddenly, I'm laughing. His anger grows even more and it only amuses me further. His aggressive spirit is impressive, but really, he has no chance against me. He's just a human.

Moments later I've calmed down and I smirk at him while he stares angrily at me. "No, I'm not finished." I chuckle. I move lightening fast, snaring his arm in my icy grip and pulling him towards me just as the plane's wheels leave the runway. I pull him so close, my mouth lingers just inches from his throat, near the soft spot underneath his ear. I'm swimming in mixed emotions- need at the forefront. I need to taste his blood, rushing inches from my fangs.

So why can't I make myself move forward?

Edward holds perfectly still, meeting my gaze unwaveringly. He is still emanating fury, surprisingly not fear. Its bothers me that he's not afraid of me. _Everyone _is afraid of me. He must see the frustration on my face, swallowing uncomfortably. The movement catches my eye, and I watch his Adam's apple bob up and down. _His throat_…so close yet something holds me at a distance. A very dominant part of me doesn't want him dead. Not yet.

Reluctantly, I let go of his arm and he immediately pulls away from me. I sink back into my chair, rubbing my face in irritation. My mood swings fats enough to give even me whiplash. I force myself not to look at the human, glaring a hole into the ceiling instead. I try to block the sounds he makes, especially that of his beating heart. I feel like such a weakling: unable to make myself take what is mine from this boy. I had never felt unable to take blood from a human before. It was unsettling.

A fly zooms by my face, annoying me with its annoying buzzing. Instantly, my hand shoots out and snatches the fly out of the air. It struggles futilely in my grip, meeting its end as I squeeze slightly and then toss it off to the side. Another meaningless life taken.

I notice Edward watching me, and I turn sharply to look at him. He looks at me with an odd expression on his face, before turning away to lean his head on the window. I see his eyes go misty, tears still not escaping. He watches the clouds float by as we leave his home behind. I wonder what's going through his head. I wonder how much he hates me for doing this. I wonder if he's afraid.

I wonder if he thinks he's coming back.

Four hours later, Edward sleeps fitfully next to me while I take turns staring out the window and watching him jerk about in his sleep. He tosses and turns, forehead wrinkled as though faced with something unpleasant. He's been sweating for about five minutes now, trembling every now and then. I wonder what he's dreaming about. I myself haven't dreamed in over half a century. I try to remember if I dreamed a lot when I was human, but I honestly can't remember.

I remember so little about my human life. I remember my parents, sort of. The years had been unkind to me, and their faces are more than a little bit blurry now. I remember being happy, I suppose. I had good friends, good grades, and a loving family. Then it was snatched away, becoming more like a faded dream than a real memory. It just seems like that part of my life was so long ago. I would not recognize myself back then.

I watch the moon outside. It's brighter up here, nestled in clouds. I try my best to remember the last time I really noticed. I sigh, feeling the familiar melancholy emotions creeping up on me as they often did. I distract myself by turning back to watch as Edward shifts unconsciously next to me. His throat is in a very exposed position, drawing my gaze. He swallows convulsively, again mesmerizing me.

I wonder if I ought to wake him up, as he's obviously having a nightmare. _Then again, _I think cynically, _is what he's waking up to any better? _I simply watch him, listening to his racing heartbeat and erratic breathing. It's kind of appealing, how vulnerable he looks. He may have been strong and brave facing me awake, but in the midst of his nightmares, he was reduced to the weak prey he truly was.

Suddenly, Edward jerks violently in his seat. His back arches unnaturally, looking both demented and extremely painful. Faces twists into a grimace of pain, and his mouth falls open in a silent scream. He looks as though he has been broken in two, both physically and emotionally. I, too, am broken as he lets out a choked cry, twisting again.

I reach out instinctively and shake him awake, feeling my dead heart bend like his body. I don't know why, but the sight of him so in pain burned at my insides, making me want to rescue him from his imaginary torment. Edward's eyes open and suddenly I feel what is left of my soul cry out from the searing agony I see in his eyes. I'm so caught off guard by that look that I don't react when he falls into my open arms, sobbing into the thin material of my shirt.

I'm frozen, unable to move. Even my vampirically quick mind can't process what has happened. The air is swimming with the smell of salt and blood, an ocean of overwhelming sensations. I feel the warmth of his tears on my icy skin, soaking through the flimsy material. His hands clutch at my arms, holding on to me for dear life as he cries brokenly, body wracked with violent tremors. I can't see his face, but I can feel the heat radiating from it as it hovers near my shoulder. He is a lost man, and I am the only anchor he has to hold onto, lest he be swept out onto the seas of despair.

_He must not be awake enough to realize it's me, _I think, my brain finally deciding to make an appearance in the situation. No way would Edward want _me, _the vampire who stole him from his family, to comfort him. Hell, his nightmare was probably _about _me. I manage to pull my arms from his death grip without hurting him, tentatively touching his shoulder. He doesn't seem to notice, despite the fact that my icy skin should have shocked him more awake. He just goes on weeping, clutching at me.

I have no idea what to do. I just sit there and look down at him, unable to decipher what it is I feel. Thirst, yes. I will forever be thirsty when he is so near to me. Definitely confused too. But I am also…sad? That didn't seem quite right. It is something else.

I don't have too much time to ponder that, however, because Edward suddenly stiffens, freezing for only a second before flinging himself away from me. I sit perfectly still, staring first at his freaked-out posture, then into his eyes. The green in his beautiful gaze is stained with red, the veins like cracks in a stained-glass window. They are wild and confused, looking at me as though I have just grown horns. Which I suppose wasn't far from the truth. I certainly look like the devil.

After a tense moment of staring wide-eyed at me, his face suddenly grows angry and accusing. "You!" He spits. I just look back, dumbfounded and only barely able to keep my face that mask of apathy. His face goes from scared and lost to livid in a blink of an eye, and suddenly he stands up. I watch his fists tremble and clench as he glares daggers at me. _Woah, _I think. _He's pissed._

"What the fuck were you doing?" He screams, hitting me once again with his delicious breath. I blink at him, once, twice, before deciding to let his angry tone go unpunished for now. I give him the benefit of the doubt, just this once.

"You were dreaming." I say calmly, shifting slightly in my seat to relieve the tense posture I am in. Edward looks ready to explode. "I woke you up to quiet you down and you threw yourself at me." I finish, gesturing to my soaked t-shirt. His eyes follow, contorting in pain and then he is screaming again.

"Don't fucking touch me!" He yells, taking what I guess is meant to be an aggressive step towards me. I narrow my eyes at him, giving him my best calm-before-the-storm expression. He needs to back off. No human talks to me like that, not even a singer like him.

"Sit down." I growl, low in my throat. It's a very clear warning, one he should follow, if he knows what's good for him. I feel bad for him, yes, and I understand why he's overreacting so badly. He's obviously very upset, and he's probably chagrined to have woken up sobbing like an infant in the arms of the monster he despises. Yes, I understand, but I have a rather terrible temper. If he doesn't obey, I will _force _him to do as I say.

"Sit!" I growl again when he just glowers at me. Anger is bubbling underneath, pushing away my pity for him. Even as a human, my temper has always been something horrible. He has about five seconds before I snap.

"Go to hell." He hisses at me, frowning in defiance.

Zero.

I watch as my hand darts out, too fast for Edward's eyes to follow, and I feel the soft, fragile skin of his cheek as I slap him upside the face. He stumbles backwards, hitting the wall of the plane. His eyes are wide, and I can see the blood rushing to color the place where I struck him. I am out of my seat, snarling dangerously and taking a step forward threateningly. I didn't hit him hard enough to break anything, but it will probably bruise and I know he's probably stunned by how fast I moved. I make sure he sees the danger in my eyes, stalking forward and baring my teeth.

"You will watch your tongue." I rumble, getting up in his face and prodding his chest with one hand. I watch him tremble, and I wonder if it is with anger or with fear. It matters not, for he is silent, averting his eyes and directing his glare at the ground. My anger is still pulsing through me, and I grab his shirt tightly in a fist, jerking his face towards me. His scent is painful still, but I am much better at ignoring it.

"Look at me!" I growl, shaking him. His eyes snap up to mine, and I'm temporarily abashed when I see how red they are and I am reminded of the present circumstances. I stop shaking him, reigning in my fury, but keep my hold on his shirt. I make my voice as threatening as possible, needing him to understand where his place was now.

"You are mine now, boy." I remind him, ignoring the way his eyes narrow when I say that. "Whether you like it or not. You will do what I say, when I say it, and you will never talk to me disrespectfully. In fact, you should hold your tongue unless I ask you to speak. You will learn that your place is to obey me, human, or I will make you regret it. Do you understand?"

I think he's not going to answer, as he is silent for a moment. His eyes then lose their fire, going dead, and though it's what I thought I wanted, the sight makes me reconsider. "I understand." He mumbles, looking ashamed.

I let him go and back away, showing him that I accept his submission. My anger is gone now and I've switched into a morose mood. I sink into my chair heavily, feeling tired although I know that is impossible for my kind. I can't make myself look at Edward, knowing it will make my mood change again, and I can't handle that again right now. I can hear him, though, and I count his heartbeats silently.

"What were you dreaming about?" I ask suddenly, shocking myself. _Where did that come from? _Sure, I wondered, but I never meant to actually ask. Still, as much as I'd like to, I can't take back the words, so I wait for him to answer me.

Edward looks at me over one shoulder with those dead eyes, a tired expression on his face. The skin is beginning to swell from where I struck him, and I feel monstrous. Stupid temper. I frown, thinking he isn't going to answer, but he shocks me again.

"I was dreaming about you killing my family." He says bluntly. Ignoring my look of horror, he turns away from me again, closing his eyes and within seconds, he is asleep.

_What the hell?_

**A/N: The amount of support is just amazing. Please keep it up. I write at ninja-speed for you all, and Antlers betas lightening fast, because you are all so amazing. My one request is that all of you who favorite, please review as well. Tell me why it's a favorite!!!**

**EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS GETS A SNEAK PEAK!!! **

**Oh, and be sure to tell me if you'd like an EPOV… something tells me you would! But without reviews I won't know…**

**Don't worry, you're not crazy.**

**Just mad.**


	5. Prepare To Be Digitally Manipulated

**A/N: Song by Four Year Strong. The italics are EPOV. See you down there.**

**Mad World, Chapter Five: Prepare To Be Digitally Manipulated**

_Ladies and Gentleman open up your eyes and ears and listen up! Listen up!_

_Calling all cars! Calling all cars! Calling all cars!_

_Let's put an end to the Charade. _

_Show me what you're living for, _

_You think it's obvious, you're so obvious. _

_I spit my teeth out on the floor. _

_Don't tell me, I don't want to know!_

_I breath revenge tonight. It never tasted so sweet._

_And baby, if I choke things down for a second then maybe I can starve this tradegy _

_Don't tell me, I don't want to know!_

_So get your story straight_

_I can think of one reason for you to call home tonight_

_If I had my way you would find out the hard way _

_Causing trouble is my business and the business is good_

_So now I'm calling all cars! Calling all cars! Calling all cars!_

_It's time to show your battle scars and let you know that I'll be coming back for more_

_I breath revenge tonight. It never tasted so sweet!_

_And baby, if I choke things down for a second then maybe I can starve this tradegy _

_Don't't tell me, I don't want to know! [x2]_

_I'll let you know that I'll be coming back for moreI_

_t's too late for me, Kid_

_These words are too true_

_When your heart beats only lies, you're dead inside_

_And god forbid when you find yourself off and remembering on_

_And god forbid when you can't find the switch in the words_

_To a song but it's too late to see me though, Kid_

_I breath revenge tonight. _

_It never tasted so sweet, and baby, if I choke things down for a second then maybe I can starve this tradegy_

_ Don't tell me, I don't want to know! [x2]_

_Sunlight burns into my retinas, an unholy awakening from the dreariness of my nightmares. I crack one eyes open against the harsh light, blinking furiously. The light is painful, and I feel lightheaded, as though I haven't breathed in minutes. I'm also freezing, though I don't know why that is, with all this sunlight shining on me. I raise my head, rubbing my eyes and groaning at the grogginess that clouds thinking. I stretch, surprised by how stiff my body feels. It hurts to move for some reason, more than it should. My arm bumps against something, and I turn to investigate. Glass? A window. Through it I can see…clouds?_

_Where the hell am I?_

_A small sound to my left makes me snap around, realizing I'm not alone. Immediately, my unfocused eyes go wide, meeting an eerie shade of red that makes my whole body tense with fear. It's like looking into hell itself, teetering at the edge of the great pit, staring down into the dizzying depths and feeling burned even from the distance. Every instinct screams to run, to get away from the horror of this red, but I am rooted to the spot. There's something else in there, smothered by all the fire and ashes. A faint, flickering light, one a person would easily miss if they weren't looking for it. I see it, though. _

_Suddenly, I can see clearly again, able to discern black pupils in the center of those crimson irises. Eyes. The pits are eyes, and I blink twice before I can see the face they belong to. Pale skin rings the fiery eyes, white as snow and perfectly smooth. Brown locks of hair cascade down the sides of a face, framing it. Perfectly in disarray, the hair looks soft, full, much like the ruby lips that are pressed into a tight line father down. The whole face is beautiful, a work of art, tainted only by the blood-colored orbs._

_Blood._

_I snap out of my daze, jerking back quickly. I remember now, I remember where I am and why. I glare at the person across from me, remembering her too. No, not a person. A monster._

_Vampire._

_She looks back at me with her usual look of apathy, and only her eyes give away any sort of feeling. They burn hungrily, and that description is quite literal. I've known from the start that she wants my blood, though I have no idea why me. Emmett is the only other vampire I know, and he never drank from humans. He was, as he called it, a vegetarian vampire, which meant he only drank from animals. I used to be sort of disgusted with him, but now I saw that in reality, Emmett was practically an angel compared to others of his kind._

_Others like her._

_This creature- Bella, as Emmett called her- was the spiting image of the demonic figure associated with the term vampire. Well, except for her stunning beauty, but I know that 's merely a mask, a tool that enables her to hunt even easier. Not that she would need it, for she moves faster than a cobra strikes and is strong enough to snap bones like pencils. Looking down, I can see bruises dotting the skin around my wrists, and judging by the throbbing pain in my head, my face is probably marked likewise from when she slapped me. Compared to what she could have done, I suppose I'm lucky to have only bruises._

_Noticing her watching me inspect myself, I turn a glare in her direction. I hate her for taking me away, for being such a despicable creature, and I'm pissed that I'm not strong enough to fight her off. Not that I wouldn't try._

_She sighs, shaking her head slightly in my direction, then stands up. "We're landing soon." She tells me in a tight voice, walking off toward the front of the plane. I say nothing, just watch her leave. She's leaving me alone? Really?_

"_I can hear you from here, so just sit still." She calls over her shoulder, and I wonder if she reads minds too. No, not even she can do that. _

_Right?_

Edward sighs loudly as I warn him to sit still, and I smirk to myself. So predictable. I grab the phone from the front of the plane, my intended target, and dial the number of the vampire who heads the airport where we will be landing. Eric, I think is his name, but what do I care? He picks up speedily, knowing it's me calling.

"We have your car fueled and waiting, ma'am." He says immediately, and I smile at the nervousness in his tone.

"Good." I say simply, unsurprised by this. It was pretty standard, as they all knew my temper well and did everything to keep me happy. "I also need money. Have it waiting in the car when I get there. We'll be arriving shortly." A rustling from behind me makes me turn, but it is just Edward leaning down to put his shoes back on. How awkwardly human.

"Of course, Ms. Volturi." Eric says, never missing a beat. He doesn't even ask how much I need, just promises to take care of everything, and I end the call seconds later. I continue watching Edward as he frowns down at his feet, as if looking at something distasteful. I want so much to know what he's thinking, but his mind is a secret. I shake my head, wondering why it is I care so much.

"We're landing in five minutes, Ma'am." The pilot says from inside the cockpit, knowing full well that I can hear him from here. I don't reply, just head over to Edward once more. I spent most of the night watching him, breathing in his enticing smell and getting myself used to it. I thought a lot about his nightmare, though dwelling on it was pretty much pointless.

_Let him hate me, _I think bitterly. I didn't really expect anything different. Did I?

Regardless of what I expect, he has made it very clear that he hates me with passion. He shoots me his icy stare when I stand next to his seat, shifting away from me and looking out the window. I ignore the weird feeling in my mind, pushing back thoughts of how he dreams of me killing his loved ones. I just stand and stare blankly at the seat. I don't bother sitting down, for my balance is superb and landing doesn't pose any threat to that.

I look out the window with Edward, frowning at the sunlight shining through the glass. I reach above the seat, pulling a leather coat from the over-head compartment, along with a pair of sunglasses. Sunlight is my prison, separating me from the humans who flocked to it instinctually, aware on a very primitive level that it was safer there. With clothing like this, however, I could be inconspicuous enough to make it around in short trips.

The plane touches down, and I can tell Edward is very nervous by the way he fidgets. He has no idea what's going to happen to him, or where I'm going to take him. He probably doesn't even know where exactly we are, I can't remember if I told him ever. He glances at me once or twice, but I keep my eyes forward, towards the door. I wonder, for the thousandth time, what he's thinking

As soon as we've stilled, I gesture for him to get up. I'm impatient, wanting to get back home as soon as I can. Being out in public with Edward made me edgy, and I knew I'd feel better once we were safely in underground Volterra. He stands slowly, dragging his feet in obvious reluctance. It's frustrating, but I force myself to stay calm. I eye the bluish tint of the bruise on his cheek, knowing I shouldn't get so carried away with him. I had to try to be gentle, or I could break him.

After the agonizingly slow start, Edward finally picks up the pace. We exit the plane, me hovering just outside the door, still in the shadow of the jet. I spot my car parked about twenty yards away, a tall blonde woman standing next to it. Her dull skin tells me she is a human, and I wonder what it is she wants. Eric always sent a vampire to assist me, because humans were generally slow and incompetent.

_Oh well, maybe she's a snack. _My eyes flicker to Edward at the thought, running my tongue over my incisors instinctively. I knew whose blood I really wanted. Pushing such distractions aside, I point a finger at my car, murmuring "Go." To Edward, knowing he had to go first, otherwise I would have to be in the sunlight for a while. He follows my finger, eyes going wide and jaw slackening when he sees the vehicle idling nearby.

It's a black and white, mint-condition SSC Ultimate Aero, the fastest street-legal car in the world. Pushed to the extreme, this baby can go 270 MPH, and that was before I had the engine redone by a vampire mechanic. Inside is a dark red, fully revamped interior, complete with an excellent state of the art sound system. This car is my baby, my pride and joy, and I watch with a smug smile as Edward's jaw hits the floor.

"Go." I repeat, shaking him from his trance. He looks at me with a mixture of awe and disgust, shaking his head as he heads over to the car. The blonde woman gives him a smile and a greeting, but gets nothing but a glare in return. Edward walks slowly around the car, hands hovering above the surface as though he is afraid to touch it. Almost reverently, he pulls on the handle, grinning despite himself as the door lifts out and up, reveling the crimson beauty within. He slides in, shutting the door behind him, and I have to struggle to wipe the smile from my face.

Men. All the same.

Glancing around to make sure no one is watching to carefully, I flit over to the car, causing the blonde to jump with fright as suddenly I am beside her. I open up the driver's side door, hoping in and shutting the door in an instant. The woman turns, staring at me pleadingly, so I roll down the window.

'What?" I ask, irritated, distracted by Edward's scent and realizing I am pretty thirsty. I notice the girl doesn't smell too bad, and I start wondering if she _could _be a meal.

"Eric…he-he-" The girl stutters, obviously put off by my harsh demeanor. I want to yell at her to hurry up, but I'm working on my anger issues. "He said maybe you had something I could help you with? I'm sorry, I just started working here…" She trails off, looking at me and blushing deeply.

I almost laugh, looking at her determined face, and knowing _exactly _what she could help me with. Hell, Eric really did get me a snack. This is new, but I'm not complaining. I inhale deeply, deciding her blood smells pretty decent. She stares at me, trying to be calm, but I can hear her heart pounding away in her chest.

Ah, well why not? My throat itches annoyingly, and this saves time. "Yes, actually, there is something." I tell her, smirking as her face lights up. Beside me, I can hear Edward inhale sharply. I wonder how long until he figures it out, or maybe he has already. I beckon for the girl to lean in, acting as though I have to whisper in her ear. She bends down, exposing her throat to my aching teeth…

"NO!"

The human jumps back as if she's been shot, staring past me at Edward with frightened eyes. I turn to glare at Edward, who stares at me with an expression so full of hate and fear I'm almost hurt…

"Get out of here!" Edward urges her, looking defiantly at me. I narrow my eyes, not looking at the girl but hearing her take off, leaving behind her fear scent. She'll be dead even before the week is over, since obviously Eric has no use for her. Or maybe she will serve as the meal of another vampire at the direction of Eric. It matters not, only that my meal has run off, thanks to the boy whose green eyes meet mine too boldly.

I grip the steering wheel, doing my best to keep from ruining my beautiful vehicle. I take an unnecessary breath, eyeing Edward appraisingly. "You made me lose my meal." I say as calmly as I can, keeping my voice low. I notice he has backed away from me, though he doesn't turn away.

"You're just going to drain me anyways," He whispers, voice a strange contrast to his bold expression. I fight the urge to flinch at his words, knowing that same thought had run through my mind thousands of times. But would I kill him? I was leaning ore towards no, somehow sensing that doing so would be something I'd regret later. I wanted to find a way to taste his blood but keep him alive, though I certainly was not strong enough to stop myself once I tasted him. It was a puzzle, but I really didn't have to justify that to him.

"Regardless," I growl, doing my best to look threatening, though I am really not in the mood to punish him. I don't deny his claim that I will kill him, I just let him sweat it out. I calm myself, closing my eyes briefly. I can just hunt tonight, or even tomorrow night. "Do not interfere again." I order, turning away without waiting for his reaction and shifting into first. The car hums beautifully as it leaps forward, moving speedily over the ground. I'm put at ease, back behind the wheel of my wonderful machine. I let go of my frustration with Edward, just watch the familiar sights of Italy as we pull onto the main road, cruising past the other cars.

I open up the glove box, not surprised to find a large envelope there. As always, Eric has one his job well, and I open the seal to count the bills, paying barely any attention to the road in front of me. Fifty hundred-dollar bills are inside, the customary amount. Edward watches me as I pull out the money, shoving it absent-mindedly into my pocket. I turn to him, eyes trailing up his body, searching.

We pull into a parking lot, in front of a clothing store called Tre Montagne. A group of tourists stare openly at the car, squinting to try and see us behind the severely tinted glass. Several people whistle in awe, and the men jostle one another in excitement. Edward looks at me, puzzled. His anger temporarily forgotten, he looks up at the sign above us.

"Why are we here?" He asks softly, turning back to look at me. I turn off the car, silent, and study the pedestrians appraisingly. Edward watches me with a wide-eyed expression, noting my every move. I finally turn to look a him, heaving a deep sigh and adjusting my sunglasses.

"Do as I say, at all times, without question." I start, keeping my face a mask of stone. "We're going in, and you'd better follow my orders, or I will make you and these people pay." I finish slowly, solemnly. I can tell that Edward knows I'm not joking. This is pretty risky, but I know it has to be done.

"Get out." I tell him, opening my own door and I'm glad I'm in the shade. People are staring at me, whispering to one another in voices that I can very easily make out. They're impressed by the car, they're impressed by me. As Edward climbs out the passenger side, eyes sweeping about curiously, they're impressed by him too. I hear them speculating: Am I a model? A foreign actress? Royalty? I'm used to all of this by now, and really it's just annoying now.

I walk to the door of the shop, ignoring the stares of the humans around me. Opening the door I'm immediately assaulted by the smell of men's cologne. I gag slightly, forcing myself to breathe as little as possible. I can hear Edward as he walks in next to me, obediently keeping close. I glance at him and he's looking around, confused, as though he's never seen a department store before. I guess he just wasn't expecting me to take him shopping. It was a little bit ridiculous.

"Pick out whatever you need." I instruct him, noticing the way his brow furrows, confused. I roll my eyes, gesturing at the nearest clothing rack, and he just stares at me blankly. I'm feeling pretty foolish, standing here amongst all these humans who have turned to watch us, having Edward stare at me like there's a third eye on my forehead. I reach an arm out to him, snaking it around his waist and pulling him close to me. He doesn't tense this time, only ducks his head to cover his throat. As if that would help, not that I would feed from him here in front of all these people.

"Unless you want to wear these same clothes for the rest of this year, I suggest you go and find more." I whisper in his ear, too quietly for the other humans to hear. He gives a start, looking at me with puzzled green eyes. I suppose he had forgotten that I was _supposed _to keep him alive. Well, not that I couldn't kill him if I wanted to. "I'm losing my patience. Go." I push him gently forward, watching as he quickly moves to the clothing racks, giving me an odd look as he does so.

I find a chair to sit in, well aware that almost everyone in the store is watching either Edward or myself. One woman in particular, a chesty red-haired woman, is staring at Edward a little _too _curiously. She appears to be a sales clerk, and she wastes no time in trotting over to "help" Edward with his selections.

"We have some new items in, and I'm sure you would look simply _amazing _in these shirts." She croons, fawning over him while waving a few items in his face. Edward just looks at her out of his slightly swollen eye and shake his head, murmuring a polite "No, thank you." and walking away.

Incapable of taking the hint, she continues to follow him around the store, complimenting and offering suggestions every time he turns around. Meanwhile, I feel a strange anger building up inside of me as I watch this unfold. Edward may not be, in any way, mine in a romantic sense, but he is still _mine. _Mine in every other sense of the word. This human doesn't know it, but she is digging her own grave following him around like this.

By the time Edward returns to me with an armful of clothes, I am nearly shaking with rage. He meets my livid gaze and stops in his tracks. Even with the sunglasses on, he can see that I am furious. I know he thinks I'm angry at him, but I just shake my head and gesture towards the check-out counter. He watches me warily, but walks in front of me towards the cashier.

Little miss whore is there waiting, giving Edward what I'm sure she thinks is a sexy smirk, but really just shows off her overbite. As Edward places his items on the counter, she finally seems to notice me. I watch her eyes widen as I give her a stone-faced look, letting my vampiric aura send waves of dangerous power toward her. She shudders, not knowing why she feels so scared, but I smirk at her knowingly.

"Wi-will this be all?" She stammers, turning away from me. Edward nods curtly, looking at me with the same bewildered expression. I say nothing, and as the girl rings up the total cost, I toss six hundred dollars at her, smiling at her shocked expression.

"Keep the change." I say, voice nearly a growl. I turn on me heel, leaving Edward to grab the three heavy bags and scramble after me. I rush out the door and jump into my car, waiting for Edward to climb in, holding the clothes on his lap. As soon as his door shuts I slam the car into reverse and peel out, wanting to put some distance between me and the slut before I do more than scare her shitless.

"What the hell?" Edward mumbles, trying to get his seatbelt on over the bags. I growl in response, weaving through traffic at dangerous speeds. He finally gets the belt on, sighing in relief. He gives me another of those cryptic looks, and then he smiles slightly. This makes me glance at him, arcing one eyebrow curiously. He wipes the smile off his face, replacing it with a look of thought.

"That girl at the store?" He says, a question obvious in his voice. I growl softly again, pulling my sunglasses off and throwing them against the door hard. I'm still feeling extremely aggressive, and I'm angered that he's bringing it up. He just nods though, looking solemn as ever.

"You can't blame her," He says, voice completely serious. I shoot him a deadly look. _Like hell I can't. _But Edward continues on, as if he doesn't notice my murderous expression. "Really. You're not the only one who looks at me like I'm something to eat."

………_What?_

……_.Something to….._

……_.oh._

A laugh erupts unexpectedly from my throat, strained and surprised. If I had been drinking something, I probably would have choked at his words. Did he just make a joke? About me eating him? This is just too much, and my laughter continues for nearly half a minute.

"Are you fucking crazy?" I ask him incredulously. He just gives me that same half smile, a sight that makes my mind go fuzzy, an odd sensation. He must be crazy. His words were just so unexpected, and I realize that I'm no longer angry.

I regain my composure, barely focusing on the street in front of me, instead I'm watching him intently. He's looking back at me, his brow furrowed as though studying me the same way I study him. I wonder what's gotten into him, because I know he hates me with passion and I'm well aware that he thinks I'm the devil. So why the humor? Maybe simply to calm me down, for he has felt the pain of my wrath before.

Yes, that must be it. It makes the most sense of all the possibilities. Even now, minutes after his joke, he turns away and glares out the window, all traces of humor gone and replaced by the familiar anger. He watches the sky, a look of grief and turmoil in his sparkling ocean-like eyes. I watch their reflection in the glass, seeing his pain and adding it to my own. I don't know why, but I'm saddened by the loss of the happiness I thought I saw there.

The day has turned cloudy, and I can smell the rain coming. We have one more stop to make: a grocery store for the food that was necessary for him. We travel in silence, nothing but his breathing to occupy the still air. I keep my eyes on the road, forcing myself not to look at him. My throat is burning, and I want to get him back to my home quickly so that I can hunt and relieve some of the pain.

I pull the car up to the front of the store, turning to him finally. "Go and get food enough for two weeks or so." I order, handing him about a thousand dollars in cash. He looks at it dumbly, before meeting my eyes again.

"You aren't going in?" He asks quietly. I wrinkle my nose, pained at just the thought of being around all the disgusting scents of human garbage. I shake my head quickly, dispelling the thought immediately.

"No. I will wait for you out here." I confirm, before fixing him with a deadly serious gaze. "Do not try anything stupid. Do not call for help. Don't talk to anyone if you can help it. I can hear you always, and nothing will be able to save you or anyone else if you mess up." With this last warning, Edward gets out of the car, shoving his hands into his pockets at the cold weather.

Before he shuts the door, I remember something and call out "Don't get anything that has to be cooked!" That was the last thing I needed, the smell of human food stinking up my house. Edward nods, then heads into the store alone, receiving many glances from strangers.

Satisfied, I pull the car around into an empty space. The day is dark enough that I can get out uncovered without fear of the sunlight on my diamond skin. My sunglasses are mangled, so I leave them discarded in the car and simply keep my eyes slitted, so no one will see my ruby irises.

I put all of the clothing bags in the small trunk, so that there will be room to put the food when Edward comes back. I hope there will be enough room, but if not I could always bring him back later. After, I climb back into my car, settling in to wait for Edward.

I close my eyes and listen intently, unable to hear Edward's voice but able to pick out his heartbeat even from inside the car, yards away from the store. Humans had their own distinct rhythm, and I've been around Edward enough that I can tell his from the others. He sounds slightly distressed, his pulse a little higher than average. I decide to just wait, as I really don't want to go inside. He's probably just stressed as always.

About twenty minutes go by, and I'm getting annoyed. What is taking so long? Suddenly, I can hear Edward's voice as he thanks the cashier, finally done. His heartbeat gets louder and louder as I drive back to the front of the store, opening the door for Edward as he reaches the car with his hands full. Something seems off about him, and as he flops down into the passenger seat, I realize what it is.

"You've been drinking." I accuse, my whole face twisting into a grimace at the smell of alcohol on his breath and in his blood. His eyes are already a bit hazy, and he just shrugs in response to my statement. I speed out of the parking lot, and he slams into the window, slurring a few curse words as he rubs his head gingerly. _How the hell did he manage to get so intoxicated in the span of twenty minutes? _I wonder, feeling my anger returning.

We pull onto a mostly deserted street, and I fix my darkened gaze on him. "What the hell did you do in there?" I bark, glaring as he meets my eyes with a look of defiance. He's totally wasted.

"I drank some fucking vodka," He spits back, eyes unfocused. "What's it to you?"

I snarl dangerously, baring my front teeth angrily. "You fucking reek!" I declare. "And you're drunk. How much did you have?" Truly, he does smell bad, the alcohol distorting his delicious scent and making it terrible. On one hand, it does make it easier not to think about draining him, but it is a sin to destroy that fantastic scent that was so clearly meant for _me._

"I dunno," He replies, head sagging downward onto his chest. He's no longer angry, just…plastered. "Like…two bottles? Maybe?" He shuts his eyes and I groan, unable to deal with all of this.

"Two bottles? Jesus Christ, you were only in there for twenty minutes!" I growl, trying-and failing-to stay calm. I left him alone for _twenty minutes, _and he comes out so wasted he probably can't see straight. It's what I get for allowing him to be alone, I suppose. See if I ever make that mistake again.

"It's what I do when I can't deal with shit." He mumbles, rubbing his face and blinking furiously. "I just got taken away from my home and family by a fucking bloodsucking monster! Leave me the hell alone, you goddamn demon. I hate you." He finishes by turning away from me, leaning his head against the window glass and closing his eyes.

The car is silent the rest of the drive, and for once I can't find it in me to be angry. He's right, I suppose, but still, I'm not feeling bad enough to take him back. If drinking is what helps him deal…I don't know. I suppose we'll deal with that later. If he doesn't die of alcohol poisoning. For now, I just need to get home. I need to get him away from me.

I need to feed.

**I have been SOOOOOO busy! I'm sorry this took awhile to get out to you all. Major writers block on both of my stories. But still…Thank you so much for all of you who reviewed! I love you all! You're the reason I keep writing.**

**Lemons will present themselves in this story….just be patient!**

"**A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free"**


	6. You're Gonna Go Far

**A/N: Sorry for all delays. I love all of you who review!!! Feel free to make suggestions. I didn't get this back from Antlers, but when I do I will edit it. Sorry for all and any mistakes.**

**SM owns Twilight, th Offspring owns the song.**

**Mad World, Chapter Six: You're Gonna Go Far.**

Show me how to lie

You're getting better all the time

And turning all against the one

Is an art that's hard to teach

Another clever word

Sets off an unsuspecting herd

And as you get back into line

A mob jumps to their feet

Now dance, f**ker, dance

Man, he never had a chance

And no one even knew

It was really only you

And now you steal away

Take him out today

Nice work you did

You're gonna go far, kid

With a thousand lies

And a good disguise

Hit 'em right between the eyes

Hit 'em right between the eyes

When you walk away

Nothing more to say

See the lightning in your eyes

See 'em running for their lives

By the time my car is parked in the Volturi's exclusive, covered lot just outside the entryway, Edward has passed out. His whole body is slumped, head pressed against the window and mouth open just slightly while he snores softly. I shut off the car, pausing to look at him sleeping next to me. I can't believe he drank two bottles in twenty minutes. How was that even possible? And why did no one stop him? I shake my head, frustrated by these petty human problems. Figures I'd have an alcoholic for a singer.

I climb out of the car, gliding over to the passenger door. I open it too quickly, and Edward comes falling out of it. I catch him easily, instinctively, ignoring the putrid smell of the alcohol flowing through his bloodstream. He makes no move to get away, and his eyes stay shut. Out cold. I shake him, somewhat roughly, and still he does not stir. _Fuck. _Well, unparalleled strength does have its advantages. I lift him up, wrapping my cold arms around his limp form, and he shivers unconsciously. Holding my breath, I resolve myself to suffer the indignity of carrying a human around, particularly one that reeks of vodka.

_His blood will more than make up for it, _I tell myself. I just have to wait for his blood to rid itself of the alcohol, and then figure out a way to drink some but not kill him by taking too much. I have no idea how I'm going to do that, but I have awhile to think about it.

Leaving the food in the car for the time-being, I start off at a slow jog, which for me is about 30 mph. I don't want to deal with the accusing looks any longer than I have to. I really wish I could get him down there without anyone knowing, but that is impossible. I move silently, fluidly, down into the depths of the vampire kingdom of Volterra. Edward's heartbeat sounds deafeningly loud in this, the land of the undead. We pass several of my kind, and I see their eyes go wide and then narrow as they see what I'm carrying with me. No one says anything, however, except for a few mumbled words of respect befitting my rank.

I take the fastest route to my private quarters, wanting to be rid of the judging stares I'm receiving. I pass Jane as I round a corner, standing in the midst of several low-ranked members. She takes one look at the figure in my arms and abandons the group of vampires she was talking to and falls into step beside me, matching my stride and watching me with shining crimson eyes. I growl low in my throat, warning her away, but she does not heed my warning.

"Why do you have a human down here, General?" She asks quietly, low enough that no one can hear us as we flit through the halls. She says it calmly, politely, and in a tone that does not sound bewildered, though she surely must be. At least she doesn't call me by name this time. The fact that Jane is running next to me brings even more attention to me, and I growl again under my breath.

"Why does any vampire grab a human?" I mutter, finally making it to the hallway that leads to the General's quarters. Jane follows me all the way to the door, not taking the hint.

"You brought one down here to feed?" She asks slowly, not believing it. Why would I bring a human here to feed instead of taking it on the spot? I snarl at her, annoyed now.

"What do you care, Jane?" I hiss, truly wanting to know. I've never attempted to be friends with anyone of the guard before, and Jane is not known for her friendliness to others. Quite the opposite, actually: Jane is known to be downright coldhearted and sadistic, especially when it comes to fighting. Why she is suddenly taking an interest in me, I have no idea.

Jane doesn't answer, simply stares at me with those serious eyes, and I sigh in frustration. Well, what could it hurt to tell her?

"He's my singer." I say simply. At last, I open the door, hurrying inside. Against my better judgment, I motion for Jane to come inside, too. I don't need her running around spreading rumors. Plus, I remember how she gave me advice about the Emmett situation… And if not for her, Edward wouldn't be here with me. I shut the door behind Jane, pushing past her to set Edward down on a nearby couch. He doesn't move, just lets out a soft groan as my icy skin leaves his.

"You should probably get him some water, for when he wakes up." Jane suggests. I turn to look at her, a bemused expression on my face. What exactly is she doing here? I shake my head, looking back down at the human passed out on my sofa. I have running water, but I don't have glasses here. Why would I? The only reason we had water here was for showering. I made a mental note to pick up such things later.

"Why are you here, Jane?" I ask, moving quickly around the room to look for something that could substitute for a cup or bowl. "I am no friend to you, and there is nothing for you to gain here. So I must wonder what it is you want from me."

Jane heaves an exasperated sigh, pointing at a pencil holder on my desk, ending my search for a container. "I'm here because I want to be." She answers cryptically. I narrow my eyes, taking the pencil container and stalking off towards the bathroom. She does not follow me, and I feel uneasy leaving Edward alone with her. Of course, no vampire would want him in this state: He stunk something awful. Well, not to me…

I return quickly, putting the water down on the floor next to Edward's head. Jane watches this silently, her eyes looking at Edward curiously but not hungrily. I resist the urge to ask her not to look at him.

"If you think that assisting me will make your chances at promotion greater, Jane, I assure you-" I begin, but she holds up a hand to silence me.

"The only way to ascend would be to kill you." She states simply, her eyes flashing a little at the accusation I've made. My fists tighten at the imposed threat, but Jane shakes her head slightly, turning to study a painting on the wall. It's an oil painting of a tiger, eyes reddish amber, lying at the base of a tree. It's one of my few treasured possessions, as it was given to me by a remarkably talented artist I met in Venice- vampire of course. Jane looks at it for a moment, before turning back to me.

"Most vampires fear me," She says in a low voice. "And they should. But then you came along. I admit, I used to be frustrated with you, because unlike the others, my mind attacks can't harm you. You've never been scared of me, of anyone. I like that about you."

My mind is racing, calculating. This is such an odd admission, very sudden but sincere sounding. I had noticed Jane's annoyance when I joined the guard and defied her ability to hurt, to incapacitate. I'd never thought she would consider that admirable.

"You have to admit," She continues when I don't respond. "That you need support. You are terribly young, and some will interpret that as weakness." This, now, makes sense to me. I bristle at the idea of people thinking me weak, but Jane keeps on. "Together, it will be much easier to maintain control of the guard, and of enemies. I am not after your title, Isabella. I have craved power like so many of our kind. You can trust me, and I promise you will not regret having me on your side."

Silence falls over the room as Jane finishes her speech. I distractedly listen to each of Edward's breaths as I consider her words, aware of the way she's watching my expression. She's right: She would certainly be a very valuable ally, for vampires knew and feared her all across the earth. Secondly, she had connections, and those could prove quite useful later on. I also knew she had never been fond of James when he had been general- I'd heard people remark on the fact that she opposed him at nearly every turn and made his life hell. This, I have to admit, I like.

Instead of answering, I turn and sit next to Edward's slumbering form on the couch. I feel Jane's eyes on mine, but she says nothing. Instead, she shifts her gaze over to Edward, cocking her head slightly. We both watch him as he unknowingly sleeps on, unaware that he's being watched by two of the most dangerous creatures on earth. It's silent for a while, and I know Jane understands my acceptance of her offer, though I do not say it. I like this about Jane- her ability to just know, with that quiet intensity that radiated from her always. We were more alike than I'd thought.

"You know," She murmurs after about ten minutes of comfortable silence. "I think I might be able to help you out with this, Isabella." This time, I do not tense at the sound of my given name, but instead look at her with renewed curiosity.

"What's that?" I ask, wanting her to elaborate further. She continues to look at Edward solemnly, as if studying him. I can almost hear the rush of thoughts pulsing through her mind.

"You desire his blood." She says quietly, simply. She never once looks away from Edward, but I nod in response anyways. She pauses again before continuing slowly, thoughtfully. "But you do not wish to kill him, is that so?" Again, I nod, and I'm wondering where she's going with this. Truly, I do not want Edward dead, but I also have no idea how Jane could help me with this issue of self control.

"I believe I can help make that possible." She breathed, finally turning from Edward to look deeply into my eyes. I meet her gaze, knowing she can see the confusion on my face.

"How?" I ask, just a whisper.

Suddenly, I feel a mental attack pushing strongly against my defenses. Immediately, the walls go up, not only fortifying my safety but pushing out against the opposition as well. Jane hisses in pain next to me, and I watch her, wide-eyed, not pushing further but keeping my defenses up.

"Calm, Isabella." Jane mutters, rubbing her forehead. "I was merely testing. Do you want to hear my plan or not?"

Warily, I nod, and she sighs deeply, looking up at the ceiling. "I think if you were to lower your defenses while you fed, kept your mind vulnerable to attack, then I could use my power to make you stop in time." She finishes speaking, watching my reaction carefully as I let it all sink in. She suggests letting my guard down, so that if I cannot stop myself from completely draining Edward, she will inflict such pain on me that I will be forced to stop. Such is the power of Jane's mind.

I cannot say as the idea appeals to me very much, but I cannot argue that it has a lot of potential. I look into Jane's crimson orbs, knowing that these are the eyes of a killer, of a legendary predator and dangerous adversary. If I were to let her into my mind, I would have little chance of stopping her if she decided to attack me. Jane's mind attack, I have heard, is like a corrosive acid burning through your bloodstream. It consumes you. It dominates you. It makes you beg for death, if only for the release from the agony. I don't know if that's a risk I am willing to take.

Oh, but Edward's blood…It calls to me. Sings to me, I suppose is the term. Even now, it smells so damn good, despite the alcohol contaminating it. My eyes roam over his whole body, and my tongue flicks over my teeth reflexively. To be able to taste him, to feed from him time and time again…_that _is worth such a risk.

"Does he smell good to you?" I ask Jane, my voice low and serious as ever. I don't look at her, but I feel her gaze on me, questioning. She is silent for a moment before she speaks, inhaling once, tentatively.

"Better than most." She murmurs. "But it does not call to me as it does to you." I nod, knowing this must be so. I couldn't hold back the first time I smelled him, even though my control was exemplary. Even now, I still feel the burning in my throat, the need.

"What about the venom?" I whisper, struggling not to let myself get carried away with the excitement at the thought of relieving that pain, even for a moment. My venom, I know, would kill him. Transform him. That isn't what I want.

"You could cut him, lick it off." Jane suggests, shrugging when I snap back around to face her. I know my surprise at her nonchalant words is apparent on my face. I don't know why, but I'm not exactly thrilled at the idea of cutting into Edward's skin…Though of course, for the blood, I would do it…

"You think it will work?" I ask, watching her anxiously. Jane, suddenly, holds the key to my release, my dark, demonic need. She needs only to give me permission, permission I will not grant myself. If it isn't my choice, am I to blame for what act is committed?

Yes.

"One way to find out." Jane responds, walking closer, studying my face. Her eyes flicker over to Edward, and a growl rumbles in my throat. She frowns at me, stopping in her tracks. She looks annoyed but patient.

"It doesn't have to be now." I stall, though I hope she argues with me. Of course I want to do it now. I've wanted it since I very first caught sight of him, first smelled his scent. I want it like a drug addict needs their high. I want it like a human wandering through a desert for weeks would want water. My mouth fills with venom at just the thought of his blood on my tongue.

Jane notices, I know she does. Her red eyes shine with understanding, and I wonder how it is she knows just how to act with me.

"Now, while his blood is tainted and less appealing." She argues, moving closer when I don't respond, not touching me. I look down at her, noticing for the first time just how short she is. She always has a kind of presence, something that mad her seem much bigger than she truly is. She looks up at me, her face a mask of determination, and I know I have the outlet I need. The excuse.

"Alright." I say, voice tight with excitement. _Finally, _I think, _I will taste this blood. This treasure. It is all mine, and I will taste it. _"Cut him, please."

Jane moves with all the grace of a predator, and it is all I can do to keep from tackling her away from him. I am instinctively defensive, not wanting any other to have what is mine. Now, I will claim him once and for all as mine. I watch as Jane kneels by his side by the couch, taking one arm gently from his side. It will be easier to keep him alive if I am not at his throat.

I am shocked at how fast things are moving, shocked at how I trust Jane after only moments. I realize it is ridiculous, but I truly know that she deserves my trust. I pride myself on being a good judge of people's intents, and I can tell she is sincere if somewhat guarded. She feels….like Emmett used to.

Jane moves skillfully, and I feel relieved that at least one of us is in control. Then, suddenly, Edward groans, making Jane stiffen beside him. His heart rate speeds, his fingers twitch slightly, and his breathing gets faster.

_Shit._

Edward's eyes open, squinty and glazed, but mostly confused. He blinks three times, the movements taking forever in my mind. Jane and I are frozen, twin statues of marble. His eyes finally seem to focus, and he jerks reflexively at the sight of Jane's eyes mere inches from his face. After the initial reaction, he sits perfectly still, paralyzed by fear. His eyes do not stray from Jane's for an impossibly long moment, before his head snaps around to look at me. I hold my breath. How he knew I was standing here, I have no idea.

His eyes are wide but still glassy, no doubt due to the vodka. They're full of fear, bewilderment, dread, and an enormous list of countless other emotions. He does not struggle. He just stares at me with judging eyes. I lick my lips subconsciously, and he twitches slightly at the sight.

He knows how much I want him.

**EPOV**

I know how much she wants me.

My head is swimming, my vision blurry and everything seems to move sluggishly. It's hard to tell if I'm really awake, because I feel as though I'm underwater. I recognize this feeling, though. I can tell that I'm insanely drunk, probably about a few minutes away from puking my guts up. I sit up, feeling my stomach turn at the movement. _Where am I? _My eyes scan the room until they find _her. _My head spins as I stare into the eyes of my captor, still unused to their fiery depths. I wonder how it is a demon can look so…deep.

Pressure on my wrist. I turn my head, swaying slightly, coming face-to-face with another one of the monsters. I don't remember ever seeing her before. She too has pale sin, ruby eyes and a frightening aura. Small, but in her gaze is a fierceness and I know her size is no indicator of her strength. Her gaze lowers from my eyes down to my wrist, and her fingers on her other hand flex slightly. I'm not totally sure what it is this blood-sucker wants from me, but I've got a pretty good guess, even in my drunken stupor.

I really hope this is a dream, a liquor induced nightmare. I have those sometimes, when I push myself too far and drink too much. Alice would find me then- curled up in a ball inside my room, whimpering and groaning in my sleep. Alice, who was always the strong one, was always there when I woke up. She never spoke a word. She was just…there.

Now, though, Alice is an ocean away. She cannot be here for me when I wake up. No, instead I wake up staring into the hungry eyes of two of the devil's children, watching me always. What I wouldn't give to be back home with Alice right now. Even wasted and confused, I know that.

"Lie back down, human." The new vampire instructs me, her voice strange and whispery. She pushes again on my arm slightly, making me want to pull away. Run away. Her hands are ice cold on my skin, but she's much to strong for me to push away. I feel helpless, so I just sit there. I won't go willingly but I know there's no point in trying to escape. My head is so damn hazy, and I curse my stupid addiction. The vampire pushes on my chest, making me fall back onto the cushiony surface I'm sitting on, groaning.

A snarl to my right makes me look at the monster I know. Isabella, I think. Her gaze flickers between me and the vampire standing over me, her lips curled slightly in a snarl. My eyes won't focus on her, my head won't comprehend words to say. I'm so damn plastered. What the hell is my name again? Neither creature does anything, and they seem to just freeze staring at each other like that. Twin statues of power.

"Uhh…" I groan, fighting to make words, not sounds, come out. "WhereamI?" I slur, tasting Vodka on my tongue. _How much did I drink? _The woman holding me down looks at me out of the corner of her eye, frowning slightly. The tension is broken, and all focus is back on me. Neither answers my question. Isabella is a blur, her beacon-like crimson eyes all I can really pinpoint, and they are narrowed.

"Relax." The monster next to me murmurs. I don't look at her, my eyes struggling to focus in on Isabella, for at least I know her somewhat. My eyes won't obey my brain, however, and the misty vision does not clear up.

All of a sudden, there's a burning in my arm, a pain sharp enough to make it through my hazy senses. I yelp, held down suddenly by an icy hand on my chest. I struggle weakly, my inner instincts fighting their way to the surface. The stranger clutches my arm in her other hand, and I can see a stream of blood flowing across my skin. A long, precise cut in my forearm leaks crimson, the center of the throbbing pain. My arm is stained red, dripping already.

No sooner does the image register in my mind than suddenly there is another snarl, this one crazed sounding. The unfamiliar woman disappears in a flash and Isabella is there, only she looks different. She looks now like a true beast, her eyes so bright and red that they almost burn to look into. Her face is twisted into a victorious snarl, her teeth flashing in her gaping mouth. _Hunger, _every inch of her screams. My vision which was blurry only seconds before is now sharp as ever, though I now pray for blindness.

_I'm going to die, _my suddenly clearer brain informs me. I've never been more scared than I am right now, staring at the hungry face of my murderer, her eyes fixed on my bleeding arm. My blood. The blood she craves, the blood she needed. Now she would have it, would take it from me.

A scream rips from my throat as her mouth presses to my skin, moving too fast for me to be able to flinch away. I brace myself for the pain of her teeth slicing through me, praying it would end quickly. I don't want to die, I realize. I don't want this and I'm scared and all I want is my family. I lie here, poised on the edge of death and suddenly I want nothing more than to run crying to my mother. To the woman who had taken care of me since I could remember.

No one can help me now.

**BPOV**

If I had ever thought that I'd wanted Edward's blood before, when it was safely hidden inside of his body, I have lived to find that I was so terribly wrong. As Jane's knife-like nail had ripped through his delicate skin, I felt the monster inside of me come roaring to life, breaking free of all chains that had ever kept it at bay. Gone was any form of self-control, gone was the hope that Jane would stop me in time. I wanted to drain him, wanted every last drop of that miracle liquid.

I hear his scream as my mouth latches to his skin. Then, suddenly my whole body erupts in pain, stopping my fangs from piercing his skin and making me howl in agony. It's like I'm burning, like I'm being ripped apart. I take a step back, hands on my head, and the pain vanishes. It is a merciful loss, for the pain was terrible.

Somehow, impossibly, a small voice of reason speaks up as I lunge for Edward again, my need overcoming my wonder at the pain from milliseconds ago. Instead of plunging my teeth into his flesh, my tongue shoots out to taste without biting. The action confuses me, but I don't have much time to wonder about it before my mind explodes.

I feel like I'm being electrocuted, only it doesn't exactly _hurt _so much as it _stretches_. Ten-thousand sensations burst forth into my brain at once, like fireworks and neon lights and machine-guns and nuclear warheads all at the same time. Edward's blood on my tongue burns a path straight into my limbs, my brain, and my stone-cold heart, washing my whole being in the fiery torrent. All rational thought disappears, and even the desperate hunger from before evaporates. I am consumed. Overwhelmed. Destroyed.

I don't feel myself fall, don't hear the wretched scream that springs unbidden from my mouth. I don't hear Jane's voice, or Edward's own cries. I am alone, isolated by this…this _power. _It rips through me, ravaging everything in its path as it breaks me down form the inside out. Still, it is an overwhelming sensation though it is not necessarily painful. I feel as though I'm being transformed, reborn almost. It is terrifying, even to a monster.

Then, a tangible feeling comes to the forefront of my brutalized mind, the first since I took that taste of blood form my singer. It's hard to identify, even harder to grasp the meaning. Feebly, I grapple for a word that describes it, for it is nearly impossible to think beyond the walls of fire in my core. _Captivation. _Yes, that must be it, or at least it is as close as I'm going to get to describing it. I don't understand this feeling, but it grows strong by the second.

As the feeling grows stronger, the stretching lessens, and new feelings spring without motive into my mind, heart, and soul. This is almost as terrifying as the burning, and I still don't understand. Emotion after emotion pours in, each like an anvil landing on my chest, crushing with its intensity. Most I don't even have names for, and the ones I think I can pinpoint seem to have inadequate words to describe them. _Possessiveness. Yearning. Devotion. _Ah, of all of them, _devotion _is strongest.

The feelings sensationalize and continue to grow, pressing down so hard I feel my diamond-chest will shatter, ribs harder than steel will splinter under the weight. I feel like I am suffocating, though there is no need for air anymore. Harder, heavier, the emotions keep growing, and just when I feel I must be rid of the agony or perish from it, it disappears entirely, leaving me gasping for oxygen despite its irrelevance to my body. I feel weightless, calm.

My eyes flash open, seeing Jane's face only barely as she hovers above me. The confusion on her face switches to surprise as I leap up, barley avoiding knocking her over. The calm disappears in an instant, and I'm suddenly desperate to find…what? I don't even know, but my eyes scan the room at lightening speed, before locking in on green.

Green, like an ocean in the midst of a storm, like the deep green of forest leaves after a rain. Green, green eyes that look back at me and stare deep into my very soul. Green, the only color that's ever mattered to me, the only one that ever will.

All those incapacitating emotions suddenly come together in this green, finally having an object to belong to. _Captivation. Possessiveness. Yearning. Devotion. _Each is an anchor, weighing me, tying me down to this one thing. This one person. I feel my being bind to this other, feel my emotions turn to chains that link me forever to this one.

_Edward, _my mind whispers, only the whisper is soon a deafening roar that fills my senses and my dead heart and every crevice of my mind. Just as the fire burned away my insides, this word now rebuilds them. My limbs spasm, my eyes roll back, and a desperate humming escapes my throat. I am a phoenix, born again from ashes. My old world doesn't matter now, only this one. My new universe.

_Edward._

**A/N: Review for a sneak peek?**


	7. Facing What Consumes You

**A/N: Finally, right? Sorry it took so long to get this out (but if you reviewed, you had the sneak-peak to tide you over…hint hint.)**

**No lyrics this time.**

**Mad World, Chapter Seven: Facing What Consumes You**

"Isabella?"

A voice. Whose, I could care less. It is not his, and therefore, it holds no purpose in this new world. My new world.

A hand shakes my shoulder, finally annoying me enough to gather my attention. I turn slowly, face-to-face with a small girl with pulsing red eyes and snow white skin. _Jane. _She studies me, her brow furrowed slightly. She takes a small step back, getting a better view.

"So it's happened, then." She whispers. Her eyes flicker over to the side, towards a couch. My eyes start to follow her gaze, but she holds up a hand to stop me.

"Focus, Isabella." She urges. It's hard, but I try and do what she asks, There is a pull, a tug to look over at the couch. It hurts to resist, though I don't know why that should be. Jane looks me over, her red gaze dragging over my twitching hands and heaving chest. She meets my eyes finally, her face a picture of bemusement. "It is strong. Stronger than I thought."

"What do you mean?" I ask, the words feeling strange, as though I have not spoken in years. A soft whimper to my right makes my head snap around, eyes widening and jaw slackening. _My green. _Again, I hum a soft, needy sound and my fingers spasm and clench. _Green._

Jane speaks, but I've already forgotten what we were talking about, and I only hear the last word. I cock my head, and she laughs a small laugh. "You imprinted." She repeats, her voice louder now to hold my attention. My mind, the small part that isn't occupied with the color in front of me, sifts through the meaning of the words and turns up blank.

"Huh?" I blurt dumbly, and Jane laughs again. I growl softly in frustration, and Jane sobers up again. I don't like not knowing what's happening, and I definitely don't like being laughed at. "Tell me." I order. That small, independent part of me knows something is…off.

"Your singer-" Jane begins, but I cut her off with a gasp, memories flooding back to me. _My singer. Edward. _The name floods my mind again, though this time it is disorienting. Suddenly, I don't see just green in front of my, I see eyes. Not just eyes, but a face. And beyond the face…a human.

My human. My singer.

_Edward._

I remember everything now. I remember Emmett, the death sentence, the plane ride, the dream, the drinking. I remember it all now, and the spell is broken. My mind snaps back to full alert, and I jump backwards about three feet. Edward is on the couch in front of me. He's bleeding profusely from his arm. The blood…It burns me. It rips me in two and yet I cannot move forward. I see the fear in Edward's eyes, the pain, the confusion, and I can't bring myself to attack. He's scared beyond belief, pale as a ghost. He holds his wounded arm, shivering and frozen on the couch. I hear his pulse hammering, smell his blood calling to me, but I don't see the red of blood lust. I see green.

"Get out." I wheeze at Edward, pointing towards the hallway that leads to the west wing of the house. I need him away from me, even though the thought…pains me. His blood burns like hot coals on my throat, and I don't know how long I can take it. Edward doesn't move though, just shakes and makes a soft, scared sound. I fist my hands in my hair, my internal struggle taking a toll.

"Go!" I hiss, shocking him out of his paralytic state. He jumps up and flees the room, tripping once on the rug. He casts one last glance over his shoulder at me before he disappears from sight. As soon as he is gone, I sink to my knees with a groan. It hurt to have him near, but now it hurts almost as bad to have him gone.

"What happened to me?" I whisper, knowing Jane is standing not ten feet away. I hear her feet glide across the carpet, coming to stand at my side. I look up at her imploringly, wanting, needing, to know what had just happened. I tasted Edward's blood and…bam. It changed. _Everything _changed. I changed.

"When a vampire tastes the blood of its singer," Jane began, her voice low and soothing, her eyes on the floor next to me. "It-well, _sometimes _it causes the vampire to imprint on its singer." She finishes and looks at me, one eyebrow raised slightly as if questioning if I understood.

"What exactly dos that mean?" I ask, a hint of annoyance in my voice. I'm also afraid, afraid of what could have possibly happened to me when I took Edward's blood. Jane takes a deep breath and continues on slowly.

"Well…" She pauses, looking up at the ceiling as if in need of inspiration. When her head comes back down, her eyes are closed. "I have _heard, _though I myself have never witnessed an imprinting, that it causes the vampire to become attached to the human whose blood sings to them." She stops, and I beg her with my eyes to continue, growing more nervous by the minute. "They say that you feel a pull, almost like you are _bound _to the singer. It's supposed to mean you have found your _one_, the one that was meant just for you. When you find this one, and you drink form them, you seal in blood the binding of your life to theirs. It's like…a commitment."

The longer Jane speaks, the more my head begins to spin. The weight of my actions and their implications comes crashing down on my head, and I fall forward onto my hands and knees under the blow of it. I am _bound. _Sealed in blood- Edward's blood- I had signed a contract that connected me to this human. I am chained.

Suddenly, a rush of anger overcomes me, and I leap to my feet with my teeth bared. Jane hops out of the way just in time, and I whirl to face her. "WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME?" I roar, my fists clenching and my legs tensing to spring. Jane knew. She knew the whole time and still she did nothing to save me from this fate. She was to blame for what had happened.

"I did not know, Isabella, that the rumors were true." Jane argues, her voice a quiet growl. She crouches, prepared to avoid me if I attack her again. Both hands are extended in a calming gesture towards me, and her face is still calm. "It is a rare thing, an almost unheard-of thing. One in a thousand vampires has a singer, and of those one in every ten thousand imprints on them. How was I to know it would be you?'

I say nothing, growling though her words make sense. She couldn't have known. It wasn't Jane's fault that I was one of those impossibly rare few…Still, the fact remains that I am condemned to be connected to a mere human for all eternity, or at least until he dies.

The very thought of Edward dying causes my chest to explode in agony. A soft cry escapes my lips, and I shove the thought away forcefully. I realize, as I gasp for breath, that I really am attached to Edward. Whether or not I want to be, it is an inescapable fact.

"Isabella," Jane murmurs, walking slowly towards me when she senses my anger has dissipated. She looks up at me, her eyes soft and sympathetic and so very uncharacteristic. "It's not really such a bad thing, you know."

I groan at her words, feeling VERY differently about the situation. Still, Jane doesn't let up, just keeps soothing me with her words.

"He is yours, Isabella. He was _meant for you. _Don't you understand? You were meant to be together." She lets her words sink in, and they do despite my stubborn attempts to keep them out.

"I didn't _want _anyone." I argue, letting my eyes close against the painful reality. I hear Jane sigh, and then she takes a step back.

"You may change your mind." She whispers, almost as if talking to herself. A silence follows her words, and in that silence I can hear Edward's heartbeat and frightened breaths. The pull begins again, and it is a struggle to remain where I am and not go to him. I open my eyes and find Jane staring at the hallway that Edward left through. She looks like she is deep in thought.

"Go to him." She urges, sensing my internal struggle. Her eyes shift back to mine again, gentle but resolute. "Go and help him. You can do it, for this is what was meant to be." Her voice is strong, determined, and absolutely certain. I myself never really believed in fate, but apparently Jane did.

"I can't tell him." I say softly, but firmly. I know that Edward could use this information against me, could use it to hurt me and bend me to his will. I don't yet know the strength of this _imprinting_, but I don't want to be taken advantage of. "He could…"

I leave the sentence hanging. Jane just shrugs, turning to look at the couch. I realize there is blood on it, having dripped from Edward's arm. I flinch slightly, and Jane just sighs.

"Just go, General." She says, emphasizing the _General _on purpose. I frown at her, and she just walks towards the door. "I'll be around."

She closes the door, and suddenly I'm alone in the room. I stand frozen, staring at the door. I wait to see if she's coming back, but she doesn't and she shouldn't. _General, _I tell myself. _I'm a General, and I need to start acting like it. I will not be cowed by some human. _With that thought in mind, I turn on my heel and flit down the hallway towards Edward.

The closer I get, the more his heartbeat fill my ears. The more his scent hurts. I follow his track easily, finding that he's run himself deep into the maze of hallways that are my home. His fear scent and blood lead me to him quickly, and I come upon him finally sitting down in an empty room, his back against the far wall.

As I enter, he stands up, still clutching his bleeding arm. He has wrapped it with a piece of shirt he obviously tore off, trying to stop the bleeding. Jane must have cut deeply, because the ragged piece is soaked through with blood. He looks even more pale than before, though he glares bravely at me from across the room.

I hover in the doorway, waiting to see how best to approach him. My eyes rove over his body, and I see that his lower abdomen shows where he tore off material to wrap his arm. A different kind of burning starts there, and I swallow convulsively. This is almost worse than the blood lust. I drag my gaze away, checking him over and deciding he has no other injuries that require attention. The bluish bruise on his face causes my stomach to twist, knowing that I caused him that pain. Worse still is the look of fear and hatred mixed in his stormy eyes. It hurts, to see my green like that.

_Stop. _I tell myself. _Take control, Isabella. _Gritting my teeth, I walk towards Edward at human speed, hands clenched at my sides. He flinches slightly, then musters up enough courage to speak.

"Stay away." He tells me, voice tight and angry, but I hear it tremble. I don't heed his words, and he knows he cannot get away form me. I walk until I am barely a foot away from him, close enough that the heat of his skin radiates off of him and hits my frigid skin. I look up at him, for I am stronger but shorter, and he holds my gaze bravely. Oh, how that green distracts me, makes those crushing feelings come forward again. I pause for a brief moment, collecting my thoughts again.

"Let me see your arm." I say finally, keeping my tone calm. I hold out one hand, but I don't touch him. Instead, I look at him expectantly, waiting for him to consent and put forward his arm so that I can look at it.

Edward glares at me, confusion evident. There is fear there also, and I realize he probably thinks I'm going to feed from him again. Not that you could really call what happened before feeding. I wonder what it is Edward thinks happened, wonder if he suspects why I crashed to the floor after just one taste. But no, he can not possibly know.

"I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to see it." I clarify for him, never once looking away from his eyes. He clutches his arm tightly, and he shifts nervously in front of me. He doesn't believe me, I can tell. There really is no reason for me to lie to him, though, for I can take whatever it is I want.

When he doesn't move, I growl angrily, making him jerk away from me. I quiet myself, not liking the look of fear and distrust I see in his eyes. I struggle to stay calm. I look down, reaching forward, cautiously, towards his arm. His eyes follow my hand, and he closes them as my fingers wrap gently around his forearm. He does not struggle as I pull the arm towards me, just pants heavily with fear and trembles, eyes still closed.

I hold my breath as I hold his arm gently in my hand and begin to unwrap the shirt from it. Edward stays perfectly still, and I'm grateful for that. When at last the shirt pulls away from his skin, I have to grit my teeth against the sight and smell of his blood. His arm is completely covered, the gash ugly and dark. Even without breathing, I can feel his blood-scent burning my nose and throat like acid. A rush of venom fills my mouth, and I swallow hard to get rid of it. My newfound connection to Edward must be strong, because before it was almost impossible to resist him even when he wasn't bleeding openly. Now, I feel the burning and hunger, but I'm able to stay away. Just barely.

The blood is spilling fast, and I'm worried that soon he will pass out or it will get infected. I'm not a certified doctor, but I've read countless books since I was changed, including medical journals. I know enough to realize this could be serious. I don't have the medical supplies to help him, but my mind has already calculated several substitutes to use.

Swallowing another mouthful of venom, I look up at Edward. He has opened his eyes once more, and his eyes are starting to look a bit glassy, even more so than before with the alcohol. I have to act quickly.

"Stay here." I order, not that he would have anywhere else to go. "And don't touch your arm. I'll be right back." I don't wait for a response, I simply turn and dash out of the room, heading for the front door. I fly through it and continue my run through the many twisting hallways.

I can move at top speed now, for Edward is not here to impair my movements. It takes only thirty seconds or so to reach the parking lot, and in five more I'm already on my way back with the bags of groceries in my arms. _God, help me. I'm carrying bags of human slop _I think, wrinkling my nose. Thankfully, I run into no one on the way back, and make it back inside my quarters in record time. Edward probably couldn't have had time to realize that he'd been left alone.

I toss the bags down on the bloodied couch, emptying out their contents in a rush. Growling softly in frustration, I paw through the contents until at last I feel the cold fragility of glass in my palm. Grabbing the bottle, I dash back to the room where Edward is, coughing slightly when I smell him again. He sits back where he was before, his head hanging this time. Blood has pooled on the ground at his feet.

Two powerful urges take hold of me at once. On one hand, the blood that to me is like a drug is lying out in the open, begging me to take it for myself. On the other, my anchor-emotions are pulling me to ignore the blood and help Edward, who looks so devastatingly helpless and alone there on the floor. I put a hand on my forehead, growling at the intense pain threatens to split my brain in half, indecision like a cleaver cutting me in two. Edward looks up at the sound, and once again the green of his eyes consumes me and renders me powerless. It is the deciding factor, and I ignore the scratching in my throat and move instead to his side to help, not hurt.

Taking his arm in my hand once more, I pull it so that it is extended towards me. Edward watches with dull, glassy eyes that seem heavy and tired. I push my thumb into the top of the glass bottle with my free hand, shattering the neck of the vessel and causing a stream of foul-smelling liquid to splash onto my hand. Without warning or much preparation, I empty the contents of the bottle onto Edward's wounded arm, tightening my grip slightly and preparing myself for his struggles. Indeed, seconds after the liquid touches his cut, he is crying out and pulling uselessly against my hold.

Vodka. Not necessarily intended for cleaning cuts and disinfecting, but it had alcohol in it. That was supposed to help, right? I don't know what else to do, so I simply do my best to hold him still without hurting him as the alcohol burns away at his arm. He doesn't struggle long, finally understanding and simply gritting his teeth against the pain. I can't bring myself to look at him for long, since his obvious pain makes my insides twist in a way that is foreign to me. I stare instead at a spot on the wall, seeing nothing and knowing nothing but the sound of his heartbeat.

The bottle runs out, and I hear Edward let out a shaky breath as the pain ebbs. Throwing the bottle off to the side and ignoring the sound as it crashes against the wall, I glance up cautiously at Edward's face. He is still watching me, his eyes still disconcertingly dull, but the pain has lessened so that it does not hurt so much to look at him. I keep my gaze locked with his as I slip an arm around his waist slowly. His skin feels hot even through the fabric of his shirt, and a bolt of electricity shoots up my arm when I touch a place his torn shirt does not cover. I'm seeing stars, as they say, and it takes a moment before I can think straight. I stare at Edward with unabashed awe. _Damn._

Shaking my head, I release Edward's arm and move my own to loop underneath his knees. From here, it is easy to pick him up, and he weighs almost nothing in my arms. His heartbeat speeds at the close contact, but he says nothing and neither do I. His smell burns my nostrils, but I ignore it as I carry him out of the room and down the hallway. I hope he can't tell that I am going through an internal war, that it takes everything I have to keep from falling into a coma like before when I tasted him. His body is like a slightly lesser version of his blood, and it shakes me to the core. My mind is running amuck with a thousand different sensations, and the hard, cynical side of me can't stand any of them. It's like I'm shivering in a pool of scalding water--no words could describe the sensation.

I take him to the eastern area of my home, to a study that I often sit in to read the countless books I occupy my time with. It's a small room, decorated only by a writing desk, lounge chairs, and bookcase crammed with my most recent reads. The room is dark, illuminated only by a small lamp on the desk, but I have no need for more light. This room serves as a secluded area for me, a place to hole up for days on end and never see another soul.

I set Edward down gently on one of the cushiony chairs, feeling him shiver once before I reluctantly pull away from him. My skin tingles where we touched, and I rub my hands on my shirt absently. Finally remembering what it is I came for, I go to the desk and pull open one of the drawers. Inside is a roll of fabric, something I'd thrown in here upon arriving at the room. It looks like James might have been contemplating changing the drapes or something, I don't know. Now, it finally serves a purpose as I tear off a long strip of it with my hands.

As I turn towards Edward with the strip in my hands, he sits up a little straighter in the chair. Finally, he shows a bit of initiative, holding his arm out willingly for me to take. With unpracticed yet skillful hands, I wrap the fabric around his arm over the cut, judging from his reaction when I have wrapped too tightly. His eyes are closed, withholding what I consider to be _my _green. I feel my hands stumble in their work when he opens them again, and I choke on the familiar humming that follows the color of his eyes.

_Get a fucking hold of yourself, _I chastise myself angrily. _He's a human, he's prey. Nothing more. If you cannot get a hold of yourself, he will manipulate you and you will have lost the control you need. You will NOT be owned by this boy._

With that thought, I tie off the make-shift bandage forcefully, making Edward flinch. His eyes tear up slightly, and I watch him bite back a cry as I cause the fabric to dig harshly into his injury. The sight of his obvious pain erases that defensive, angry part of my brain. My dead heart twists, and I whimper, too softly for Edward to hear. These protective emotions are strong, strong enough to contend with decades of cold disdain felt towards humans. If I'm not careful, I might just be incapacitated by them.

I don't know what to do now, so I just stand above Edward and watch him silently. A bit of color has returned to his face, and his pulse is much steadier now. He runs his fingers over his wrapping, inspecting my handiwork. Seeming satisfied, her turns his gaze up to mine.

"Thank you." He murmurs. My eyes flicker to his mouth, watching as it forms the words. _Desire. _I don't respond to his words, and he says nothing more. He looks down at his arm, and I wonder how much it hurts. He doesn't cry, doesn't whimper. He just stares, and barely a minute later he has fallen asleep, head slumped forward onto his chest. It must be from exhaustion, because he no longer smells of alcohol.

I listen to his deep, heavy breaths and slow heartbeats, zoning out for a good half-hour. My mind shuts down, needing a break from the chaos of the past few days. I don't sleep, but I feel as if I am only half-awake, drifting idly around in a daze. I don't breath, I don't move, and my eyes stay closed. It's like I've checked out, as if I am only a statue.

Eventually, Edward sighs in his sleep, and the sound brings me back from my comatose state. I rub my face with one hand, letting out the breath I've been holding, and it smells sweet like my venom. My mind balks at the thought of trying to understand all that has happened to me since I found Edward. So, instead, I head over to my desk, picking up an enormous book from the book shelf. I sit down, more out of habit than necessity, and flip the book open to where I'd left off. It's about Hannibal, the war general, and his military tactics. Not exactly the most interesting read, but when you're going to live for eternity, you learn to deal.

Reading doesn't occupy my total attention, as it must for humans. My mind has the capability to multitask without conscious effort, and so even as I read about the battle of Cannae, in the back of my mind I cannot help but wonder what will become of me, now that I have imprinted on Edward. I of course never meant for this to happen, but it is too late to change it now. It was obvious now that I could not simply give him back to Emmett at the end of the year, for it is now even more impossible to separate myself from him. This will definitely cause issues, and I have no idea just how strong this attraction really is. What if it lasted…forever?

A few hours go by, and I'm through with the Hannibal book and have moved on to a book about the transcendentalist movement. My ears pick up the sound of Edward's breathing getting quicker and shallower. I turn over one shoulder just in time to see his eyes open, and I am floored. The alcohol has fled his system and his eyes are no longer dull form the loss of blood. Now, his eyes sparkle, pure and green. It's like a fog has been lifted, and now I can finally see the sun.

_This eye thing has gotten annoying, _I think to myself. _Will I be stumbling over my own emotions every time? _Edward stares back at me with a sleepy expression, stretching slowly and yawning. He winces as his arm brushes the chair, and then realization dawns as he looks at me. Immediately he tenses up, his eyes becoming wary once more. I let my gaze rake over his form, finding myself needing to just…_touch him. _His blood is not the only intriguing thing now.

"Come here." I summon him, my voice echoing strangely in the small room. Of course, if I want to touch him I am more than able to. He is mine. From here, I can see his eyes widen slightly at my command, and his left hand clenches slightly. Having just woken up, he's probably surprised at my quick action. He stands slowly, surprisingly obedient, and I let myself admire the new view. Venom floods my mouth, and I swallow hard to get past it. I'm entranced, trapped, as he crosses the room in four long strides until he stands at my side, towering over me since I am still seated in my chair. He looks down at me, eyes still nervous and unsure. He has not spoken since he woke up. Or maybe he has. I'm too busy staring to notice.

I wonder what Edward thinks of me looking at him like this, openly checking him out. It is not his place to demand that I stop, but I'm sure he wishes he could. He doesn't meet my eyes as I finally make my way back up to his face. He stares sullenly at a spot past my head, his lips in a tight line. I want more than looking at him, however, and I'm sure this will make him even more unhappy.

"Kneel," I say finally, my voice low but firm. An idea has occurred to me, and I have to resist the urge to smile at the look of confusion on Edward's face. His eyes narrow, but he does as I've asked when I growl deep in my throat. He's not happy about it, but he's a smart boy. He knows not to mess with me. He sinks slowly to his knees, going from being over my head to being eye-level with my shoulder, as the chair is fairly tall. He looks up at me now, eyes still narrowed and unhappy.

I hold my breath as I reach out my right hand, bringing it slowly into contact with Edward's hair at the back of his head. It feels amazingly soft and full in my hand, and I watch fascinated as the glorious copper strands sift through my fingers as I slide my hand slowly down. When I reach the skin of his neck, I bring my hand back up and repeat the process, stroking the soft hair three times before Edward jerks his head back, face twisted with anger.

"What the hell?" He asks, his voice tight and loud. I keep my hand where it is, narrowing my eyes as I look into Edward's indignant ones. The green there is stormy now, tinted with grey. I like it.

"I'm not a dog." Edward growls. _Growls. _It is a surprisingly threatening sound, considering he is a human. Rage dances in his eyes, and though he makes no move to get up, he strains to get as far away form me as he can without doing so.

Familiar anger fills me, mixing with the unfamiliar protectiveness, creating a kind of annoyance that is easily controlled. My new emotions won't let me blow up on Edward, like I would have a day ago. Without my permission, they keep him safe. For now.

"You are not." I agree with him, voice quiet and steady. I see surprise in his features, momentarily keeping his anger at bay. The expression then turns to fear as my hand shoots lightening-fast towards him, grabbing a fistful of his copper hair. I pull him towards me, my actions enough to sting but not enough to _really _hurt. Damned imprinting. He lets out a grunt, his own hand coming up to grip mine instinctively. He does not pull, but the connection of his warm skin on my cold flesh causes my insides to go haywire again. I blink several times, forcing the electricity away. I'm learning how not to be so overwhelmed.

Keeping several locks of his hair twisted in my fingers, I lean in close to his face. I hear his breathing stutter as I breath across his face, and I know it's due to the intoxicating scent of my venom-laden breath. He sways slightly, and I smirk slightly. I always take my victims by force, but the smell of a vampire's breath, I know, was almost as effective in subduing a human. Twisting my face so my breath doesn't reach his nose, I allow him to concentrate once more.

"You are not a dog," I repeat, my lips just inches from Edward's ear as I speak. He breathes heavily, his whole body tense. "But you _are _mine, boy. I can and will do whatever it is that I like with you." I accent this last statement by pulling on his hair, forcing his head to tilt back and expose his vulnerable throat. I feel my eyes burn with desire as I gaze at the snowy skin, so soft and delicate. Edward swallows hard, knowing _exactly _how he must seem to me in this position. I can't see his eyes, but I imagine they must be wide with terror.

On a whim, I lean in even closer, trusting my imprinting to keep me from killing Edward for the blood he possesses. I inch closer and closer until my lips are actually touching the skin of his neck, causing him to shiver at the contact. I stay completely still, trying to keep myself focused. I can feel his pulse vibrating strongly against my lips, and the smell is all-consuming. With each breath, each swallow, he drives me a little closer to insanity, and it takes all I have to pull back, to regain control.

This position is actually dually appealing to me, because not only is his blood achingly close here, but I also enjoy the feeling of his body against my lips immensely. The two are almost equally matched, one demanding that I sink my fangs in deep and the other requesting that I run my lips all over the soft, warm skin.

I do neither, however, deciding I have pushed myself far enough this time. I lean back, releasing Edward's hair in the process. He rubs his head gingerly with one hand, slumping forward slightly and hiding his face from me. I hear his heartbeat racing, even though it slows quickly once he is free of my grasp. I give him a moment to collect himself, watching him silently as he calms down.

"You will obey me." I say after he has settled down some. He turns to look at me, his eyes still angry but the fire has dulled some. I reach up once more, and he does not pull say this time as I run my hand across his head. I'm careful not to press on the tender spot where I pulled. "You belong to me. I won't hurt you if you do as you're told." I pause, chuckling a little in spite of myself. "Well, unless of course I feel the need to drink from you again." Edward shivers, but stays still at these words. Good.

"Stay." I order, making Edward's face flush with shame as I talk to him just like the dog I told him he wasn't. Still, he does nothing but sigh as I pick up my book and continue reading, still stroking his hair gently. I'm really paying more attention to him than I am to the book, though it appears to be fooling Edward. I watch his face fall as he resigns himself to his station, to his place.

_Mine._

**A/N: So I didn't get this beta edited yet…sorry but at least I posted? For those of you who also read DM, sorry that update isn't happening soon…I'm having writer's block. PM if you'd like to inspire me!!! Or, if you have suggestions about this story.**

**Going to be setting up a poll on my profile about how Bella is going to change. You should go check it out! **

**Sneak peaks for reviewers!!!!**


	8. The Raven

**A/N: I felt really bad for delaying this for so long, so as a reward for your patience…A WHOLE CHAPTER EPOV!!! Not beta read yet... But just fyi, the improved chapters will begin to be updated, starting with chapter one(up now). Thank you teamedward86 for all your wonderful help! Antlers, come back soon...**

**Mad World, Chapter 8: The Raven**

_EPOV_

_Hangovers. They ruin a good thing. My head is positively being cracked in half, I think, as consciousness finally returns. I open my eyes a little, but the intense pain accompanying the light tells me it wasn't such a good idea. Light is like a sledgehammer to the brain. I groan, shutting my eyes even tighter than before. _

_Fuck, I must have been so wasted last night._

_I become dimly aware of my cheek pressing up against something cold and hard. It is soothing, dulling the pain in my head like an ice pack. It shifts slightly beneath me, and the movement startles me and I sit up quickly. _

_Against my better judgment, I peek out a little through one eye, gritting my teeth at the return of the pain. Everything is blurry at first, but the pain and haziness eventually fades away and I open both eyes now, though only slightly. A wooden drawer slowly comes into focused, and after a moment I see it's part of a desk. The drawer is eye-level with me, and my aching brain spins in confusion._

_Where am I?_

_I turn my head to the left, intent on discovering the identity of my moving ice pack. Instead of ice, however, I see what appears o be a human figure. Up higher, I find a face, and suddenly I groan as I remember where I am._

_Shit._

_The vampire's gaze bores into me, the red dark and hungry looking. She sits still as stone, watching me but making no move and saying nothing. I return her stare, trying to piece together hazy memories of last night. I remember her friend, the small one, cutting into my arm and watching as my captor licked the blood from my skin. I remember her falling, an animalistic cry coming from her lips. I glance down at my arm, seeing the wrapping there and I remember how she'd bandaged it. Past that, I don't remember very much._

_I take a look all around, finding that I am sitting on the ground, right next to the predator's chair. I'm close enough that if I lean to the side, I'm pressed right against her right leg. Realization dawns, and I figure the cold, hard surface I'd been sleeping on must have been her leg. I shiver slightly at the thought of being so vulnerable and so close to such a creature, and a smile cracks the mask of stone on her face. Her smile, despite its implications, makes my head spin._

_Things had…_changed _once she had taken my blood. I'm exactly sure how, or why (and in the state my head is in, I'm not about to ponder it) but it had. She looks at me differently now, and she seems almost unsure of herself around me at times. A few times, she stared deeply into my eyes, as though she was entranced by what she saw there. When she bandaged my arm…well, if I hadn't known better, I'd say she'd looked kind of sympathetic and _nice_**. **She didn't apologize, but at the same time, she seemed genuine in her effort to help afterwards. At least she let me live._

_Not that I feel grateful for something like not being murdered and sucked dry. I have not forgotten why I'm here, and with what. I am not considered a person here, more like a pet or maybe even a snack. Even now, I sit crouched at her feet like some kind of dog. She looks down at me with that condescending smile, judging me. _

_Anger builds up in me, pushing past my hangover and making my brow furrow into a frown. I glare up at the creature, and her smiles fades away eventually. She raises one eyebrow at me, but I say nothing and continue to glare. Why should I feel anything but hate and fear? She sighs finally, leaning back slightly in her chair._

"_Hangover?" She asks, her voice quiet and chiming, like bells. Another trap, her voice. Beautiful, but so obviously inhuman. I wonder if she even has to hunt humans, or if the naïve ones just walk into her waiting mouth._

_She watches me still, waiting for an answer. I sigh deeply, mimicking her, and rub the back of my head. I don't want to talk to her, not even a little bit, but I know what will happen if I don't. My head is still a bit sore from all of that._

_Though with this headache, I could just be making it up._

"_Yes," I mumble, wincing at how my head twinges when I speak. Fuck, it hurts. The monster nods knowingly, and stands slowly from her chair. The movement is graceful, smooth. Her hair shakes slightly, tumbling down around her face in a tumble of curly brown locks. I give her a once over, my eyes flicking quickly over her slender frame. _

_She really doesn't look human. She is too perfect, too graceful. Her petite waist and slim arms do not hint at danger, but her flawless skin and quiet intensity make it perfectly clear that she is something…different. Yes, she is too beautiful for a human._

_Eyes like blackened flames, however, are an insight to her true nature. A hunter, a predator. She is camouflaged, made to play the part of a mortal in order to bring prey to her with ease. Like a spider with a spectacularly beautiful web, they are drawn. Never have a chance._

_She is silent as all these thoughts go through my head, and she doesn't so much as twitch when I stand up next to her. At full height, I have to look down to meet her eyes. The top of her head comes just to my chin, and my torso is nearly twice as wide as hers. Had she been human, she would have been helpless to stop anything I had tried to do. But she isn't, and despite my physical size I am left completely at her mercy. The fact stings my pride greatly, but it is something I will endure._

"_Follow me." She says at last, breaking the tense silence. She goes from stone-still to floating out the door in an instant, and after a moment I reluctantly follow her out. Her eyes are dark today, and from Emmett I know that when a vampire's eyes are black it means they need to feed. The very thought makes me shudder slightly, knowing just who will most likely be giving her the blood she needs. I need to try to keep my head down, try and keep her from ripping my skin open with her teeth and killing me hungrily. _

_She glides down the hallway, her feet making no noise as they skim the ground. My own steps and breaths sound obscenely loud in contrast, and it makes the whole scene seem even creepier. It's like walking with a ghost: She says nothing, moves silently, her pale skin standing out in the faded light. She never once looks at me, though she can undoubtedly hear me following behind her._

_We turn a corner, emerging from the dark hallway and into an open room that is better lit. The room is bigger than the others I've seen, furnished with a small glass table, a few lounge chairs and two black sofas. A red rug adorns the otherwise hardwood floor, and crimson pillows sit upon the couches._

_This house(or whatever it is), is quite beautiful, actually. From what I can remember, it seems to be colored primarily red, black, and gold. Paintings hang all over the walls, even in the hallway, and there are multiple statues scattered about. Still, despite the beautiful décor, it posses a sinister feel. Perhaps it is the cold, silent air. It could be the red walls…the color of blood. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it doesn't take much of a stretch of the imagination to think of it as a predator's lair. _

_There are bags on the glass table, and as I move closer I see they are full of the food and clothes I bought yesterday. The vampire stops in front of the table, turning to me at last and looking at me expectantly with her dark eyes. She must have brought them in for me, though my hazy memory recalls nothing of her leaving me alone._

_Until I see the bags full of food, I don't realize how hungry I am. Now, though, I'm practically drooling just looking at the top of a banana that peeks over the top of the bag. My stomach growls loudly, and the vampire laughs softly at the sound. I'm too hungry to care that she's mocking me, however, so I ignore her laughter and reach out for the banana._

"_Wait," The creature says, putting an icy hand on my arm to stop me form reaching the food. The touch, while cold, is also burning in a way: Like electricity is flowing through my arm. I pull away from her hand, confused, and force myself to meet her eyes._

"_Did your mother not teach you manners?" She asks, her eyes and smile condescending. She waits expectantly, blocking the food from my grasp. I furrow my brow, upset at her jibe at my upbringing. She's attacking MY morals? My mother taught me to be a gentleman, but I'll be damned if I'm going to start behaving like one towards this…thing._

"_Don't you fucking talk about my mother." I spit, clenching my hands into fists. Fury, familiar and comfortable to me, builds up until I'm practically shaking with it. I want to hit, her, I swear I want it so bad it's kind of scary. How dare she mention my mother, the woman she took away from me? She's a filthy monster, a demon who cares nothing for me or my family. She is criticizing my mother? Fuck her. She will burn in hell for all eternity; she has no right to judge others' morals._

_Yeah, so I kinda sorta have anger issues. I'm working on them._

_Unfortunately, this vampire isn't exactly the picture of patience either. She bristles at my words, her dark eyes flashing with aggravation. I'm too worked up to be as scared as I probably should be, and instead of backing away I stand my ground, glaring down at her and refusing to run. My blood is boiling and when I'm like this it's almost impossible to calm myself down. My father has been threatening to take me to therapy for a while now, but why do that when I have a better solution; Alcohol._

_The vampire eyes me with a predatory stare now, anger emanating from her in an almost tangible way. She lets out a low, throaty growl, showing her teeth in a feral expression of a threat. The sound shakes me, even as mad as I am. As she takes a step toward me, I feel my courage failing slightly. She moves like a lioness stalking her prey. Me._

_We begin a sort of dance. She takes a slow step forward, and I in turn take a quick step backwards. The anger in me is strong, but a cold fear begins to gnaw at my insides. It's impossible to NOT be afraid: She moves with such grace and power and danger. Still, I don't look away. I refuse to back down, and I'm still seething silently. I glare at the creature with as much courage as I can muster, even as I retreat from her advances. _

_Faster than a cobra strikes, her ice-cold hand wraps itself around my neck, just under my chin. Before I have time to do more than flinch, the hand squeezes, cutting off my airway and sending a bolt of pain through me. I bring my hands up and wrap them around her arm and hand, pulling with all my might against her, but to no avail. This vampire's fingers are locked in a vice, no more affected by my pushing than a steel cage would be. My dull finger-nails graze uselessly over her impenetrable skin, probably filing down in the process._

_The demon's eyes are like black fire, shining with cruel light as she watches my struggles. Her face is impassive, her anger visible only in the orbs burning in their sockets. She lets me wear myself out for a moment, before she decides to address me._

"_You should have learned to behave yourself by now," She observes quietly, voice as calm and unassuming as her facial expression. I cannot speak, instead I gurgle pathetically with my hands still clasping her arm. She's freezing under my hands, even through the fabric of her coat. I need air badly, and my vision is starting to blacken. I struggle desperately, needing oxygen in my lungs terribly, but the creature does not loosen her hold. Instead, she holds my gaze meaningfully, looking as though she can see right through me. As if I am nothing._

"_You will save yourself a lot of pain in submitting." She continues at last, her voice even softer and more deadly-sounding than before. "I own you now, whether you like it or not. If you'd like to survive long enough to go home at the end of this year, I suggest you think long and hard about how you're going to behave in my presence." _

_With that, she releases my throat from her crushing grip. I fall immediately to my knees, coughing and gasping for air. I hold my throat gingerly in my hands, feeling the sore, reddened skin carefully as I suck in precious oxygen. My heart is pounding erratically in my chest, causing my headache to spiral into an almost blunderingly painful state. I can't feel anything but relief, however, because I was beginning to think that I was going to die there, suffocating. Now, as I greedily inhale the air my body is screaming for, I force myself to look up at the vampire who is sill standing above me, looking down with that passive expression still on her face._

_To my surprise, after a minute of just standing there watching me, she extends her hand for me to take. I look at it warily, not sure I want to be helped up by the hand that only seconds ago tried to crush the life out of me. Still, I have just been shown what will happen if I act out, so I slowly put my hand in her small but deadly one. This time, without the imminent threat of death in her touch, I feel that same electrical current pass though our connected hands. I frown down at my arm, confused, but my mind does not linger on the fact long as the vampire pulls me effortlessly to my feet. _

_As my hand is released, I drop it to my side, flexing it slightly. Red eyes follow the movement for a split second, then shoot back up to meet mine. The fire in them has burned out, and now they look sort of…tired. I stand nervously, fidgeting a bit under the scrutinizing look she is giving me. I don't know what she wants, but it makes me uneasy being stared at._

_Suddenly, my stubborn stomach decides to voice its opinion once more, gurgling loudly in a message of hunger. My hand unconsciously moves to cover it, and I feel my face turn a light shade of red at the loud noise. The vampire raises an eyebrow at me, noting the sound and my embarrassment, I'm sure. My gaze flickers over to the bags of food, the cause of this whole ordeal, and my mouth waters slightly. I'm absolutely starving._

_Now comes the choice: swallow the pride or swallow nothing. Or, I could go about getting it like I had before and end up swallowing my own teeth. The last plan isn't really an option, but my brain rebels against the first too. I don't like begging this beast, don't like admitting my own weakness by giving in. I stand in indecision for a while before my stomach growls and twists painfully. I have to eat._

_Swallowing the bile rising up, I lower my eyes and study my shoes as my shoulders slump in defeat. The vampire says nothing, just waits silently as I wage this internal battle. Finally, I take a deep breath of air and close my eyes tight._

"_Please," I murmur, hating the very taste of the words as it slips through my teeth. I can't bring myself to say more, so I just let the word hang in the air between us._

"_Please, what?" She asks, drawing out the last word with her smooth voice. I grind my teeth together, refusing to look at her- hating her for doing this to me. For turning me into a fucking dog, begging for scraps. I bite my cheek, steeling myself to answer her question. _

Happy now, stomach? You traitor.

"_Please, may I have some food?" I grind out, holding my breath so I wouldn't have to smell the scent of my submission, rank and foul._

_Without warning, I feel her hand on my chin, pushing up firmly but gently. She angles my head up so that I have to meet her gaze, and I let her without resistance. She has a strange look on her face, something akin to curiosity. She takes her hand away once our eyes meet, studying me quietly for a bit._

"_Yes, you may." She responds, her mouth barely moving as she speaks the words. She gestures towards the bag, and I drag my gaze away and head slowly over to the bag of food, trying to contain my eagerness. I don't feel very comfortable having her at my back, but I'm too hungry to complain. My hand finally wraps around that goddamn banana that had eluded me before. I peel it quickly, and soon I have devoured it entirely. I eat like a starving man-which I suppose I am- and the creature behind me is almost forgotten. I don't even sit down, I just stuff my face as quickly as I can. I haven't eaten in almost three days, I think…_

_I hear soft, melodic laughter behind me, and I spin around to find the vampire smiling genuinely, amused by my vigorous eating, apparently. I frown slightly at her, finding myself a bit…transfixed…by her smile. I have never seen her smile in a non-condescending or threatening way. It makes her look… well, beautiful. _

_I shake my head slightly, clearing those thoughts from my brain. _Yeah, beautiful…until she rips your throat out with those smiling teeth.

"_You might want to slow down a bit, human." She suggests in a voice that holds her smile in it. Unsettled by her demeanor, embarrassed that she's laughing at me, and still angry about the whole strangling episode, I bristle at her choice of words regarding me, and my disobedient mouth says the first thing that comes to mind._

"_I have a fucking name!" I spit, before my mental filter can stop me. Immediately, the smile on the porcelain face vanishes, replaced by an angry snarl. Those same teeth look a lot less appealing when her lip is curled back to reveal them in a threatening way. I feel my whole body tense, and fear washes over me as I realize what I've done. _Shit. _Pictures of me being choked again, this time to death, fill my head, and I quickly back away from the seething vampire._

"_I'm sorry!" I say, my voice unnervingly high and shaky. Yes, I admit that I am completely terrified. Who wouldn't, when you've just been choked by a super-human, blood-drinking monster? My hands come up in a gesture of surrender, quickly trying to do major damage control. They begin to shake as my back hits a wall, and the creature starts to walk slowly towards me, eyes screaming DANGER._

"_Sorry, sorry, sorry." I repeat, scared out of my damn mind that I'm gonna get my ass kicked. The vampire stops just in front of me, eyeing me silently. I wait, breathing harshly, and pray that she won't hurt me too much for my slip up. Gone is the anger, the pride. Fear will do that._

_She does nothing but watch me for a long time, and even I can hear my heart pounding away, so she must be deafened by it. At last, she sighs deeply, the statue-like stance dissolving a bit._

"_Edward." She says quietly, slowly. She reaches out a hand, making me flinch, but does nothing more than press her palm against my chest, causing me to shudder at the cold and the electricity that this time goes directly into my heart. "Calm down, please. I'm not going to hurt you."_

_I let out shaky breath at her words, and she gives a small smirk in response. I feel slightly ashamed at myself for being such a coward, but I suppose it's better to act like a coward than to get the shit beat out of you. I feel myself relax slightly, and she removes her hand from my chest. My heart gives a small twinge, for no reason, as she does this, and I put my hand where hers used to be._

"_Watch yourself." She instructs me, then backs away a few steps, causing me to fully relax. I feel an immense sense of relief, that I was let off the hook this time. I touch my throat gingerly, and the vampire frowns at me for a moment. _

"_So, Edward," She says, her voice and expression calm once more. I quirk an eyebrow, feeling…strange, hearing my name from her voice. She says it slowly, as though testing it out. It's better than being referred to as boy, or human, though. "Now that you're done eating, I have to leave. Follow me." With that, she turns and walks swiftly down another hallway. I scramble after her, confused but scared to disobey. The hallways are confusing and extensive, so I stick close. She walks too fast, though, and I have to jog to keep up._

"_Wait," I call, and then nearly slam into her back as she stops abruptly. She whirls around and I take a step back, but her expression isn't angry. "Please," I add quickly, not wanting to upset her. She just turns back around and continues walking, much slower this time. I follow her through the twisting halls, until at last she stops in front of a large wooden door. She turns to me, her face serious, and I'm curious as to what this is._

"_You will stay here, in this room, until I return." She commands, opening the door with one hand and pushing it aside. I look inside, and I'm surprised to say the least. Inside is a large master bedroom, colored almost entirely black. A large bed sits in the center of the room, decorated with tons of pillows. There's a big, creepy-looking mirror above the headboard, and I see myself in it a bit. A gothic-style overhead is the only source of light, and it is only dimly lit. The whole room is dark and very, very cliché for a vampire._

_I can't help but laugh a little at the thought, the dark bedroom of the vampire is almost too cheesy for words. All it needs is an upside down cross or something. It makes little sense, but I can't help myself as I laugh louder and louder by the minute._

"_I didn't fucking design this."_

_I turn sharply at her use of profanity, but she is smiling a little at my laughter, so I relax. She rubs her face with one hand, looking amused herself. "The vampire who lived here before did this. He, apparently, is the cause of the whole stereo-type."_

_I can't help but chuckle, surprised by her show of humor. It's a stark contrast to what I'm used to from her. I decide to take it a bit further, and before I have a chance to chicken out I add "So, there isn't a 'Vampires R Us" Catalog you're subscribed to, then?"_

_Her eyes widen a bit, and I feel awkward for a bit. It grows to confusion as she leans in close, raising up on her toes to whisper in my ear. Her breath is cold, and the smell of it is…_

_Uh, what was I saying?_

_Oh yeah. It smells delicious, like strawberries and…something else. It makes it hard to think, to even breathe, but I force myself to concentrate as she speaks in my ear._

"_Well, they certainly wouldn't sell mirrors in said catalog, now would they?"_

_It takes a minute, mostly due to the way her breath had me reeling, to get the joke she's just made. When I do, I let out a sharp bark of laughter, completely taken aback by her joke. She leans back and gives me a small smile, before gesturing that I should go into the room. I take a few steps in, looking around curiously before turning back to her._

"_I'll be back in an hour or so," She tells me, leaning in the doorway. "I'm going to lock you in, so just…get some sleep, or something." She makes to close the door, but I can't contain my curiosity any longer._

"_Wait…uh," I hesitate, not sure what to call her. I really only ever think of her as Vampire, or Monster or Her. She leans her head to one side, considering me for a bit._

"_Isabella," She says softly, closing her eyes for a moment. I'm surprised she tells me to call her by name, but I don't question her. That wouldn't be wise, I can tell._

"_Where are you going, Isabella?" I ask just as quietly, feeling though something important has just passed. She opens her eyes, and she looks as if maybe she felt it too, but then they go back to how they were before. Cold and calm._

"_I'm going to feed." She says simply. The door closes quickly after her statement, and I'm left alone in the dark room for the first time._

**A/N: Review for teaser, as always. Also, thank you all of you who have recommended me!!! I will be sending you a VERY awesome present to your inbox. Anyone else who has done so, let me know and you can be included in the love.**

**EPOV chapters will be named after famous poems, while Bella will have song titles.**

**Profile still has poll, and while be updated soon with pictures of Edward's room.**

**Thank you for visiting Mad World.**


	9. America's Suitehearts

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviews! I appreciate it more than words can say. My computer had to disappear over winter break, so I'm sorry this took so long.**

**This isn't beta'd…at all. Sorry.**

**Mad World, Chapter Nine: America's Suitehearts **

_You could have knocked me out with a (feather)  
I know you heard this all before, but were just hell's dreamers  
Wh-wh-why won't the world revolve around me?  
Build my dreams, trees grow all over the streets_

_But I don't know much about classic cars  
But I got a lot of friends talking classic cars  
Down set, one, hut, hut, hike  
Media, please_

_Let's hear it for America's sweethearts  
But I must confess  
I'm in love with my own sins  
Let's hear it for America's sweethearts  
But I must confess  
I'm in love with my own sins_

_You can bow and pretend  
That you don't, don't, know you're a legend  
Time, time, time hasn't told anyone else yet  
Let my love loose again_

_But I don't know much about classic cars  
But I got a lot of friends talking classic cars  
Down set, one, hut, hut, hike  
Media, please_

_Let's hear it for America's sweethearts  
But I must confess  
I'm in love with my own sins  
Let's hear it for America's sweethearts  
But I must confess  
I'm in love with my own sins_

_You could have knocked me out with a (feather)  
I know you heard this all before_

_Let's hear it for America's sweethearts  
But I must confess  
I'm in love with my own sins  
Let's hear it for America's sweethearts  
But I must confess (I must confess)  
I'm in love with my own sins_

_Let's hear it  
Oh, let's hear it  
Let's hear it  
Oh, let's  
Sweethearts_

I make no sound as I stand in the doorway, hovering like a phantom in the darkness. My eyes shine with renewed light, turned a bright crimson by the blood I have dined upon this night. My body feels electrified, jump-started by the blood of three different people that runs through my veins. My senses are sharper than ever, and nothing escapes my notice now. I feel the temperature differences in the room in front of me and the hallway at my back; I can hear the pounding of the heart of the human who sleeps in the bed before me, unaware of my presence; I can taste and smell the fiery scent of blood, calling to me in the night more strongly than any other blood before.

I remain in the doorway for what could be minutes or hours: Time has no meaning for me. When I finally move forward to stand at the side of the bed, no sound announces my movement. It is as if I do not exist: as if I am merely an apparition. Certainly, I do nothing to cause the sleeping mortal to waken, and he sleeps on in blissful ignorance.

My eyes travel slowly over Edward's body, though most of it is covered by blankets. He is splayed across the bed, arms and limbs akimbo. I watch the movements of his chest as he breathes slowly and deeply, snoring softly in the silence. I let my gaze move over his throat, knowing that an artery pulses there, carrying his ambrosia blood. I notice his face looks peaceful, innocent even, as he sleeps. The muscles in his jaw are relaxed, and his lips are parted slightly to allow his snores to escape into the room. His captivating eyes with their startling green color are hidden behind closed lids, though I can see when they vibrate with the signs of deep REM sleep.

I wonder if he is dreaming.

Even though I have gorged myself on blood this evening, the smell of Edward's blood still makes my throat twist with pain, though it is considerably more tolerable. Venom swells in my mouth as I let my gaze flicker down to his throat, before going back to studying his face. I have never seen him look so peaceful before, and it isn't an unpleasant view. He looks so helpless, so fragile, so…_human. _

I know he will react unpredictably if he finds out I'm watching him, but it would be incredibly simple to make it as if I had never been here--disappearing into the shadow once more. For now, I give in at least a little bit to my inner desires, and I sit slowly down upon the bed, taking care not to jostle the bed. I watch Edward shiver slightly, probably due to my icy skin that is only inches from his. Otherwise, he doesn't seem disturbed by my presence.

It has been an unsettling experience, having Edward here. Certainly, I got much more than I'd bargained for when I took him: He's an alcoholic, and he has a hell of a temper. It's dangerous, having him so easily set off when my own temper has always been strained. He's already pushed me to the point of physical violence more than once, and honestly he is lucky to have gotten off so easily. My rage is notoriously dangerous, and also quickly ignited. Just because I know he has a reason to be angry with me doesn't mean I'm going to respond well to his curses and disobedience.

The only reason he's even left conscious after these "incidents" is that those absurd, incapacitating feelings that have weighed down on me since I tasted his blood hold me back. It feels…_wrong _to hit him, to cause him pain, and that factor greatly dampens my anger, though it cannot entirely erase it. It's a confusing dilemma, being so angry and yet so reluctant to cause pain. Though I hate to admit it, I was unbelievably relieved when Edward begged me not to hurt him, when he apologized. It was an excuse, a way out.

I watch Edward for hours, maybe three or four, and I wonder if he realizes he's sleeping while it's almost three in the afternoon. Probably not, since we're underground and there's no windows or clocks down here.

I hear his breathing begin to get quicker, and for a minute I think he's going to wake up. His heartbeat speeds up, going unnaturally fast for sleep. Then, a low whimper escapes his throat, and he frowns unconsciously. I feel myself go ridged, tense, as I realize he's having a nightmare. Again. I remain still as one of his arms twitches, and when he jerks almost upright, clutching the covers to himself, I still do not move. I simply watch, silent, as he groans and twists on the bed, caught in a bad dream. It doesn't seem as bad as the first, because he does not scream in terror, but I can smell the fear rolling off him in waves. Something inside me aches, and I shudder slightly at the discomfort.

At last, I shake off my trance, and my limbs move once more. I reach out a hand, placing it on Edward's shoulder firmly. He shivers at the contact, and the electricity for once does not flow through my skin at his touch. I frown slightly in confusion, but push the curiosity away for a moment.

"Wake up." I command Edward in a loud voice, hoping it will wake him up. He simply groans louder, and he shifts slightly, stopped from moving too far by my grip on his shoulder. Annoyed, I shake him somewhat roughly. "Edward, get up."

At this last order, Edward's eyes fly open, wide with fright. He locks gazes with me immediately, his dilated pupils almost cancelling out the green of his irises, but not quite. Under the strength of his gaze, the electric spark that was missing earlier makes an appearance, making my skin tingle. I meet his eyes unflinchingly, even as the voltage travels throughout my body. I recognize fear on his face, both lingering from his nightmare and from the shock of my presence. My hand doesn't leave his shoulder, even as he tries to pull away. His breathing is still labored, his heartbeat erratic, and I give him a moment to calm down a bit.

As always, I feel my mouth filling venom as I look down upon the human, smelling his enticing blood. Even filled as I am by the blood of others, I react instinctively to his scent. His weak, half-awake struggles don't help the situation, making the beast within want to conquer and control my prey as it tries to flee. I shake my head once, clearing my head and trying to focus.

"Be still." I growl, irritation plain in my voice. Surprisingly, Edward obeys, his pupils dilating even further at my tone. I sigh, trying to calm myself down a bit, and I loosen my grip on him. We're both silent for a while as he calms down, and I force myself not to be impatient. At last, he takes a deep breath, hi tense form relaxing.

"What are you doing here?" He asks in a hoarse voice, his tone slightly accusatory. I growl, too low for him to hear, at the way the conversation starts off badly immediately. Hopefully this will not be how the rest of the day goes…

"I live here." I say curtly, using the term "live" loosely. He narrows his eyes at me, and I can tell he's going to be difficult. I let go of him and get off the bed, making it to the doorway in a flash. Edward blinks several times, surprised to see me so far away so quickly. I lean in the doorway, watching with seeming disinterest, as Edward sits up at last.

The apathetic façade disappears completely as the covers fall down from Edward's body. He's not wearing a shirt, and suddenly dozens of square inches of unseen skin is revealed to my hungry eyes. It's smooth, pale as the rest of him, and as perfect as any sculpture I have ever seen. His chest is muscular, complimenting his strong arms with well defined pecs and broad shoulders. The tops of his abs can also be seen, and they are as toned as the rest of him, flexing slightly as he takes a sharp breath; the movement is fascinating to me. A small scar stretches across one rib, and I have the immense desire to reach out and trace its length with my finger. It is a reminder, a small tribute to vulnerability that is surrounded by almost vampiric perfection.

For a moment, I'm sure my eyes burn with lust, almost overwhelming in its attack. I devour every inch of Edward's skin with my eyes, and I do the same with my mouth and hands in my imagination. A recently dormant part of me has sprung to life, and it wants nothing more than for me to launch myself at this captivating human--to feel his flesh beneath my hands and to find out if his skin tastes as good as his blood on my tongue.

Suddenly, my view is taken away, replaced by a black curtain. My eyes shoot upwards, seeking more of the mesmerizing flesh, and they settle on Edward's face. Brought abruptly from my trance by the covers he has used to shield himself with, I am surprised to hear a feral growl rumbling from my chest. I silence myself immediately, forcing my eyes to re-focus, and I take in Edward's expression quickly. His eyes are wide, the green a startling lime color. His skin is slightly flushed, lips parted slightly as he gasps in what I assume is fear or shock. He looks stunned, and beneath the confusion is also a bit of something strange, something I don't quite recognize.

For a moment, I don't know what to say or do. My mind is reeling, still partially consumed by lust and hunger, and it is almost painful to resist the way I am. I simply stare at Edward for what feels like hours, but is probably only a minute or so. His accelerated heartbeat is painfully loud, and I press both hands to my ears for a brief moment, my movements slow. Edward does not so much as twitch, staring back at me with a gaze that's almost accusatory. I will my body to calm down, struggling to find my usual strength and control.

At long last, I feel almost normal once more. I force myself to turn around, breaking off my gaze from Edward's. I take an unnecessary breath, and I feel better almost immediately, though the thirst does burn.

"Get dressed." I say, not turning around, before striding from the room purposefully. I'm sure it looked calm and controlled to Edward, but it is truly a trial for me to leave him. I pause once I have turned the corner, staying still and battling my desires. I comfort myself by listening to the sounds of Edward's breathing, of the blankets eventually rustling after what might have been several minutes and his bare feet as they pad across the floor. There is a sound of paper crumpling, what must be Edward rummaging through the clothing bags that I brought into his room earlier while he slept.

Forcing myself to leave, I run at vampire speed through the hallways to my own room. For the first time in a long time, I shut the door behind me upon entering. I shed my clothes quickly, tossing the shirt into a trash can, since one of my victims struggled enough to get blood on it. I go into the bathroom that is connected to my bedroom, turning on the shower and switching it to scalding heat. As I wait for the water to warm, I stare routinely into my mirror, like I do almost every time I decide to come in here.

Yes, I do have a reflection…though whether or not it truly reflects _me _is another thing entirely. I don't know what makes me do it, but each time I come into contact with a mirror, I find myself lost within the image of myself. It isn't out of vanity, more out of…curiosity. For the thousandth time, I stare deeply into my own crimson eyes, flecked with bits of lavender, and I try to see the human in there that I once was. I let my eyes rove over my enhanced visage, my flawless skin and enticing womanly curves. I see the perfect creature I am: The alluring predator that lures prey to my waiting jaws with ease. I see snowy skin, drained of all coloring except for where the blood of others flows. The steam now fogs up the glass: The water is ready. Still, I see myself, clearly--Isabella, the vampire, in the reflection.

But I never see Bella, the human. The one with a soul. The one who would never murder humans, the one who would be repulsed at the mere thought of drinking blood. The one who never had a violent thought about anything, or anyone.

That girl is gone, and she is never coming back.

Freshly showered and dressed, I return to check on Edward. The contemplative, soul-searching mood is erased completely, as it is every time I step away from the mirror and back into reality. I feel rejuvenated, empowered, and --most of all--controlled. I flit silently to Edward's room, aware long before I've reached the doorway that he is still there.

He is sitting upon the bed, newly clothed in dark blue jeans and a grey long-sleeved shirt with nothing but a small logo on the sleeve. His hair is just as wild as before, and I wonder if he never bothers to tame it or if it is simply stubborn. His irises as back to their usual jade hue, and they flicker to meet mine as I appear suddenly in the doorway. He starts a bit at my quick appearance, and I hear his heartbeat speed. A common occurrence, I decide. He smells delicious, as always, but the raised collar of his shirt hides a good potion of his neck from me. I wonder instantly if he did it on purpose, but I also realize it does a fairly good job of covering up his bandage, though I can still see the outline.

I open my mouth, prepared to speak, but Edward beats me to it.

"Did you watch me all night?" He asks immediately, startling me with his boldness. I raise an eyebrow at him, but besides wringing his hands together he does nothing but wait. I consider doing many things--telling the truth, lying, and simply growling angrily and telling him not to question me. In the end, I decide to avoid the question and buy time.

"It isn't nighttime, it's nearly four in the afternoon." I inform him dryly, shifting to lean casually on the door frame. His brow furrows a bit at that, whether from confusion or from frustration at my evasion, I cannot tell. Deciding I have nothing to fear (literally), I sigh and simply decide to tell the truth.

"I watched you for a while, yes." I say, matter-of-factly. I let him process this information, studying his expression to see how he takes it. At first, he appears surprised by my admission, then angry, then finally he settles on a puzzled look. He leans back on one arm--his good one-- and tilts his head slightly to one side in question. I fight the urge to smirk at his pose, as he looks so much like a confused puppy this way.

"Why?" He asks finally, his voice layered with confusion. I frown briefly at the question, but quickly make my face impassive once more. I shrug nonchalantly, before moving unhurriedly towards the bed. I notice Edward tense as I do so, but he doesn't move away. I sit on the corner, running my hand slowly over the comforter mindlessly.

"I have no need of sleep," I say airily, studying my hand. "There is little that holds my attention for very long, since nothing poses any sort of challenge for me." At this, I raise my gaze to meet Edward's, and I smirk confidently at him.

"Nothing," I repeat, my arrogant grin growing even bigger before slowly fading away and returning to boredom. "So, you are a convenient outlet. Something new to observe, to interact with, to occupy myself with for a time. A distraction."

As my speech draws to a close, I notice Edward's expression darkening. His eyes narrow, his brow furrows, and the green of his eyes turns icy. I don't react to his growing anger, but inwardly I try to brace myself. I assume his anger is due to the fact that I have classified him as nothing more than a distraction, a toy, and that probably stings his pride. He glares at me for a while in silence, his hands balling up into fists, and the movement brings my own anger forth. I don't appreciate the fact that he wants to lash out.

"Calm yourself," I warn, my voice deadly calm. Edward's eyes flash, and his jaw tightens considerably, and I can tell he's about to lose it. I narrow my eyes, staring him down. He has some serious anger issues, and though I can't criticize him since I'm even worse, I won't be the one hurt if a fight ensues. Since I was turned, I have harbored a deep disgust for humans and their fragile state. Despite my supposed _imprinting _on Edward, I'm not going to let him disrespect me, in any way. That includes his temper tantrums.

A tense silence follows my words, one in which neither of us back down. My anger builds at his stubbornness, but I force myself to push it back, to resist. This is made possible only by the bond that ties me inexplicably to him, the defensive feelings I unwillingly harbor. I wait for him to make a move, though I grow impatient and frustrated further as time goes on.

In the end, he relents, jerking his head away from me and standing up quickly. I watch him passively, knowing he is still furious. A part of me is disappointed--the part that relishes the idea of dominating and controlling this human and making him thoroughly _mine. _Another part is relieved, glad that for a while at least we will refrain from violence. To be honest, though…the first part is a bigger part.

"So, how shall I entertain you next?" Edward says, his voice almost a growl. I smirk at his words, and I watch his rage boil close to the surface once more. I ponder the possible responses, most of them having to do with either his blood or his body. I make him wait, knowing how it is driving him crazy, but I speak before he can truly lose it.

"I thought perhaps I should feed you first," I drawl, purposefully egging on his anger. It is amusing to me, his inner struggle to remain calm, like a game. In the back of my mind, I wonder at the rapidly changing status between us: From feeding, to healing, to punishing, to joking, and then to playing(well, on my part anyway). A product, I'm sure, of our surging tempers and straining relationship, not to mention I was being ripped in two by decades of learned behavior and the crippling emotions of the imprint. It made us, especially me, unpredictable.

I jump to my feet when Edward does not respond, and I start out the door at human speed. Edward follows wordlessly, already having learned what is expected. It is aggravating to go this slow, but I force myself to make sure the human an keep up. We travel in silence, heading to the kitchen where I have moved his food to. I go over my plans for what will follow his breakfast in my head, again considering all the possibilities. I really hadn't given it too much thought earlier, occupied simply with adjusting to my new situation. The possibilities are…exciting.

When we reach the kitchen, I give Edward leave to take whatever he wants. I sit down at the table across from him, watching as he pulls out a large bag of chips. He tears it open, and eats once again as though he is starving. I make a mental note to feed him more often, not wanting him to starve…unless he deserves it. Yes, that would probably make a fairly effective punishment.

Watching Edward eat is fairly entertaining, surprisingly. I watch his jaw moves as he chews, then as his throat contracts to swallow. I stare at the food in disgust, feeling bile rise even at the sight of it. It smells awful to me, but Edward seems to enjoy it immensely. _Humans._

He seems to want to look anywhere but at my face, so I take the opportunity to scrutinize his movements without his judgmental gaze. He moves slowly, with purpose behind each action, as if he has to consciously think about each little thing he does. He looks tense, probably aware of my eyes on him. But then again, when are they not?

"How old are you, Edward?" I ask eventually, voicing some random question that has popped into my head. Physically, he looks young, in his teens. But his eyes, even when filled with blind rage, seem older. They seem…tired. When I was a human, I vaguely remember people telling me pretty much the same thing. Strange, how suddenly I remember this…

Edward gives me a strange look, the first time he's met my gaze since he sat down to eat. He swallows the food in his mouth slowly, running the back of his hand over his lips. I raise my eyebrow at him, indicating that I expect an answer. He pauses, before sighing deeply.

"Sixteen." He says softly, his voice devoid of the anger that had consumed him earlier. I'm shocked at this, though I try to keep my face passive. _Sixteen? So young… He was still just a child after all…._

Edward continues to speak, disrupting my suddenly guilty subconscious. "How old are you, Isabella?" He asks, making me flinch slightly at the use of my given name. I suppose I did give him leave to use it, but it is still unsettling to hear him say it. There are very few people in this world that I allow to call me that, and none of them are human except for him. Still, it is not necessarily unpleasant.

I study Edward for a moment, contemplating my answer before I give it. He is only a child, and I…well, I'm certainly not. Far from it, indeed.

"Eighteen." I say at last, giving him the truth or at least part of it. I have not aged since I was eighteen, and I am therefore frozen forever at that age. I see his brow furrow, and I give him a small smile in return, knowing it wasn't at all what he meant.

"Well…" He says after a brief pause, his brow still furrowed. "How long have you been eighteen?'

My smile grows a bit at this, at his wit, and I shrug nonchalantly. He's clever, I guess, for a human.

"A while." I say, giving yet another non-committal answer. I flash him a full smile, making it clear I know I'm being vague. Edward sways slightly in his chair, his heart pounding faster all of a sudden. I frown slightly at his reaction, confused, but he simply shakes his head quickly, pulling himself together. His eyes look a bit unfocused, but he goes back to questioning before I can get too curious.

"How long is a while?" He asks, meeting my gaze without wavering. I sigh, realizing he is going to be persistent. I narrow my eyes slightly, because I've divulged as much as I'm going to for the rest of this conversation. Edward has stopped eating, so I grab the bags and return them to the counter in the blink of an eye. I then flash to Edward's side, causing him to jump at my speed and close proximity.

I hold out my hand, and like before he pauses before taking it. There is the flicker of electricity when our skin touches, but I ignore it, deciding it's simply going to be a common occurrence. I pull him to his feet without any effort, his weight inconsequential. He immediately tries to release my hand, but I don't let go of his. Instead, I put my other hand on his shoulder, twirling the both of us quickly around. Before he can so much as blink, I have his lower back pressed into the counter, my hands now pressed against his chest and shoulders. He tenses up immediately, a mix of fear and anger filling the green of his eyes, turning it an electric green color. He places his hands on my forearms, pushing instinctively though he cannot budge me.

"W-what are you doing?" He asks, stammering a bit. I readjust my grip, quickly grabbing both of Edward's wrists in one hand--though my hand is barely large enough to wrap around them halfway-- and putting my other hand on the back of his neck, just at the hair line.

"I fed you," I remind him, my voice icy cold and calm. His eyes widen at my words, and he struggles weakly in my hold. I ignore him, and simply wrap my fingers around the back of his neck. I force his head back, exposing his jugular to my eager eyes. He struggles harder now, but the movements are in vain. "It's time for you to repay the favor."

"Wait, wait!" Edward cries out, thrashing wildly about. I simply tighten my hold a bit, causing him to wince at the pain, still he will not be still. "You just fed, y-you don't need to drink from me now."

I sigh, finally halting briefly to meet his frightened gaze. My thirst is flaring, demanding that I feed, but again my ridiculous imprinting makes it difficult at times to ignore Edward's pleas. He's right, I don't need to feed, but I still want to very much. His struggles drive my inner predator wild, making my arms ache to crush down on him. Venom has pooled in my mouth, anticipating the bite I'm wanting so badly to take. I move my hand from his neck down to his chest once more.

"It will only hurt worse if you struggle." I tell him in a growl, though I have no idea if that's true. If I bite him, he will be burned from the inside out no matter what. It will be the most painful thing he's ever experienced, regardless of if he struggles or not.

But I'm not going to bite him.

With the hand pressing him to the counter, I push his shirt collar down, dragging a nail across his skin, just over his collar bone. Edward grits his teeth, but does not cry out at the pain, simply glares at me in defiance, though he is clearly still terrified. Blood wells from the cut, though it is not very deep. My free will immediately evaporates at the sight and scent of him, and my mouth latches quickly to the wound. Somehow, I once again keep myself from biting, and settle on sucking blood eagerly from the gash.

The taste is pure heaven, an ambrosia to me that is like heroine--addicting, an unparalleled high. The first time I tried to feed from Edward, I was stopped by the imprinting, and his taste was lost in the overpowering sensations. Now, though, I can fully taste his blood, and it is indescribably wonderful. I suck hard, need clawing at my insides, and I have to struggle not to crush Edward in my grip. I can feel his pulse beneath my fingers, circulating this super-sweet nectar through his veins. It is euphoria.

I realize I've taken quite a bit, but it feels impossible to stop. The blood is too good, completely irresistible. In the back of my mind, I realize I should stop, I understand that it's getting dangerous. I'm not simply drinking, now. I'm killing him. Killing Edward.

From somewhere deep within, a sudden strength emerges. It completely destroys the thirst, instead making a sense of nausea grow at the thought of killing Edward. I feel sick, as though his blood is a poison to me, and in that split second I have the strength to pull away.

My lips leave his skin, moving before the thirst can return, and I launch myself backwards, away from temptation with the last of my strength. I smash into the cabinets, shattering wood and cracking the granite tops. My vision, sharper than ever before, snaps up to look at Edward's face, searching for signs that I went too far, that is too late.

A split second after I crash into the cabinets, I dash back to Edward. I catch him easily in my arms, stopping him from hitting the ground as his legs give out beneath him. His face is chalky white, and the sight is terrifying to me, but I can hear his heart still beating, though sluggishly. I stare down at him, willing myself not to look at the blood soaking into his shirt. I search his eyes, still looking angry through the pain and fear, and I am reassured that I did not do irreversible damage.

"You're ok." I say, telling instead of asking. He says nothing, but his eyes narrow slightly at my words. For the third time since he's been with me, I pick Edward up in my arms, cradling him. I take him to the room where'd I'd first brought him, laying him down upon that very same couch. It was already stained, and therefore the best option. He lays limply, moving only his eyes, which follow me doggedly. His breaths are quick and strained, but he stays conscious all the while.

I dash into my study, returning with a roll of medical tape I acquired when I went out hunting. I quickly bandage Edward's cut, trying my best not to breathe until it is sealed up. Even so, it hurts to inhale, so I take a few steps away form him once I'm satisfied. He is still watching me, and he looks a lot more coherent this time. This is a good sign.

I go back to the kitchen, intent on washing my hands, when suddenly I feel something strange happening to me. My chest suddenly aches a bit, a strange sensation, and I rub it instinctively. It feels as though I have been injured, though I know I have not. Then, my vision starts to go hazy, the pain increasing tenfold, and I begin to panic. I claw uselessly at my chest, shredding the fabric of my shirt, not knowing what else to do. The feeling spreads, taking over my whole torso. I sink to my knees on the kitchen floor, my legs suddenly weak, and I hunch over on all fours. I gasp for useless air, trying to calm down, but the feeling simply grows. My arms are shaking, and it takes a lot to keep myself from collapsing completely.

Suddenly, I understand, though it makes me even more worried than before. I growl weakly, trying to fight back what I know is happening, but it is useless. Soon, I end up falling onto my side, laying pathetically upon the tile. My limbs twitch spasmodically, and my vision goes completely black. The anchor, twice as heavy now, crushes me until I want to scream from pain. Unwanted feels course through me, dominating my mind until at last I surrender and give in to it.

I am imprinting all over again.

**A/N: review for teaser.**


	10. Pushing Me Away

**A/N: Writer's block is a bitch. Thank you, ijmh. This one is for you.**

**Mad World, Chapter Ten: Pushing Me Away**

_I've lied to you _

_The same way that I always do _

_This is the last smile _

_That I'll fake for the sake of being with you _

_(Everything falls apart_

_Even the people who never frown_

_Eventually break down)_

_The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

_(Everything has to end_

_You'll soon find we're out of time left_

_To watch it all unwind)_

_The sacrifice is never knowing_

_Why I never walked away_

_Why I played myself this way_

_Now I see you're testing me pushes me away_

_Why I never walked away_

_Why I played myself this way_

_Now I see your testing me pushes me away_

_I've tried like you_

_To do everything you wanted too_

_This is the last time_

_I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you_

_(Everything falls apart_

_Even the people who never frown_

_Eventually break down)_

_The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

_(Everything has to end_

_You'll soon find we're out of time left_

_To watch it all unwind)_

_The sacrifice is never knowing_

_Why I never walked away_

_Why I played myself this way_

_Now I see you're testing me pushes me away_

_Why I never walked away_

_Why I played myself this way_

_Now I see you're testing me pushes me away_

_(We're all out of time_

_This is how we find how it all unwinds)_

_The sacrifice of hiding in a lie_

_(We're all out of time_

_This is how we find how it all unwinds)_

_The sacrifice is never knowing_

_Why I never walked away_

_Why I played myself this way_

_Now I see you're testing me pushes me away_

_Why I never walked away_

_Why I played myself this way_

_Now I see you're testing me pushes me away_

_Pushes me away _

For the second time in only a few days, I pick myself slowly up off of the floor. My arms shake, weaker than they have been in fifty years, as I brace myself on hands and knees. My lungs suck in oxygen, more in distress than need for air, as I struggle to my feet. I feel out of control, fragile even, as I lean heavily upon the kitchen counter. I have no idea how long I lay there, gasping upon the cold tiles, being crushed under the weight of yet a second imprinting, but it feels like hours or days. Time, usually a quick and meaningless thing to my kind, seemed to drag on forever during the transformation.

After at last getting upright, I try to pull myself back together. My senses have gone haywire-- the synesthesia rampant throughout. My sense of smell, bombarded by reds and yellows now strive for one color: Green. It's there, laced in the confusing rainbow of colors. And how can I _smell _colors, in the first place? A puzzling phenomenon, but certainly not the worst of my problems. No, what troubles me now are feelings, and not of the five senses.

To say that this last imprinting was worse than the first would be an understatement. I might even decide that it rivaled my own change, if only lacking in pain. The intensity of the emotions that coursed through me was staggering: It was less like being smothered and more like being pounded into thousands of tiny fragments. Later, the fragments seemed to grow back together again, though not in the way they had been before. I look down at myself now, almost surprised that I look exactly the same. Still, there are changes that I can't see yet cannot deny. Each bonding emotion has been branded into my diamond skin, leaving invisible but tangible marks in its wake. I can physically feel the changes in my limbs, and in my movements. It as if I am a moon, and now have discovered that which I shall orbit around. I am pulled, centered upon only one thing now. Only one person.

Even in this state, I know where and to whom this path of green will lead me, and though every fiber of my being tells me to follow this trail, I find my mind resisting. Who knows what has become of me: What will happen when I see Edward now, after this latest transformation? Though I am weighed down by these devoted emotions, my mind balks at letting some human have such control over me. The worst, surely, would be having him find out what has happened, because then he could use the information to his advantage. I know beyond doubt the strength of my bonds, and I am aware of the power he would hold if he ever understood it as well. That is something I will not consent to, being owned and controlled by someone, especially some human.

Torn between a physical need to go forward and my mind screaming at me to move backwards, I find myself at a standstill. The mixing of senses slowly leaves, and familiar strength returns to my limbs, but even that feels foreign to me. I crouch down, placing my head in my hands, and I struggle to control myself and my emotions. Truly, I am afraid. I know not what will become of me now, and this out of control feeling is not something I am used to. My mind runs in a thousand different directions, stretching my sanity out thin and fragile. I am close to a breakdown, I feel it, and I struggle to reign everything in before it consumes me.

_Deep breaths. Calm yourself. You are strong. You are invincible. Breathe._

Eventually, my pep-talk brings me out of the dangerous mist of madness. I continue to breathe, for it soothes me even now. I know that I will be able to handle this new change, even if it is difficult. One thing is for certain: I need to find someone who can tell me more about this imprinting and its effects. Until I understand what exactly has become of me, I cannot possibly know how to conquer it.

For now, I might as well face this head-on. I'm afraid of what I will feel upon seeing Edward once more, but I know it is something I cannot avoid. He lives in my house, and of course I will have to face him soon. So, I steel myself inside, and slowly make my way towards the living room where I left him.

The sound of his heartbeat alone is enough to make maintaining my composure difficult. I am hyperaware of its rhythm, of every beat and pulse it makes, pushing blood through my singer's body. I hear his breath as I enter the room, and for once I breathe in and do not feel the burn of thirst. Instead, my head goes fuzzy and a rush of endorphins flood my system--like some weird sort of _high_. I stumble slightly in my resolve at that moment, but I force myself to keep on walking. I don't know if I can stop myself now.

My feet stop just behind the couch, forcing myself to wait before I look over. I hold my breath, denying myself the rush that his scent now brings me. It's strange, and it makes my out-of-control feeling double in strength. This will be hard enough without it. The air seems to physically hum with energy, just emitting from this human's presence. I can feel his warmth on my skin, melting through the frost.

_I don't want to do this, _I think. _Something here isn't right. It just…isn't me. _

At last, I force myself to simply face my fear. Though it's really not like I have a choice--my body aches terribly to move forward, and my mind is slowly losing the battle with my limbs. With great trepidation, I force myself to take three slow, ponderous steps forward, and at last Edward is visible.

It isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

It's worse.

It was never like this before now. Sure, I always felt connected to Edward, more so than any human before. And when I imprinted the first time, the pull was difficult to resist, but still I could when I wanted to. But not this time.

The sight of Edward's face as he lies on the couch, green eyes staring up at me fearfully, is enough to draw a soft cry form my lips. My conscious thought is suddenly nowhere to be found, and I act purely on new instinct. As if suddenly my long-dead heart has sprung to life once again, my chest seizes up in a feeling I can't understand. Edward alone fills my vision, and I notice nothing that is not connected to him. Someone could have come in the room and lit a fire beneath my feet and I probably would have been blind to it all. Edward is suddenly, irreversibly…

Everything.

Without thought, I leap the couch in a bound, so that I am now in front of the couch. I twist mid-air, never losing sight of my singer. I watch his eyes widen slightly as he follows my movements , fear creeping further into them. That emotion is painful to see there, and I'm filled with the need to protect him, to comfort him. I cannot help myself.

I go down on one knee, bringing my face closer to his as he lies completely still. So close, my skin vibrates with raw energy that he has conjured up within me. I take a breath before I can stop myself, and the effect is dizzying. Before, Edward was a drug to me only in the sense that I was addicted to him. Now, not only can I not stay away, but I feel as though I am getting high off of his presence. I shake my head once, as the still rational side of me rebels against this development.

_I don't want this. Don't want this. Leave._

But I can't. I can't leave Edward, no matter how hard I try. I strain to move away, even just an inch, but find that I am not strong enough to do so. My muscles are no longer under my command it seems, and the thought is terrifying. I watch him silently, struggling to find the words to say.

"Lo sono legato," I murmur, the Italian slipping easily off my tongue as I accept my fate. _I am bound. _Saying the words out loud makes it all seem more real, and I groan quietly in distress. But Edward does not understand--I can see it in his eyes as they widen in surprise and then slowly narrow in confusion while I speak. This is a small comfort to me, for I don't want him to realize what has happened to me because of him. I don't think I can handle him knowing.

After a long pause, I reach out a tentative hand towards the human. He watches my eyes, glancing between them and my hand, but makes no move to pull away. His breathing has quickened along with his heartbeat, but I do not mean him any harm. As much as I hate what his blood has done to me, I am helpless to hurt him right now. The bonds are still fresh: The imprinting too severe so early. So, with my eyes, I try to convey that I will be gentle, and as my hand nears Edward's face, I study his expression carefully.

As soon as my fingers touch his flesh, a bolt of electricity shoots through my arm up into my chest. It doesn't hurt, really, but the buzz rattles my entire frame as it travels through me. It is like before, only much stronger now. Another effect of this second imprinting, I am sure.

I am paralyzed for a brief moment by the severity of the shock, but I jerk back quickly as Edward cries out suddenly. His eyes are filled with surprise, his mouth opened slightly in a gasp. He sits upright quickly, clutching his arm, confusion evident in his features. I am startled too.

_Did he feel the same thing?_

My thoughts are interrupted as I watch Edward sway slightly, and when he starts to fall I quickly move to catch his slackened form. He lies limply in my grasp, passed out, I assume, from sitting up too quickly. Panic rushes through me, and I hurry to confirm the fact that he is unharmed. _Heartbeat still going, lungs still inhaling. Check. _I hold him gingerly, trembling from the buzzing electricity that continues to flow as we touch. It is much less prominent now, but there is no mistaking its presence.

Hurriedly, I place Edward back on the couch, noticing the way my arms ache upon releasing him. I frown, rubbing my cold skin as I stare down at his unconscious form. He looks so vulnerable now, though I know surely he will awaken soon. And sure enough, as soon as I think this, his eyes flutter open and his sits up slowly. I watch him carefully, making sure he does not pass out again. He sways slightly, but otherwise seems fine. He turns his piercing gaze back to me when he is steady, and to my surprise he begins rubbing his arms as well.

_He does feel it._

Breaking eye contact with Edward allows me to gather my thoughts, having been scrambled from the overwhelming sensations of touching Edward's skin. I think over everything that has just happened, and though I am in no state to analyze it just yet, a small part of my former self begins to make itself known. I hold onto that control tightly, not wanting to slip back into my errant state.

Imprint or not, I don't like the way this human makes my mind and body react. I don't like not being in control, and I don't like the foreign feelings that accompany his presence. Surely, this is not at all what I intended to happen, and I feel as though I have been greatly wronged by him. He has somehow gotten a hold on me, and it is one that I resent. No human should have this power over me.

I feel familiar anger beginning to build, feeling strange in such stark contrast to my protective, concerned feelings from before. But the feeling is slippery--hard to grasp and harder still to keep hold of. But I want this. I want the anger that I am so used to, because it is what I _should _feel towards a human. I want it to be as it was before, where I remained interested but distant and cold. That is how I have always been, and I don't want it to change.

Yet even as I struggle to find my way back to my former self, I am hitting a wall caused by the imprint. Try as I might, I cannot keep my grip on anger towards Edward, nor can I let myself give in to my protective desires. The switch of emotions is too vast, and I finally slump in defeat. I am neither here nor there. I am…nowhere. I am so tired--something that vampires are not supposed to be able to feel. This war between my developed personality and the new emotions caused by the imprint is making me feel split apart. I haven't had a migraine I over fifty years, but this is exactly what I think it felt like then. Edward is a light that is painful for me to look at, so I study the ground at my feet. I can't think straight, can't even figure out who exactly I _am_ now. Never have I been so tormented by my own thoughts, and it's becoming more than I can take. Vampire's personalities rarely change, and so a change as drastic as this makes me almost want to vomit from the strangeness. I am out of control.

Growling in frustration, I lean down and slam my fist into the floor. I feel the carpet rip and the wooden floor break as I release some of my tension into my blow. Edward jumps at the action, and his pulse speeds up slightly. Annoyed, I glare at the hole I have made in the floor, before dragging my gaze slowly up to meet Edward's. He looks confused and a bit frightened, but I do nothing to enlighten or calm him. It is hard enough to simply be here, so close, with my conflicting brain slamming around in my head. I simply stare back at him, wishing with all of my might that I could simply go back to a few hours ago, and never drink Edward's blood. Oh, how I wish for that to be possible.

I space out for a long time, before Edward suddenly speaks. I twitch slightly in surprise, not expecting him to address me. I am pulled roughly from my inner musings by his raspy voice.

"What the hell is going on with you?" He asks, sounding bewildered. He does not look angry or afraid now, simply lost--much like I am. I stare back at him blankly, wondering the same question myself. I should have known my turmoil would be obvious to him, but for some reason it never occurred to me that he would wonder or ask about it.

I shake my head slowly after a minute of pause, a humorless chuckle escaping my lips. I stand up slowly, running a hand through my long hair absently.

"I have to go," I say simply, not answering his question. Edward looks even more confused as I turn quickly and walk towards the door. I can feel his eyes on my back, and it is hard not to turn back to him. I need to get out of here. I need to get somewhere where I can think, away from Edward. I have to figure this out. I slowly force myself away, but again his voice cuts through the silence and halts my steps.

"Wait,"

I reluctantly look at him over one shoulder, questioning him with my eyes with one hand on the doorknob. I want to just keep going, but I'm held rooted to the spot by the green of his eyes. Not for the first time, I wonder what it is about them that holds such sway.

"You're just leaving me here, alone?" He asks, voice low and unsure. Incredulous, even. He looks almost comical, head tilted to one side and lips slightly parted, but I find no humor in this moment. His words sound as if maybe he is pained at the thought of me leaving, but I understand that this is not the case. He is simply surprised that I am leaving him, my prisoner, all alone with no supervision. I sigh for what feels like the hundredth time, and force myself to look away.

"Where will you go?" I ask rhetorically, smiling darkly to myself. "Into this underground city of vampires? You have nowhere to run."

With this, I move forward once more, stepping out the door and closing it behind me with a soft _click. _Once I am safely blocked form Edward's view, I slump heavily against a wall. I can still hear his breathing, his heartbeat, as clearly as if he was right next to me. The tugging on my insides begs me to return to him, but I steel myself against it. This is all too much to handle while I am around my singer. I have to find someone who can help me figure this out.

I know, now, the only person who can help me. Jane was useful at first, but her knowledge in this area is far too limited. I need someone who knows more, who can tell me what has happened and how to reverse it. I know of only one person who is capable of helping with this type of problem, and though I am reluctant to go to him, I know that I must.

Eventually, my mind is made up, and I slowly pull myself off the wall and away from the door. Edward's sounds and scent fade slowly, and eventually they all but vanish. It hurts to be away from him, but I will not let myself be cowed and beaten by this thing which I resent. I walk determinedly through the dark hallways, paying no one any heed as I go. I have only one person that I wish to see now.

I simply pray that he can help.

**A/N: I highly suggest you review. Teasers go along way, when I get stuck and take forever to update.**

**Thanks for sticking around.**


	11. Viva La Gloria?

Mad World, Chapter 11:

I stand before the heavy iron doors, waiting for permission to enter. I know they can hear me from here; they are simply waiting as is customary. I knock needlessly, and after a brief pause I hear Aro's reedy voice call out.

"Come in, Isabella."

Bracing myself, I push open the door easily and enter into the vast chamber. The floor and ceiling are painted in bright colors, looking strange and somewhat eerie in the dim lighting. Pictures of angels, beautiful women and children near the center, ringed by demons winged and horned. Such stark contrast makes it both strikingly beautiful, and horrendously disturbing. Much like a vampire, I figure.

In the center of the room are three throne-like chairs, and in each sits one of the Ancients.; Marcus, Caius, and Aro. Each with their waxy skin, paled by countless centuries of existence, and their ruby eyes watching me carefully as I approach. Caius narrows his eyes as I meet his gaze, and I have to resist the urge to curl my lip. He's never liked me.

Aro stands, a smile on his face that I do not trust, and holds his arms out wide. I bow stiffly, again due to custom, and Aro addresses me.

"To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit, Isabella?" He asks, and I raise upright once again. I meet the Ancient's blood-red eyes for just a moment, before turning my gaze over his right shoulder. Aro is not the vampire I need.

"I request an audience with Lord Marcus," I murmur, turning my gaze to the still-seated vampire. He wasn't paying any attention to me when I walked in, but now he turns a semi-curious gaze towards me. I've spoken very few words to this Ancient before- he's always been the most aloof of the three. But now, his knowledge is vital.

Marcus, like me, has an unusual gift. He can sense the bonds between people, and can thus determine the strength of a relationship. This has been helpful numerous times, especially when dealing with rogue vampires. But now, I come to him hoping that his expertise in the things that bond creatures together can solve my own predicament. Marcus has lived for centuries, and in that time he has undoubtedly encountered others like me. At least, that's what I'm hoping. Singers are rare, and so are imprints, but Marcus has been alive for centuries… If there's anyone who can help me now, I'm betting that it's him.

As soon as Marcus looks at me, his eyes go wide with surprise. In a flash, he springs up out of his chair and dashes to, quick as the wind. I jump backwards with a surprised growl, but he makes no move other than to grasp my forearm in his hands. His eyes are wide and his mouth is forming an "o" of surprise. My whole body is tense as he stares at me, and soon Aro is at Marcus' side. He looks confused, and also excited, as he glances between Marcus and me.

"What is it?" Aro asks, unable to contain his curiosity. Marcus simply ignores him, never even glancing at the old vampire. He simply stares at me, looking slightly dazed.

"You," He murmurs, taking a deep breath and never tearing his eyes from my face. I stand still, silently, knowing that he can indeed tell that I have been changed. I wait for him to say more, growing slightly apprehensive the longer he stalls. Eventually, he looks down at my arm, as if noticing for the first time that he is holding onto it so tightly. He releases me slowly, reluctantly, before looking back up into my eyes.

"You have imprinted." He whispers almost reverently. He waits, looking expectant, and after a brief pause I nod slowly. All the air leaves Marcus' lungs as he sighs and steps back a step. Aro looks as if he will burst if he is not informed soon.

"Imprinted?" He repeats slowly, sounding bewildered. Then, as if a light has just clicked on, he gasps and stares intently at me. He touches Marcus's arm quickly, and then lets out a sound of surprise at whatever he has read in his mind. I blink, surprised, as he addresses me at last.

"You have found a singer?" He asks, practically buzzing with energy. I nod for a second time, extremely uneasy now, and Aro's face breaks into a wide grin. I stiffen at the expression, knowing that it can't be a good sign for me. I look away from Aro's gleeful face and back to Marcus', waiting for him to say something. Anything is better than the look Aro is giving me. Except, perhaps, from the scowl the still silent Caius is shooting at me.

"This is…a surprise." Marcus says slowly, shaking his head slightly. Aro cuts him off quickly, his eager eyes shinning eerily.

"This is almost unheard of!" he exclaims, watching me with interest. Marcus nods solemnly, and Aro continues. "The last time this happened was…centuries and centuries ago! It has been so long. The chances are so slim…" He trails off, still gazing at me with wonder.

After a brief pause, Aro slowly raises his hand, holding it out to me as if to shake. But I know what it is he wants--he wants me to lower my shields, to hide nothing and show him everything straight from my own thoughts. If I do, he will know everything. All about Emmett, about Edward…Everything.

I recoil almost without thinking, and the light dims in Aro's eyes. A quiet snarl comes from the blonde Ancient in the back, but Aro does not look away from me. He frowns at me, confused, but then it deepens into a serious expression. I've seen this look; the red of his eyes turns almost maroon, and the tight, waxy skin stretches tight and thin. He's unhappy about my refusal. The Ancient takes a step closer, hand still extended, and his eyes clearly tell me that he will not take "No," for an answer. I meet his eyes, standing my ground, and he plasters a false smile onto his face. I am not fooled; it is more a snarl than anything.

Never before have I disobeyed Aro directly. I resent being ordered around, but Aro is a powerful vampire and I committed myself to his service many years ago when I joined the guard. Now, however, I find myself torn. I am protective of Edward, whether I like it or not, and I can sense that this will likely put his life into jeopardy. I know how Aro feels about these kind of things; he clings to the rare and unusual things in life with a hungry curiosity and a desire to possess. Edward is one of these things, as am I. The thought of subjecting the two of us to Aro's scrutiny makes me incredibly uneasy, and it's almost impossible to reconcile the thought with my protective instincts. A thousand scenarios run through my mind, and none end very well with Aro involved. Visions of glassy green eyes and torn throats flash across my thoughts, and I visibly cringe. I can't take that chance.

_But do I have a choice?_

I feel trapped, torn, and wary. Aro watches me expectantly, his patience clearly running thin, and yet I cannot reach to take his hand. I want to run…to fight… to disappear. I stand, indecisive, before at last Marcus steps in between us. He fixes his ruby eyes on Aro's, pulling the angry leader's eyes away from me. He takes Aro's extended hand, drawing a relieved sigh from my lips. I watch the two of them carefully, straining to see any sign of what is passing between them.

They stand stone-still for a long time, before Aro sighs and pulls his hand away. They both look over at me simultaneously, and I stiffen on instinct. I press my lips together tightly, awaiting their verdict. Aro does not look pacified, but he _does_ look a bit more resigned. He sighs again before addressing me.

"Isabella, I understand you are under a lot of stress," Aro begins, voice monotonous and unfeeling. I nod slightly, and he continues. "For now, you may deal with this as you see fit. Marcus believes this to be best."

Relieved beyond measure, I bow slightly, to show my gratitude, but Aro is not yet finished.

"Still, this must not hinder your abilities to serve as general of the guard," he warns, tone deadly serious. I straiten quickly, nodding immediately. Aro rarely lets his cheerful façade fall out of place, and when he does it is clearly a serious matter. "And soon, you will show me what has happened." Aro states, his tone not asking for any argument. His eyes are cold and dangerous, and they fill me with dread. Having no choice, I simply nod and bow again, giving into his wishes.

_At least I will have time._

Seeming satisfied enough with my submission, Aro smiles a tightlipped smile again. His eyes return to their normal color once more, and he holds his hands out in a sign of calm friendliness. Back into the role he plays so well.

"Thank you for visiting with us, my dear General," he says in a chipper tone that is almost scalding in its contrast to his tone from earlier. "I trust you will let us know if there's anything else we can do for you. You are dismissed."

I bow for what feels like the hundredth time before both Ancients, before turning sharply on my heel. I have not gotten any of the information I was hoping to obtain. In fact, this whole visit has been a complete disaster. I can feel three pairs of eyes on my back as I quickly leave the room, feeling frustrated and sick inside. I know that Aro is about to become a very dangerous problem--as if I didn't have enough issues to deal with.

As the heavy doors shut behind me, I bring my hands up and run them quickly and roughly through my hair. An unfamiliar vampire watches me carefully from just across the hallway, but quickly slinks away when I direct my angry gaze towards him. I pace for a few brief moments, before turning sharply on my heel and flitting down a narrow corridor. I move easily around all others blocking my path, though most of them move quickly to get out of my way. A low growl rumbles deep within me, giving only a small glimpse of the turmoil within my mind.

I acquired nothing but trouble from my only plan of action, and this knowledge angers me. I know of no one else to turn to right now, no one who could provide the information that I need. Marcus was my best and only option, and now that course has only wrought danger. Who else could I turn to now?

"Jane," I grind out, my feet never slowing or faltering. I continue on my path, heading upwards to the surface, dodging fearful vampires and useless human snacks. The latter brings my mind back to Edward, and I feel my dead heart twist inside my chest. I shake my head, pushing myself to run faster, now flying through the underground. I force myself not to think about my singer--though even now he calls to me with a power that is nearly impossible to ignore.

Suddenly, Jane is at my side, matching me stride for stride as she seems to materialize from the shadows. She looks straight ahead, knowing my destination without needing to confirm, and we move as one through the hall. I knew she would hear my voice, even as low as it was when I summoned her. Vampires do not need to call out to be heard, especially not in the eerie silence that permeates the underground. Besides, Jane probably knew it was only a matter of time before she would be called. She seems to know much beyond what she is told.

"Plans?" I ask quietly, as at last we reach the exit and emerge into the covered car lot. We slow our paces to a more discreet speed, in case someone has wandered in that should not be seeing us moving like the unnatural beings that we are. I move towards my car, and Jane follows just behind me. She is dressed for action; her cloak telling of her loyalty to the guard and her other clothes tight and maneuverable.

"Two rogues, just outside of the city." Jane replies, sliding into the passenger seat quickly as I jump into the driver's side. The car roars to life, and soon we are flying down the open road, slipping around the slower cars that honk their horns at my speed and recklessness. I push a hundred, shifting gears without conscious thought as I look over at the vampire captain beside me.

"We'll take them out at dusk," I decree, weaving down the sunny road with no clear destination in mind. Jane turns her reddened gaze out the passenger window and I take her silence as an agreement. We pass through the green countryside in silence, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. I try desperately not to think about how this green is nowhere near as engaging as the green that pulls me with intense power back to my singer. I growl in frustration under my breath, and Jane urns her head slowly to study me.

I slow the car as we reach a crowded stretch of road, and after a moment of feeling intensely restless I pull into a darkened alleyway and stop the car. Two or three humans, vagrants by the looks of them, start as the Aero sits gleaming in the shadows. They squint warily into the tinted glass, but I know they cannot see us. Slowly, they all slink away into the shadows.

I turn to look a Jane, who has remained strangely silent this entire time. She meets my gaze steadily, her eyes betraying nothing. I wonder what thoughts are running through that calculating mind right now.

"This human is going to be the death of me," I mutter abruptly, getting straight to the point. Jane cracks a small smile at my words, whether at the pitiful state I am in or at the irony of the situation. She opens her door and climbs out, and I wordlessly follow suit. Shutting the doors behind us, we move slowly away from the car and into the twisting, foul alleys of the city. Humans give us a wide berth, and we pass like phantoms through the trash covered corridors.

"You find your are unable to resist the imprinting?" Jane asks at last, her chining voice in tandem with her silent steps. I laugh a humorless laugh, knowing that Jane has no idea just how bad the situation has become.

"The first one I could have," I grumble, feeling my stomach twist at the realization of jut how much worse it is this time around, with this all-powerful second imprinting tearing at my insides with every step I take. Jane looks at me, a flicker of surprise slipping through her mask. I stop walking, and she backtracks to my side.

"The first one?" She echoes. I shake my head slowly, not to negate her statement but in frustration. My eyes fall to the ground, glaring a hole into the earth.

"It happened again," I growl, the words painful to utter. I put my left hand upon the brick of the building beside me and drag downwards, scoring deep marks into the surface. No one but Jane is around to see, and I need something to release my frustration upon. I force my gaze upwards to meet Jane's, and now she is not attempting to hide her thoughts from me being shielded eyes. I see the curiosity and disbelief she feels, and also a tinge of concern.

"Twice," Jane clarifies, not asking but speaking as if to test the words on her tongue. I nod, and she lets out a lungful of air. She shakes her head, mimicking me, and leans against the wall out of habit.

"I never would have imagined you would have had the power to drink from him again," she murmurs, looking at me incredulously. She chuckles softly, adding "Or the stupidity."

I snarl at her words, flexing my hand and causing the brick to turn to dust in my fist. I move my hands up to tug at the roots of my hair, feeling once again close to losing control. The sounds of the city swirl all round my head--car horns, voices, laughter, the screeching of brakes and the slamming of doors. Jane's face becomes blurry and unfocused, and I can hear my breathing turn shallow. I too lean against the building, but I do so to keep from sinking to the filthy ground.

"How was I to know, Jane?" I groan, my voice trembling with rage that is not directed at her. I close my eyes tightly, trying to shut out all of the madness surrounding me. "His blood is a drug to me," I whisper, running my tongue over my teeth at just the memory of Edward's taste. Memories flash through my mind, painful and full of desire. I shake them off, struggling to stay focused.

"I had no idea that it could happen again. Already, I was burdened by the first imprinting, and I did not imagine that such a thing could happen again. But it did, and it got impossibly worse. I can't think of anything without the pull of his blood clawing at me. There are chains around me, chains I can't see or break, and they tie me irreversibly to him. Everything I see reminds me of him, and nothing is enough to keep me still for even a moment if he is not there. It has been _minutes, _Jane, hours at most since I left him, and already I feel as if my mind has shattered within my skull. Every breath hurts, every step away is physically painful. How can I fight something I cannot see, cannot understand? I've never encountered something like this before, and it's out of my control, Jane."

I finish breathlessly, my voice now pitifully desperate. I slam my head against the wall, cracking through the building easily. I do not puncture all the way through, but I come close. It does nothing to calm me. I can barely make out Jane's worried face hovering just feet away from my own. Her voice, when it comes, sounds far away.

"I know nothing more than you do about this, Isabella." She tells me, but I simply grunt because I already knew that. She goes on, her voice becoming softer and softer with every word. "I never heard of a second imprinting, but I can imagine that this is something you won't be able to resist. The first is supposed to be enough, but obviously it was not for you."

"Obviously," I choke out, letting my head drop forward onto my hest, hanging with despair. I stumble forward a few steps, the restlessness within me too much to resist once more. Jane follows me as I trudge blindly forward, running from a shapeless foe. I don't get very far before the need to move is appeased and I can stop to try to gather my senses. After a few deep breaths, the fuzziness of my vision clears a fraction, and my companion's face is more easily distinguished.

"And you'd like my advice?" Jane asks, her voice gentle and soothing. I shrug my shoulders at her, feeling as though words would scorch my throat right now. Jane blinks slowly, and then puts a stony hand on my shoulder.

"Later," she promises, pulling gently at my arm until I turn with her to retrace our steps back. I let her lead me, because though I hate feeling helpless I don't think I can make it out on my own. I have bigger, more urgent thoughts running through my mind. We double back to the car much quicker than we had left it, and I draw the line when Jane moves as if to take the wheel. I snarl, showing my teeth in defiance, and she immediately backs away and moves to the passenger side. I slide into my seat, and soon we are off towards the outskirts of the city.

The only words spoken are those of Jane directing me towards our quarry. She never once argues the fact that I should help her with her mission, and that is wise. Right now the tension in my body is reaching a breaking point, and a fight is exactly what I need to distract me. I flex my jaw a few times, trying to work out the uncharacteristic stiffness. Jane simply watches me.

We reach her designated point just as the sun begins to dip below the horizon, bathing the grassy slopes of Italy in a reddish light. I pull the car into a gas station parking lot that sits just between civilization and nowhere. It's mostly empty; only two other cars are in the lot. I scan the area as we wait for the welcome darkness to fall.

"This is where they're known to linger," Jane tells me, breaking the silence. She too scans to scene, her eyes missing nothing. "Fools, breaking the law so close to the Guard. Killing indiscreetly, much too often. They're sentenced to death."

I flinch at those last words, remembering a similar instance in which they were uttered. _Emmett. _I wonder where he is, how he has been since I last saw him. I remember with painful clarity the look on his face, the howls that ore from his throat as I sped off into the night that last time we met. Was it really only days ago? It feels like years. Looking back upon things, a deep seed of regret begins to take root within me. I shake it off quickly, turning my attention back to the task at hand. I cannot focus upon the ruination of my friendship with Emmett; it lies too close to the thoughts of _him. _

At last it is dark enough, and Jane and I hop easily out of the car. I flex my hands eagerly, letting my sense roam about in search of my prey. Jane does the same next to me. Simultaneously we pick up the scent, and like shadows we dart off into the night. The scent is new; two vampires, moving west from the station towards the hills. They ran single file, but both smells are easily distinguished. We fly over slopes, our feet quick and silent, and as the trail splits, so do we wordlessly each take separate foes and break off in different directions.

I leap a small creek easily, following the steps of the rogue around the base of a particularly big hill. He is close. I round the corner and suddenly I can once again smell them both. No sooner do I realize this when Jane comes sprinting over the crest, our paths once again meeting up. Side by side we cross one last hill and stop immediately, still as stones.

One of the rogues hisses as our scents hit his nose. His partner whirls around immediately, and they both growl threateningly at us as they back away. I look each of them over, sizing them up. One is a tall, lanky vampire with dirty blonde hair that hangs down in front of his eyes. His companion is shorter, broader, with short honey hair and a face well scarred. The latter one snarls the loudest, while his companion looks much less afraid. The tall one holds up a hand, silencing his friend. They stare at us silently, waiting.

"Good evening, gentlemen." I greet them, my voice flat and unfeeling. Jane and I stand in relaxed poses, deceptively unthreatening. We make no move towards them, waiting instead to draw it out a bit.

The tall vampire smirks slightly at us, and relaxes his form as well. He gestures for his partner to do the same, and the shorter vampire does so reluctantly. A long silence ensues before at last one speaks.

"Ladies," the leader murmurs, holding out his hands in a sign of peace. "I am Simon, and this is my companion Christopher." He smiles another false smile at us, flashing his glistening white teeth. He seems incredibly comfortable given the circumstances, and almost immediately I decide he must have some type of gift. The gifted vampires are always the cocky ones. I'm not afraid, because I am naturally shielded from supernatural gifts, but I make a note to watch out for Jane. Also, Aro will probably be interested in this one; he collects vampires with special abilities. Yet another job for Jane and I.

I nod at Jane, giving her the lead, and she addresses the two rogues fearlessly.

"You know why we are here, I presume." She says evenly, her ruby eyes focusing only on Simon, who is obviously in charge. I, on the other hand, keep my gaze on Christopher. He looks edgy, and I'm prepared to pursue him should he flee.

He won't get very far.

"I fear that it is for unpleasant reasons," Simon responds, using the same even tone as Jane. He still looks calm and sure of himself; his gift must be very potent. I remain silent as he and Jane converse, simply waiting for the action that my body yearns for. This is good for me--the action. It is taking my mind off of things. It's been a while since I was actually involved in this kind of mission, because usually I am simply a guard for Aro. That's the job most of the higher ranking vampires have--guard the Ancients.

This has always been more fun.

"You have violated the laws of our kind," Jane declares with authority. She is, in essence, naming the terms of his death sentence. Yet Simon smiles even as she continues on. "The exposure of our race is at risk, and so it has been decided that you are to be terminated. Effective immediately."

Simon's grin grows wider with every word that escapes Jane's lips, and by the end it has completely consumed his face. At the end of Jane's customary speech, he actually begins to laugh loudly and with ease. Christopher laughs a bit with him, but his sounds much less confident and he stops when he sees the look on my face.

"Oh dear," Simon chuckles finally, smiling widely at Jane. "It is as I feared. Well, I'm sorry to inform you two that I do not intend to allow you to carry out this sentence. I'm terribly sorry."

I decide that this imbecile's jovial attitude has gone on long enough. After a quick, meaningful glance with Jane, I turn and break my silence at last.

"Tell me, Simon," I murmur quietly, drawing the two rogue's gazes over to me. "What exactly is your gift?"

Simon beams at me, all childish excitement and arrogance. "You're very perceptive, my lady." He says happily. I simply smirk back at him, inviting him to continue, which he does. "Well, since you so kindly asked, I shall enlighten you. I happen to be a paralyzer; I can stop you dead with a simple look. You won't be able to blink, breathe, or even so much as twitch once I've got you in my sights. It's terribly powerful, and it's not limited to one person at a time."

At the end of his explanation, which has left him inflated with pride, I simply nod and turn to Jane. The corner of her mouth twitches just slightly. I can see the amusement in her eyes, shining violently in the moonlight, and the beast within me stirs, preparing for the fight approaching. I'm going to crush this fool, leave him helpless and very, very disenchanted.

"Well, Simon," I say, turning back to face my opponent. "I guess that means you get to live for now."

He chuckles, obviously very happy with himself, but my next words will remedy that.

"At least until Aro decides whether he wants to keep you or not. For now, you're coming with me."

And as I move forward, I see the look of confidence in his eyes turn first into confusion and then into panic. He clings desperately onto the hope that his magic will stop me until I am almost upon him.

By the time he realizes that he is powerless, it is already too late.

**Later.**

Simon's screams follow me down the dreary halls of Volterra. The heavy doors to the Ancient's chamber swing shut behind me, but they do not block out the sounds of his pain. Aro calls it an initiation. The dictionary calls it torture. Once of the many ways vampires are _brought _into the guard.

Honestly, though, the screams don't phase me much at all. Ever since I got within five miles of the vampire city, all I have been able to think of has been getting back to Edward. Before, I thought that nothing could be worse than the conflicting feelings I experience when I'm with him. I was wrong. The worst thing possible was experiencing the aching _emptiness _that accompanied being away from him. This imprinting is incredibly strong, besting even my own thirst.

And so I dart to my quarters, anxious to get inside even though I'm dreading it all the same. As I reach the door, I'm so nervous it's almost ridiculous. I steel myself and turn the handle, stepping inside to face Edward again at last.

**A/N: This time it is so totally not my fault. My FF account got hacked! So don't hate…appreciate!!! **

**Cliffy? Sorry. Review for a peek!**


	12. Creature

**A/N: This is a bit short, but fear not...It's important. Be warned, this chapter contains graphic violence. Some of you will hate me for this…but I promise it will work out. Faith, my readers.**

**Mad World, Chapter 12: Creature**

_Go, run away in distress_

_try to hide from what's creeping and _

_crawling and stabbing _

_within _

_try to deny the turmoil inside_

_if you fight yourself hard enough _

_you'll never win any ounce of serenity _

_or a calm hope at best (or a calm hope at best) _

_can leave you heaving on the floor_

_ gasping for breath, _

_are you gasping for breath? _

_to be left on the floor gasping for breath _

_Chorus:you're either the person you are_

_or the person you're trying, trying,_

_trying (trying) to be _

_don't let the outside sway too far_

_ from where you want to be _

_and at any cruel moment's notice_

_you can ruin the best_

_ as your body is brutally pressed_

_ against the confines of your tense flesh_

_and if you close your eyes tight enough_

_ (then none of the bad can get in)_

_and if you close your eyes tight enough _

_(then none of the light can get in)the light can't get in (the light can't get in)_

His scent hits me like a tidal wave, totally engulfing and swallowing me whole. I stand uneasily just inside the door, trying to get a hold of my wild senses and thoughts that swim around in the intoxicating aroma. My mind is occupied entirely with thoughts of him, of getting to him. _He's close. Close. So close…_

Edward is not on the couch where I'd left him, not that I'd expected him to be. I can hear him though; his heartbeat sings in the air, calling to me from the depths of the long hallways. I follow my instincts, the pull guiding my feet with certainty to the one whose presence is tugging on my very being. I hear his breath, his movements, his pulse. It grows steadily louder the closer I get, and I'm practically vibrating with energy by the time I reach the room he is in. The part of me that is still rebelling against my imprinting is silent for now; drained due to the long absence I've experienced today. I can fight the need no longer, especially not with him so close.

Edward has apparently wandered into the library, and he stands with his back to me as I appear in the doorway. My dead heart gives a lurch when I spot him there, at the foot of one of the twenty three cases of books that decorate the room. His left hand trails slowly over the leathery spines of the books, and even from here I can hear his lips moving as he mouths the titles to himself. I let my eyes rove over his form, memorizing each and every detail immediately.

A yearning fills me, but I can't even identify what it is that I want. My fingers twitch nervously, and I feel my sanity slowly slipping even further away. I try to reign it in, but my success is minimal. The imprinted side of my brain is winning right now. The best "old Bella" can do is stand, motionless, resisting the urge to rush to Edward's side and…I don't know. I don't know what it is I yearn to do.

Minutes pass, and Edward takes exactly five steps to the left, still entranced by the books. Then, without warning, he turns his head to look over one shoulder. Almost immediately, his eyes connect with mine, twin beacons of insanity. Green clouds my vision once more, and I feel the tugging inside of me disappear entirely, and all stress seems to vanish from my body.

_Now I am where I belong._

That thought is much too strange for me to be comfortable with. _Too far, too far. _I struggle to bring myself back to at least some level of coherence, closing my eyes tightly to block it all out. But I can't keep them closed very long, and when I open them again I'm still under the control of the imprint.

At first, Edward's face shows surprise, and then fear. Slowly, this transforms into confusion, and he turns cautiously to face me. We stare at each other for a long time before at last he takes a deep breath and sighs. The sound shakes off the fog a little bit, and I once again struggle for control.

"I'm back," I say, for lack of anything better to start off with. It comes out a bit more like a threat than I had originally intended, and I watch creases appear on Edward's forehead. I shake my head for the thousandth time, feeling frustration grow within me. Once again, I feel like two entirely different people. This is getting old.

"I see that," Edward says after a pause, his voice shaking only slightly. He crosses his arms over his chest, still looking uncomfortable under my gaze.

_Afraid. He is afraid of me._

Without thinking, I move forwards towards him, pushed along by an innate desire to reassure him. I did not come to drink from him again; I am not so stupid as to try _that _again. I came only because I could no longer stay away any longer.

Though I do not move quickly--in fact, I move with almost human slowness-- Edward starts at my movements. He takes a step back, fear evident, and my instincts at last are in sync. On one hand, an unwanted part of me is wounded by the look in his eyes. The other part of me relishes it, instinctually feeding off of the terror. That one step back brings separate feelings and desires, but the reaction it elicits is uniform. I spring forward, and in the link of an eye Edward is pressed against the bookcase, my hands griping the wood on either side of him. I lock my gaze with his, and the fear has intensified. Something twists within me, and I cannot help but be sorry for having frightened him yet again. But the beast inside of me simply roars its approval, knowing that fear is a desirable expression for prey. Two sides, each battling for dominance within me. I have to close my eyes once more, the inner stress becoming painful.

Up close, his presence is like fire, burning its mark into my skin. His breath hits my face, and I feel as though I am the one being incapacitated. I open my eyes and take in his appearance, greedy in my visual feeding. This appeases both sides of me.

"Are you afraid?' I ask Edward, already knowing the answer. But I still want to hear him speak, wan tot know what he will say. Will he deny it? Edward's eyes darken slightly at my words, unappreciative of the implication of his weakness. So stubborn.

"You have given me no cause to feel otherwise," he answers, his voice hard but uneven. I force my face to remain impassive, but I feel unexpectedly wounded by his words. Wounded and ashamed of myself. But I resist this, and I try to focus on the situation at hand.

"You belong to me." I murmur, suddenly needing to say it. It sounds good, to acknowledge my ownership out loud. I smile slightly, unable to help it, but Edward just stiffens before me. He shifts slightly, and anger begins to make itself known on his features.

"Not by choice, monster. Do you honestly think I want to be here?" He spits, and his words are like knives. I recoil slightly, shocked by how much his words affect me. I don't know why they should, for why should Edward want to belong to me? I can think of no reason, and that saddens me further. Truly, my dead heart feels like it is breaking, an unfamiliar feeling. Deep within, I feel a deep desire to make Edward change his mind…to make him _want _to be here with me. Why? Why should this matter?

Edward continues to watch me, obviously waiting for a reaction from me, but I am lost in thought. It must be the imprinting. I never cared about what Edward thought before, so this must be the answer. Somehow, beyond the intense desire to be close to Edward, this condition is also causing me to actually want to be kind to him. Not only that, it is making his thoughts and feelings important to me, so that I am practically broken by the need to make him…_like me?_

I'm furious at how much this seems to be affecting me, and I quickly feel my anger fueled by how weak I have become. Hurt by the words and the impressions of a lowly _human. _I clench my hands, rendering handfuls of the wooden shelf to mere splinters. I glare at Edward, directing my frustration towards him. I can feel myself losing control, but for once I do not try to reign it in. Edward registers my shift in mood, but though he tenses up he does not look away. He does not back down. I can see all the hatred, the loathing in his eyes. Then, unbelievably, Edward ducks out from under my arm, so that now my incredulous gaze is fixed unseeingly on the books in front of me. I stand as still as a statue, not looking in Edward's direction even as he starts to back away from me. I'm a coiled spring, just waiting to explode.

"Please," Edward says, voice less angry and more calm than before. He takes another step away, but still I do not move. "Just leave me alone."

I snap.

I shove the bookcase, sending it crashing into another and causing them both to collapse in a shower of rubble. Books tumble out onto the ground, but I pay them no heed. I grab Edward roughly by the arm and push him forward, sending him sprawling upon the hard tiled floor. He grunts once as he hits, holding his injured arm close to his chest as he rolls with the impact. He ends up on his back, face twisted with pain as he stares back at me with fearful eyes. Through my anger-clouded vision, the sight is not so painful to see.

"Get up!" I snap at him, letting the anger take over entirely. Edward stays motionless on the ground, so instead I flit to his side. I weave my fingers deep into his wild mess of hair, taking a fistful of the coppery strands before jerking upward, hard. He cries out in pain as I force him to his feet, his back bent awkwardly in order to accommodate my shorter height. I release his hair and spin him around, shoving him hard in the back and causing him to stumble.

"Move!" Edward shuffles forward, tripping over himself in his efforts to get away from me. But he doesn't move fast enough for me, so I push him again. He barely keeps his balance as he scrambles out the library door. When we reach the hallways I jerk him by his shirt to the right snarling angrily at him to hurry up. Edward blunders as fast as he can down the dark and winding hallways, tripping every now and then in his haste. I follow behind him, a raging beast focused entirely upon pain and punishment. I occasionally lash out at the walls, gouging huge holes in the fragile wood.

I am on fire with a need for violence. The temper I try daily to control has now consumed me, turning me into the blackest form of devil. This feeling of utter chaos used to frighten me; now, it is a welcome change to the confusion brought about by the imprinting. But all of these thoughts are far from my mind as I push Edward at last into my bedroom, throwing him down upon the large canopy bed with one hand. The air whooshes from his lungs as he hits, and I am on top of him before he has stopped bouncing on the soft mattress, a knee on either side of his torso.

With a quick jerk of my hand, Edward's shirt is torn from his body. He gasps in protest as his pale skin comes into view, adding a small temperance of lust into the mixture of rage and frustration. But I am not here to take advantage of him like that, at least not yet. Instead, I shift myself off of him, moving to crouch just next to him on the bed. I glare at him for a moment, taking in the sight of his raw fear and relishing it. He looks at me with terror, his hands held just in front of him as if to ward me off. As if he could.

"Roll over," I snarl at the boy, easily capable of manipulating him by force, but wanting instead to do so by fear. Edward watches me briefly, hesitating. Immediately, my hand flashes towards him, slapping him hard in the face. He grunts in pain, his head snapping to the side from the impact, and blood rushes to his left cheek.

"Do as I say!" I roar, and the look on Edward's face tells me that I have sufficiently cowed him. He rolls over quickly, his hand still covering his cheek. I smirk at his obedience, sadistically pleased. I busy my hands by tearing the remains of Edward's shirt into thinner strips.

"Hands behind your head," I command in a low voice. Edward tenses visibly, but does as I have told him to without pause. No sooner has he clasped his hands together than I am taking them into my steely grip, winding the strip of clothing around his wrists deftly. Edward makes no sound as I bind him securely, simply shudders slightly when I pull the strips in tightly against his skin. Soon, I release my hold and look down at him, completely helpless before me on the bed.

I can control him with hardly any effort even when he is unbound; however, the feeling of helplessness will be stronger now, with his hands tied effectively behind him. Now, he has not even a delusion of control, and that is exactly how I mean it to be. I leap off the bed, turning to stand beside it and simply take in the sight of Edward lying shirtless and bound, his face buried in the pillow.

_Incredible, _I think to myself, grinning maliciously. _Perhaps I shall have to take him as well, once I am through with this lesson. Show him who he truly belongs to._

"Up on your knees," I direct Edward, my voice cold and hard. I make no move to help him as he struggles to his knees, having trouble because he cannot use his hands to aid him. At last, he is facing the headboard on his knees, his hands still behind his head. He does not look at me--keeps his head trained forward.

"Raise your arms above your head," I tell him next, moving in behind him with a second strip. I tie this piece around the center of the cloth that holds his hands together, loping it through the small bit of slack I'd purposefully left. Finished, I then attach the other end of the rope to the top bar of the canopy, forcing Edward to stretch upwards tightly. Satisfied, I once again leave the bed and stand to admire my work. Edward kneels on the mattress, arms stretched painfully up above him, bound to the iron bar of the bed's canopy. He does not struggle, but simply shifts around, looking in vain for a comfortable position to rest in.

"Do not turn to look at me," I order, letting him suffer silently in anticipation. He stays silent the whole time, but I know that will not last long. _Mouthwatering, _I remark silently. I let my eyes trace greedily over the taught muscles of his back for some time.

Lustful thoughts pushed aside for the time being, I move swiftly to my closet, sorting quickly through the clothes. At last, I find what I need, and I turn back around to face Edward. In my hands is a black leather belt--thin, and much too long for my waist. But it will serve this purpose perfectly. I stalk slowly towards the bed, running my fingers across the leather. I stand at the foot of the bed, silent for a time.

"How many times," I begin, drawing out my words purposefully, "have I told you that you belong to me?" I am silent for a moment, though Edward knows that I do not expect an answer. I flick the belt lazily, away from Edward, just to test it. Edward shifts at the sound, but then goes still. "I thought perhaps you had learned your lesson the other day, after I showed just how pathetically helpless you are to resist me." Still, Edward is silent, and I decide that I have stalled almost long enough. I ready the belt, delivering one last thought to my captive before I commence.

"It seems I must make you remember."

The belt sails through the air, arcing in what feels like slow-motion towards Edward's unsuspecting back. The leather slaps hard against his soft, pliable flesh. _Crack. _As it connects, Edward stiffens in surprise, and it is a few moments before the shock has worn off enough for him to cry out. The belt is pulled back quickly, leaving a thin pink welt on Edward's skin, turning a deeper red as the blood rushes to the area. Seconds later, I send the strap flying back towards the human's helpless body, eliciting a sharper cry of pain from the boy. Edward twists helplessly in his bonds, held tightly upright by the strips of cloth. His hands clench and unclench in futile motion, moving in time with his deep, ragged breaths.

The belt strikes him again and again.

_Crack. _

_Crack._

_Crack. _

Five identical stripes, swelling and beginning to turn an angry shade of red. Edward has stopped crying out by the third one, and instead he grunts with every blow he receives. I pause after the fifth strike, content to watch Edward squirm in pain for a while. I move silently around to the side of the bed, up far enough that I can now see the side of Edward's face. His eyes are closed tightly, his face contorted in pain. His jaw is clenched, straining to keep from making noise. I watch his body shake, and I bask in his fear, feeling powerful and _right. _Feeling how I should, how I have always felt. Like a predator. A monster.

I go back to the foot of the bed, this time climbing up on it so that I am right behind Edward. I trail the leather slowly over the tortured skin of his back, and he shudders visibly. I smile at him, though he cannot see.

"Maybe this will finally prove to you that your life is in my hands," I purr in a silky voice. "Hopefully, after this you will understand what your purpose is now. Do you know what it is, Edward?" I wait quietly, but the only noise Edward makes is a shaky breath drawn in, then released softly.

He yelps loudly as the belt smacks against his back once more, catching him off guard. I bare my teeth in a snarling grin, watching his muscles spasm.

"Do you know, Edward?" I ask again, keeping my voice just as smooth and taunting as before. He knows I expect an answer now…but still he is silent. I growl lowly, giving him one final chance to give in.

Nothing.

My next strike with the belt lands directly across the path of a previous one, adding new agony to the already swollen flesh. Before Edward can fully react to that hit, a second one is already rushing across his back, again hitting in the exact same place of an early lash. New pain, increased tenfold by the location of the hits, causes a scream to rip from the human boy's throat. He struggles wildly against his bonds, but to no avail. My anger once again clouds my vision, and the hits are continuous and steady.

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

By the time the leather pulls away from the last strike, Edward has been reduced to a sobbing mess. He wails with each slap of the belt, now hanging limply by his wrists from the bar. His body rocks with each loud sob, causing him even more pain as his welt-riddled back twists with every breath. His head has fallen forward, hanging dejectedly as he cries. I can smell the salt of his tears, and I can smell his blood rushing furiously beneath his tormented skin. I stop the blows at last, taking a pause before I get too carried away. This is why I decided to use the belt--there was much less of a chance that I would lose control and break a bone or something than if I had used my bare hands.

When Edward realizes the attack has stopped, he immediately begins to speak.

"Please," he chokes, voice rough from the pain. "Please stop. Please. No more, no more. I understand, I understand…" He trails off, taking deep, shuddering breaths. I take a deep breath, calming myself, before I respond to his words.

"What is your purpose?" I ask him, the words a quiet growl. I let the belt rest on the bed for now, prepared to pick it up again if Edward decides to be stubborn. But I doubt he will. He looks entirely submissive now, hanging limply by the ropes I tied to him.

"To do as you say," Edward stammers, confirming my thoughts. I smile at his words, and at once I need to see his face. I slip around him, moving to crouch in front of his kneeling form. He keeps his head down, still crying softly as I look at him. I put my hand under his chin and tilt his head upwards, forcing him to look at me. His eyes are red from crying, and completely devoid of an defiance. He looks scared--scared and in pain.

"Who do you belong to?" I ask, my voice quieter and softer than before. My anger is slowly fading, being replaced by….still I need to hear him say it.

Edward closes his eyes briefly, and one last tear falls down his cheek. Suddenly…I don't feel so powerful anymore. In an instant, my once overwhelming anger has vanished, replaced now by a crippling sense of guilt. Like a fire doused by a tidal wave, The shock causes my insides to spin. A complete one-eighty, and though it is too soft for Edward to hear, I cry out in emotional distress. My imprint returns with a vengeance, but before I can succumb to the agonizingly painful need to act on these needs, Edward speaks, his voice a whisper.

"You. I belong to you."

**A/N: Review, and tell me what you think of sadistic Bella. Did you think she was gone? Never fear…this is first and foremost a love story.**

**Leave me love. It was incredibly difficult to write this. I'd love to hear your ideas. And, as always, I'll send you a peek.**

**Let the madness continue.**


	13. Criminal

**A/N: I'm sorry I did not respond with a sneak peak. I literally wrote this whole thing today. Go figure. Still, it's really of time-jumping.  
**

**Mad World, Chapter 13: Criminal  
**

_Malevolent criminal, I_  
_ When the vision paints my mind_  
_ Cross the invisible line_  
_ And you'll be paid in kind_  
_ Malevolent criminal, I_  
_ When the vision paints my mind_  
_ Cross the invisible line_  
_ And you'll be paid in kind_

_ Hit it!_

_ Criminal, this suffering_  
_ It makes me think like a criminal_  
_ The suffering, when we're alone!_  
_ Criminal, this suffering_  
_ It makes me feel like a criminal_  
_ The suffering, when we're alone!_  
_ Typical, enough for me!_  
_ That I burn inside in agony!_  
_ What power will enable me_  
_ To bury my Vision!_  
_ The hunger coming over me_  
_ As I learn to hide the agony_  
_ To make a final remedy_  
_ To close the door, once and for all!_

It's dark now, at last. Not because the lights are off; that wouldn't be able to cloak me in such splendid darkness. Not because it is night, for that too would hardly affect my sight at all. No, for my kind there is really only one way to achieve such total, eclipsing darkness.

I shut my eyes.

I'm lying on a bed, motionless, and I try my best to eliminate all the distractions. The voices of other creatures lurking in the halls outside of my abode are an unwelcome distraction. So I shut them out. All I can hear is breathing…and a heartbeat. They encompass me, blanket me. Along with the searing heat of warm, living skin pressed against my chest, held there by my cold, hard arms, the sounds consume me. I lie completely still and do my best to just not _think._

Edward shifts in his sleep, moving even closer to me unconsciously. It is distracting, and against my better judgment I open one eye slightly. I see only the back of the human's head, the tangle of his bronze hair, lying on the pillow just inches from my face. The texture, evident even in the darkened room, is clear to me, and my right hand twitches slightly, involuntarily.

So much for no distractions.

Unwillingly, I find myself replaying the last few hours-hours that I'm sure will play through my mind many times before my wretched existence is over. Already I have gone over those fateful moments at least ten times, and it seems to only get more and more unpleasant with each visit. Still, it's compulsory. I can't keep my thoughts away-they are consuming me.

**Hours before...**

_Edward had collapsed almost immediately into my arms when I had finally released him from his bonds. I felt the heat of his tear-stained face press against my shoulder, and it was like fire on my icy skin. I swallowed the rising flood of guilt and forced myself not to look at the boy. Gently, I helped him to the edge of the bed, pulling him to his feet and allowing him to try and stand on his own. He got no further than a few steps when his knees buckled, and once again he wound up in my ever-ready grip. _

_In what seemed to be a familiar motion, I pulled Edward off of his feet and into my arms, feeling my insides twist when he whimpered in pain as my arm accidentally brushed his back. Stony faced, I set off at a slow pace towards Edward's room, not knowing where else to go. He never looked at me, and never said anything. I responded in kind, and in the thick tension we had entered his room, both silent. I set him down on top of the covers, taking care to avoid touching his wounds, and it was then that I made the fatal mistake. _

_I looked into his eyes. In them, I saw myself as he did…a monster. I had seen this many times before, in the eyes of my victims as they met their death under my hungry mouth. Before, this had only served to further me from humans; it's easier to kill things that you don't allow yourself to feel anything for. _

_It was different then, looking into Edward's eyes. It may have had something to do with the fact that I hadn't hurt a human for any reason other than to satisfy my thirst, until Edward. It felt less justifiable…even if he was only a human. But I knew even then that the primary cause of my pain was the feelings caused by the imprint. For those brief, violent moments, old Bella had been back with a vengeance. But as I stared into the sad, frightened and pained gaze of the one whose blood sung a siren's call, I felt guilty. To my very core, I felt ashamed, and sickened by my actions. Such a far cry from how I had felt in the moment, when the newfound power fueled my rage and caused me to commit acts that now I cringed to relive. _

_Edward averted his gaze almost immediately, unaware of my inner turmoil. He had turned to one side, moving slowly and gingerly. I heard him hiss with pain as his sore back touched the bed, and he immediately abandoned his plan of lying on his side. Instead, he rolled over onto his stomach, turning his head so that his left cheek was pressed against the pillow, his hands buried underneath. I watched him silently, his back rising and falling unevenly, and after a long moment, I heard a sob escape his lips. He would not look at me, but I could tell that he was crying again. The sound was terrible to me-it made me want to die. Never had I ever felt such extreme self-loathing as I did in that moment. I was practically paralyzed by it. I cursed myself in five different languages, my lips moving silently as they formed such horrendous words, even the devil would have been shocked. I put my hands to my temples and pressed, hard, against my granite skull. I was afire with silent agony. Then, as Edward rolled slightly into the fetal position, deep inside of me something broke. _

_Before I could even question my actions, I was crouched on the bed beside Edward, my hands resting gently on his shoulders. He stiffened immediately at my touch, but almost simultaneously I started murmuring words of reassurance to him. I spoke so quickly, I doubted he could even understand what I was saying, but he relaxed slightly, though his sobs did not cease and he did not turn to look at me. If anything, he just curled tighter into himself, trying to get away form me. I felt myself grow nauseated at his movement._

_I ran my left hand down his reddened back, barely touching his skin at all. He whimpered, the sound like a knife in my chest, but I did not pull away. I sat down slowly upon the bed, still keeping my right hand on his shoulder. I had no idea what I was doing: all I knew was that I had to do something. I felt so awful in that moment, I completely ignored my inner protests of being so soft and vulnerable. I let go of those usual inhibitions for a moment, and instead I focused on easing Edward's pain; in effect, my guilt would ease as well._

_As gently as I could, I pressed the palm of my hand against the most swollen of his welts. Edward cried out in pain and tried to pull away, but I held him firmly by the shoulder. _

"_Be still," I admonished him quietly. He obeyed after only a brief hesitation, probably because he was afraid of what I might due if he didn't. With a sigh, I went back to concentrating on his back. He was shivering because of the coldness of my skin, and I could tell the pressure on his wound, though gentle, was causing him considerable pain. Still, I knew the cold would help ease the swelling, and keep his skin form becoming enflamed. At least…I hoped it would._

_The contact of my skin on his sent jolts of the now familiar electricity through me, and I shuddered slightly because of it. I still wasn't used to it. It felt good, though…as much as I hated to admit it. The magnetic pull had evaporated, apparently appeased by our contact. That at least was a relief in and of itself. I didn't allow myself to dwell too much on it, though. It took enough of my concentration to touch Edward without hurting him. _

_Edward was still and silent as I released him and pressed both of my palms against his back, and I couldn't see his face. He shivered occasionally, and each time my hands shifted I could feel him tense in pain. I kept quiet, not knowing what to say, and also hoping that I could keep myself absorbed in the task so as not to let my mind wander. So for a long time, both of us were silent as I worked on getting his swelling down. It seemed to be working like I'd hoped, though if my hands left a particular spot alone for too long it would swell up again. After nearly an hour of silence, I finally sighed and removed my hands._

"_Edward," I said, my voice finally breaking the quiet. Edward's only response was to shift slightly, still not slowing me to see his face. I sighed again, running my hands slowly over my face. With a start, I realized that my skin now smelled like Edward. I inhaled deeply, the scent of him mixed with my own smell nearly caused me to faint from delirium. Something inside me sang with happiness at the smell, but I shook it off as quickly as I could, and removed my hands from my face._

"_Look at me, Edward." I instructed, trying to keep my voice even and calm despite my sudden dizziness. The boy turned slowly over to look at me, his face wincing with pain and streaked with dried tears. His eyes were bloodshot and tired, and the sight was another arrow through me. I suddenly felt tired, something vampires are not supposed to feel. Ever. _

_I knew that I was probably setting a record for the most sighs in one day, but I let another one escape my lips. I tried to make sense of my sudden fatigue, but I found I didn't have enough energy even for that. Instead, I looked away from Edward, up at the ceiling, before letting our gazes meet again._

"_Are you in too much pain to sleep?" I asked him, doing my best to keep the concern out of my voice. I wondered if he could see it in my eyes, and al most immediately I felt myself steel over. Old Bella made an appearance again._

"_I…" Edward paused, his voice rough and raspy. He closed his eyes then, and I immediately felt a sense of loss. "I don't know. I'm so tired…but…"_

"_But?" I asked, wanting him to finish his thought. He opened his eyes then, and they held a mix of emotions in them. _

"_My back," Edward whispered, the words cracking at the end, "it hurts." He shut his eyes again, and I allowed myself to shake my head in disgust with myself. I ground my teeth together, seeking strength to continue on. I was such a mess._

_Slowly, I lowered myself down onto the bed until at last I was lying right next to Edward. He opened his eyes, and I saw the surprise and confusion in them. I met his gaze briefly before I pushed gently on his shoulder until he slowly turned to lie on his side with his back to me. I hesitantly lifted an arm and placed it around his waist, and immediately Edward tensed. Still, I pulled him gingerly towards me, bringing his back flush up against my chest. Even though he was still stiff, I could hear Edward sigh as my cold skin soothed his back._

"_Sleep now," I murmured to him. I ignored the unnatural feeling of being so close to something living-something human. I also chose to ignore how tense Edward was, and I closed my eyes against the sight of him. _

"_It won't hurt so much now."_

_**Present time...**  
_

Now, finished with my play-back of the recent past, I open my eyes once more. Edward still sleeps in my arms, his scent close and all-encompassing. His heartbeat seems to reverberate through me, shaking my body slightly. With each inhalation, he unconsciously moves closer to me, and the burning on my skin grows stronger. I find myself counting each breath, if only to occupy my mind for a while.

Holding the human as he sleeps is pleasing to me, though I would never admit that to anyone. At the very least, it is distracting. And it does give me a bit of relief from the constant yearning desire to be next to him. Still, the vampire in me rebels against these feelings, not wanting to let him in too close. I didn't bring Edward here to be my friend…did I? I mentally berate myself for even entertaining the possibility, and I go back to distracting myself with counting.

Eventually, an immeasurable time later, Edward begins to stir. As his breathing quickens, I release my hold on him, ignoring the sensation of _loss_ as I do so. He stretches slightly, a grunt of pain escaping him, before he stiffens and rolls over to face me. He looks disoriented, and he blinks rapidly as he stares at me. I say nothing, just watch him move about and reorient himself. At last, he seems to remember everything, and he seems to suddenly become aware of just how close he is to me. With a start, he pulls away and sit up, wincing in pain as he does so. I roll easily onto my back, looking up at him with a carefully crafted expression of nonchalance.

Edward looks at me for a long time before at last breaking the silence.

"Were you…here all night?" He asks, his voice raspy and quiet. I nod quickly, still feigning indifference. Edward looks uncomfortable, but he doesn't say anything. I study his face for a moment, and as the silence continues for minutes on end, I wonder why it was I'd stayed all night.

**A few days later...**

The next few days pass by quickly, each one mostly the same as the one before it. Edward wakes, showers, and eats breakfast in silence. The rest of the day he spends doing a variety of activities, but still he avoids me at all costs. He keeps his eyes on the floor when I pass by, and he never addresses me directly. When I speak to him, he replies quickly, but makes his escape as soon as he deems it safe to do so. To be honest, his silence puts me on edge just a bit. Still, it's not so bad to just watch him move around the house. It makes it a bit easier to ignore the need to be touching or speaking to him always.

His back heals slowly, and it still pains me to watch him struggle to put his shirts on, or wince each time he leans back too quickly. He moves with such caution, and sometimes I catch him shutting his eyes tightly against the pain. It puts me in a dark mood, seeing him like that, and so most of the time I stalk around the house in a cloud of frustration. I suppose it's no wonder Edward avoids me. He has also never once stepped foot in the library after that night. I haven't either, and I'm sure the shelves are still in disarray and the books scattered everywhere. I don't care. I'm not going back in there.

Despite his avoidance during the day, Edward still sleeps next to me each night. The night following the first time I had held him, he had tossed and turned for almost two hours before I finally entered his room and pulled him back against me. Almost instantly, he had fallen asleep, and I felt a small bit of pleasure in the fact that I could at least make his sleep easier. Now, I don't know if he still needs me in order to sleep, but I continue to spend each night next to him, acting as his own personal ice block. It's the one time during the day when I touch him, and for those moments at least the only struggle I deal with are my own personal issues, not those of the imprint.

Regardless of the turmoil I face with Edward, I still have duties as General to perform. When I leave the "house"-both on business and just to _relax- _I don't tell Edward I'm going. Still, it seems he knows somehow, because whenever I come back I always smell his scent in one of the back bedrooms, and he never goes there when I'm nearby. I never actually _see_ him in there, I just know he goes there whenever I leave, because I can smell the traces of him. I wonder why exactly he keeps going there, but I find myself too wrapped up in other business to ask him about it.

A week after I'd used the belt on Edward, I find myself having to once again track down a delinquent vampire in Italy. Aro has ordered that I must go, because rumor has it that one of the rogues has a very powerful talent. Two grunt soldiers, new to the guard, accompany me to a isolated vineyard where the vampires are said to spend their days. We find the four law-breakers hiding in the barn just west of the house, and when they catch sight of us they immediately begin to panic.

"Please, just let us explain!" One of them cries out, backing away into a corner with her hands held up in surrender. I nod my head at one of my companions, and he launches himself at the woman, causing her to scream in fright. One of the other rogues, a small woman with midnight hair, locks her gaze on the new guard, and immediately he passes out cold. I quickly extend my shield to him, but he is coming around before it even reaches him.

_A temporary stunning attack, _I note, before widening my shield to protect my other companion as well. With the gifted vampire no longer able to use her gift, it is only a few minutes before we have killed the three no-so-talented rogues and are "escorting" the dark-haired one back to the city. My two assistants watch me with new respect in their eyes now, but my attention is no longer on them or our captive. It has traveled ahead of us, back to the tunnels of Volterra, to the human waiting for me back at my quarters.

I leave the prisoner with Alec, pushing past her immobile, numb form and heading straight back home. This is how most of my outings usually end-with me rushing back to Edward, despite the fact that his broken form pains me. I still don't like the imprint, but at least I've learned to deal with it now.

When I shut the door behind me, I immediately search for Edward's scent. I follow it swiftly, down past both of our bedrooms and into the farthest parts of the house. My interest peaks as I realize that Edward is in the back bedroom-the place I have never seen him enter or leave. I ghost around the corner, and then at last I am leaning in the doorframe, eager to see what it is that brings my singer here so diligently.

What I find both surprises and confuses me.

Edward is sitting down upon the bed, back turned to me. His head is bowed forward, and he seems to be wholly focused on whatever it is he holds in his hands. He stays that ay for a full minute as I watch, until at last my curiosity gets the best of me and I have to move forward. I slink forward, until I am standing just beside Edward. If he turns his head even slightly, I will enter his peripherals; however, he is so caught up in what he holds that he never even shifts his vision. When I catch sight of what is in his hands, I find myself equally entranced.

In his hands, held in a very tight grip, is a single photo. The edges are worn, suggesting that it has been clutched in this manner several times before. It is a picture of Edward's family-a professional portrait. They're close together: the children in seats and the parents standing behind them. Edward sits in the middle, his two sisters on either side of him. He smiles like the others do, but his seems too forced. His emerald eyes, though slightly distorted by the camera, are dull and sad. To the trained eye, Edward stands out amongst the happier, carefree looks of his family.

_So unhappy, even then. _

I hear Edward's breath hitch, and when I turn to look at him his eyes are wide with shock and locked on me. Almost immediately, he jumps to his feet, shoving the photo into his pocket. He backs away from me, holding his hands up in a silent plea.

"Please," Edward says, his voice tight. I look back at him mutely, wondering if my confusion is evident on my face. I have no idea why he's acting this way. I take a step towards him, and he flinches back as if I've struck him. I sigh, frustrated and maybe even a bit hurt.

"Please, what?" I ask, impatience and confusion coloring my voice. "I'm not going to hurt you." I add, wondering why he's suddenly so afraid. I try and connect the dots, but nothing makes sense.

Edward looks at me warily for a few moments before speaking, his voice hesitant.

"Don't take it," he whispers, still afraid. Subconsciously, I realize that this Edward is a far cry from the angry, indignant boy he'd been just a week ago. _I did that to him. _I cringe at my thoughts, but still I cannot figure out why exactly he is afraid right now.

"Don't take it?" I repeat slowly, phrasing it like a question. Edward nods, and I stare at him blankly for a few moments before at last realization dawns. "Your picture?" Edward nods at my question, and suddenly I feel even more awful than I have these past few days. I'm incredibly frustrated, mostly at myself. I run my hands through my hair in aggravation, but stop when I see Edwards fear grow.

"I'm not going to take your picture," I assure Edward in a low, calm voice. I take a step towards him, but this time he doesn't back away. I look deep into his eyes, searching for something that even I can't identify. I hold out my hand slowly. "May I see it?"

Edward stares at my hand as if it is some poisonous thing, but I force myself to keep it extended. Reluctantly, Edward reaches into his pocket and pulls out the photo. I can see how tightly he grips it, and it seems that it takes great effort for him to hand it to me. At last, he releases it, and I pull it slowly towards me. I look at it closer now, and I find my suspicions confirmed.

"You look unhappy," I remark, though as soon as the words leave my lips I regret them. Edward stiffens at my words, and a brief flash of anger crosses his face. It quickly disappears though, and he simply averts his eyes from mine.

"I didn't know what I had then," he murmurs, and the look on his face in that moment is so lost and sad. I have to fight the urge to reach out to him, to comfort him. Only the voice in the back of my head stops me from consoling the lost, unhappy boy.

_He doesn't want your sympathy. He hates you. And you are no friend to him, or any other pathetic, worthless human. He should mean nothing to you_

After that little internal reminder, I continue to study the portrait for a few brief moments before handing it back to Edward. I can see the visible relief on his face as he puts it quickly back into his pocket. I don't respond to the comment he made. Instead, I simply turn on my heel, pausing only briefly to speak once more to him.

"You don't have to hide that in here anymore."

With that, I flit away without so much as another word to him. I do my best to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach, and instead I focus on my frustration. I head to my room, intent upon having a scalding shower to wash away the grime and the unwanted sympathy for the boy who should have meant nothing to me.

**Three weeks later...**

It has now been over a month since I broke Edward's spirit. I've realized during that time that though Edward had once appeared strong, angry, and old beyond his years, he is still a lost, lonely child whose fear of me has turned him into a shell of his former self. Still, I have reason to believe that after so much time with no more violence from me, the old Edward is beginning to make an appearance. Once or twice, he's snapped at me, and though he apologized quickly both times, I could see the spark coming back. Unfortunately, I've also found him drinking twice during this past month, and after the second time I finally smashed the remaining bottles on the tile. Since then, Edward has sulked around, and I can tell that he misses his drunken escapes. I won't give in, though, because I wasn't going to allow him to get wasted in my house.

I'm finally returning home from a meeting with the captains. The meeting went late due to a recent concern of a vampire building an army to rise against us. The danger, as well as the validity of the threat, is still relatively unknown. Regardless, we want to be prepared for the worst, and so we began to issue patrols around the globe. The guard has eyes and ears everywhere; if there is an uprising in the making, we will find it.

I round a corner and suddenly, everything feels at once incredibly right and very, very wrong. I can smell Edward's scent, and at first that eases my stress…but then I realize that I _shouldn't _be able to smell him here. I'm still a fair distance away form my home, so why is it that he smells so close?

Panic consumes me. I race down the halls as break-neck speed, following Edward's scent as I barely avoid running into other vampires. Nothing good can come of Edward being outside of my home, and with every step I take my fear grows exponentially. Luckily, he smells very close, and as I fly around another corner, I see him at last.

The first thing I notice is the look of fear upon his face. He doesn't look at me, but still the terror is clear. The next thing I become aware of is that he isn't alone. A vampire stands close to him, maybe two feet away. I don't recognize his face, but I can see the obvious thirst written on his features. In an instant I'm in full predator mode, and in a flash I'm slamming into the vampire from the side, throwing him into a wall. Two other vampires hiss in surprise as they witness my attack, but then immediately turn and leave when they see the look in my eyes.

"Stay away!" I snarl, my voice menacing as I stand protectively between the unlucky vampire and Edward. I hear Edward gasp behind me, but I don't take my eyes off of the vampire for a second. He jumps to his feet quickly, but the fight dies in his eyes when he sees my face. He backs away from me, hands held in a gesture of surrender.

"I didn't touch him, General," he tells me pleadingly. "I knew he had to be yours. I wasn't going to feed form him, I swear. I could smell you on him, and I knew-"

"Shut up," I interrupt him, keeping my voice cold and threatening. I'm still seeing red, and I'm not in the mood for his excuses. I've never felt so many emotions at once, and I'm suddenly so protective of Edward that my body physically _aches. _I leap at the offending guard member, slashing his face with my fingers that are hooked like claws. He cries out and immediately turns to flee, and if I wasn't so afraid to leave Edward alone I would have chased him down and probably killed him. That thought alone scares me-I would have killed that guard just for _looking _at Edward.

As soon as the vampire disappears from view, I whip my head around to look at Edward He's cowering against the wall with a look of relief mingled with dread on his face. I rush to his side, pulling him up into my arms without a word. The second I have him I take off towards my home, focused on nothing but getting my singer to safety. His heart is racing, and the sound spurs me on to move faster than ever before. I barely stop in time to open the door before I'm rushing Edward into his bedroom. I place him down on his feet beside the bed, still consumed with nervous energy. I've never been this high-strung before, and the feelings from before are only beginning to fade. I pace lightning-fast across the room, never taking my eyes off Edward. He looks afraid, but he cannot keep up with my rapid movements.

Slowly, I feel myself calm down a bit, though some of the hysteria remains. I try to relax a bit, but my mind is having none of it. I come to a screeching halt right in front off Edward, and suddenly words are falling unbidden from my lips.

"Are you alright?" I ask, my voice several pitches higher than normal. "Did he hurt you?"

Edward stares at me as though I have two heads, then slowly shakes his head no. "I'm fine," he tells me, his voice quiet and timid.

I sigh with relief at his words, but then a different feeling takes over. Suddenly, I'm angry. Furious, with Edward. I feel rage boil in my veins and suddenly I'm screaming at him.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" I roar, causing Edward to yelp and jump backwards. I can't even start to regret scaring him, I'm so angry. "YOU COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! JESUS CHRIST, IF I HADN'T SHOWN UP, WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WOULD HAVE DONE TO YOU! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?"

Edward trembles as I rage before him, but stays silent. Still furious, I grab him by the arms and start to shake him. "TELL ME!"

Edward yells with pain, and the sound is all that makes me stop. "You're hurting me!" He screams, and I quickly release him as if he'd burned me. He rubs his sore arms and backs away from me again, fear evident in his eyes.

I take several deep breaths, attempting to get myself under control again. I feel bad for hurting him, and that guilt helps me to calm down a bit. I feel so unlike myself…

I feel scared.

"What were you doing out there?" I ask Edward, managing to keep my voice down slightly. I wait for him to give me a response, but he simply stares at the ground. I almost lose patience before he finally answers.

"I was leaving." He states slowly. His voice is low, but there is no mistaking his words, or the meaning behind them. I think my body actually goes into shock; I'm still as a statue and unable to process anything else. Those three words replay themselves over and over in my mind, getting louder and louder each time.

"Leaving?" I say, incredulously. Edward doesn't look at me for a long time, but when he does his eyes are filled with determination, and no sense of regret.

Cue the anger.

I roar with fury, breaking out of my stupor. Edward flinches, but he does not apologize for his words. I know that he won't.

"Leaving? Where would you go?" I snarl, feeling familiar madness take control. "You can't get out of here! You can't leave! You belong to _me." _I take a fistful of Edward's shirt with my last words. I can see the fear in his eyes, but dos not compare to the turmoil in my mind at just the _thought _of Edward leaving. It makes me crazy to even imagine it. Neither part of me, the selfish monster or the dependent imprint, is having any of that. "You belong to me!" I repeat, accenting each word with a shake.

"I don't want to!" Edward yells back, startling me with the volume and the venom of his tone. His eyes are a swirling storm of anger mixed with grief. He takes advantage of my stunned silence and continues to speak. "I can't take this anymore! Every day it's like I live in constant fear-fear that you'll snap and just kill me or beat me so badly I won't heal." I cringe at his words, knowing that I have indeed come very close to doing both of those things. But Edward isn't done.

"You took me from my family, my friends…from my life!" He screams, seeming to suddenly be dangerously close to tears. "What do you want me for? My blood? You haven't even taken it in weeks! What is the point?" At this point, I'm reeling from the wave of guilt and crushing sadness that fills me. Edward's words are like knives, and each syllable drives the blades in deeper. I'm too devastated to even try to fight the imprint feelings. I let them have me.

The last straw comes as Edward pulls down the collar of his shirt and tilts his head back. "There! You want my blood? Take it!" he shrieks. "I don't care anymore. Just kill me."

The emotions are too much. They're overwhelming. A part of me resents Edward for doing this to me, and that pat urges me to strike him, to punish him for using my biggest weakness against me; his blood. But the bigger part blanches at the thought of hurting him, and the frustration is self-directed. I let out a shattering howl of anger and hurt, and in my blind rage I pick up the bed and toss it right through the wall to it's left. Rubble is scattered all around the room, but I can't concentrate. I stare at Edward, trying to get a grip on myself. He stares at the hole in the wall, and then back at me. Fear is on his face, but also confusion.

_He expected me to hit him _I think, sickened. _He expected me to actually…_

_Kill him._

At last, the torrent of emotions dies down a bit. I feel worn out…eaten out from the inside. I stare at Edward plaintively, but he simply looks confused. I sigh heavily, running my hands over my face. I Don't know what I'm going to do. I don't even know what I want or who I am anymore.

"I'm not going to kill you," I tell Edward after a long silence. This much I know is true-I can't kill Edward. The thought is physically painful to me. "I promise."

Edward watches me for a long time, an the expression on his face is unrecognizable to me. I turn away from him at last, deciding I can't take any more of this. Leaving Edward alone to his thoughts, I walk slowly out of the room, my feet feeling heavy and sluggish. I walk blindly through the hallways until at last I stumble into my bedroom. One look at the bed, however, send me staggering away. I can't even look at it after what I did there…

I find myself eventually in a random bedroom, one of the many that is scattered all around my home. I don't know why there are o many, but I'm in no mood to complain. I simply fall down upon the bed, trying to find solace in the soft sheets and pillows. I wish desperately, not for the first time, that I could rest my mind and body with sleep. Impossible, but oh how I wish I could. Instead, I close my eyes, surrendering myself once more to blessed darkness.

**A/N: What do you think Bella/Edward will do next? Will Bella ever just give in to her feelings? **

**Oh, and if you need a beta, check out Projectteambeta! It's seriously great, and very fast!**

**Leave me love! :)  
**


	14. Amazing

**A/N: Thank you for being patient. Look on my profile for my excuses :P This chapter marks an important first step in a transformation of sorts…enjoy.**

**Mad world, Chapter 14: Amazing**

_It's amazing, I'm the reason_  
_Everybody fired up this evening_  
_I'm exhausted, barely breathing_  
_Holding on to what I believe in_

_No matter what you'll never take that from me_  
_My reign is as far as your eyes can see_

_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin'_  
_ (Let's go)_

_I'm a monster, I'm a killer_  
_I know I'm wrong, yeah_  
_I'm a problem that'll never ever be solved_

_And no matter what you'll never take that from me_  
_My reign is as far as your eyes can see_

_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin'_  
_ (Let's go)_

_I'm a monster, I'm a maven_  
_I know this world is changin'_  
_Never gave in, never gave up_  
_I'm the only thing I'm afraid of_

_No matter what you'll never take that from me_  
_My reign is as far as your eyes can see_

_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin'_

_I'm amazin', yeah, I'm all that_  
_If I ain't on my grind then what you call that?_  
_Victorious, yeah, we warriors_  
_We make history, strive off victory_

_Standing at my podium_  
_I'm trying watch my sodium_  
_Die high blood pressure_  
_You even let the Feds getcha_

_I'm amazin', born on the full moon_  
_I was bred to get it in, no spoon_  
_That's why I'm so goose, summer time, no juice_  
_Big family, small house, no rooms_

_They like, oh God, why you go so hard?_  
_Look what he's been through_  
_He deserves an applause_

_So amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin', so amazin', so amazin', so amazin'_  
_It's amazin'_

"I don't care how much it costs," I say through gritted teeth. "I want it bought, I want it furnished, and I want it by tomorrow. What part of that do you not understand?"

I can hear the agent sigh on the other side of the line, and I just barely resist the urge to snarl into the receiver. The small cell phone I'm borrowing form Jane in my hand cracks slightly as I squeeze it in frustration. I'm pacing the floor of my study, trying to keep from verbally destroying the incompetent human whose whining, trembling voice is about to drive me insane.

"I'm very sorry, Ms. Volturi," she pleads. "I'm just not sure how you expect me to move the current owners out and then move more furniture in with just 24 hours -"

"I expect you to do your job!" I nearly shout, cutting her off mid-sentence. "I am paying good money for this, and how you do that job is none of my concern."

"But I -" the agent starts, but again I interrupt her.

"Shut up!" I snap, and there is nothing but silence on the other end. Good. "I have no patience for your excuses, you idiotic girl. Put your supervisor on the phone. I'm tired of your stupidity."

"Please, Ms. Volturi," the girl whimpers, sounding close to tears. She relents to my demands at last. "I'll get it done, ok? The house will be ready by noon tomorrow, I promise. Please."

I take in slow, deep breaths and will myself to calm down. "Fine." I snap, glad to be done with the negotiating. "Noon. Oh, and if the house is unsatisfactory when I arrive tomorrow, I _will _have you fired."

With that, I hang up abruptly. A low, angry growl rumbles from my chest for a few seconds, before I turn and toss the phone down onto the desk. _Thank God, that's over with. _I had no idea it was going to be so hard to purchase a fucking _house. _It wasn't as if I had asked that woman to build the damn thing. Half an hour on the phone - which was twenty minutes too long in my opinion - was enough to make me feel like it would be worth it to actually build a house myself. I shake my head once more in disgust. _At least it's over._

Now I have to do the really hard part. The part I've been dreading. Better to get it out of the way, I guess. Still, I take my time walking out the front door, taking care to lock the door behind me. I don't leave it open anymore, incase a certain suicidal human decides to take a stroll down death row.

"Come in, Isabella," a voice calls through the door before I have time to knock. _Here goes nothing. _I push the huge doors open and carefully construct a mask of confidence and certainty. The three thrones before me are empty and a lone figure waits in the room for me, standing in the center of the floor. His ruby eyes are appraising and his smile is in place. Neither is necessarily a good sign.

"Aro," I greet, bowing my head slightly in recognition. "I need to discuss something with you."

Aro continues to smile but says nothing. Instead, he holds out one hand as I approach, his eyes emotionless and dark. I pause only slightly at his offered hand, but I already know what I have to do. I place my hand in his as confidently as I can, and I reluctantly pull back my mental shields. I knew I'd have to do this before I entered the room, but it is still an uncomfortable feeling.

It's like I'm being sucked into a vacuum. I can feel my memories being drawn from my mind and into Aro's, making me ache to pull my defenses backup. I resist, and after only a few seconds Aro releases my hand. His eyes are wide, surprised, but his smile is even bigger than before. His pearly white teeth look menacing and unnatural. I resist the urge to shudder.

"Well, well," Aro whispers after a long, uncomfortable pause. I keep my face impassive, though I know it makes no difference since he already knows every thought I've ever had. He knows how I feel about him. He knows everything I've ever felt and can probably guess how I'll feel about things to come. This isn't the first time that I've let Aro into my mind, but it's probably the only time I had so much riding on it.

After waiting a few anxious minutes, during which Aro muses over everything he has just learned, the Ancient finally breaks the silence. "So his name is Edward," he breathes, and immediately I tense up. I'm instinctively defensive about this subject, and I don't like the curious look that passes over Aro's face at the mention of my singer.

"You manage to continue to resist your imprinting," Aro says after a brief pause, sounding both impressed and confused. His eyes bore into mine, as though trying to see right through me. "Afraid of giving your heart, Isabella?"

His question catches me off guard, and Aro laughs at the incredulous look on my face. He can tell he has hit a nerve. "Oh, but it is a lost cause! No one can ignore an imprinting, so you're only causing the two of you a lot of pain by fighting it."

I don't respond to his words. I don't know how. I bristle inwardly at the audacity of the Ancient before me: he has no business telling me what to do in this matter. I can't tell him that, though, so I simply watch him carefully before bringing up what I'm really here or, though surely he already knows, since I'd just bared my thoughts to him.

"About the house -" I begin. Aro cuts me off with a sound of realization.

"Ah yes, I'd almost forgotten." He smile at me that same smile, and to my relief he does not mention Edward or the imprint again. "Of course, it is completely up to you where you'd like to stay, Isabella. No one is going to force you to live here."

_Oh, I don't know about that, _I think cynically, though I feel an immense wave of relief wash over me. I nod and open my mouth to thank Aro for his time, but it appears he is not finished speaking.

"Still, I trust this will not impede your ability to serve the Guard." The smile is gone from Aro's face, and his tone is cold and entirely serious. His eyes are dark and impossibly deep - pits formed from thousands of years of violence. The waxy skin is taught, defining his sharp features and ,making him appear entirely supernatural. This, I believe, is the true Aro- the one that generally is hidden behind his false smiles and cheery voice. This is the face of Aro, the mastermind leader of the world's deadliest predator. It's intimidating, even to one as powerful as I, and it is not an expression to be taken lightly.

I nod in response to his implied question, and the intensity leaves his face almost immediately. It's a complete one-eighty, and it's even more unsettling than his fierce expression from before. This is the second time he has become this way, and both times had to do with my duties to the Guard. I resolve to prove to him that I can handle my position along with all the other nonsense I have going on.

"Don't forget, Isabella, that I still desire to meet this _Edward _of yours." I feel myself grow cold at Aro's reminder, but I put on a brave face and nod again, relenting for now.

"Soon," I murmur. The old vampire rubs his palms together, and then puts a hand on my shoulder. I cringe inwardly at his touch, but force myself to be still. "Thank you for your time, Aro."

I cannot leave the room fast enough. A million thoughts run through my mind as I flit through the halls back towards what will soon be my "old" home. _Will this come back to bite me? Why do I get the feeling I just made a big mistake letting Aro in?_

All these thoughts are pushed to the back of my mind as I enter through the door and Edward's scent hits me full-force. The impact hasn't lessened over time - if anything it has gotten worse. It's been three days since Edward attempted to "run away", and since then I haven't said a word to him. He avoids me like the plague, and I'm honestly just too tired to deal with him. The increased separation has made the pieces of him I cannot avoid all the more potent. Now, though, I'm about to put an end to the distance.

"Edward!" I call, not feeling up to finding him. "Come here!"

I listen intently while I move about the room, gathering stray pieces of paper that I had pulled out earlier. At first I don't hear much of anything, but then I make out the sound of Edward's footsteps coming from far away. I move to stand by the front door as he approaches, and when I turn around he emerges from the darkened halls. Each time I see him, it's like a slug to the chest. The mixed emotions swirl about, but above all what I feel is intense desire. I have to swallow down the instinctive urge to rush to his side.

Edward's eyes are narrowed slightly as he stops in the entry way. His heartbeat is faster than usual, and his breathing is slightly accelerated. I wonder what has him so on edge, before I remember that it's probably just _me. _

"Pack your things." I turn my eyes swiftly away from my singer as I speak and instead I scan the room to make sure I haven't forgotten anything. Not finding anything, I look up again as I hear Edward's breath hitch. His eyes are suddenly wide, and his looks as if I have just announced that I was in fact not really a vampire. I eye him warily, completely lost as to what is going on in his mind.

"Where are we going?" Edward's voice is barely above a whisper, and he looks…hopeful? He appears to be holding his breath and his whole body is ridged. His eyes are suddenly alight with excitement. I cock my head to one side, bewildered, but decide to just go with it.

"To a house a ways outside of the city. It won't be ready until -" I start, but my words falter as I watch Edward's face fall. The hope dies in his eyes, and immediately his entire posture slumps. His gaze falls to the floor, but his face is a clear canvas of pain and anger.

I stand there and watch as Edward seems to come undone, and I cannot remember a time in my life when I have been more confused. I want to go to Edward's side and comfort him, but I'm not even sure what it is I have done to hurt him so. I study him for a moment before deciding to just ask him.

"Is something wrong?" Ok, that's a stupid thing to ask, but I'm not used to dealing with these kinds of situations. I feel incredibly uncomfortable, and there's an aching in my chest that's caused by Edward's devastated look. He doesn't even acknowledge that I have spoken for almost a full minute, and when he does speak his answer is a lie.

"No. Nothing."

I sigh in frustration and run a hand absently over my face. _Damn. _I know Edward is lying but I'm unsure of how to address that. I try to run through exactly what happened in my mind and figure out what it was that I did. It takes me about ten seconds of replay before I'm struck by the realization.

_He thought you were taking him home. _I groan aloud, and Edward looks up at me in surprise. The look of defeat in his eyes is painful, and I want to punch myself in the face. _How terribly insensitive can I be? _I do my best to hide my disappointment in myself from Edward, but I don't think I succeed.

"It'll be better there," I offer in a lame attempt to reconcile my earlier mistake. I don't really even know _why _I should feel sorry; It's not like I actually _want_ him to go home, or that I purposefully made him think that I was going to let him. Still, I feel like an ass.

Edward shrugs at my words, and I shut my eyes in frustration. "Let's just go," I say, my voice flat and lifeless. "We can buy you new clothes." I really don't want to be here any longer than necessary. I need to move, to relieve some of the unease I feel.

Edward moves sluggishly forward as I beckon him and does not question or protest. I think perhaps he simply is too disheartened to care. He brushes past me as I remain in the door way, gesturing for him to walk ahead of me. I close the door behind me as I follow him out into the hall, and suddenly I am very much on edge.

"Stay right next to me, and don't look anyone in the eye," I murmur as I move to stand right next to him. I put my hand on his forearm, and he immediately stiffens. He looks down at me, his expression confused, but I'm too distracted by all the electricity buzzing through us to reassure him. His unhappiness is temporarily forgotten as my primary concern switches to getting through the vampire city safely.

I lead him through the shadowed halls, keeping my head high and my senses alert. There are many vampires out and about here, and each of them eyes us as we walk past. I can see the hunger in their shining eyes, but they make no move towards us. My hand stays on Edward's arm possessively, and I know any vampire in his right mind won't attack him as long as it's clear that he is mine.

Edward is tense, and his rushing heartbeat is distracting to me. His pulse is incredibly fast and strong, and I can smell the fear coming off of him in waves. I worry that this will drive the hungry predators crazy with bloodlust, and I tell him as much as we continue to navigate Volterra at a pace that is much too slow.

"I'm walking through a city of _vampires_," he whispers in response, his voice shaky but indignant. "How can I _not_ be afraid?"

I tighten my grip on his forearm slightly, shooting a glare at the vampire nearest to us. "Nothing can hurt you so long as I am here," I tell him, my voice half-growl. I am sure of my words - I know that I'm the most dangerous thing walking these streets.

Edward laughs bitterly at my words, and past my initial annoyance I feel guilty, for I know what he is implying. It would be foolish for me to assume he'll ever feel safe because of _me. _I don't acknowledge his laughter, and I don't stop walking.

We make it out of the city at last, and Edward shields his eyes from the brightness of the outside world. We are standing in the bottom level of the covered parking lot, but it is still much brighter out here. The sun will not set for another hour or so, and so I am covered with as much clothing as I can without being to obvious: A tight pair of fitted black leggings and a charcoal sweater, plus a pair of dark sunglasses to hide my red irises. Hopefully, by the time we get to where we are going the sun will have gone down, but I'm not about to take any chances.

I set off purposefully towards the back of the lot, still holding onto Edward's arm. Honestly, even I can't pretend it's purely for safety reasons. Edward pauses as we pass the Aero, his eyes roaming longingly over its sleek form.

"Aren't we taking your car?" he asks, sounding at least a little bit disappointed. I smile in spite of myself, though he does not see. The entire lot is filled with nice cars, but certainly none of them are quite as intimidating as mine. It is definitely an impressive car.

"Not that one," I reply, pulling him away form his ogling of the sports car. We head farther back until we pull to a stop next to a shining black car with pristine silver rims. I look over my shoulder at Edward and I'm pleased by the dazed look on his face.

"This is a Rolls Royce Phantom," he all but whispers. I nod, slightly impressed that he recognizes it. This is one of my favorite cars: it's sleek, stylish and powerful. Plus, it has enough trunk and back-seat space to hold stuff, so it'll be convenient today.

We get into the car and I turn the key that is already waiting in the ignition. Edward looks surprised.

"You just leave the keys in here, all the time?" he asks incredulously. I shrug and nod at him, pulling the car out of the space and whipping it around masterfully.

"You really think anyone will be stealing cars from vampires?" I laugh, picturing the idea and finding it seriously amusing. Edward just shakes his head at me, but I 'm feeling like a huge load has been lifted off of my shoulders, now that Edward no longer seems depressed. I push away the thought that says it shouldn't matter either way, because honestly I'm tired of all the damn angst.

"Where are we going?" Edward asks after a few minutes of silence. I glance at him quickly, unsure of whether or not this is digging up the sore subject of his not going home.

"Moving to a house outside of the city," I reply at last, keeping my voice steady. "First, we're going to buy some necessities…well, for you, anyway."

"But why?" Edward asks, and I realize that this is probably the most we have ever spoken to each other. The thought is both exciting and discouraging. Still, my momentary resolution is to keep the angst out, so I do my best to simply enjoy the relief I feel.

"Mostly, so that I don't have to worry about you running out and getting eaten," I reply, the words coming out before I can sensor them. Edward's mouth pops open in surprise, but he doesn't argue with what I've said. Oh well. It's the truth. "Also, because I'm sick of carrying all that disgusting food all the way down there. This will be much more convenient."

Edward stays silent, seeming to absorb this, and for the rest of the trip to the local market nothing else is said. We pull up to a grocery store and I manage to park in the shade of the building. The sun has nearly set, so I'm not particularly worried about exposing myself. I get out of the car at a humanly slow speed, and Edward does the same.

"You're coming in too?" he asks, looking surprised. I nod back at him, feeling uneasy just at the thought of leaving him alone. I'm not going to risk him doing something stupid…again.

As we walk towards the entrance, I once again realize that this is the most I've interacted with Edward since he has been with me. He seems to be talking much more than usual, and he doesn't even seem to be quite as intimidated by me. Yes, a small part me doesn't like that, but I tell that part to shut the hell up. _Just let me relax for one goddamn day._

The smell in the food store is revolting, but I do my best not to breathe. I follow Edward around like a shadow, watching all the other humans suspiciously through my dark shades. They all seem intrigued by us, but none want to stand too close to me. I guess they're smart at least on some level.

"Can I get this?" Edward asks all of a sudden, pointing over at some kind of vegetable. I barely glance at it before returning to my surveillance.

"Whatever you want," I tell him dismissively. There's a little girl at the other end of the aisle that studies Edward too closely for my liking. I glare at her, and when she sees my face she goes pale and runs back to her mother. Serves her right.

"I'd have to cook this," Edward informs me, as we walk down the meat section a few minutes later. I turn my attention back to him, and for a moment I am struck by how green his eyes look in the bright lighting.

"The house has a kitchen," I murmur, still a bit dazed. I can hardly even remember what it was he asked me.

"But I thought you said -" Edward begins, but I cut him off with a loud sigh.

"Edward, just buy whatever the hell you want, ok?" My voice comes out angry and loud, and I notice the way he flinches away from me. I feel guilty, because I didn't mean to snap; I'm just on edge since we're out in public. I'm even more frustrated now, so I don't even try to remedy the situation. I take a hold of the cart and push it past Edward, just to have something to do. _I'm so not cut out for this shit…_

We don't speak again, and as we get back in the car I begin to miss the easy atmosphere from before. I watch Edward out of the corner of my eye, and the uncomfortable look on his face makes me feel uneasy too. I silently curse myself for always making things so difficult.

The oppressing silence is still in effect when we arrive at a local electronics store. Edward seems to perk up a little bit when he realizes what the store sells, and I figure it must be a guy thing. Or maybe a human thing. Regardless, he looks excited as we enter through the glass doors.

"Shit," he murmurs, glancing around at the insane amount of highly advanced electronics spread throughout the store. I'm not exactly sure what the big deal is, but I figure I should seize the opportunity to make Edward a little less uncomfortable. An attendant approaches us as soon as we enter, though I can tell that he seems a bit nervous in my presence. He eyes me speculatively before deciding to face Edward instead.

"Welcome!" he greets us cheerily. "What can I help you find today? We have a special on our flat screens today, and all of our computer monitors come with a free printer!"

I step slightly in front of Edward, drawing the employee's eyes reluctantly over to me. Edward's heat radiates out towards me, and for a moment the sensation distracts me for a bit. I distantly decide that the store attendant doesn't smell appealing at all - especially not with Edward standing so close.

"I'm looking for a phone," I inform the geeky-looking man. I'd decided that having a way to be instantly alerted by the Volturi would be a good investment, and I currently have Jane's cell number on a piece of paper sitting in my car's glove box. She'd looked at me oddly when she discovered I didn't have one that I regularly used, but really, why would I have?

The attendant nods and leads us over to a large shelf filled with expensive looking phones. He chatters on and on about their various features, but I honestly don't care much about what he's saying. All I really need is something to make and receive calls. What's more interesting to me at the moment is the way Edward wanders a few feet away to stare at the laptops, his eyes wide with excitement. I realize I haven't seen him like this…ever. For once, when he rakes his hands through his mess of bronze hair, it's because of excitement and not out of frustration. It's fascinating.

The specialist must sense that my attention has wandered, because he goes to stand beside Edward, nodding enthusiastically at whatever computer he's looking at.

"Ah, yes, the Rock Extreme SL8. A fine choice, sir. Huge amounts of RAM: a staggering 8GB. Runs blue-ray, and of course is very stylish. Excellent piece."

"No laptops," I interrupt, drawing both men's attention back to me. The employee looks a bit nervous because of my abrupt tone. Edward looks a bit aggravated, and also a little withdrawn. I feel a twinge of regret, but I simply cannot allow him to have laptop - I won't have him contacting anyone via the internet.

"I was just _looking_," he responds, his voice defensive. We have a short, tense staring match as he glares at me and I stare back with a cold expression. He looks away at last, huffing in frustration and I shake my head, exasperated. _Why is it always so _difficult _to talk to Edward?_

"Well, perhaps you'd be interested in something else?" the attendant offers, feeling the awkwardness. Edward ignores him and looks off into the distance with a scowl on his face. The confused man looks at me pleadingly, and I take pity on him after a moment.

"Is there anything - besides the laptop - that you'd like?" I ask Edward, deciding that it's my best bet for making all this tension dissipate. Edward turns to me, surprised at having been asked such a question. I'm a bit surprised at my sudden generosity too, but if some new technological junk will make my life with Edward easier, then I'm not going to complain. This is the new route I've decided to take - generosity. Certainly, I have no shortage of money or connections.

When Edward is certain that I'm serious about my question, his expression morphs slowly from surprise to distrust. When the skin of his brow creases into a frown, I quickly step close to him, placing my hand gently but firmly upon his forearm to still him. I lean in close, my lips just centimeters away from his ear. He smells intoxicating, but I try not to dwell on that fact. Besides, the feeling of being so close to him is more exhilarating than the smell of his blood.

"Don't be stubborn, Edward," I warn him, and I feel his body shiver slightly. I swallow hard, aware that my eyes have blackened with desire. I feel the tug towards Edward's blood, but also simply towards _him. _I'm entirely sure that the latter is a stronger tug.

I pull back with great difficulty, and the look on Edward's face is a bit confusing. The strange, unfamiliar look disappears quickly though, and I can tell he is considering my words. The nearly forgotten employee clears his throat after the long pause, and Edward starts.

"Umm…well…I don't know…"

The attendant breaks in, gently, sensing Edward's distress. "We have several wonderful TVs, sir. Perhaps you'd like to see some of those?"

Edward glances at me, and when I nod he follows the attendant to their large TV display. Immediately he rushes to one of the largest and shiniest of the many brands, and he and the specialist begin chattering excitedly. I trail along behind them, feeling at once relieved and like a total sucker.

_So much for fearsome, you pushover._

About an hour later Edward and I exit the store, carrying only a small bag that contains my new Ferrari Giallo GSM phone (an outrageously expensive device that I'd only chosen because I recognized the brand and it had made Edward gasp out loud.) It isn't because we hadn't bought other things - quite the opposite, actually. I now own a 100-inch Optoma BigVizion flat screen TV and a six-piece surround-sound system. The cost would have made most people fall over in a dead faint, but Edward had seemed excited, and I didn't really care about the money. I had simply pulled out my Visa - black with the word "Onore" written in elegant gold script.

_Honor. _Every guard member has it written on one item or another, and at times they had it pretty much everywhere. It's what we're supposed to stand for, what we're supposed to embody. Now, whether or not we've accomplished that depends on who you ask.

The TV and surround system are to arrive tomorrow around three pm, because I don't think they would have fit in my Phantom. Besides, I don't even know where I'm supposed to put that monstrosity, or even if I have a wall big enough and strong enough to fit it. I suppose I can always replace it.

"How much was all that?" Edward asks as we pull out of the lot. He looks slightly unhappy again, which puzzles me. I shrug at his question, turning to look at him briefly.

"Doesn't matter." Edward doesn't seem pleased by my answer, though I have no idea why not. I wonder if trying to decipher his emotions can give even a vampire a headache.

After a long pause, Edward speaks again.

"Why did you buy all of that?" Ok, now his tone is definitely bordering on hostile. I turn to him, raising one eyebrow in question. He meets my gaze, and I can see he is indeed getting agitated. Why? I have no idea, but it's starting to make me angry. What does he want from me?

"Because that's what you wanted…" I answer, making the statement sound a bit more like a question than a statement. I maneuver the car easily through the traffic while still keeping my focus on Edward, who seems to be steeling himself for something. I can practically see the hostility rising up in him.

"You think you can just spend a couple thousand dollars and make everything ok?" His teeth are clenched tightly, and the words are practically spit through them. The implication surprises me, and is also slightly wounding. I'm also a bit taken aback by the intense distaste I can sense from him.

"A couple thousand? Try more like twenty-five thousand." My words are calm and devoid of any of the many emotions running through me right now. Edward bristles further at my response, and I take of my sunglasses so that I can run my hand over my eyes. Normally, I would have blown up and ripped Edward to pieces with words, or perhaps even with physical violence. Now, I fight desperately to keep from doing either, because I know it will only make things harder for the both of us later on. Staying calm has never been my strong suit, but for the sake of my sanity I try.

"I have no delusions about your feelings concerning me, Edward." There. That seems to snap Edward out of the rising temper he was approaching. He studies my face, seeming caught off-guard by the bluntness of my words. They're true, too; I don't pretend to be anything less despicable than I am, and I know Edward feels nothing for me but fear and hatred. It hurts me to know these things, but I do not deny them.

"So why, then?" Edward asks, his voice much lower and less harsh. I let my shoulders slump out of weariness, tired of arguing or trying to reason through my actions when even I don't understand myself.

"I don't know," I answer honestly. I pause for a second, then decide to just damn it all to hell and actually be honest with Edward. "Maybe I just get tired of playing the monster all the time."

**A/N: Well? Can you see the slow but sure change taking place? What do you think? Leave me reviews, please. Thanks to all of you who are pimping me out. Follow me on twitter at Gotellalice for updates, story suggestions and random things hahaha.  
**

**Stay mad, people.**


	15. If I had You

**A/N: Surprised? Me too. This is for zuni-yesi. **

**Mad World, Chapter 15: If I had You**

_So I got my boots on, _

_got the right 'mount of leather And I'm doing me up _

_with a black color liner And I'm workin' my strut _

_but I know it don't matter All we need in this world_

_is some love There's a thin line _

_'tween the dark side _

_and the light side _

_baby tonight It's a struggle_

_gotta rumble _

_trying to find it But if I had you, _

_that would be the only thing _

_I'd ever need Yeah if I had you, _

_then money fame and fortune _

_never could compete If I had you, _

_life would be a party _

_it'd be ecstasy Yeah, if I had you _

_If I had you._

"I'm starving."

I turn to look at Edward as I pull out of the lot of the department store. He's slumped down in his seat, his eyes meeting mine with what I assume is a pleading expression.

We've just finished getting Edward a new wardrobe; an endeavor that took longer than it should have. I swear, the boy is way too picky - a shirt is a shirt, right? Not to Edward. He stared at each one as though trying to discover some secret hidden in the fabric. It was incredibly frustrating…but also slightly endearing.

_Endearing? Since when is that even in my vocabulary?_

"There's food in the back," I respond, shaking off my inner musings. Edward shakes his head at me, seeming exasperated.

"I don't want chips or candy," he responds in a slightly whiny voice that causes me to roll my eyes behind my glasses. "That's all I've eaten for…however long I've been with you."

"Well you could always just _not_ eat, then," I retort, feeling slightly annoyed by his words. It's not my job to make sure he has a variety of foods to eat; he's lucky I even allow that garbage in my house and my car.

"So could you…" Edward's words are so soft, I almost don't catch all of what he's said. Thanks to my superior vampire hearing, I do, but I'm about to make him wish that I hadn't.

The tires on the car screech as I slam on the brakes and jerk the wheel to one side. We pull off the main road and onto a small side road that's practically deserted. Edward curses as the car lurches forward and his seat belt strains to keep him from flying through the windshield. I jerk the car into an alleyway and slam the brakes again, bringing the car to a screeching halt.

In a flash I'm out of the car and at the passenger side. Edward doesn't have time to react before I'm wrenching his door open and yanking him out of his seat by his arm, ripping his seatbelt in two with one quick swipe. I barely give him the time to get both feet on the ground before I push him up against the dirty brick wall of the nearby building. I place my right palm flat against his chest, using my superior strength to pin him to the bricks. My body is surging with anger, quick and terrible, and it is all I can do not to crush the bones of his sternum.

My arm is bent, causing our faces to be almost touching one another, and so each of Edward's breaths hit me right in the face. I can smell his fear.

"What did you say to me?" Edward squirms in my grip, his hands coming up to grip my elbow in a futile attempt to push me off. I keep him firmly in place with my hand, though subconsciously I know to keep from actually hurting him. I'm so angry it's hard to concentrate, but still I make sure to cause him only discomfort and not actual pain. I'm not sure how I have the control to do so, but it's there nonetheless.

"Do you think I feed for fun, Edward? Do you think I enjoy being what I am?" Edward has stopped trying to escape my hold, but he doesn't answer my questions. He stands still, his face pale and his eyes wide with fear, but remains silent. It doesn't matter, though; they're all rhetorical.

"I didn't _choose_ to be this way," I growl, keeping my eyes locked with his so he can see the truth of my words. I place my free left hand on the wall next to his head, and he flinches slightly. "I never wanted to be a monster."

When Edward stays silent I sigh, feeling most of my anger transforming into depression. It's entirely true; I'm not happy being the creature I am. We vampires are monsters - nightmares. I would never have chosen this life for myself.

Despite all of this, my existence is the hand fate dealt me. For half of a century I have been the creature lurking in the shadows - always thirsty and always dangerous. During this time my mind and my morals have adapted to what I am, so most of the time I can pretend to enjoy this wretched existence.

I pull myself from my morose thoughts and concentrate again on the insolent human before me. He is also an unwanted part of my life, but one I know I cannot avoid. No, I hadn't wanted him…but maybe…

"I am what I am," I murmur, and Edward's eyes fill with an emotion I cannot understand. I move my left hand to his chest next to my right, and I shudder at the shock that travels through me as I touch him. I can feel his heartbeat reverberating through me, and each of his breaths are subconsciously matched with mine.

"I could crush you right now," I say softly, threateningly. I emphasize my words with a slight push against the fragile chest held captive by my hands. A squeak of fear escapes Edward's mouth and his grip redoubles on my arms. He swallows hard as I intensify the pressure again, just enough to make breathing a bit of a struggle. I'm still certain that I'm not causing him real pain, but I can tell I've instilled a great deal of fear in him. "I could shatter your bones with just the smallest movement. It would be easy."

"Don't," Edward whimpers, shifting slightly. His eyes are pleading and his expression is vulnerable. The combination quells the last of the anger within me and replaces it with a need to make his fear disappear. The fight leaves me just as quickly as it came, and I'm extremely glad that I had been controlled enough not to hurt Edward because of my anger.

"I won't," I murmur to him, lessening the intensity of my hold. He looks surprised, his grip on my arms slackening as at last I release him altogether. His hands stay on me for a brief moment longer, as though he cannot believe that I've let him go. Then, his arms fall to his sides before going to rub his chest where I had touched him. I follow his movements with my eyes, a bit of worry creeping up inside of me. I take a step back, giving him some space.

"I didn't hurt you," I say, trying to keep the doubt out of my voice. Edward looks at me, his expression unreadable.

"Just a little bit," he responds, still rubbing his chest slowly. I inwardly chastise myself; I guess I wasn't as controlled as I thought I had been.

"I don't _want _to hurt you, Edward." Well, that little piece of truth came from nowhere. I watch Edward's brow furrow with surprise, and I grow uncomfortable. He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off before he can get a word out.

"Don't give me a reason to." This seems to correctly remedy my earlier statement, and I relax slightly. Both are true; I don't want to hurt Edward, but I will if he gives me reason to. Not necessarily because I mean to, but because I simply can't control my anger, as evidenced by this most recent scenario. I don't tell Edward this, but I'm sure he's figured it out by now: I'm more than just a little bit unstable, especially where he's concerned.

"Come on." I beckon him with one hand as I move to get back in the Phantom. Edward does the same, and when I start the engine I notice the way he looks at the mangled seatbelt. Ah, I'd forgotten about that.

"You'll be fine," I assure him, though inwardly I wince when he holds up both ends of the strip. "I'm a good driver." This statement makes Edward chuckle slightly, and though I don't understand why, it makes me smile a bit.

"You must have been pretty angry," Edward observes, still looking at the damage as I pull back onto the main road. I raise an eyebrow at his words, wondering if perhaps I hurt him more than he'd let on. "I mean, you destroyed part of your car…and you love your cars."

I smirk slightly and nod my head in agreement. Just the sight of what I did to my poor Phantom makes me feel a bit sick. Sad, but true - I love my cars.

"So for you to break it…" Edward trails off before looking at me with an expression of realization.

"What?" I ask, curious as to why he's reacting in such a way. Edward doesn't respond right away, and when he does his voice is soft.

"You didn't hurt me."

I mull over his words for a moment before seeing his meaning. Shock registers through me, along with a sense of respect that Edward put two such pieces together. I could hurt the car much more easily than I could Edward, and somehow he knew what a big deal that is.

_You're losing this battle, Isabella, _my subconscious whispers to me. _Are you even trying any more?_

I don't know the answer to that question.

"Like I said before, I don't want to hurt you." I shift uncomfortably in my seat, feeling like things have become far too personal all of a sudden.

"You've hurt me before." Edward's words cause me to wince inwardly, especially because of the bluntness of his tone. A quick glance in his direction reveals that he isn't cowering away form me anymore. In fact, he seems entirely at ease speaking so directly, perhaps even _aggressive. _I stiffen uneasily.

"Yes, I have," I concede through gritted teeth. I hope he'll drop the subject, but of course I'm never that lucky.

"Why don't you take my blood any more?" Of course, the only topic even more touchy than the one before it. I huff in annoyance, turning my head to face Edward.

"Has anyone ever told you that you ask too many questions?" I ask, my voice clearly communicating my frustration. "Do you miss being my snack?"

"No," Edward responds, sounding not at all put-off by my tone. I wonder how it is he can be so bold after all I have put him through. Not that I prefer his fear, but still. "I'm just wondering why I'm even here anymore."

"Maybe I find you to be entertaining." Not entirely untrue, but it's certainly not the real reason. I'm driving around aimlessly now, not entirely sure where we should go next. Edward's stomach rumbles softly, and I have to stop a smile from spreading over my face. _So human._

"Entertaining?" Edward repeats, and I can tell by his tone that I'm ruffling his feathers, so to speak. I remember how upset he got over being called a simple "distraction" all those days ago.

"How about you just stop bringing it up?" I suggest curtly, fixing Edward with a hard look that eventually causes him to shrink back into the door. _Still got it, I see. _

_Though I don't know if I want "it" anymore._

"What is this place?"

We've just pulled into a small parking lot next to a slightly ominous looking building. My phantom looks out of place next to all of the beat-up cars that fill the other spaces. It is now officially night time, and the parking lot is lit only by a dim street lamp. A few people eye the car as I pull into a vacant space, but I pay them no mind.

"You said you were hungry. So, here we are." I turn the car off and take out the keys. Edward steps out of the car as I do after only a brief pause. He looks around him as though in an entirely different universe.

"This is a restaurant?" His voice is incredulous. I gesture to the dimly lit sign before remembering that Edward cannot read Italian.

"It's a bar, but it serves food too." I start off towards the entrance, shooting a dangerous look at the thugs who are watching both me and my car with lustful eyes. They're not so drunk that they don't feel the cold hand of fear on their hearts, and they shuffle away immediately. Edward trails behind me, still looking about him warily. I roll my eyes at him as I pass through the door and into the bar.

It smells disgusting in here - like cheap whiskey and body odor. Even Edward wrinkles his nose at the scent, which is a lot less potent to him than it is to me. Still, the room is dark and the people here pay us barely any attention. That's definitely a plus.

"I thought you were all about spending money," Edward mutters, raising an eyebrow at the man passed out at the bar. I roll my eyes at him again as I head to the front.

"I'm more about staying low-key, especially when it comes to food." This brings Edward up short, and his eyes narrow as he looks at me. I stop too and tilt my head to the side slightly. "What?"

"You're not planning on…_eating…_tonight, are you?" His voice is just above a whisper, and from the look on his face I can tell he is horrified. _Ugh, this again. _Strangely, I feel slightly embarrassed.

"Well, not you," I answer blandly before turning back to the bartender who is waiting not-so-patiently for us to order. I feel ruffled by Edward's behavior, though I can't exactly explain why. I try not to show it, though, and I address the bartender confidently in fluent Italian.

"What do you want?" I ask Edward, but when I turn to face him his face is pale. He shakes his head at me, shivering before responding.

"I don't think I want to eat anymore." I frown at him, annoyed, but when he says nothing else I turn back to the man waiting for my order. I ask him what most people eat here, and he impatiently suggests nachos, which I agree to simply because I have no idea what else to ask for. I also order two beers: one to calm Edward down, and the other to make me look a bit less conspicuous. I won't drink it - I'd rather die - but it will put the humans a bit more at ease.

I lead Edward to the back of the room and we sit at a crummy table that is sticky to the touch. I put my hands in my lap and curl my lip in distaste. _Disgusting humans. _My eyes travel up to meet Edwards and he looks terrified and furious at the same time.

"I'm really not hungry," he insists, his voice still low. "Please, can we just go?"

"You need to eat." I'm no fool, and I know the real reason he wants to leave. "And so do I. Listen, I know you don't like it, but that's too bad. First of all, I need to drink and I've already waited too long. Secondly, since I can't drink from you I must find other sources, and I certainly can't rely on them not to blab. Thirdly…well, thirdly, you don't have a vote in the matter. So please, just eat something and we'll be on our way."

A scowl has formed on Edward's face and he looks away as I finish speaking. I can see him shaking his head, but I don't comment on it. Finally, he looks back at me, still obviously frustrated.

"Why can't you drink from me?" he asks, causing me to groan aloud. Still, he continues on. "I'll let you do it. Promise you won't kill anyone else, and I'll let you, ok? It's not worth it."

_Fuck. _I feel like our conversations just keep coming back to this same topic and I'm still not ready to discuss it. And now, to top it all off, Edward is offering, practically _begging _me to drink from him. I know he's not twisted like I am, but still I'd never expected him to go all martyr on me. _Double fuck._

"That's enough, Edward. Just… drop it." My voice is low and strained with the effort to stay calm. I'm intensely tempted by his offer, but I have learned my lesson twice before. I can't drink from him, no matter how much I want to. This is a new and terrible torture. I can't bear to think of it any longer, much less _discuss it._

Edward opens his mouth again, ignoring my order to let it go. I tense up, feeling an unwanted and very dangerous side of me trying to claw its way to the surface.

"But -" he begins to argue before I cut him off.

"One more word, Edward!" My voice is raised, drawing the attention of a couple of nearby humans and causing Edward to flinch back. My hands form fists and start to shake. I try so hard to keep from losing my cool, but it is an immense effort to do so. I don't have much practice in this kind of restraint.

"Remember what I said about giving me a reason?" I ask, my voice back to a low and inconspicuous level. Still, I can hear the slight tremor, the hint of rage bubbling just below the surface. Edward's expression is fearful and while that pains me it also assures me that he won't be bringing up that particular subject for a while. "Say one more word about this and I _will_ make you regret it."

A tense silence follows my threat. Edward stares down at his hands that are clasped before him on the sticky table. I watch him, of course, and I feel a sinking feeling taking the place of my anger. _Why does this keep happening? _I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle: on one hand, I continue to feel awful for getting angry and violent with Edward, but on the other I can't help but feel irritated that he constantly feels the need to press my buttons.

My inner musings are interrupted as suddenly there is a vibrating against my leg. I start with surprise, a low growl instinctively ripping from my throat before I realize that it's only my cell phone. Edward, on the other hand, doesn't understand what has just happened and is now cowering as far away form me as he can get while still sitting down. The terror I see in his eyes is like a physical ache in my chest and without thinking I reach out towards him in a gesture of reassurance. He misinterprets my action, however, and jumps up out of his chair as I reach for him. The chair clatters to the ground, and now people are staring at us again.

"Edward, sit down," I hiss, not liking being the center of attention. Then, I realize I'm only frightening him further, so I force my voice to be calm and reassuring. "Come on, it's alright. I wasn't mad at you. Just come sit down again."

Still Edward does not move, and I start to feel nauseated by myself. _You really did a number on him, you monster. _It's hard to see him so afraid, especially when I hadn't meant to scare him. I can't blame him, though: He's only ever had bad experiences where I'm concerned.

"Please?" This word I add in a soft, beseeching tone that is uncharacteristic of me. Hell, even the _word _tastes strange and unfamiliar on my tongue. I don't use the so-called "magic word" often, and probably never with a human. Still, I feel the situation calls for it, and I can see Edward's fear lessen and become replaced by shock. He looks incredibly surprised, but eventually he does come and sit back down. I pull my mask back on, erasing the traces of concern I'd felt showing on my face, but I'm sure I'm not fooling anyone.

"It was just my phone," I tell him, feeling a compelling need to explain myself. "I wasn't expecting it to go off, and I guess I just reacted."

To my immense surprise, after a long pause Edward starts laughing. Not just a little chuckle or anything like that, but full out hysterical laughter. Again, people stare, probably wondering if the two of us are insane, but I don't try to stop Edward. I watch him, bemused, but a small smile cracks the stony mask on my face. For once I don't begrudge our strange emotional attachment. His laugh is a rare sound, and it is immensely pleasing to the imprinted side of my brain.

"What's so funny?" I ask, genuinely confused, but Edward just shakes his head as he slowly calms down. I wait to see if he'll respond, but he simply keeps shaking his head. After a while I give up and just let him laugh at whatever he finds so amusing. I wonder if it's something I did, but then again maybe he's really just crazy. It's make two of us.

Mentally shrugging, I pull out my troublesome phone and find that I have received a text message. I know who it's from, because I only gave the number to one person: Jane. I'd sent her a message while in the department store just so she'd be able to contact me should anything arise. I wasn't expecting her to contact me so soon. I open the message and I'm surprised by what she's written.

_How's Edward? Still alive? _I internally growl at her insinuation, but I guess it's not such an unreasonable question. I respond quickly, my fingers flying over the keyboard faster than any human's could.

_Yes, he is alive. And incredibly confusing. I thought this was supposed to be for Guard information only, Jane. _I send the message and look up to find Edward watching me with a funny look on his face.

"What?" I ask again.

"Were you _texting?" _Edward asks, sounding as though I'd been doing so standing on my head. I nod slowly, and this causes him to laugh again. Entirely bemused, I shake my head at him and look back at my phone which has vibrated again.

_Confusing? And get over yourself, Isabella. _I huff in indignation, but decide to let her insubordination slip this time. I guess talking to her isn't so bad, because she makes a lot more sense than Edward does.

_He keeps laughing…when he isn't cowering in terror. _I send this and not thirty seconds later I receive her reply.

_Laughing? Maybe you drove him crazy. _I decide Jane is a lot more snarky through text. I huff again but respond anyway.

Me: _Fuck my life._

Jane: _Don't be so dramatic._

Me: _Fuck you._

Jane: _Case in point._

I put my phone back in my pocket, deciding to deal with Jane's games later, if ever. Edward is at last behaving somewhat normally, and soon a trashy waitress brings us Edward's nachos and our beers. Edward eyes the alcohol eagerly.

"You're letting me drink?" he asks, taking hold of the bottle and raising it to his lips. I nod reluctantly, wondering if that's such a good idea after all.

"Just the one." I make this decision spurt of the moment, deciding that just one couldn't hurt…could it? I watch Edward take a swig of his, and I pretend to do the same. Edward raises an eyebrow at me, clearly not fooled.

"Emmett pretends better than you do," he informs me, and I wonder when I suddenly became a target for everyone tonight. I shrug at him, not really caring whether or not this is true.

"Emmett spends his time meddling in the human world. I'm not surprised he has mastered the guise."

Edward responds, but I don't hear what he says. Suddenly, all my attention is on the bar's entrance and a soft growl rumbles in my chest. _Shit. _I put the beer bottle back on the table and turn to Edward who is watching me uneasily, sensing that something is wrong.

"Do exactly what I say, and don't say one word." My words are low but completely serious. Edward stiffens but stays silent as I have ordered. I force myself to relax my body, though inwardly I'm coiled to spring. The door opens and my suspicion is confirmed. I could smell her scent from the parking lot and there was no mistaking who it was or why she was here.

She makes her way directly to our table, and I see Edward's eyes lock in on her almost immediately. He goes ridged, his eyes meeting mine fearfully. I look back at him coolly, willing him with my gaze to trust me. I can tell she is close, but I pick up my beer as though I could not care less.

"Fancy meeting you here." Yeah, it's her alright. She has an unmistakable voice - sweet and sticky, dripping with insincerity. I don't turn to face her, but I lower my beer.

"You knew I was here, Tanya." I keep my voice even and controlled, still not turning to look at her. Edward looks away from the vampire standing behind me and turns his gaze to my face, waiting to see what I expect him to do.

"You don't sound too excited to see me," Tanya pouts, though she really can't be too surprised. She knows she is no friend of mine - not anymore. Really, she's nothing to me: just a jealous vampire whose cruel streak runs deeper than her loyalty.

Reluctantly, I turn at last to look at her. She hasn't changed at all, though since she is a vampire I suppose she'll never change. Her strawberry-blonde curls still frame her immortal face and dark ruby irises that shine with bright but false kindness. She's dressed to impress, showing off immense amounts of cleavage as well as her long, shapely legs. Yes, she's dressed for the hunt.

"What can I do for you, Tanya?" I ask blandly. She smiles at me, flashing her pearly whites, but I do not return it. I'm no longer fooled.

"Oh, Bella." I stiffen and curl my lip at her use of my nickname, but she pretends not to notice. "I was just happy to see you! Surely I can come and say hi to an old friend." I resist the urge to snort at her loose use of the term "friend", but then she turns her gaze onto Edward. Immediately, I'm in full-out defense mode and it is an effort to stay seated.

"Hello there," Tanya purrs, her eyes gleaming with interest. Again, I barely resist the urge to kill her. "And who might you be?"

Edward looks at her but stays silent. He glances at me, unsure of what to do. I return his gaze for a brief moment before turning back to Tanya.

"He is none of you concern, Tanya." My voice is entirely hostile and threatening, and Tanya looks back at me with an expression of surprise. "He is with me." Realization dawns on Tanya's face and almost immediately the fake smile is back in place.

"Oh, I _see." _She looks again at Edward, this time with even more interest, and I feel my fingernails slice into the wooden table. _Mine. _I don't like the way she looks at him, so I make up my mind to get him away from her.

"Edward, go ask the bartender for the check. Now." Seeming relieved, Edward does as I have instructed without question. He walks around the table so as not to have to go by Tanya, and I am grateful for that. The intrusive vampire watches him go with hungry eyes, but looks back at me when I snarl softly. Presumptuously she takes Edward's vacant seat, clearly not taking the hint.

"So, Edward," she starts off, as though we are simply two girlfriends chatting it up about a cute boy. I ignore her and go back to pretending to drink, noticing that Edward didn't even touch the nachos._ I guess we'll have to go somewhere else for food. _Tanya, however, does not drop the subject.

"He certainly smells delicious," she observes, earning another growl from me. She holds her hand sup in surrender, laughing lightly. "Touchy, are we?" I glare back at her, doing my best to keep form shattering the bottle in my hand. My temper is flaring, and she's walking a very thin line.

"I guess I just never took you for the type who liked to keep pets." She tilts her head to one side, but I ignore her again. Edward is struggling to communicate to the bartender what it is that he wants, and I curse myself for not remembering that he can't speak Italian. I'm about to bid Tanya farewell and go to Edward, but her next words stop me in my tracks.

"Is he a good fuck?" Her tone is completely at ease and even a bit curious. I freeze in place, shocked by her words and by the meaning behind them. She, however, has not finished. "I bet he is. He looks like he'd be a fighter, and there's nothing better than taking one by force. It'd be a shame to mark that pretty face, but I think it'd be worth it."

I am suddenly burning with white-hot rage. I feel my limbs turn to fire and my eyes turn ebony with such hate that I almost seem to drown in it. I cannot remember ever feeling such loathing for one creature before in my existence. I'm feeling murderous, and images flash through my mind of all the ways I could make her pay. I feel myself start to shake, and for a moment I almost fling myself across the table at her in front of all these humans. How I resist, I'll never know, but a quiet, seething calm suddenly over-takes me. I stop shaking, and a slow, false smile spreads over my face.

"Come with me, and you'll find out."

A surprised devilish grin spreads over Tanya's face, and her eyes darken with lust. Wordlessly, she follows me as I stand up and walk slowly over to Edward, formulating my plan in my head. Tanya believed my lie so easily, but then she was never the smartest vampire. Edward turns to us, tensing up and looking at me fearfully when he sees Tanya following along behind me. No doubt she has an evil expression on her face, but I ignore it as I toss a few bills in the bartender's direction. I then put a hand on Edward's arm and lead him outside as Tanya trails behind. His pulse is racing, and I silently pray that he's going to behave himself and trust me to take care of him.

Not that I have a stellar record in doing so.

I open the back door of the phantom and gesture for Edward to get in. His eyes are scared and pleading as he does so, but I say nothing to quell his fears. He shudders when he looks into my eyes, which are pitch black and dangerous, but he is not the one who should be afraid. Tanya gets in the passenger side and I peel out of the parking lot, getting us onto the first highway out of the city.

"Where are we going to do this?" Tanya asks, looking around through the windows. Edward is doing the same, and I can see beads of sweat starting to form on his forehead.

"Out in the hills, somewhere dark," I respond, smiling to myself. Tanya grins too, buying into it, and she turns to look back at Edward.

"Perfect." Edward shudders as she utters the words and licks her lips. I almost wreck the car as my hands tighten on the wheel, coming dangerously close to exposing my plan. Somehow I stay clam enough to keep driving. My eyes meet Edward's in the review mirror, and the plain horror in them causes my insides to twist painfully. I want to tell him he has nothing to fear, but how can I without giving it all away?

"Do you remember what I told you today in the alley, Edward?" Tanya giggles, obviously assuming incorrectly about what happened in that alley, and again I have to struggle to stay calm. Edward looks confused, so I continue on. "You haven't given me a reason."

Now he understands. I see the hesitant flicker of hope in his eyes, and his trembling eases slightly. Tanya looks confused, but I give her a smile and she eases up. We're now outside the city limits and the only light comes from the headlights of the phantom. I switch those off, too, because I don't need them to drive. I see a dirt road up ahead and I turn onto it, slowing down only slightly.

_Almost there._

When I reach a secluded spot nestled in the hills, I pull the car to the side of the road and turn it off. Tanya eagerly hops out of the car, looking bout her with a wide, malicious grin on her face. I get out more slowly, turning to cast one last look in Edward's direction. I then circle around the car to where Tanya stands, her hands clenching and unclenching in anticipation. I then open the back door on the passenger side and gesture for Edward to get out. He moves slowly, and when he is at last standing before Tanya and I he is shaking again. I meet his gaze for only a moment before I take a step back and point off into the distance. His eyes follow my finger and he frowns in confusion and fear.

"Run," I instruct him in a cold tone. Next to me, Tanya nods in approval. To her, this makes the game more fun - to give chase to her prey before forcing him to do horrible, degrading things. Edward senses this, and his green eyes bore into mine beseechingly, pleading with me to help him.

"Please," he whimpers, his words hurting me even as I keep up my façade. He's afraid…but he will not be hurt tonight. He makes no move to do as I say, so I take a step closer to him and growl.

"Run!" He jumps in surprise and then takes off into the darkness, his heart racing and a soft cry of fear ripping from his chest. Tanya watches him go, turning her back to me at last. She doesn't see me take a step closer to her, my lip curled in a silent snarl of pure fury. I flex my hands, preparing to launch myself at her.

"Do you want him first?" She asks, still entirely focused on Edward's retreating form. I take another step, feeling my body pulsing with the need to spring and destroy the creature before me. When I speak, my voice is a bitter snarl.

"First, last….I'm the only one who will ever have him."

**EPOV**

I run as fats as I can up the steep grassy hill, my adrenaline giving me the fuel to make it to the top. I can't remember ever being this afraid. I want to cry I'm so scared, but I barely have enough breath to run. I don't bother listening for their approach - I know I won't be able to hear them when they come for me. I don't even know why I bother running when I know I'll never get away. Still, it's the only thing I can do, and I'm sure as hell not going to wait for them to come and get me.

I don't even know why this is happening. I got the distinct impression that Isabella _hated _this other vampire, Tanya, when we were at that shitty bar. I guess I was wrong, because it seems the two creatures were on the same team now, and I was the entertainment for the night. I can't even stand to think of the way that bitch Tanya looked at me… I know she doesn't want my blood. No, she plans to do something much worse when she catches me…and honestly, I hope they just kill me.

Then there's Isabella. She told me earlier today that she didn't want to hurt me, and wouldn't as long as I didn't "give her a reason." I don't know if I will ever be able to believe that, I mean she is the one who tied my hands above my head and whipped me until I thought I would die from the pain. All to prove a point. I don't consider myself a coward, and maybe if she was human I wouldn't be so afraid of her. As it is, she scares the living shit out of me. I've seen her eyes become crazy with anger, and I've seen what she can do when she's like that. It's like there are two sides to her, and lately it seems like the monster if the side that's dominating her. Sure, she's been semi-decent to me tonight - until now - but I'm still waiting for the beast part of her to make another appearance.

When I get to the top of the hill, I do something I'd promised myself I wouldn't do - I look back. It's hard to make out anything in the darkness, but at last I make out the forms of the two vampires. At first, I think they're about to give chase, but then I realize what's going on and I stop dead in my tracks.

Isabella moves stealthily forward, like a lioness stalking her prey. Only it isn't me she's stalking, but Tanya. Tanya is looking at me at first, but then she swiftly turns to look at her fellow vampire. Her look is too late: Isabella is on her before she can so much as twitch. She drives Tanya into the ground with the force of her tackle, plowing her into the earth. Tanya yelps in surprise, but when she tries to shove her opponent off Isabella simply catches her wrist and wrenches the hand clean off with a loud _CRACK! _The vampire's diamond skin crumbles and shatters like pottery, and no blood leaks form the wound. A howl of pain pierces the night air, but Isabella is not finished. She lands a smashing blow to Tanya's face before springing backwards, out of reach of Tanya's wild swing with her one good hand. For some reason, Tanya stays on the ground, writhing as though in severe pain form some unseen force. Bella stalks around her, watching, before aiming a brutal kick to Tanya's ribs. Another cry of pain and another kick from Isabella follow. Then Tanya is released from the invisible force only to be picked up by her throat and held just inches from her opponent's face.

My heart is still pounding and adrenaline still flows, but now I understand. _She was pretending. _Now Isabella's words in the car make sense - she never intended to hurt me. _I hadn't given her a reason to. _She just wanted Tanya out of the eye of the public, so she could kill her in secret. Suddenly, I feel an immense rush of not only relief but…gratitude.

The fight, incredibly one sided and probably better termed a beat-down, has reached its end. Tanya has been punched, kicked, and elbowed almost everywhere on her body, and her frame is almost inhuman the way it's bent and twisted. Isabella picks her up again, this time by her hair, and seems to whisper something in her ear. I can't hear what's said, but as soon as her lips stop forming words they pull back to reveal her teeth that immediately sink into Tanya's throat.

Just like that, it's over. I don't realize I'm shaking until I look down at my hands with are trembling. Not in fear, but in awe. Isabella stares at her fallen foe for a long time before her eyes raise and meet mine. I stare back timidly, a new-found respect for the vampire seared into my mind. Now I know beyond a doubt the immense power residing in her slight frame. She beckons for me to come to her, and I do so with only a brief pause.

The closer I get to her, the more her ridged, battle-ready posture seems to relax. Still slightly afraid, I stop just a few feet away from her, unsure of what to do or say. Her eyes are now back to their ruby color, and it's a relief not to see them black. She takes a few steps towards me slowly, as though afraid I'll bolt. It's not an unrealistic fear; I don't think it's possible for me to _not _be afraid of her after what I just witnessed. Still, she didn't hurt me, and I'm extremely relieved that Tanya is dead. Perhaps her immortality has some uses, after all.

"Don't be afraid," she murmurs, reaching out to touch my hand gently. I let her, and I don't pull away, but I cannot heed her words.

**BPOV**

He'll always be afraid.

**A/N: Like it? Hate it? Love it? Leave me love, since I busted my ass to get this out so quickly. Plus, it's the longest yet! I think…**

**Stay MAD.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Mad World, Chapter 16: One-Eighty **

_Go on just say it, _

_ You need me like a bad habit, _

_ One that leaves you defenseless, dependent, and alone._

_ Go on just say it (Are you afraid to), _

_ You need me like a bad habit (Say what you want to, tell me you want to), _

_ One that leaves you defenseless, dependent, and alone. (Are you afraid to say what you want to, tell me you want to)._

The tires squeal loudly as the Phantom whips around and takes off down the bumpy dirt road. The night is almost pitch black, an I can't even see a foot in front of the car, because the headlights aren't even on. In the rearview mirror, however, I can see the still burning flames that consume the marble body that lies in pieces in the grass.

Isabella did a very…thorough job. The sickening cracks that Tanya's body made as it was torn apart still ring in my ears. It didn't rip, like I imagine a human would, but instead cracked like stone or pottery.

Disturbing isn't a strong enough word.

"Get in the car," Isabella had growled, and I couldn't bring myself to look at her face. Almost as soon as my door shut, Isabella was digging in the trunk, and about ten seconds later Tanya was going up in flames. I shuddered to think how many vampires must have died at Isabella's hands for her to be this good at destroying their remains. She tossed what looked like a gallon of gasoline over the broken body and threw in a match. Her face looked monstrous in the firelight, her eyes redder than the flames.

Now we are careening down the dirt road, the car bouncing terrifyingly. My seatbelt is still ripped, so I do my best to hang on to the back of the seat with my hands. Isabella turns to look at me as we pass over a particularly large bump that almost causes me to go flying into the dashboard. The car slows slightly, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

"Distract me," Isabella growls, causing me to flinch in surprise. I look carefully over at her face, which is set in a dark scowl as she keeps her eyes trained on the darkness in front of the car. I have no idea what she means, so I summon up the courage to ask.

"What?" My voice comes out shaky and scared, and I inwardly curse my obvious fear. It's not like I can help it, though; I'm pretty sure witnessing a murder, however justified, shakes up most people.

Isabella closes her eyes briefly in frustration, and her hand runs through her hair roughly. "Start talking about something, anything, before I go crazy. Just…talk."

I hesitate, completely unsure, but I know I'd better at least try, because she really does look like she's about to snap. Hoping for the best, I simply blurt out the first thing I can think of.

"Everyone used to wonder why Emmett didn't join the football team."

Isabella is silent for a moment, but eventually a reluctant smile creeps onto her face. "Really?" she asks.

"Yeah, people would ask him all the time at school, since he's so big and-"

"What?" Isabella breaks in sharply, and I tense in apprehension, confused. She turns to look at me, her expression incredulous. "Emmett went to _school _with you? As in, _high school_?"

I nod, and Isabella immediately cracks up laughing. I can't help but smile in relief, though I have no idea what is so funny. At least she doesn't look like she wants to murder something now.

"Why on earth would Emmett go to high school?" she asks after calming down a bit. "I've seen some crazy shit, but his by far is the stupidest thing he has ever done."

"I don't get it…" I trail off as she turns to stare at me incredulously. I meet her ruby eyes hesitantly, though it's not too bad since she isn't angry with me at the moment.

"Being stuck in a building, in a classroom , surrounded by humans all day," she says, her tone bewildered. "And _teenage _humans, raging with hormones and filled irrational thoughts. To have to sit through an entire class taught by a human who's less than half Emmett's age…to be given _assignments. To actually have to pretend to be human all day_?" Isabella actually shudders as the words leave her mouth. The way she says it makes it seem as though just about anything would be more appealing to her. I find myself slightly offended by her words - after all, I _am _one of the hormonal, "irrational" teenage humans that seem to disgust her so much - but I bite my tongue wisely. Isabella seems more relaxed now, at least, so I turn my attention back to clutching my seat in a desperate attempt to keep from being tossed about as the Phantom careens down the bumpy road in the pitch-dark night. As a long silence ensues, my mind wanders to my current situation

If anyone had told me that this was how my life was going to turn out, I probably would have told them to go play in traffic. It's straight out of a horror movie, honestly. I wonder if maybe I am a magnet for trouble, because it always seems to find me, no matter how bad the situation I'm already in is. It isn't enough that I remain Isabella's snack and punching bag, subjected always to her perpetual mood swings. No, instead I must be targeted by yet another vampire, one impossibly worse than Isabella.

But not stronger. No, it seemed that even a complete sadist like Tanya was no match for Isabella. I allow myself to watch the still-agitated vampire next to me out of the corner of my eye. Those hands that had handled me in what I once perceived to be an extremely rough manner had proven themselves to be far stronger than I'd ever imagined. Those were hands that could tear a limb from a body of stone; hands that could shatter the diamond-hard bones of a demon with a single thrust. Before, I'd thought I'd driven Isabella past any amount of restraint when she attacked me - now, though, I know that I have been lucky to have escaped with my life. I now stare openly at her deceivingly small, delicate-looking hands as they flex slightly on the steering wheel.

Apparently, she had been more in control than I thought.

My musings cease as at last Isabella pulls the Phantom onto a road that's actually paved. She presses down even harder on the gas, but at least it doesn't feel like a roller-coaster ride anymore. I relax my tense posture, and Isabella glances over at me. There's a wide variety of expressions that cross her face whenever she looks at me - the most recognizable being hunger, disgust, and a sort of pained expression that I also attribute to hunger. Right now, I'd call her expression something akin to appraising. She looks me up and down once, twice, and then the pained look crosses her face. She looks back towards the road and I shudder. Even when she isn't gunning for me, she's terrifying.

We start to head into the city, and I stare out wistfully at all the people walking down the streets. How carefree their lives must be. Before I can get too caught up in wishing, Isabella suddenly pulls the car into a parking lot. I glance at the building, and I'm sure my jaw drops as I take in the sight.

"A pancake house?" I ask, my voice containing every bit of my confusion. I may not be able to speak Italian or whatever language they speak here, but I recognize the look of a breakfast joint, American or not. Somehow, it's impossible for me to reconcile the idea with Isabella, but she gets out of the car and walks towards the entrance, ignoring me. I scramble out after her, fearing her but fearing being left alone even more right now. I look around as I trail after Isabella, baffled but afraid of protesting.

Isabella walks inside, and as I follow her I notice that the place is practically empty. A tired looking waitress spots us as we enter, and to my surprise she smiles broadly at Isabella, who stops so suddenly that I almost crash right into her. The waitress approaches, her weary eyes brightening as she looks at the vampire. She pays no heed to the table of men that she has abandoned, even as they grunt in indignation.

"Well, look who's here," the woman says, coming closer to Isabella than I would consider safe. I look at the vampire, worried, but Isabella's face shows no signs of irritation as the waitress speaks to her in English that is heavily accented. "I was wondering when you were going to stop by again. It's been, what, two months? Three?"

"Hello, Bernardetta," Isabella murmurs in her bell-like voice that flows easily over the Italian name. Her voice is low, calm and entirely new to me. "Two, please."

The waitress seems to notice me for the first time, and the look of surprise on her face is almost comical. I offer her a weak smile, which is all I can manage due to all the confusion. Finally, she seems to snap out of her daze, and she whirls on Isabella with an indignant look forming upon her face.

"Keeping secrets, Marie?" she asks in an accusing voice. I look quickly at Isabella, bewildered. Marie? The vampire gives me only a slight shrug, her focus returning to the weathered old waitress, who doesn't seem to be frightened or intimidated by the ruby eyes or the too-perfect appearance.

"He's new," she answers, shrugging again. I roll my eyes in spite of myself. _I guess that's one way to put it. _The old woman narrows her eyes at Isabella, who cuts her off before she can speak. "I'd really appreciate it if you could seat us now, please." The waitress huffs at the words, but leads us towards the back of the small diner without additional comment. Isabella gestures for me to walk in front of her, and I walk forward in a daze.

_This cannot get any weirder. _

We're seated at last, and I notice the way Bernardetta studies me as she hands me a menu. I try my best not to fidget, but since she's the first human I've interacted much with in a while, I'm incurably uneasy. Isabella, on the other hand, looks completely cool and collected, a far cry from how she was just a few minutes ago. Bernardetta doesn't hand her a menu, and for a brief moment I wonder if she knows the truth.

"Coffee, right?" she asks a moment later, and I find myself relieved as Isabella nods. I don't want Bernardetta to know - she seems like a nice lady, and I don't want her getting mixed in with this world. Hell, _I _don't want to be involved in it. My thoughts are interrupted as the woman turns to me, a genuine smile lighting up her face. "And how about you, handsome? Are you on some kind of special diet like Marie, here?"

Isabella snickers at this, but I just sit there with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. "Um…uh…" I can't seem to form a coherent sentence, and Bernardetta looks at me like maybe I'm crazy. Finally, I swallow hard and lick my lips. "I'll have…pancakes?" There. That wasn't so hard. The waitress nods her head and asks what I'd like to drink, and I order coffee because I'm really not sure. It's been a long time since I had anything other than water, actually.

Bernardetta continues to study me closely, until at last Isabella clears her through loudly. After giving the vampire a glare, the old waitress leaves and returns to the table of men she'd abandoned earlier. I watch her go, feeling daze at the whole experience.

_Am I really that out of touch?_

"Is everything ok?" Isabella's voice is quiet, but it still makes me jump. I'd almost forgotten she was there. I turn around to look at her. She's leaning back in her chair, one arm hanging over the back in a very casual, very _human _pose. Her face is neutral as she waits for my response. Her eyes are a dark red, the only thing that hints at her obvious thirst.

"It's just… weird," I answer. "I've been… _gone_… for so long, I guess I forgot what it was like out here." Isabella's face falls slightly at my words, her eyes closing briefly before opening. She turns away for a moment, muttering "I know how that feels," under her breath. There is a long pause, while I study her and she watches the other humans in the building. I guess she does know - how would one rejoin the human world after having been, well, in a world of _vampires_. It was hard enough for me, and I _am _human.

"Where exactly _have_ we been?" I ask timidly, drawing those red eyes back over to me. I swallow hard under their intensity, but I continue. "I mean… Emmett never mentioned anything about a vampire city. Is that where most of… your kind… stay?" I can't help it, I'm genuinely curious, and something about being out in public makes me feel a bit more at ease. And, we can't just sit here and not say _anything, _right?

For a second, I think maybe she isn't going to answer, because her brow furrows. She sighs, but then she speaks up. "Volterra is the name of this city. For centuries, it's been the home of the Ancients, and a base for the Guard. It's underground, which is why it is undiscovered, for the most part."

I frown, even more confused now. "What do you mean, Ancients? Are they like the leaders?" I try to picture what a vampire leader might look like, and immediately I imagine a giant bat with a crooked crown on his head. The thought makes me shudder inside, and I stop that train of thought as best I can.

"They are the law in our world," Isabella answers. "They make sure we aren't discovered by the humans." This makes sense to me- Emmett had always impressed upon us the importance of never letting anyone else learn what he was. At first, I thought it was purely selfish, but I learned too late that my family was in just as great of danger.

"What do you do?" I ask, and Isabella raises an eyebrow. "I mean, are you an Ancient? Or do you just work for them?" Again, I begin to think I've angered her, because she sits up slightly straighter, looking less relaxed and more like a statue. Her eyes leave mine and focus just past me, and before I can turn to look over my shoulder I feel a hand come to rest. Making me jump.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Bernardetta says, eying Isabella and me curiously. She sets down the food and opens her mouth as though she wants to say something, but changes her mind and walks away. I turn back to Isabella, who's holding the steaming cup of coffee in between her hands. She lowers her head, breathing in the scent as her eyes close slowly. It's fascinating.

"I like the smell," she tells me as I begin to cut up my pancakes. She never drinks any of the brown liquid, she simply holds it and watches it as she swirls the cup around gently. I take my eyes off of her as I dive into eating my pancakes, which are nothing short of heavenly. I had almost forgotten how hungry I was, but now as the pancakes practically melt in my fucking mouth, I groan audibly. I've had nothing but bagged ships and fruit for what feels like forever. I make no other sounds as I dive right into the food, lost in how good that shit is. When Bernardetta stops by to ask if we need anything else, I pause only long enough to ask for more, my mouth stuffed full of food. The old woman smiles at me, and from the corner of my eye I can see Isabella rolling her eyes in a very uncharacteristic move. I don't care though: I just _need _more.

Thirty minutes later, I feel like I might explode. Isabella watches me silently from across the table, no longer clutching her coffee - which has mysteriously emptied itself. I run my hands over my stomach absently, feeling stretched and obscenely bloated. I sigh in slight discomfort, but I look at the empty plate victoriously as Bernardetta takes it with another smile.

"Glad to see you liked it," she says, placing the ticket down upon the table and leaving. Isabella doesn't even look at the ticket; she simply drops a wad of bills upon the table and stands. I mimic her movements, fighting the urge to vomit as the massive amount of pancake in my stomach churns. She gives me a faint, amused smile as she gestures for me to walk out min front of her. I stop at the door and turn to look over my shoulder, surprised to see Isabella talking quietly with the waitress. My jaw nearly hits the floor as Bernardetta throws her arms around Isabella, who also looks surprised but doesn't pull away. After the awkward, one-sided hug, Isabella strides to the door, giving me only a brief glance as she passes by.

"Sit in the back," she instructs as we reach the car, and I do so without question. Something in her mood has shifted, and she is back to being distant, cold and dangerous. I see it not so much in the way she acts, but in the way her eyes seem to narrow and darken. Gone is the light, calm mood from earlier. She revs the engine as I close my door and in a flash we have whirled about and are speeding don the sky. I have a feeling that sped limits have never meant much to Isabella. At least the ride is smooth, for otherwise I might have thrown up all over her leather seats, and she would have probably killed me. Literally.

I close my eyes and lean my head back, willing sleep to overcome me. I haven't forgotten what happened tonight -how could I? - but when I close my eyes I can almost pretend that I'm in the back of my father's car at home. The smell is almost the same - like leather and that elusive new car smell. This is something I've gotten good at over the years… pretending.

I open my eyes when the car slows, and they widen further when I realize we're rolling slowly through a dark, abandoned alleyway. There are no streetlights here, and the ground is littered with garbage and filth. The Phantom turns a corner, drifting aimlessly down the narrow alleys slowly. Isabella stares straight ahead, her posture tense. I wonder why the hell Isabella would come to a shitty place like this, but my thoughts are interrupted when there's a sharp rapping on the passenger side window, causing the Phantom to lurch to a halt. I jump, turning to see a pair of blood-shot eyes staring back at me. A scowling face looks from me back to Isabella, but it's not the face that I focus on.

_He has a gun._

The thought barely registers with me before the man starts banging on the window with the pistol again. "Get out!" he snarls, pointing the gun at Isabella threateningly. My eyes dart over to the vampire, who hasn't even turned her head in the gunman's direction. She stares straight ahead at the road in front of her before her eyes raise slowly to look at me in the rear-view mirror. They are black as coal, and looking into them, I imagine this is what the face of death looks like.

"Stay in the car," she murmurs, her voice soft and vibrating with raw energy. I don't have time to feel anything but numb as she emerges from the driver-side door, unfurling herself with a grace and certainty that steals the breath from my lungs. The man shouts something at her in Italian, but still she doesn't look at him. He raises the gun, pointing it at her head, still shouting. At last she turns to look at him, and just before she blurs in motion, I catch sight of a small, sinister smile.

Seconds later, the two of the are gone. I blink once, twice, leaning forward to grip the headrest as I scan the alley for them. Nothing. Just darkness. Suddenly, the fear that was held at bay by the shock washes over me. My breath come sin quick, terrified gasps as I shrink back into the seats, staring dumbly at the empty alleyway.

_He didn't even have time to scream. Fuck. Fuck! He…she's going to… he didn't have time to…_

The broken, rambling thoughts twist and roll around in my head until think I will go mad. Scared, awed - I can't get enough air into my lungs. The seconds tick by as I struggle to catch my breath, hugging my chest. What the fuck do you do when this happens? All I can do is stare into that seemingly infinite darkness and I know, I _know _that somewhere that man is dying, writhing his last in the steely, fatal grip of a black-eyed demon. I remember the gun, I know who and what he was… but no one could deserve what he got. In my mind, I try to reconcile the Isabella who just minutes ago was breathing in the scent of coffee with the cold, monstrous vampire who had stolen the would-be carjacker into the night. I can't do it. If I hadn't seen the two with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe that both sides could exist in the same body. Which side was the real one?

Minutes pass, until at last twin flames stare back at me from the shadows.

And I think I know.

**A/N: Ummm… sorry.  
**


	17. Perfect

**Mad World, Chapter 17: Perfect**

_Sick of circling the same road_  
_ Sick of bearing the guilt_  
_ So open the windows to cool off_  
_ And heat pours in instead_

_ Perfect in weakness_  
_ I'm only perfect in just your strength alone_

_ All my efforts to clean me_  
_ Leave me putrid and filthy_  
_ And how can you look at me_  
_ When I can't stand myself_

_ I'm tired to be honest_  
_ I'm nobody_

_ Perfect in weakness_  
_ I'm only perfect in just your strength alone_

_ Perfect in weakness_  
_ I'm only running in just your strength alone_

_ I tried to kill you_  
_ You tried to save me_

_ You save me_  
_ You save me_  
_ You save me_  
_ You save me_

_ Perfect in weakness_  
_ I'm only perfect in just your strength alone_

_ Perfect in weakness_  
_ I'm only running in just your strength alone _

I run my tongue over my lips one last time before I get into the car. Today's flavor is tangy, like the smell of oranges. It coats my tongue and my teeth, and the burning in my throat has dulled considerably. At last, I feel calm.

The nameless gunman was too easy, really. The whole "come and steal my fancy car" ruse was a game I rarely played, since it really wasn't much of a chase. It was the perfect way to hunt, however, with Edward in the car. I took the unfortunate man far away to feed, fearing that doing it so close to Edward would cause one of us to freak out. The pathetic struggling, thus carried out in the shadows of the old buildings, were all my fevered brain could concentrate on as I fed.

Now I narrow my eyes as I can feel the waves of fear rolling off Edward, but I ignore him for the most part as I climb into the Phantom. For once, he says nothing. I feel a million times better after feeding, and not even the discomfort of his fearful, accusing stare can bring me down from the high just yet. Plus, this time I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter: for leaving the diner, I had been put into an extremely difficult situation.

**Minuets before…**

"_I'm happy for you, dear," Bernardetta whispers, putting an arm around me in an exuberant embrace. My body stiffens, my eyes darken as a quick inhale brings to my attention the cut on one of the woman's weather-worn hands. I barely stifle the growl as it builds in my chest, and I can do nothing but stand there perfectly still as the waitress pulls back, looking confused. Forcing a smile that feels more like a grimace, I walk out the door after Edward, feeling my hands ball into fists at the effort it takes not to turn on the old woman. _

**End FB**

Bernardetta isn't what I would call a friend, but I do visit her form time to time. Usually, I go there just before a hunt - the smell of the coffee is at once calming and palate-cleansing. Something about it enhances the smell of everything afterwards - perhaps it is for the same reason that it is placed in perfume stores to get rid of previous scents. Whatever the reason, it has caused me to return to the little diner several times, and Bernardetta has always gone out of her way to talk to me. She wasn't annoyingly chatty or anything, but something about her demeanor demanded that you listen and respond to her. She never once mentioned my strange appearance or mannerisms, but sometimes I'd catch her staring at me inquisitively.

So no, I could not bring myself to harm her. I walked out of the door, ready to welcome the relief of the fresh air, but I'd forgotten abut Edward. Actually, I'd forgotten about his blood. Stuck in a car with my singer with both the enhanced sense of smell form the coffee and the memory of the sickly tempting smell of Bernardetta's blood, I felt my control slipping. I _had_ to feed, and soon. Thankfully, the gunman had appeared quickly, and my struggles lessened considerably.

Now, I navigate my way out of the alleyway with a much clearer head. Edward has head against the window, his troubled green eyes beginning to close with weariness. Distractedly I watch him in the mirror, wondering what I should do now. The house won't be ready for hours, but I don't feel like driving around anymore. My limbs ache with the desire to move about, fueled as they are by the freshly consumed blood. This wouldn't be such an issue if I didn't have Edward with me. I contemplate taking him back to the underground, but decide that I can't handle parading him past all those vampires again.

Undecided, I decide to just drive out of the city, in the complete opposite direction of the scene of that debacle with Tanya. The countryside is dark and quiet now, and in the back seat Edward has succumbed to fatigue. His steady heartbeat fills the car with its slow, throbbing percussion. I study him plainly, free to do so now. His face is paler than before, his lips turned into a slight frown even as he sleeps. I stare at them for perhaps longer than necessary, before I force my gaze to focus upon the road instead.

We come to a small, quiet little valley and I stop the car. Edward does not even shift as I turn off the engine, and as I get out of the car he stays asleep. I watch him for a few seconds, debating, before I decide to simply let him sleep. Turning, I set off at a run over the grassy hills. My legs sing with the freedom of running, and as the wind whips my hair back I throw my head back, closing my eyes and simply letting go. My feet glide over the grassy surface, the slightest effort pushing my strides to lengthen until I am flying more than running. The scenery sweeps by, my superior eyesight allowing me to see for miles in every direction.

I have always loved to run, I think. As a vampire, the speed and grace that comes with it is simply exhilarating. Still, I can't remember the last time I ran simply for the joy of it. Usually, I ran when chasing something, or someone, down - an experience that while twice as thrilling is no where near as peaceful.

After twenty minutes or so, I still, my lungs sucking in great amounts of air, simply out of a desire to taste the fresh night wind. I glance around, seeing nothing but hills and the sight is calming. Faintly, the impinging nags at my brain, but even though it drives me to turn around - to relent - I don't feel any less free.

To my surprise, when at last I come back within sight of the car, I find Edward sitting in the grass some fifty feet away. He has his legs bent up close to his chest, his hands pressed flat against the ground behind him as his arms brace his weight. His eyes are trained upwards, on the bright thousands of stars that are quite visible out here. I slow to a walk a few hundred yards way from him, studying the expression on his face that I cannot seem to decipher. As I come closer, Edward seems to feel my gaze upon him, for he turns and narrows his eyes in my general direction.

"Isabella?" he calls hesitantly, and I remember that he cannot see me in the darkness, weak as his human eyes are. Nor can he hear me, silent as I am, and so he must simply know on an instinctual level that someone is out here with him.

"Yes," I reply softly, not wanting to cause him to worry. Not that he should feel safe with me, but at least I am familiar to him. When I am about twenty feet from him, Edward's eyes seem to register me at last, and his gaze goes up to my face. His green eyes shine brightly in this darkness, tinted a strange color by the moonlight. They still show signs of fatigue in them, but he seems much more alert than before. He watches me warily, but makes no move to stand as I approach.

Edward looks at me in surprise as I lower myself to the ground next to him. I assume a position similar to his, though it is more comfortable for me to let my legs stretch out before me. I angle my face towards the sky, much as Edward had moments before. After a few moments in which I am all too aware of Edward watching me, he does the same and the burn of his gaze disappears. We sit in silence for a while, staring off into space, before I bring up a subject I've been thinking a lot about.

"You can ask me more questions now, if you like," I murmur, turning my face to his. At the diner, Edward had tried to probe me on the nature of my existence, mainly concerning the Guard. I hadn't been prepared for it, and so it seemed prudent to simply remain silent under his questioning. Afterwards, I considered the pros and cons, and decided he might as well know, since he was already aware of what I was.

Edward's face snaps to mine, looking shocked, but I keep mine passive. After a brief lull, I see his forehead furrow in concentration, and I brace myself for an onslaught, but for a while he is silent.

"How old are you, really?" he asks at last, surprising me with his first question. I hadn't really meant that he could question me about _myself, _but I guess it couldn't hurt. I take a deep breath, blinking my eyes slowly.

"I was changed fifty years ago, give or take a few years," I reply, noting the way his eyebrows rise in surprise. I was eighteen at the time, I think."

"You don't remember?" Edward asks. I shake my head slowly. I turn my face back up to the stars, deciding that it is easier to concentrate when I'm not looking right at him.

"I barely remember my life before at all. The memories are hazy, and I only remember bits and pieces. Faces, sometimes - though I can't remember the names that go with them."

"Your parents?" he murmurs, and I shake my again. He lets out a slow breath. "Wow."

"I left the city almost as soon as I woke up, so I never saw anybody from my human life ever again." Memories, old but crystal-clear, flash through my mind. Fear, terrible in its intensity; thirst, unbearable and all-consuming. I remember the shrieking, bloodied mess of my fist victim - I remember how her bones crushed like an aluminum can in my undisciplined hands that bent and twisted her frame in my feeding frenzy. I see clearly even now the yellow fabric of my dress soaked through and dripping with blood - I relive the moment when, still crazed with thirst, I tore the fabric with my teeth and swallowed hungrily. I feel the same bile rise up in my throat as I throw the dried corpse, barely recognizable as a woman now, away from me in horror. I see the bloody stains on my too-hard skin, the tattered remains of my clothes.

I ran that night. I tore out of the city, flitting from shadow to shadow, terrified of myself and of the humans who walked the dark streets. Two more met their untimely death at my hands that night, and with each one, my self-revulsion and terror grew. Fifteen miles outside of the city limits, alone in the desert, I choked back up the scraps of fabric I'd ingested in my madness, and as some of the blood came back with it, I fell to my knees in shock. There, alone in a pool of the blood of three innocent people - blood that I had _swallowed- _I went into a kind of shock. I stayed there, sobbing tearlessly, until the sun rose and I saw the way my skin revealed what I was.

_A monster._

"What about the one who changed you?" Edward asks, his voice bringing me out of my dark memories. I feel my mouth fill with venom at his question, my hands clenching in anger.

"I don't know who changed me," I mutter, my voice almost a growl. "Whoever it was didn't bother to stick around long enough to tell me who or what I was. I woke up alone, and he never came back for me."

"He?" I shrug, feeling the coil of anger loosening in my chest.

"Just a feeling," I say, letting myself fall backwards onto the grass. I look up at Edward, and his eyes shine back at me in the darkness. I fight back the desire welling up inside of me, turning my eyes up to the night sky. "I was on my own for forty-seven days. Mostly I just wandered around the desert - I had to leave the Phoenix area once people started looking for me. I'd wait for the thirst to become insufferable before I'd go looking for a hiker or passerby. I had to find a cave or something to hide I during the day, because of my skin. I figured out that I was stronger than anything I'd ever heard about pretty quickly, and that human food no matter meant anything to me. I guessed the truth of my nature, too. Didn't take a genius to figure that one out." Here I pause, studying Edward's face and his reaction to my story. He looks intrigued, his expression the most unguarded I've ever seen it when awake. His eyes hold a kind of sadness, perhaps pity, and that thought makes me angry. I don't want anyone's pity. I tear my eyes from his, glaring off into the distance, but his voice pulls me back again.

"When did you meet Emmett?"

I sigh. The thought of Emmett is another sore subject for me, especially after recent events. Still, my tongue is loose tonight for no reason other than it has been a long time since I have told anyone these stories, and so I turn my head back around to Edward.

"On the forty-eighth day," I begin, remembering it all very clearly. " I smelled him that night as I left the hole I'd been hiding in. Turns out he'd been following me from a distance for a few days. Instinctively, I warned him away from me." I remember the way the snarl had scared me as it ripped form my throat, and how my lips had curled immediately over my teeth. "I was afraid of him, at first. You've seen him - and something deep within me knew that he could do me harm. I knew almost immediately that he was like me." I remember the sense of relief that I wasn't alone tempering the fear, just for a moment or two.

"But, Emmett being Emmett, he didn't want to hurt me. He decided to help me, to explain things to me, for whatever reason. I don't now why, exactly. Anyway, once he convinced me not to run or to attack him, he got me to sit down while he got me some new clothes and a room to stay in. We were together for years after that."

By now, Edward is lying next to me in the grass, his head propped up on one hand so he can watch me. I am acutely aware of the fact that there is only four or five feet of space between us now. At the end of my monologue, Edward raises an eyebrow at me, a small frown upon his face that vexes me. "What?" I ask.

"Together?" he asks, his velvet voice tinged with an unpleasant emotion. I groan in exasperation, realizing how far off track he is.

"Just as friends," I clarify, and his face relaxes. I figure the thought of his sister's… well, whatever Emmett was to her… a mate? Well, surely Edward wouldn't want me to have been with Emmett, a vampire he clearly trusted. I feel slightly offended, but since there was never anything for him to worry about, I let it go.

"How did Emmett find your family?" I ask, changing the subject and turning the questioning on Edward. I notice the way the word family makes him wince, but he answers quickly enough.

"I'm not sure - one day, Rose just brought him home one day, and that's all I know."

"How did you find out?" I ask, curious despite myself. Edward's face darkens, and my curiosity grows.

"My sister was almost in a car accident," he says quietly, and immediately I understand, though I do not interrupt him as he continues telling his story. "The car lost control on a patch of ice, and it spun out right towards where she was standing. Emmett, he was on the complete opposite side of the parking lot. But then, he was just there, standing between Rose and the car. He stopped it with his bare hands, crushed the whole front of the car." He shakes his head, as if still in disbelief or perhaps simply remembering how he'd felt then. "We all saw it happen. The driver, he hit his head really hard on the wheel, so he didn't remember anything. Still, we all knew then. He told us everything a few weeks after that."

"And you just accepted it? Accepted the fact that your sister was involved with a vampire?" I can't help but ask, my tone incredulous. I can't imagine a human family being so accepting. It was stupid, if you asked me. Edward gets tense, though, and I can tell my words irk him, but he keeps his voice level.

"Emmett was good to her. To all of us. _He_ neverhurt us." I can hear the jab in his cold tone, and I flinch internally. Angered and hurt, I glare at him, but he simply rolls onto his back and stares up at the stars. I glare at him for a minute or so, surprised at how much it hurt to hear that. My insides are in knots, anger and hurt and regret all mixing together. I think of how to respond, but to my surprise Edward beings speaking again.

"He was always in control around us," he murmurs, almost to himself. I can almost hear the wheels in his head turning, but I can't imagine what he's thinking. I bristle inwardly, taking it to be another jab at me. He knows exactly which buttons to press, to infuriate me and make me feel awful all at once. So, I simply pretend that he is speaking to me, and I respond in an irritated tone.

"He has much more experience at it than most." My words are defensive, and I curse myself as soon as they leave my mouth. Edward turns back to me, his eyes narrowed slightly. I stare right back at him, angered and bewildered.

"Maybe he wants to be better than a monster," he retorts, and the bite in his words stings. I suck in another deep breath, and his scent smells even more potent right now. I clench my hands into fists, sitting up abruptly. _How dare he? _the injured part of me asks.

"Perhaps he is just _weak_," I spit back, my voice nearly a growl by the end. Edward seems to swell with anger, and he sits up too. I notice the way his eyes dart to my clenched hands, and for a moment he looks worried. I am not yet close to blowing up, but I can see that he fears pushing me too far. Still, he brings his gaze back to mine and there is fire in those green orbs.

"Destroying everything you touch is not strength," he says through gritted teeth, and again his words are surprisingly wounding. I don't want to believe that's what I do… though the evidence is in his favor, and it seems he knows it. How he has found and exploited these deep, unrealized fears is beyond me, but I turn defensive immediately.

As if to disprove his words, I leap at Edward. Surprise and fear flicker across his face as I push him down onto his back, my hands circling his wrists and pushing them down into the dirt on either side of his head. A leg on either side of his effectively pins him to the ground, though I am careful not to hold too tightly or push too forcefully. I am not hurting him, but still his angered, fearful gaze meets mine as he struggles once and then goes still, his body submitting even as his eyes scream defiance. I stare down at him, my hair falling over one shoulder and dangling close to his face. He is breathing heavily, and each exhale hits me right in the face and creates a kind of haziness that disorients me for a moment. Shaking my head slightly, I clear my thoughts and meet his eyes again, wincing at the fear in them but rising to the anger that is there too.

"You are still alive." I growl. Edward stares back silently, defiantly, as I continue. "I haven't killed you, though certainly you possess no inclination to keep yourself out of danger."

"_Me_?" Edward asks, his voice loud and incredulous. His eyes flash with fury, and I feel him try to twist one arm free of my grasp. "It's _my _fault? How the fuck is it my fault? I didn't cause any of this!"

"No?" I spit back, meeting his loud anger with my own. "_You _are the one who pushes _me_ to react. You are the one who doesn't listen!" I watch, furious, as the blood rises in Edward's face, and his eyes turn to a hard, fiery jade as he completely loses it beneath me, struggling again in vain. His voice is now a shout that rings throughout the empty hills.

"And you're the one who took me from my home, who fucking _kidnapped _me and dragged me halfway across the world against my will! You're the one who sucked my goddamn blood and imprisoned me in your house like some kind of animal! You beat me until I couldn't fucking stand and when you finished -"

"Stop!" I shout, my temper white-hot and my whole body shaking with fury. Mostly, I'm livid because of him, but part of me is furious because it's true. Edward doesn't heed my command, however, and simply sneers up at me.

"Can't handle the truth?" he asks with a hard, humorless laugh that pushes me further over the edge. My grip tightens ever-so-slightly on his wrists, and I bare my teeth at him.

"Shut. The. _Fuck. _Up." I snarl, my whole body rumbling with the intensity of the growl emanating from inside my chest. Edward stops laughing and takes a good look at my face, and suddenly his goes very pale. The fury and condescension is wiped entirely off his face in an instant, and his pupils dilate quickly. As I continue to growl I feel him begin to shake beneath me, his lips parted but no sound coming out. He goes stock still in that moment, and my vampiric vision catches sight of my own reflection in his moonlit eyes.

I am a sight to behold.

My face, perfectly white all the time, has reached a new level of paleness. It makes me look sick, gaunt, a darkness around my eyes and over my cheekbones giving me a corpse-like appearance. My canine teeth, usually only slightly larger than the average human's, are now fearsomely long, extending a solid inch from the gum to the razor-sharp tips. But the worst are my eyes, which sometimes black with anger are now like burning coals that emanate fury. I have seen other vampires become like this, but never until now have I seen this creature in myself. It is so startling that the growl ceases almost immediately, my breath catching in my throat.

Edward's heart beats frantically as I stare at myself in his terror-filled eyes with a kind of fear of my own. For the first time, I frighten myself. _Is that what I am, inside? _The thought shakes me, and in my reflection I see my face turning back to normal, a look of horror replacing the mask of murder. I pull back slightly, tearing my focus from the vision of the monster to Edward. He trembles violently in my hold, and I wonder how it is he hasn't passed out, he is so pale. A sinking, terrible feeling replaces the fury that had been so consuming before. I test my hold on his wrists, feeling immense relief when I find that I have not tightened to the point of really hurting him. I look back at his face, and his shallow breathing that continues even as my appearance goes back to normal frightens me.

"I'm sorry." The words fall from my lips without thought, and I realize they're true. I _am _sorry. I let go of Edward's wrists but he doesn't move them. I lean back slightly, still crouched over his body, which continues to shake. _Fuck, what happened to me? _I press my hands to either side of my face hard, but it doesn't help the way my head is spinning. Tentatively, I reach out one hand towards Edward's face. He tenses immediately, and his hands move quickly to grab hold of my wrist, our situation reversing. I allow him to stop my hand's advancement, but I don't pull it back. His hands are colder than usual - clammy, you'd call it. His long fingers circle my wrist, his eyes wide and pleading. I sigh in such sinking regret, knowing I have fucked up again. This time, though, I am determined to make things better.

"It's alright," I murmur, trying to sound reassuring. "I'm sorry." With my free hand I gently begin to pry his hands from me. His eyes are still wild and untrusting, but he does not struggle or resist. Once I have freed my hand, I cautiously lower it to his cheek, softly touching the smooth skin there. I shudder slightly at the feel, and at last I am grounded. I curse myself for my dangerous tendencies, and I try to convey my regret to Edward through my eyes.

"I won't hurt you," I tell him, staring into those frightened eyes. "Not anymore. I promise."

Reluctantly I pull back my hand and climb off of him, moving to sit at his side instead. With as much gentleness as I am capable of, I help Edward into a sitting position by pulling slightly on his broad shoulders. Slowly, he sits up at my urging, his eyes seeking mine always, as if waiting for me to strike. I let my hand trail from his shoulder down his arm to his clenched hands, and I rest my hand over his much larger fist.

"Are you ok?" I ask quietly, knowing it is a stupid question. "Are you hurt?" I clarify. "Talk to me… please." I stare at him, willing him to respond, and at last he takes a deep, shuddering breath.

"No, I'm not hurt," he whispers. His eyes slide down from mine to the sight of my hand on his. He stares at it and says nothing, and I become anxious. I take my hand away, though I don't really want to, and his gaze raises up to mine again.

"I don't know what came over me," I admit, my throat constricting with self-disgust. His eyes are searching, still scared, and they hurt me as much as they ground me. I don't know what else to say, but I search desperately for the right words. "Fuck, sometimes you just push and I can't…" I trail off, furious with myself, not knowing what else to say. He stares at me, and I fight for more words. "It's like you're _trying _to push me to the edge, like you have no sense of self-preservation or something. I can't handle it, and I get so fucking angry…"

Edward surprises me by filling in my silence. "You make me angry, too," he says quietly, a spark of something back within him, and though his words aren't exactly pleasing I'm glad he's speaking to me. I sigh, running a hand over my face.

"I know." I respond.

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true," he continues, and I feel a flicker of the anger and hurt flare up but I push it back down. Not again.

"Yes, I know that too." This isn't going in a very good direction. I wonder how the hell his mood switches so fast.

"But not this time."

"No," I agree, sighing again. "I won't anymore, either. I promise."

**A/N: Who believes her? Who thinks things are moving in a better direction?**

**Who wants school to be over? ME!**

**Review, please. Sneak peak if you do! **


	18. Unsure

**A/N: This has come out so quickly because of my wonderful reviewers. Thank you all.**

**Mad World, Chapter 18: Unsure**

I'm not sure if who I am is who I want to be

I'm not sure if I'm afraid or don't like what I see

Looking back I thought these things made sense to me before

All I know right now is I'm unsure  
I'm not sure why black and white always fades to gray

I'm not sure why love is here and then it goes away

I think that I have all I need and then I still want more

All I know right now is I'm unsure  
How can I trust again when my heart won't give in?

How can I?

Where do I begin?

_"You make me angry, too," he says quietly, a spark of something back within him, and though his words aren't exactly pleasing I'm glad he's speaking to me. I sigh, running a hand over my face._  
_"I know." I respond._  
_"I didn't say anything that wasn't true," he continues, and I feel a flicker of the anger and hurt flare up but I push it back down. Not again. _  
_"Yes, I know that too." This isn't going in a very good direction. I wonder how the hell his mood switches so fast._  
_"But not this time."_  
_"No," I agree, sighing again. "I won't anymore, either. I promise." _

"I doubt that," Edward mumbles, looking sideways at me. I let out_ a_ breath that is half sigh, half growl and shoot a glare at him. This is exactly what I wish he wouldn't do.

"Fuck, Edward…" I stand up quickly, noticing the way he flinches as I do so. I rake my nails across my palms, using the slight pain to center myself. "Could you at least _try_ not to make me angry? I get it; you hate me, but for both our sakes, just learn to shut up, ok?"

Edward says nothing to me, he simply turns his head away and I huff in frustration. To the east, the sun has begun to light up the sky, and I pull out my cell phone to check the time. It's barely six in the morning. We have at least six more hours. I shove the device back into my pocket and sit down again. Edward is staring off into the distance still, so I lie back and close my eyes. I let my thoughts drift off, back into both the recent and the very distant past, reliving both my recent actions and the stories I'd told Edward. None of them are very pleasant memories, but it gives me the opportunity to reflect a bit, at least. I think about who I was back then, when I'd first met Emmett. Young, scared, and naïve. It's strange to think that that scared little girl turned into, well, this. A warrior. A leader. A monster. Is that what I was?

Some time passes, maybe minutes or hours, and suddenly Edward gasps softly. I open my eyes and turn my head to look at him. He is staring slack-jawed at me, and for a moment I frown in confusion. When I look down at myself, however, I see what has caused such a reaction. My skin has caught the full effect of the sun, and it shines like hundreds of thousands of tiny diamonds. As I tilt my head, I can see the light reflect off of my and onto Edward, who seems shocked into silence. I imagine he has seen this before, from Emmett, so I'm not quite sure why his pulse accelerates to an almost alarming rate. His eyes seem to rake over every inch of my shining, inhuman skin that is exposed. When his eyes meet mine at last, they burn with a strange intensity that causes me to feel a shiver pass through my entire body. At last he turns away, and I eventually go back to lying down with my eyes closed, wondering silently what has just happened. Out of nowhere, Edward speaks up again. "What day is it?" he asks, startling me. I open my eyes to peer at him, and find that he is not looking at me. I then dig into my pocket and fish out my phone, checking the bright screen.

"June seventh," I reply, uninterested by the date. The news seems to startle Edward, however, for at last he looks at me with an expression of scrutiny, as if I am lying to him. Soon he simply huffs and turns away again. I stare at his profile, wondering what that was all about, and decide I'm tired of silence. Edward will have to talk to me eventually anyway. After all, who else does he have?

"Tell me about your life back in America," I say eventually, and again he turns back to me with that look on his face.

"What?" he asks and I repeat myself. He narrows his eyes at me and then shrugs slowly. "What about it? I went to school, I came home… I worked. What is there to tell?"

"I don't know... anything. We have time," I urge. He still seems hesitant, however, and maybe a bit irritated. I don't care, though; it's better than silence.

"I doubt it will be of any interest to you." He sighs when he sees I am adamant, and begins at last.

"Well, I played football. Varsity, but in a town like Forks, that isn't anything special." He pauses, and I nod in encouragement to continue. "I worked at the diner, just bussing tables. It was a shitty job, but the money wasn't that bad. I don't know, I guess that's pretty much it… I didn't really do much."

"What about your friends? Your family?" I press, surprised by the fact that I hang onto his every word, finding the experience of learning more about him to be fascinating. H scowls, though, at my words and gives me a dirty look.

"I don't really want to talk about them," he says coldly, and I realize that that is a huge sore spot for him. I decide to back off, for once having enough patience to do so.

"Fair enough. Well… what about the piano? How long have you been playing?" I remember the night I'd heard him play very clearly, and from the look on his face, he is remembering it too.

"Since I was five," he responds, and I am impressed. "I only recently started playing a lot, though." At this point, I glance at the sun and check my phone again, and Edward stops his explanation. "Am I boring you?" he asks, his voice rough. I shake my head, sincere in my disagreement.

"No. Just checking the time." I realize as I check my phone that I have accidentally turned it to silent, and I have a missed call from Jane. I narrow my eyes and press the call button, moving the phone to my ear. Edward looks perturbed to have been interrupted, and I hold up a finger to him. The phone rings once before Jane answers.

"Felix is looking for you. I think he found out about Emmett," she says in place of a greeting. _Great_, I think, running a hand over my face. I had almost forgotten about Felix.

"Well, what can he do? Aro already knows about it, and Felix is an idiot if he thinks he can challenge me on it."

"I know, that's what I told him," Jane says dryly, and I smirk. "But he insists he has something to talk to you about. He wouldn't tell me what, though."

"Well, he can wait." My tone is abrupt, cold, but I don't fear that Jane will take it personally. She hates Felix just as much as I do, I'm sure. "I'll be back in three days or so, so if he won't let it go tell him that I'll talk to him then. I have other things to take care of first."

"Edward, you mean," Jane snickers uncharacteristically. I grind my teeth in annoyance, and she laughs at the sound, her keen vampire hearing missing nothing. "How is that going, by the way?"

"Not that it is your business," I reply sardonically, ignoring her laughter, "but it is still about the same. Frustrating as always."

"You haven't gotten over yourself yet, then?" I growl, now pushed beyond my tolerance. Edward is watching me curiously, and I glance in his direction before I respond.

"Goodbye, Jane," I mutter, annoyed further by her chuckle.

"Ciao," she chirps, and I end the call. Who knew Jane could be so… childish. I shake my head, checking the time once more before turning to Edward who is openly watching me as I put my phone away.

"Friend of yours?" he asks, and I shrug in response. "Does she work with you, this Jane? Is she a part of your underground vampire clan too?"

I laugh in spite of myself. "You could say that. But it isn't a clan, so much as it is a kind of army."

"Army?" Edward asks, surprised. He pales. "Who are you planning on attacking?"

I realize that again, he has taken things the wrong way. "Not humans, if that is what you're thinking." He nods and looks a bit relieved. "I guess army is the wrong word. Volterra is a kind of base, I guess, for what you could say is like the vampire police. We enforce the rules, and make sure that the existence of our kind stays a secret."

"So... you're like a cop?" Edward asks, disbelief clear in his voice. I laugh again, finding the comparison amusing.

"Not exactly. I'm more of what you'd call an enforcer." Edward's eyebrows rise at my words, so I continue. "When a vampire breaks the rules, it means one thing: death. That's the penalty for breaking the few rules my kind has." Edward lets out a breath, his green eyes locked on mine.

"Sounds harsh," he observes. I shake my head at him, trying to find words to explain.

"If our existence is exposed, the results will be catastrophic for both humans and vampires. So, the one real rule is to keep your head down and don't tell any human what you are. When vampires break that rule, I go after them."

"And you kill them," Edward finishes. I nod, and his eyes search my face. This explanation, he believes. "You're the executioner, then." Again, I nod.

"You could call it that, I suppose. But they only send me after the strongest of our kind – the ones with gifts." Before Edward can ask, I answer the apparent question. "Some of our kind have the ability to do extraordinary things. No one knows where they come from or why, but they take many forms. Some can paralyze with just a look, others can cause incredible pain. These are the most dangerous opponents for the Guard, because though we are better trained and well-supported we cannot always predict what it will take to battle an opponent with a gift."

Edward seems to take a minute to ingest this before speaking up again. "So why do they send you, then, to kill the ones with gifts? Can you not feel pain, or something?"

I smirk and shake my head, amused by his guesses. "No, I can feel pain. They send me because other vampires' gifts can't affect me. I am what some call a shield, which means that the gifts of others can't get inside my head, unless I want them to."

"So that's your gift?" Edward asks, not sounding very impressed, which is both a bit insulting and very funny. I stand up slowly, brushing the grass off of my clothes.

"Part of it, but the other part is a bit harder to explain, and to show you, I'd have to run the risk that I might kill you, so just take my word for it." At last, the sun is fully up, and my clock reads 10:15. I fish my keys out of my pocket and gesture to Edward. "Let's go."

"Where exactly are we going?" he asks as he walks over to the car.

"To the new house," I answer, sliding back into the driver seat. Edward glances at me, surprised.

"Why did you get a new house?" he asks, and I almost roll my eyes. As if he didn't know.

"Because of you," I say bluntly. Again, the look of surprise. This time, however, he simply shakes his head and gets in the car. I look at the mangled seatbelt and frown, reminding myself that I need to get that fixed. Right now, though, it isn't a very high priority. I just really want to get going.

It takes almost an hour to get back to Volterra. The streets are busy today, and I drum my fingers along the steering wheel impatiently. Edward stares out at all the people with a sort of wistful expression on his face. I wonder what's running through his head, and I wish that mind-reading was my gift instead. I smirk when I decide that Edward would find that much more interesting.

We stop at a gas station so I can fill up the Phantom, which is running low on fuel. I hold my breath so as not to inhale the incredibly powerful, highly disgusting smell that is gasoline. I lean upon the car as the liquid pumps in, ignoring the blatant stares and the hushed whispers. It's the same thing everywhere I go. I allow Edward to get out of the car, since he asks so softly, politely and pleadingly. He stands off to my left, within a mere three feet as per my instructions. I take turns staring at him and daring anyone else to look at him with a sweeping glare. That same wistful look is still on his face, but I try to ignore the way it twists my stomach with unwanted guilt.

"General," a soft, too-smooth voice murmurs. I whirl about, caught off guard, but relax when I see who has called to me. A tall, dark-skinned vampire makes his way over to me, his gait smooth. His large, blood-red eyes are partially hidden by his sunglasses, but I can see the familiar glint in them. I turn my body to face him as he approaches, a small smile tugging at my lips as he flashes me a wide grin.

"Demetri," I answer him in return, standing up straight as he stops just before me. I look up into his smiling, handsome face and I realize it has been a long time since I have seen him. I try to remember when the last time was, and I'm shocked when I realize it was over ten years ago.

"It has been too long, lady." Demetri leans his tall frame against the gas pump, his eyes shining as he calls me the same thing he called me the first time I met him, when he had the audacity to pretend he didn't know who I was.

"Been busy, I suppose," I reply, putting the nozzle back on the hook. Demetri chuckles, and the sound is so familiar.

"Yes, so I've heard. Top dog, huh." His eyes leave me for a brief moment to glance at Edward, who is openly staring, before turning back to me, one eyebrow raised in question. I turn my gaze to my singer, meeting his questioning look.

"This is Edward," I say, gesturing unnecessarily. I'm not sure what else to do in the situation, being that we are in public and people are watching. "Edward, this is Demetri." At this point, Demetri surprises me by offering his hand to shake, and for a moment Edward and I both stare at it as if it was poisonous. Edward recovers before I do, however, and reaches his hand out too.

Without thought, a low growl rumbles from my chest, soft enough that no one around us can hear us, but loud and threatening enough that both Edward and Demetri jerk their hands back in surprise. The latter gives me a bewildered look while the other takes a step back warily. I stop the sound almost immediately, but my posture remains tense as I turn to the vampire.

"Don't…touch him…" I choke out, my mouth suddenly filled with venom. I swallow it down as best I can as Demetri hold his hands up in a sign of surrender, glancing between Edward and me curiously. I turn my eyes to the human to see that he is giving me the exact same look, and I sigh.

"Egli è il mio cantante," (he is my singer) I say quickly to Demitri, whose eyes bulge at the news.

"Davvero?" (really?) he asks, and when I nod he looks to Edward with curious, scrutinizing eyes. Edward stares between the two of us with confusion and frustration on his face, but says nothing. Demitri turns back to me. "Come hai resistito il suo sangue?"(How have you resisted his blood?)

"Non lo so,"(I don't know) I reply, shrugging halfheartedly while looking at Edward. Demetri whistles low, impressed. An idea seems to occur to him, and his voice drops even lower.

"Egli sa? Presumo che non può parlare in Italiano." (Does he know? I assume he cannot speak Italian.)

"Egli sa ciò che siamo, ma non che lui è il mio cantante." (he knows what we are, but not that he is my singer.) Demetri nods as I speak. Edward's face has developed a small scowl by now, so I turn my attention back to him for a moment.

"You can get in the car, Edward." Apparently that was a poor choice of words, because the scowl darkens as he climbs back into the Phantom, not even glancing at me. I sigh, running a hand over my hair, and turn to find Demetri looking at me with a look that is partially pained and partially amused.

"So are you two a..." he trails off, gesturing implicitedly. I feel my face show my shock at his question, and I shake my head vigorously.

"No, of course not." For some reason, I get a sudden yearning that Demetri was right. I shake that thought off quickly, afraid of its implications, but it will not leave. It lurks there in the back of my mind as Demetri gives me a look that clearly says that he does not believe me. Wisely, however, he does not challenge me on it.

"I have missed you," he says instead, meeting my gaze with his, now dark and alluring. I remember how this same look used to thrill me, used to make my eys darken with need and my mouth fill with venom. I let my eyes rove over his long frame, my memory taking me back to moments many years ago.

"_Come back to me_, _Dolcezza." He whispers, his low baritone voice causing me to shiver even as I smile. I turn my head to look at him, standing mere inches away and staring down at me with those dark, dark eyes. I offer him a slow, sad smile and turn away, sighing when I feel his strong arms wrap around me, pulling me back against his bare, well-muscled chest. "Don't go."_

"_I have to, Demetri. You know that," I remind him, leaning my head back against him before pulling away. I finish tying the fabric of my dark hood around my neck, turning to look at him once I've finished. He hasn't gotten dressed, and the sight of him is very distracting, but I stay strong. "I won't be coming back this time, either." My words cause those burning eyes to tighten with pain, and I feel a small bit of remorse as I look into them. I have been with Demetri many times, and his company and his friendship have made the past few years much more bearable. I was assigned to this remote region almost three years ago, serving as a reminder to the clan of vampires that lived nearby that the Guard was always watching. Demetri was a former guard member himself – the best vampire tracker in existence, according to Aro. He showed up at my door one night, all quiet confidence and heart-stopping smiles, and the rest, as they say, was history._

"_If you change your mind, you know where to find me." His sad, handsome face is sincere and hopeful, but I know that I won't change my mind. Demetri is a good lover, a faithful friend, but he is not enough for me. He is not my intended mate, if I even have one. I pull my hood up over my head, donning my Guard cloak, and offer him one last smile before exiting the small cabin._

That was the lats time I saw him before now. He looks exactly the same, much as I knew he would. Now, though, I am quite certain that our lives were never meant to be entwined forever, for though I am pleased to see him, I know that he has never been the one for me.

"It was good seeing you, Demetri." His face grimaces at my words, but it's the best I can offer him. He gives me a small, sad smile before reaching careful out to embrace me, and I return the gesture as best I can.

"Come and find me if you ever need anything," he offers, releasing me and turning to walk away. I watch him go and wonder why it wouldn't't be him, and finding no answer other than it just _isn't, _I walk back around to my seat. Able to breathe again at last without the painful scent of gasoline, I'm hit hard by the smell of Edward's blood. I look at him curiously as I start the engine, and he looks back at me with an unreadable expression. At last I turn away, putting the car into reverse and leaving the station, never glancing back at the pair of red eyes I can feel watching me go.

"Holy shit," Edward breathes, his eyes going wide as we pull into the gravel driveway. I glance over at him, the corners of my mouth lifting as I study the look of awe on his face.

It is a very nice house, that much I cannot deny. It's a four bedroom Villa nestled far away from neighboring properties, sitting on over fifteen acres of private land. A six foot high iron fence ran the perimeter of the property with two large gates on either side that required a pass-key to open. Today, however, the gate was propped open to permit the new owner (me) to drive through without a hassle. I put the Phantom in park right behind the only other vehicle there, a blue Mercedes, and step out of the car. Edward follows slowly, his eyes scanning the property and growing wider by the minute. I watch him, amused, before turning my attention to the man making his way over to us. The tanned, soon-to-be-bald man smiles warmly at me as he extends his hand to shake. I take it, unsurprised when his brow furrows when he feels how cold I am. The smile soon reappears, however, and after a few minutes of "thank you"s and "enjoy it here"s and "can I show you around"s he takes the hint and drops a set of keys into my hand and drives away, clearly unnerved by my aloofness. I gesture to Edward to follow as I head up the steps, relieved to at last be able to be alone. I open the door with my new key and step inside, a warm oak smell rising up to meet me.

The floors are all hardwood, freshly polished and gleaming. The decorations I requested and the furniture all seem to be in place, as instructed. The entry foyer leads to a flight of winding stairs to the right and to the downstairs rooms on the left. Heading left, I step into the main living room, pleased to see a large black sofa placed there along with a few chairs and a low oak table. Edward, of course, lights up when he sees that the monstrosity of a television he'd ordered has already been hung on the wall, taking up a ghastly amount of space and looking quite out of place in the more antique and rustic house. I shake my head, resigned, and leave Edward there to look at the rest of the house. It is all exactly as the saleswoman had described it: A high-tech kitchen, a large library, and a set of large glass doors that overlooked the circular swimming pool and the enormous expanse of green grass that all belonged to me. Luckily, it has been overcast for about the past three hours or so, and the light from the window doesn't't cause my skin to shine too abnormally.

Sufficiently impressed, I return to the living room where I find Edward looking around. "Come grab your stuff from the car," I tell him, and he follows obediently behind me, gazing around quietly. We head back outside and I open the trunk of the car. The smell of human food makes me want to gag, so i hold my breath and gesture for Edward to grab the bags.

"Ugh, what is that smell?" he asks, his face showing repulsion as he lifts up the first bag and smells it. I shrug my shoulders, unsure and bemused.

"Human food?" I offer, not knowing what he means. Edward shakes his head vigorously, holding the bag of food away from him as if it would bite him.

"No, seriously. It smells awful. I think it must have gotten spoiled back here." At his words, I breathe in tentatively and immediately regret it, shutting my eyes and willing myself not to retch. Honestly, though, I don't smell much of a difference between this food and the stuff he usually ate.

"Oh well," I wheeze, turning back to garb some of the clothing bags instead, unwilling to touch the nasty stuff. Edward's huff of disbelief causes me to turn back, however, and he gives me an exasperated look.

"I can't eat this," he insists, shaking the bag. I narrow my eyes at him and begin to argue, but he cuts me off. "Seriously, it would taste horrible, and I'd probably get some kind of disease or something."

"Don't be so dramatic," I reply, and the look on his face becomes desperate.

"I'm not! I seriously can't eat this." I huff in frustration, staring between his insistent green eyes and the bag of objectionable food.

"Fine!" I reach into the trunk and pull the rest of the contents out all at once, causing Edward to jump back as about a hundred pounds of stuff lands at his feet. "Get rid of the food, and put the rest of the stuff away. I'll be back." I slam the trunk closed, extremely irritated, and head to the driver's side door.

'Wait." I turn to glare at Edward, incredulous. What else could he want? "You're just going to leave me here? I don't know which room is supposed to be mine."

"Pick one," i say dismissively, and with that I shut the door and peel out of the driveway. I glance at Edward's form once in the rear-view mirror, releasing a frustrated breath.

_That boy will be the end of me._

When I return approximately three hours later, I am beyond frustrated. First of all, i had no idea what I was supposed to buy... it all looked like garbage to me. After about ten minutes, i was ready to lose my mind. I ended up paying a very startled woman to shop for me, instructing her to get two weeks worth of food for a sixteen-year-old boy. I paid her a hefty sum to do it, and in my mind it was well worth it. I lift all the bags out of the trunk, trying to find a way to balance them all in one arm so I can open the door. Inside, there is no sign of Edward, and for a second I begin to panic until I reach the kitchen. Some of the previous food has been put away, and i wonder why that particular stuff has not "spoiled". As i drop the rest of the slop onto the counter, I can hear the sound of Edward's heartbeat and the sloshing of water. Curious, I head to the window, and the sight I behold stops me dead in my tracks.

Edward is standing with his back to me in the shallow end of the pool. The light of the fading sun reflects off the water running down his back and arms, every beam of the light visible to my vampiric eyes. Pale skin stretches tightly over well-defined muscles that stretch and flex as he brings a hand up to push his now wet hair back out of his eyes. He turns to one side, and my eyes travel hungrily over his profile. His muscles are all clearly defined, but not bulging. Fresh and still growing in youth, his body has decidedly turned from boy to man only recently, but the transformation is apparant. My gaze slowly descends down his body, following the trail of dark bronze hair that extends from his navel down to the very promising "V" of his hips. Hanging low on his hips are a pair of shorts I know are not designed for swimming, but he doesn't seem to mind, and neither do I. All I can do is stare, paralyzed, and his body tenses and his eyes narrow and he launches himself back under the atwer, swimming strongly to the other side of the pool. He grabs onto the wall, pushing his hair back again as he floats in the deeper water. His eyes scan the water before him, and I duck behind the wall just before his gaze can find me, suddenly able to move again.

There, hiden behind the wall that my back is pressed tightly against, i realize that my breahing has become ragged. Venom fills my mouth in gushes, my eyes burn with it and I know they must be black as night. I can feel my whole body shaking, the need and desire all-consuming.

_What the hell just happened?_

Never before have I wanted something, some_one_, so badly. Lust courses through me, filling me with a sexual urgency unlike anythig I have ever felt before. My mind plays back the images I have just witnessed, my thoughts burning with the desire to see them again. All of a sudden, my usual thirstfor Edward is gone. My throat no longer burns; instead, the rest of me does.

_I want to fuck him. _The thought no sooner becomes apparent to me than I know for a fact that it is true. A low growl rumbles form my chest at the very thought of touching all that bare, wet skin, and I feel my eyes darken even further with need. Yet in the back of my mind, there is a voice screaming that this is _wrong. _I stand indeciseivly, my animalistic lust battling with my reason.

_He__'s only a child. A child with a body that rivals any statue I've ever seen, but a child nonetheless. Sixteen? It's too young. And he is a human – I would crush him, for sure. But how can I resist it? How can I see him every day now and deny what it is I want._

Groaning in frustration, I hit my head against the wall behind me. Overwhelmed as I am, i almost don't notice my hand as it slides slowly down my abdomen. When I do notice, I simply close my eyes and groan again, resigned. I haven't had to do this in a very, _very _long time. Now, though, the relief I feel as my fingers find my most sensitive, aching place I shudder in relief. _I need this. I need it now. _

My mind is filled with images of the human boy outside as I touch myself, hissing and growling softly as my fingers slide over wet flesh. I imagine it is his hand with his long, talented fingers inside of me. I imagine that same wet, muscle-straining body writhing beneath me, those ridiculously powerful green eyes staring up into mine as I ride him. _Fuck. _I am already close, and I bite my other hand hard as I release, snarling softly in pure lust and satisfaction. Legs shaking, I lean heavily against the wall, breathing hard and feeling unsatisfied still.

_Not good enough. _I take several more deep breaths before I muster the courage to move, peering cautiously out the window once more. Edward is lying on the cement beside the water now, his eyes closed as the sun shines down upon his sinful body and perfectly innocent face.

_What the fuck do I do now?_

**_A/N: Please review. I don't know why 187 people read, and only ten review. Sneak peek? I'll give it to you. Don't want it? just say so. Please._**


	19. What I've Done

**Mad World, Chapter Nineteen: What I've Done**

_Put to rest_  
_What you thought of me_  
_While I clean this slate_  
_With the hands of uncertainty_

_So let mercy come, __and wash away, __What I've done_

I can hear the footsteps as they come ever closer. My fingers drum nervously upon my leg, my body shifting needlessly upon the couch I sit upon. I can hear each breath; each heartbeat. My eyes dart back and forth between the place I know he'll be coming through at any moment and my reflection in the gigantic television screen. I look just as wild as I feel right now—eyes dark, body tensed—and I try to force myself to relax. _This is it. _

The knob turns, the door creaks from some unseen place, and then the footsteps sound again, only this time on hardwood floors instead of concrete. I wait for what feels like minutes but can only be seconds, and then at last it happens.

Edward steps into the living room wearing only a pair of still-damp shorts and a towel around his neck. His eyes find mine almost immediately, and the reaction is intense. Electricity jolts my limbs into action – a slight, uncontrollable twitch forward that is only barely kept from turning into a full-out lunge. I grit my teeth against the desire to move at all after that short loss of control. _I must not move… I have to resist. _My eyes sweep without my consent over Edward's body for only a fraction of a second, and still my fingers dig painfully into my leg as I wage war against my instincts.

Edward, for his part, has acted surprised but not overly wary. He stops only a few steps into the room, looking at me expectantly. My mouth stays clenched shut as I track the voyage of a single water-drop as it trickles slowly down his neck to his shoulder. After a moment Edward swallows nervously, and my eyes licker back up to his at the motion.

"So…" he says haltingly, seeming unsure. "You're back."

I nod mutely, my neck muscles feeling stiff. Somehow, the past hour or so has drastically changed the way I view Edward. Every movement, no matter how small or unassuming, now seems to me to be the most erotic act I have ever witnessed. I watch with unparalleled interest as he runs a hand through his damp hair – a nervous gesture. Each breath he takes causes the muscles in his chest to stretch ever so slightly, making my mouth fill with venom that I swallow back quickly. There's confusion in his eyes, and I watch as they dart to the hallway that leads to the stairs.

"I'm just gonna…" he trails off, walking past me slowly. My eyes follow him as he goes, sensing that he can feel the tension in the air: thick and stifling. For a moment it is all I can do not to drag him back as soon as he leaves my sight. I choke back a mouthful of venom as his footsteps quickly ascend the stairs, my whole body vibrating with need. Already I feel myself needing release yet again, but I know it will only make things worse. Groaning aloud I let my head fall into my hands, frustrated and at my wit's end.

Humans are always saying that they are all just animals underneath it all. Well, while this is true, generations of a lack of a need to hunt have dulled their animal instincts considerably. For vampires it is a completely different story –we are all barely controlled beasts that live off of instinct. Beneath the carefully crafted exterior of beauty and grace is a predator that is always seconds away from taking over control. Lust, of course, is a bestial desire; as such, it is a powerful craving for a vampire, and it is one we are not programmed to resist.

But I have to resist. I have no delusions that in the past I have been nothing short of a monster – that I _am _a monster – but even still, this is not something that I can justify. At only sixteen, Edward is a mere child. Hell, by human law he isn't even old enough to _consent_ to having sex with anyone over eighteen…which of course, I have far surpassed. And am I really so far removed from my humanity that I can justify forcing myself on him? No. I will not allow myself to do that to him, even if it kills me to deny myself.

_Stop being weak, _the monster growls inside my head. _Humans are prey, lesser beings. He is no different from the rest._

_But he is. _The monster snarls at the stronger, saner voice inside. _Whether I like it or not, I can't continue to wreak havoc upon the both of us through my true nature. It will kill us both._

Resolved, resigned, I rise from the couch and begin to pace. I pull my cellphone from my pocket and dial from perfect memory. It rings once before it is answered.

"I figured you would call."

"I can't be alone with him, Jane." I ignore the smug tone of her voice and get straight to the point. "I'm going crazy over here. Come over."

"Tell me where and when."

"Now," I say firmly, rattling of the address. The line goes dead seconds later, and I sigh despairingly. I was never one for asking others for support, but I don't really have anyone else to go to about this and I know I'll end up doing something drastic if I'm stuck alone with Edward for three whole days. Even now, as I turn my attention to the sound of a shower running upstairs, I start to doubt that I will even make it until Jane arrives.

"Fuck this imprinting," I mutter. I go into the kitchen, placing my palms flat on the counter as I look out into the darkening light. The water is still, the large expanse of grass is motionless. Everything outside looks so still and so calm – contrasting with how I feel right now. I eye the pool distractedly. I wish now that I'd remembered to bring something to swim in, because while doing laps is incredibly easy and pointless, I do enjoy the weightless, calming sensation of floating in the water. Briefly I let myself go back to the times when Emmett and I would spend weeks out in the open waters of the world's oceans swimming, exploring, and just staring up at the vastness of the night sky.

Shaking off the ghosts of the past, I realize with a start that I have forgotten to bring _any _change of clothing with me. I sigh in frustration, realizing that I have been incredibly distracted lately. Speaking of distractions, I wonder idly how long it will take Jane to get here. Already the water from the shower upstairs has stopped running, and I hope that the other vampire will get here before Edward decides to come down.

But when has anything ever gone my way?

"This is good," Edward says around a mouthful of some kind of human slop. I wrinkle my nose in distaste as I watch, my back pressed firmly against the wall farthest from the human as he eats. Masochist that I am, I could not bear to leave the room when Edward entered as I should have done; instead, I've managed to get by with a couple one-word answers and various gestures. Despite my imposed distance, the attraction I feel is still painful.

On one hand, at least Edward is now fully dressed. On the other, the tight-fitted t-shirt he has on gives just enough of a hint as to what lies underneath to make me want to pant with desire. Also, in a twisted and quite unexpected turn of events, the sight of him eating, drinking, and enjoying what I believe to be pure garbage has somehow become the worst sort of torture. My eyes stay trained to his face as he bites, chews, and swallows – simple, human things that are now painfully erotic to watch. Try as I might, I cannot stop myself from imagining that same mouth doing less appropriate things, and that sort of thinking will be the death of me.

Occasionally Edward looks over at me with that same worried, confused look on his face. I wonder if he has any idea what he's doing to me. Perhaps this is his payback for all the pain I have caused him… a fitting and well-conceived punishment. But though I search for it, I can find no source of intent to make me suffer. This must, then, be something I have only recently noticed was right in front of me. _How could I not have noticed?_

I almost sigh aloud in relief as I hear familiar footsteps approaching the house. I flit quickly to the front door, a surprised gasp from Edward reaching me as I pull the door open. Jane gives me a small smirk in greeting as she ascends the stairs at a pace only slightly faster than that of a human.

"Oh boy, you weren't kidding," she says softly, teasingly as she looks at me closely, brushing past me and stepping inside without further invitation. I shut the door behind her as she stands in the foyer, looking around and nodding slowly in approval.

"I'm going crazy," I mutter, walking in front of her back towards the kitchen. I'm so glad to see her, but despite myself, I don't like not having Edward in my sight. Jane follows close behind me as I enter the kitchen. I notice the way Edward's whole body tenses up as his eyes lock on Jane as soon as she steps into the room. Instinctively, I position myself just slightly between Edward and the other vampire, for friend though she is I still don't feel quite right having another predator so close to him.

"Hello, Edward," Jane says simply, looking over at him with a neutral expression on her face. Edward studies her for a moment, wary, before setting down the bottle of water he'd held in his hand. He glances at me briefly, unsure, and I speak up.

"Edward, this is Jane." He nods at my words, swallowing once before clearing his throat. Braver always than I expect, he addresses her directly.

"Hello, Jane." He meets her gaze steadily as he speaks, then his green eyes look back at me again. I offer him a small smile, pleased and surprised, but stop when I notice Jane watching me closely. When I turn to look at her she shifts her attention back to Edward.

"How are you enjoying the new house?" she asks him. Her question seems to surprise him, and I too feel a bit confused. I hadn't really expected her to make conversation with her, but I find myself just as interested in his answer as she seems to be. Edward shifts slightly, fidgeting nervously under her gaze but answers politely.

"It's good," he says, keeping eye contact though it clearly makes him uncomfortable. "I like being able to see outside." I mentally applaud myself on that one, for it was part of the reason I purchased the property, so that we might have the privacy that would allow for time outside. Speaking of which, a quick glance outside tells me that the sun is only minutes from disappearing beneath the horizon. Deciding it would be wise to leave while I'm ahead, I motion for Jane to follow me outside.

"We'll be outside," I say over my shoulder, letting Jane walk out of the door in front of me. I figure it's best to let Edward eat in peace – he doesn't need any more stress after all he's been through recently. Jane scans the outside property briefly before walking around the pool and heading towards the wide expanse of grass.

"You've got it bad," she observes, settling down onto the grass and leaning back on her arms in an almost human pose. I sit down across from her, legs tucked underneath me. The sunlight shines dully off of our skin as it slowly fades away. Absently, I check to make sure that I can still hear Edward's steady breathing from inside the house: check.

"You could say that," I mutter. Honestly, I'm not even going to try to hide anything from Jane; I know from experience that she is far too perceptive for that. And maybe it'll be nice to unload all of my frustrations onto someone for once. I don't remember having a "confidant" before – so I guess I'll just have to start now. "I have no idea how to stop this madness."

"Stop it?" I turn to look at her, raising an eyebrow. Her face is calm, relaxed, but there is a depth to her stare, as if she is thinking very hard about what she wants to say. "Who says you should stop it?" she asks, and I scoff.

"My sanity, Jane. I can't go on like this. I barely even survived those few moments before you got here – how am I supposed to go on like this?"

"You should just stop fighting it, Isabella." Jane gives me a hard look, entirely serious now. Stunned, I stare back at her, perplexed. She continues, determined and decided. "I mean, seriously… haven't you figured out by now that you can't win this battle? Edward is your singer, and you have imprinted upon him for life. The longer you try to resist it, the worse you're going to make things for the both of you. Just let go, Bella."

"It's not that simple—" I try to argue, but Jane cuts me off quickly.

"It is _exactly _that simple." I resist the urge to flinch at the intensity of both the vampire's words and eyes. Jane may be small, but she is a force to be reckoned with, it seems. "You're the one making this complicated. You two were meant to be together, don't you understand that? Why fight anymore?"

"I'm not looking to be tied to _anybody, _Jane." My voice is loud, defensive. "Excuse me for wanting a little control in my life."

"You can't control fate, Isabella." I huff at her words, crossing my arms across my chest. She eyes me up and down, her expression questioning. "You can't pretend you haven't thought about it – just giving in. What's stopping you?"

"Edward's human, Jane."

"So? Weren't we all human once? Be careful, take things slow – make allowances for his humanity until the time comes—"

"Until the time comes for what, Jane?" I spit out the question, angry now. I stand up quickly, and she does the same. "Until I bite him, make him like me? _I _never wanted to be like this, Jane! What the hell makes you think that I'd ever put anyone else through this hellish existence?" Jane stares at me, wide-eyed as I pace back and forth, gripping my hair in frustration. "I won't bite him, Jane. I won't bite _anyone. _I couldn't bring myself to ever be so selfish."

There is a long, tense silence as we stare each other down. Jane is the first to break it, and her voice is lower, calmer. "Maybe you should let Edward make that decision for himself." I sigh at her words, shaking my head.

"No human can comprehend what it is we go through," I say sadly, turning my gaze away. "Besides, why would Edward ever choose to be with me? He despises me."

"I don't think so," Jane contradicts, and I glance at her briefly. "I think he's scared of you, angry at you, but he doesn't _despise _you."

"You have no idea what I've done," I murmur, cringing at the memory. Jane takes a step towards me, and when I look up at her, her eyes are sympathetic but determined.

"So make amends," she says quietly. "Try to, anyway – you'll both feel better, I'm sure. My point is, you can't go on like this. I see the way you look at him; it almost hurts _me _just watching you struggle."

"I can't act on it, Jane," I groan, running a hand over my face. Just the mere mention of my desire makes it flare up again. "He's just a child, for christsakes."

"He's old enough to decide for himself," Jane argues, looking past me towards the house. I turn to look with her, hopeful, but Edward isn't at the window. When I turn back to Jane, she is smirking at me knowingly. I roll my eyes at her immaturity.

"He's sixteen," I tell her, and her eyes widen in surprise. "He may look like a man, but he's only a boy in a man's body."

"He doesn't look sixteen," Jane muses. I shrug in response, agreeing but resigned. "Doesn't act like sixteen either." She looks thoughtful for a few moments, but snaps out of it quickly. "Well, you'll just have to wait, then." I scoff again at her.

"You seriously overestimate my self-control." I tell her, laughing quietly at myself. "He went swimming earlier today, and I nearly destroyed the brand-new couch in my efforts to stay away from him. I seriously am contemplating locking him in his room upstairs, for his safety and my sanity."

Jane laughs at this, amused by my suffering. I smile half-heartedly, amused but certain it's the truth. Jane starts walking over towards the pool, and I follow along behind her.

"You know, two can play at that game, Bella," she says, kicking off her shoes. I frown at her in confusion as she sits down, rolling up her pant legs and putting her dainty feet into the still water, causing small ripples to make their way across the surface. I sit down beside her, declining to put my feet into the water as well, though I do dip a finger in to test its temperature. _Warm._

"What do you mean, Jane?" I ask warily, recognizing mischief in her eyes. She rolls her eyes at me now, smiling at whatever thoughts are running though her head.

"I mean you don't have to be the only one who's tempted." I stare back at her, confused, until her meaning sets in at last. _I shouldn't have asked._

"Jesus Christ, Jane," I say in exasperation. She laughs a high, girlish laugh at my expression, kicking her feet in the water.

"Oh come on, Bella." She nudges me in the side with her elbow, and then laughs when I growl at her. She gestures to the surface of the pool where our reflections are just barely visible. "Look at us. We're designed to attract humans like moths to the flame. Edward may be your imprint, but you are genetically constructed to drive him nuts."

"Please shut up, Jane," I groan, shaking my head. "Have you not been listening to anything I've said? Why the hell would I want to attract Edward? That would just make things worse; I need him to stay away, not come closer."

"Sure, whatever you say, Bella." Jane says patronizingly. "All I'm saying is that you could even the score, if you wanted to. Besides, you really do need to just give in. You're not winning this fight_, Pazzo_." I push her shoulder lightly, annoyed but not angry.

"Thanks a _lot," _I say sardonically, but I really do feel grateful. Talking has made me feel lighter, less alone. Watching Jane now, I realize that I truly consider her to be a friend, and I wonder when the last time I made a friend was. Shaking my head at how pathetic that sounds, even in my head, I stand up. Jane stands too, and as she does, her phone vibrates in her pocket. Pulling it out quickly, she scans the scree and then puts it back in her pocket, frowning.

"I have to go," she says, moving to retrieve her shoes from where she flung them. Disappointed, I follow her around the side of the house to where a navy blue motorcycle sits in the driveway.

"Everything is fine in Volterra, I trust."

"We'll see," Jane says, climbing astride the mechanical beast. She offers me a smile as she revs the engine, not bothering to turn on the headlight. "Think about what I said, Isabella. I'll be around." I nod and she pulls away, racing off into the dark. I watch her go until she disappears into the grove of trees. She gave me a lot to think about, that is for sure. Contemplative, I turn and head up the stairs.

As the door shuts behind me I take a deep breath in, letting Edward's scent wash over me. Determined, I head up the winding staircase for the first time, following the sound of a heartbeat. At the top of the stairs is a long hallway, and at the end of it a light shines through a slightly-open door. I head towards it slowly, trying to stay calm, trying to maintain a sense of self-control. Just outside the door I pause, closing my eyes and losing myself in the deep, steady breaths coming from within. Almost of its own accord my hand reaches out to push the door open gently, slowly.

Edward lies upon a full-sized bed covered in a dark grey comforter. The room is simply furnished – a wooden bookcase well-stocked by whoever had furnished the place; a small oak desk that faces a window over-looking the western side of the property; a nightstand with a simple lamp that emits a soft glow throughout the darkened room. The walls are a light grey color, plain and simple. Overhead a fan turns slowly, stirring the air and pushing Edward's scent out towards me as I stand in the doorway.

Edward doesn't notice me at first, for his eyes are trained upon the ceiling as he lies on his back, one arm under his head and the other across his stomach. His eyes have a far-off, distant look to them that makes me wonder what he's thinking. I knock lightly upon the door, drawing his eyes over to me. He sits up, turning his body to face me, looking surprised.

"Oh, umm… hey," he says. His gaze darts nervously around before scanning the area behind me. "Where is, um, Jane?" I force my eyes away from his lips as they move and try hard to concentrate on what he's saying. I let my gaze meet his, and I notice the way it seems to put him on edge.

"She had to leave," I answer dismissively, racking my brain for some way to ease the boy's worry. Slowly I make my way from the doorway to the chair that is placed in front of the desk. Turning it to face the bed, I sit down slowly, trying to assume a natural-looking pose. Edward watches me warily, turning to face me directly. _Well, here goes nothing._

"So… you like it here?" I start off with a simple question, hoping to ease the tension and get the conversation started. Though obviously confused by my behavior and my questions, Edward does seem to relax, if only a little.

"Yeah," he says, clearing his throat. "I do. It's, ah… nicer than the last place."

"Good." My mouth opens again, but I can't think of anything else to say. I close it quickly. _Shit. Why is this so hard? _I shift in my seat, thinking desperately. "Well, the land here is all fenced in, private, so you can go outside if you like – provided that I'm here, of course."

"Oh… thanks." Edward looks out through the window for a moment, then turns back to me. "What about when you're gone?"

_Damn. _I had hoped not to go into this just yet, seeing as how it's bound to make him mad, but I suck it up and answer calmly. "The house has a very high-tech alarm system installed. It can be set so that no one can get in or out without the code to unlock the doors and windows." Edward's eyes have narrowed as I've explained this, and so I try to find a way to make it sound more positive. "So, you'll have the whole house to yourself. Just…"

"No outside," he says, finishing for me. "Got it." Yep, it's tense now. I fidget nervously with my hands while Edward's eyes drift off to stare at a wall over my shoulder. Desperate to salvage the situation, I decide to cut straight to the point.

"Edward?" His emerald eyes find mine once more, and for a moment I'm paralyzed. Then, swallowing my fear and discomfort, I dive right in. "I don't want you to be unhappy here."

There is a long, drawn-out silence, in which Edward appears to be speechless. Then, he shakes his head, and I brace myself for his words.

"You…" he stops, stares at me incredulously. "You want me to be _happy_?" I nod, serious. "_Here?_" Again, I give the affirmative, cringing at the storm I can see coming. He seems unable to wrap his mind around the idea, and his eyes drop down to his hands, which are clasped tightly before him. There is another long, uncomfortable silence (at least for me) as he seems to try to piece his thoughts together. When he finally speaks, his voice is little more than a whisper – so different from the screams I had expected.

"I don't think that's going to happen." The words are as hard to swallow as nails, and I shut my eyes tightly for a minute or two. When I open them again Edward still isn't looking at me. I force myself to be strong, to persevere though my undead heart wrenches inside my chest.

"I'd like to try," I offer, and at last his eyes meet mine. They don't look as angry as I thought they would, though the anger is there. Mostly, they look sad, and that hurts worse, I think. I take a deep breath, losing myself briefly in Edward's scent. "I know you must be lonely – "

The harsh, bitter laugh that escapes his lips stop me short, and I lapse into silence as more anger seeps into those eyes. "Lonely?" he asks, his voice still quiet but with a bite that had not been there before. He stares intently at me, his brow furrowing. "I haven't had a soul to talk to in, what, months? Alone most of the time, isolated always… There have been times when I thought I was going to scream just to hear _somebody's _voice."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, speaking the unfamiliar words with utmost sincerity. His words hurt me, but I know I am the one to blame for that. They don't seem to pacify him, though he narrows his eyes in surprise. "I never even thought…"

"Yeah, I know. You never thought about what it's like for me." His tone is bitter, his eyes swim with anger and sadness and so much loneliness that it hurts.

"I want to make it up to you."

"You can't," he retorts, folding his arms over his chest, defensive and angry. Without thought I stand and move towards him, needing to make things right even if I don't think I can. In a flash his hands come up defensively in front of him to keep me away.

"No!" he says, and I stop in my tracks. Fear is on his face now, and he tries to move off the bed. Moving again, I catch his arm before he can stand, holding him in place. He reacts instinctively, striking out with his other hand which I catch easily before he can hit me. I try my best to hold firmly without hurting him as he struggles, afraid and angry. "Stop!"

"Calm down, Edward," I insist, trying to hold him still. I have one foot still on the ground and my other knee on the bed, close enough to Edward that I can almost feel him against me. He continues to try to escape my hold, though he knows it to be useless, and I begin to worry that he will hurt himself or cause me to do so y trying to hold onto him. "Be still! I'm not going to hurt you."

"Let go of me!" he snaps, his face only inches from mine. With a sigh of frustration, I relent and loosen my hold on his arms. Surprised, he jerks away from me immediately, jumping to his feet and taking several steps away from the bed. I move to simply sit down on the bed he has vacated, and he watches me cautiously. Both of us are breathing heavily, though I am simply trying to calm down. I run my hands over my ace and let loose a long, drawn-out breath.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Edward." I say slowly, forcefully. Stifling my frustration, I force my voice to be calmer. "I want to make living here better for you, that's all."

"Why?" he asks, sincerely confused. "Why now, all do a sudden, do you care? You never cared before."

"No, that isn't…" I trail off, not wanting to go into all that. "Look, I do care, and I want to help now, ok? Can you give me just one chance? Let me try to make up for all of that other shit. Please." I watch him carefully, feeling very vulnerable and exposed. Taking Jane's advice has been hard, painful, and downright terrifying; yet a part of me feels lighter, better for having taken a step towards working through this whole mess with Edward. It really is too painful to fight this imprinting anymore. Maybe, just maybe, this could work out…

Edward stares back at me, looking lost and confused and angry and sad – all at once. I can tell he doesn't trust me, but I'm beginning to hope that maybe he'll let me earn that trust. "Please?" I ask once more.

"You're a monster," he murmurs, and I'm crushed. Crushed because harsh as it is, he's right, and we both know it. Still, I try for what it's worth.

"I was human once," I offer weakly. He blinks at my words, appearing taken aback. I watch him carefully, looking for any sign that he's coming around. Right now, he still seems guarded, and he doesn't let me off the hook so easily.

"The things you've done…" he trails off, and I swallow hard.

"Never again." My voice is steady, though I am terrified. I can tell he's looking for any sign that I am lying, but I am sure that he can find none. I mean it… or at least, I mean to do my best. I am certain that I will ever again hurt him if it is in my power to prevent it.

"Why now?" he asks again, and I decide I need to make a move. Slowly, I get up off the bed. With deliberate, careful steps I approach him. I can see the fear in his eyes, but I'm scared, too. _There's no turning back now,_ I tell myself. If I'm going to do this, I need to go for broke. All in, never look back – I have to let my guard down and work towards something that I've been running from since the moment I saw Edward.

He doesn't try to run away this time as I come near, and I take comfort in that small display of trust. We are only about a foot apart when I stop, standing before him with my face tilted up towards his. He is much taller, much broader than I am, yet he watches me with fear in those hypnotizing green eyes. Carefully, slowly, I reach out towards him. With my eyes locked on his, I take his hand in mine, feeling little resistance. Sparks of electricity shoot up my arm; the warmth of his skin burning like fire throughout my entire being. Breaking eye contact, I let my gaze fall to our joined hands. My eyes look with wonder at his larger, softer hand in my small, hard one. For a moment, time seems to stretch into infinity. Each beat of his heart travels through our joined hands and flows through me, rattling a long-dead body with the pulse of life. Slowly I drag my eyes upward again, meeting his now puzzled, mysterious gaze. Something lingers in the depths of those orbs, but I cannot put a finger upon the name of it. Forcing myself to speak, I hear the words leave my lips with a gentleness I cannot ever remember having emitted.

"Why now?" I repeat his question, my voice low but clear and purposeful. He watches me calmly, searching for something in my face.

"Because I'm tired of fighting." Reluctantly, I release his hand, letting mine fall slowly to my side. Turning my face away from his searching stare, I turn to leave the room. Pausing just outside the door way, I glance over my shoulder to give him one last careful smile.

"Goodnight, Edward."

**A/N: Well, there you have it - the beginning of a love story.**

**Thank you all for reading. I would very much appreciate a review from everyone, and of course I do my best to respond to each one individually.**

**Stay MAD,**

**GTA**


	20. Somewhere Only We Know

**A/N: I love sandra :) Yes I do. Get ready for awkward, struggling Bella and Edward as they try to make nice. **

**Mad World, Chapter 20: Somewhere Only We Know**

_I walked across an empty land_  
_I knew the pathway like the back of my hand_  
_I felt the earth beneath my feet_  
_Sat by the river and it made me complete _  
_Oh simple thing where have you gone_  
_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_  
_So tell me when you're gonna let me in_  
_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin _

_I came across a fallen tree_  
_I felt the branches of it looking at me_  
_Is this the place we used to love?_  
_Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? _

_Oh simple thing where have you gone_  
_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on_  
_So tell me when you're gonna let me in_  
_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin _

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_  
_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_  
_This could be the end of everything_  
_So why don't we go_  
_Somewhere only we know?_

It's times like these when I truly envy the human ability to fall asleep.

After my conversation with Edward, during which I practically poured my heart and soul out, I felt incredibly drained and vulnerable. Not knowing what else to do, I left Edward to sort through his thoughts on his own and headed to my own room. Well, I guess I chose a room and decided it would do. I didn't bother shutting the door – I knew Edward would be the only thing I could focus on either way.

What do you do after putting yourself out there like that? It feels like things aught not remain as they were, but then where do I start now? For hours I ask myself the same question – What now?—as I listen to Edward pacing in his room. I wonder what thoughts are running through his mind, and I wonder if he feels as confused as I do.

Long hours pass, and at last I hear the boy's breathing deepen and even out. Ho w I wish that I too could sleep! But it is impossible and so I simply try my best to shut off my mind for just a few moments of peace. _Try to think of anything else…of nothing, even. Don't think about it…Don't think about it…_

When not even an internal mantra can stop my mind from racing back to Edward, I decide to take a walk outside. I open my bedroom window and jump easily down onto the grass below, landing silently. For once it is soothing to move at a human pace, and I feel the tension leave my body I small increments as I walk slowly all the way around the house. I can hear Edward, of course, but I do my best to keep my mind focused on the sound of the wind in the grass and the trees. The sky is cloudy tonight, but to my vampire eyes the moon shines quite brightly even when hidden. Nearby a bird rustles the leaves of the branch it's perched on, but I pay the intruder no mind as I change direction and head off towards the tree-line.

Passing under the canopy of branches, I feel encased in the silence of the forest. I navigate the dark woods easily, reaching out to let my fingers brush against the rough bark of the tree trunks as I pass slowly by. Thinking seems easier out here, and I let my mind wander off as I travel alone through the shadowy branches.

How could I turn something so terribly bad into something good? I know now that what I want is no longer to be Edward's enemy. Truly, I wish we might even be friends, but I scoff at the notion. I am not so blinded by my own wants as to think that even diminishing the boy's hatred towards me could be beyond impossible. I have quite effectively dug this hole for myself, and now I'm not sure I can climb out.

It must seem strange to Edward – my sudden willingness to try to mend our relationship, if it could be called that. Really, though, I have wanted to do this for a long time, perhaps all along, but my pride has been a great force to be reckoned with. I have been running from this whole thing for a long time now; yet if there is one thing I pride myself in, it is the ability to admit my mistakes and set myself onto a new path. It may have taken me much, much too long to do this, but that just makes me all the more determined now.

I reach the gate that marks the end of my personal property eventually, and decide to walk along its perimeter. I rack my brain for ways to start making it up to Edward, but all my ideas sound stupid in my mind. I had made a pretty passionate speech in his room earlier – I had better deliver. _But where do I start? _

Time seems to lose its meaning now, which is typical for my kind. Hours slip through my fingers like water as I walk twice around the perimeter and then aimlessly through the woods. Thoughts flow through my mind, preoccupying conscious thought until I am only barely aware of my surroundings. It is only when the first few rays from the newly rising sun catch my attention that I slip back into real time.

Feeling no closer to anything promising, I trudge back towards the house, feeling exasperated. Edward's heavy breathing assures me that he is still asleep, and so I busy myself with examining the books in the library as I wait for him to wake up. Unfortunately, I still can't think of the right place to begin, and that thought haunts me even as I attempt to read.

When Edward does at last wake up, he stays in bed for nearly an hour: which of course drives me nearly insane. I pace back and forth and listen intently for the sound of feet hitting the floorboards, but it is in vain. The still-rational part of me figures he must be thinking things through, much as I have been, but that only makes the waiting worse. _What is he thinking?_

At last there is movement. Almost as soon as I hear him begin to walk around I start to panic. _What will I do? _I dart nervously from room to room, unable to find anything useful to do. I end up standing stupidly in the middle of the living room, incapable of finding something worthwhile. Edward walks slowly down the stairs as I wait nervously, dreading yet aching to see him again, after all that has happened.

His eyes find mine immediately as he reaches the bottom of the stairs. The sight of him, dressed in a dark-green t-shirt that makes his irises shine even brighter than usual, would have taken my breath away as a human. As he faces me fully I see him swallow hard, an action I must mimic as my mouth fills with venom against my will. My eyes take in every inch of him in less than a second, but the image is burned into my mind permanently. I watch him look me over quickly as well, and I wish I knew what that look in his eyes meant.

Unsure of how to act, I force myself to stay where I am. Edward takes a few steps towards me before hesitating, seeming lost himself. The silence stretches. _Think, Isabella, _I urge myself, _What would a human do now?_

"Good morning," I manage to choke out. Relieved at having said _something, _I let myself relax just a bit. Edward, for his part, seems just as thankful for a break in the silence.

"Morning." His voice is gruff from sleep, and for some unfathomable reason that makes my mouth flood with venom once more in desire. _Get a hold of yourself, idiot. _

"How…um," I pause, kicking myself inwardly. "How are you… today?" _Christ, I am incapable of this meaningless small-talk. _

"Uh, good," Edward responds, looking at me like I'm an idiot, which I guess I am. He shifts nervously, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I let my eyes rove over him again, unable to help myself. _Too far away. Six feet? Seven? Too far. _

"So, um," Edward stammers, breaking me out of my stupor. "I'm going to get something to eat." He makes to walk around me, and I step to the side awkwardly, not wanting to block his way.

"Oh," I say, wondering how I could have forgotten that he'd have to eat. I could have made something for him… except, I can't cook. When would I have ever had to? Feeling more and more like a moron, I follow him into the kitchen. Edward shuffles into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and inhaling quickly in surprise.

"Wow," he says, looking back at me. "You bought all this?"

"I had help," I reply, glad to have done something right for once. I go to stand by the glass doors leading outside while Edward eats, so that I can watch him without hovering over him. He keeps his eyes fixed upon his meal, only glancing up at me once before quickly looking back down.

"So," I start, drawing his gaze back over to me. "What would you like to do today?" Edward coughs at my words, the surprise clear on his face. He wipes a hand over his mouth, his eyes scanning my face.

"What?" I shift uneasily at his question, feeling uncomfortable. I'm really no good at this.

"I was thinking we could… I mean, if you want to, we could… do something, today." I pause, studying his face for signs that this is a good idea. "So… what would you like to do?"

Edward is quiet for a long time. He breaks eye contact and looks down at the food on the table before him, frowning. I wait nervously, feeling like I've gone and fucked up… again. It feels like a long time before he responds.

"All I really want to do is go home." His voice is so quiet and so sad that I feel my undead heart clench. Wincing from the pain of the words, I struggle to get myself back under control before I answer, my voice also quiet but devoid of emotion.

"Well, you can't. Not now." Edward looks back up, angry and upset, but otherwise doesn't respond. Now, it is I who must avert my eyes. It hurts too much to look at him. "But, we can do something else…" _Shit. This isn't working._

"I don't know." I glance back at Edward as he stands up, moving towards the trashcan with what is left of his food. He turns back to me and shifts awkwardly, looking wary. I sigh heavily, running a hand through my own hair.

"It'll be good for you to get outside for a while," I offer. "Come on; it can't be worse than sitting around here all day." Edward looks unconvinced, but I have made up my mind – we will be going outside to do _something. _Still, I don't want to force Edward to do this, so I decide to try another tactic.

"Please?" I ask quietly, in a soft and uncharacteristic voice. I take a few steps towards Edward, watching as his gaze becomes both wary and curious. He takes a step backwards as I approach, his back coming up against the kitchen island. When I stop, I'm only about a foot away from him. His scent floods my senses, and as I tilt my head back to look up into his eyes I feel my mouth fill with venom. Swallowing hard, I will my eyes to lock on his – mesmerizing him with the intensity of my stare. Slowly I put a hand on his forearm, and Edward swallows hard at the contact. The electricity courses through me, and I shut my eyes briefly at the sensation. When I open them, I find Edward staring at me strangely, his heartbeat racing. I offer him a small smile, and I feel his heart stutter in response. Surprised, I wonder silently if perhaps Jane was right – if I could in fact be the dazzler.

"Please?" I repeat, even softer than before. Edward swallows again as his eyes sweep my face, appearing entranced.

"Ok," he murmurs. I smile and take a step back, letting my hand fall from his arm. As I retreat to a safer distance, I notice that Edward looks dazed. Shocked and impressed at my abilities, I give him a moment to pull himself together.

"Thank you. Go put on more comfortable clothes and we'll get going." I turn to head upstairs myself, and I am in my bedroom before Edward has even moved from his spot. Overwhelmed, I lay down heavily upon the bed, sighing in relief.

_That was unexpected. _

Ten minutes later Edward comes back down the stairs, this time wearing a pair of black athletic shorts and the same green shirt as before. I force myself to look up at his face and find his expression much more guarded than before. Shaking my head slightly, I open the front door and gesture for him to walk out in front of me. As he does, I can't help but breathe him in, closing my eyes against the surge of desire. Pulling myself back together, I arm the security system and lock the door behind me.

Edward and I climb into the Phantom. I notice again that I have forgotten all about the mangled belt. Edward doesn't comment on it – in fact, he simply stares out the window silently as I back out of the drive. I wonder what has put him off so, and I attempt to bring him back out of his shell.

"Do you like hiking?" I ask. Edward turns to look at me briefly before turning back towards the window.

"Yeah, I guess." I frown at the lack of enthusiasm in his voice, but say nothing of it. We pass through the gate and soon we are pulling onto the highway. The Phantom roars as I gun the engine, bringing the speed up quickly. We have quite a drive ahead of us.

"I was thinking we'd go to the Alps," I say, looking at Edward for confirmation that this is a good place. Surprisingly, he perks up with interest, turning to face me again. "It takes a couple hours to drive there, but it's remote enough that I can go out in the sunlight."

"Emmett used to talk about climbing the Alps," Edward says, his voice a bit more enthused. "Did you ever go with him?"

"Yes," I reply, smiling slightly at the memory. "Several times." Edward turns back to the window, this time looking a bit more interested in the passing scenery. Smiling to myself, I push the pedal down harder, determined to get there.

The rest of the drive is spent in silence. I glance over at Edward from time to time, and on occasion he looks over at me. The silence isn't quite companionable, but I can sense the boy is a bit more at ease around me. This pleases me, and so I allow him to simply look out the window quietly as I drive.

We pull off the main road only an hour and a half later – my faster-than-normal driving making the miles fly by. We take a dirt road that leads us into the forest, and I drive painfully slowly because the Phantom isn't built for this. I curse under my breath at every bump, but Edward pays me no mind. His eyes stay glued to the passing scenery.

At last we reach our destination: a small clearing that most would miss, if they didn't already know where it is. I sigh in relief as the Phantom comes to a stop safely. I cut off the engine and turn to Edward, who is looking at me expectantly. I offer him a smile, gesturing for him to get out of the car, and he does so in a rush.

I follow his lead and exit the Phantom, breathing in deeply. The air is cool and fresh, and I love it. I walk around the car to where Edward is standing, looking around with excitement.

"Well, let's get going—I have a place in mind that I think you'll enjoy." Edward motions for me to lead the way, and so I head off into the forest. There isn't a trail where we're going, at least not that I know of, but my vampiric sense of direction is uncanny, so I do not fear getting lost. Edward follows closely behind me as I forge ahead, trying to clear as much of a path for the human as possible. I hadn't given it much thought before, but now I'm worried that Edward will find the harsh terrain a bit too much to handle, given that he is human and the path is steep and rocky. Despite my concerns, however, Edward doesn't utter a complaint. In fact, he seems to be enjoying himself as we climb up through the lower part of the mountain. We have remained silent during that time, but I decide to try and make conversation now.

"Do you like it out here?" I ask, deciding to start with something easy. I look back over my shoulder at him as I speak, navigating my way easily.

"Yeah," Edward replies, sounding sincere. "It's nice to be outside again. These mountains are kinda like the ones in Forks, just without all the rain." He stops to take a look around, and I backtrack to stand closer to him. From where we stand we can see a small river running down below us, and the sound is peaceful.

"Hardly anybody ever comes out here," I tell him, watching him watch the river. "Because there aren't any trails, I guess."

"The going is a bit rough," he murmurs, and I look at him in alarm.

"Is it too much for you?" I ask, genuinely concerned. "We can head back or…" I trail off at the glare on Edward's face. He seems to be insulted by my worry.

"I'm perfectly fine." I nod my head quickly at his words, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. _Males and their egos. _"I just wish I'd remembered to bring water."

"Oh," I say stupidly, feeling like an idiot. "I didn't think about that."

"Don't worry about it," Edward says, moving past me to continue up the mountain. This time I really do roll my eyes at his dramatics. _He doesn't even know where we are going._ Running a hand over my face, I easily overtake him and steer us back onto the right path.

"I think staying inside for so long has really made me out of shape," Edward says after about ten more minutes of hiking. I slow down some so that we are practically side-by-side, though I try to pave the way for him as much as possible. "This wouldn't have been so difficult a few months ago."

"Well, you can go outside a lot more often now," I offer, please that he seems to have gotten over acting like everything is fine. "There's plenty of room to move around."

"Yeah, I guess." Edward seems to be troubled by my words, but I don't want to ruin the mood by bringing it up.

We hike for about another twenty minutes or so before we can see the edge of a cliff before us. Smiling with anticipation, I quicken my pace and reach the edge before Edward does.

"Well, this is it." I wait eagerly for Edward to catch up, hoping that my plan will have worked out. He makes it to my side and peers over the edge, his breath catching at the sight. I watch his expression morph into one of awe, and I too turn to look at the view down below.

Nestled here in the top of the mountains is a crystal-clear lake, surrounded by trees and green grass. The water is perfectly still, untouched, and the surrounding mountains frame it like a perfect picture frame. Like I was the first time I saw it, Edward seems stunned.

"How did you find this place?" he asks, his voice a whisper.

"I was tracking a vampire through this forest." I explain, not caring to share the entire grizzly story. I turn my gaze back towards him, eager to head down.

"Well? Shall we?" Edward drags his gaze away from the lake to stare at me, a pleased smile starting to form. Then, he looks at the sheer drop before us and frowns, taking a step backwards.

"How do we get down there?" he asks, and I smile at him in amusement.

"We jump, of course." I say simply, holding a hand out to him. He looks down at it in disbelief before looking back into my eyes. His expression is untrusting, which causes my smile to waver.

"No way."

"We'll be fine," I assure him, keeping my hand out towards him. "It'll be easy. Trust me."

"And why should I do that?" he asks, folding his arms across his chest. I drop my hand, surprised by the sudden change in mood. I guess I was foolish to expect that things would change so easily between us, but the previous part of the day had been so easy and natural…

"I won't let you come to harm," I insist, not knowing what else to say. "I know you don't like me, but please just trust me on this. I could jump five times this height and be fine."

"Why should I trust you," Edward repeats, glaring, "if you won't trust me?"

"What?" I ask, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"You're going to lock me in that fucking house all day, all night when you're gone – because you don't trust me not to run away! You aren't going to show me any trust, so why should I trust you?"

"That is different," I argue. Immediately I realize it was the wrong thing to say, because Edward seems to swell with anger at the words. His green eyes flash with rage, and I find myself tensing for the inevitable fight.

"How? How is it different?" His voice is loud, his posture stiff. "I tried to get away _once; _you have hurt me countless times. Why should you be forgiven blindly and not me?"

"Where is this coming from?" I ask, feeling entirely defensive. We were doing so well only a few minutes ago. I can tell this isn't really about the jump. Edward takes a step towards me, and I fight not to retreat from his angry form.

"From all the hate that you've built up inside of me," he spits, and I flinch at the words. I can't pretend what he's saying doesn't cut me to the bone, but I let him continue to let it all out. "You think that just because you've had a change of heart, supposedly, that everything you've done to me will just go away?"

"No," I say weakly. "I don't think that. I just… I just want to try to change things. I _am _trying to change things between us."

"Well it isn't good enough!" Edward yells his last words, taking another step towards me. This time, I can't help but take a step back. Edward stops his advance, his eyes narrowing at me. He watches me for a moment before speaking again.

"What, so now _you're _afraid of _me?" _he sneers, his expression hard but his eyes betraying uncertainty. Swallowing hard, I nod, forcing myself to meet his gaze.

"Terrified," I murmur, truthfully. Edward seems taken aback, but I am being nothing if not honest with him and with myself. We are silent for a full minute, and the anger on his face begins to transform into uncertainty.

"What do _you_ have to be afraid of?" he asks, his voice still hard but more withdrawn. I turn my gaze away from his for a brief moment, gathering up the courage to be open about this. It all feels so uncomfortable, this _vulnerability. _I am not accustomed to it, but I try anyway. _For the good of the both of us. _

"This is hard for me, Edward." I bring my eyes back up to meet his, beseeching him to try and understand. "Maybe not in the same way that it is for you… but it is hard. I'm just as lost as you are, right now. None of this has been easy for me, either."

"Well it's your fault that it is this way," Edward snaps, and the words wound and anger me. My hands clench at my sides.

"I know that, Edward!" I shout, causing him to jump. Until now, my voice has been low and timid, but all-too-familiar anger comes coursing through me quickly. "Don't you think I realize that? Goddamn it!" A low growl rumbles in my chest, and suddenly it is all too much. With a snarl of rage I whirl and slam my fist straight through the nearest tree-trunk. The bark offers no resistance to my vampiric strength and my hand pops out the other side with ease. Unsatisfied, I rip my arm back towards me, bringing the tree up out of the ground and clear over my shoulder, sending it crashing towards the ground far below the ledge.

I hear Edward's heart skip a beat out of fear, and I grip my hair with both hands. I turn back towards him, still growling, and he retreats back a few steps. Feeling angry and ashamed, I growl quietly at myself, closing my eyes for a few moments. _Shit. I can't lose it like this! _Old habits are indeed hard to break, and it takes me a while to calm back down. When I feel more in control of myself, I open my eyes to find Edward looking at me with fear and regret etched on his face. Ashamed, I force myself to relax my rigid posture.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, my voice rough with emotion. "I didn't mean to… I'm sorry for scaring you." I look at him pleadingly, raising my hands in a gesture of peace. I let out a long, slow breath. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. It is my fault, I know. Don't be afraid. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Edward says, his voice only a whisper. I sigh with relief, though unconvinced. He still looks wary, so I take a step backwards, to give him some room. Edward surprises me by taking a few tentative steps towards me, looking like it took a lot of concentrated effort to do so. He surprises me further when he speaks. "I'm sorry for… for making you so angry."

"No," I say, shaking my head. "You shouldn't apologize. It isn't very hard to do. I just…" I trail off, staring up at him helplessly. It really is too easy to become the monster I was only a few days ago.

"I get angry too," Edward responds, and I'm surprised at how quickly he has become amiable. I suppose that must be one thing we have in common.

"It is hard to keep from becoming like…like I was," I admit, hoping to atone for my violence with honesty. Edward nods at my words, seeming to understand.

"For me, too."

"I will… _consider _not locking you in when I leave." The concession is difficult for me to give, because the terror I feel at just the thought of him leaving is painful beyond measure. A small flash of anger flits through Edward's eyes and he opens his mouth to speak, but I head him off before he can start again. "Please, Edward. That is the best I can do right now. Please, just take it." He seems to consider my words for a moment before he nods slowly.

Relieved, I offer him my hand once more, feeling hopeful. He eyes it carefully for a minute before slowly, carefully, reaching out to take it. I smile softly at him, pleased at the display of trust. I pull him gently towards me, trying not to groan aloud as I let an arm slip around his waist.

"Hold on tight," I murmur, closing my eyes as he puts an arm around my shoulders, releasing my hand. I dip into a crouch quickly, looping my other arm behind his knees as I launch us off the cliff.

Edward grabs onto my shoulder tightly with his free hand as we begin our descent towards the green grass below. I can sense his fear, but his eyes stay open the entire time we fall. For those brief seconds, I relish the feeling of his holding me so tightly. Then, my feet touch the earth with practiced ease. Bending my knees slightly, I easily absorb the shock so as not to jostle Edward with the impact. It takes little effort on my part, and we are safely at the bottom of the cliff.

I set Edward down gently, offering him a small, smug smile. He laughs shortly, seeming relieved, and immediately walks off towards the lake. I follow behind him, feeling lighter than I have in a long time. Edward may not realize it, but his show of trust in me has meant more than I could ever show him. For once, I feel optimistic about our future together.

_Fuck me. I'm either a genius or very, very stupid. _

I glance back once more at a very wet Edward as he follows me down our self-made trail. He offers me a small smile as he climbs over a fallen tree, his damp hair hanging in his eyes. Pushing back my own wet hair, I swallow back a mouthful of venom and continue my descent, forcing myself not to look back at him again.

_Stupid, that's what I am._

Edward had stared at me like I was completely insane when I'd suggested that we swim in the lake.

_"I'm not wearing swim trunks," he'd argued, but I coolly pointed out that that hadn't stopped him the day before. _

_"Plus, there's no one else around here to judge." I'd finished off my argument by ripping off my over-shirt, leaving me in only my leggings and a tight black tank top. Edward's eyes had nearly bugged out of his head as I took a running start and executed a perfect dive right into the middle of the lake. I smirked to myself under the water – I was so not above using any and all of my assets to my advantage. Jane would we so proud. _

_I resurfaced and found myself looking at a very determined, very _shirtless _Edward wading into the cool water. Immediately I found myself aroused beyond belief, and I dove back under the water so Edward would not see the way he'd made my eyes darken with lust._

_He does it without even trying. I suddenly wonder which one has a better chance of enticing the other with physical appearance. As I watch, from underwater, his lean body swimming determinedly to the opposite shore of the lake, I chastise myself internally._

_Him. Fuck being a vampire, it should be illegal to be that goddamn attractive. Again, it is only with sheer moral strength that I keep from ripping off his athletic shorts and fucking him right there in the lake. _

_Stupid age. Why does he have to be a child in a man's body?_

We'd spent the next two hours swimming separately around in the lake. Edward took frequent breaks , during which time he'd siton the shore and I'd submerge myself completely. At times, I'd catch Edward watching me with a look that made me ache to touch myself. Of course, the rest of the time I was looking at him like that, so it wasn't exactly one-sided. We'd decided to head back, though, once the sky started to darken. Edward had allowed me to hold him again as I jumped back up to the ledge from where we'd come, and the feeling of his damp body pressed to mine was truly torture.

Now, we're almost back at the car, and Edward is thankfully fully clothed, though still damp. I keep my eyes fixed firmly on the trail in front of me as I walk, resisting temptation.

The car is nearly in sight (for me, anyway) when suddenly a branch I'm stepping on snaps beneath me. I am in no danger of falling, quick as my reflexes are, but to my surprise I feel a large, warm hand wrap around my upper arm, as though to steady me. I turn quickly to look back at Edward, who seems as surprised by his movement as I am. He quickly lets go of me, his face beginning to flush slightly.

"Sorry, instinct. I thought…"

"It's ok," I assure him, biting back a smile. "Thanks." Edward blushes attractively and clears his throat, so I take pity on him and turn back to the trail. Still, I can't help but smile to myself at the thought of him trying to save me.

Once we are back in the car and heading back towards the house, Edward falls asleep almost immediately. I glance over at him, head resting against the window, and I smile for what must be the hundredth time today. I wonder at how things have changed in such a short amount a time. Why didn't I do this sooner? I shake my head at myself. Maybe I'd needed the time to truly realize how much I needed to change.

I doubt I'll ever be rid of "old" Bella entirely – violence and power are too engrained into my being for that. Still, I hope to be able to balance out the monster side with a more rational, more _human _side – one that could possibly be worthy of earning Edward's trust and…friendship?

I frown. I won't admit to myself that I want more than just friendship with Edward. That kind of thinking is much, much too dangerous for me right now. Holding back from jumping Edward every time I see him may seem humorous in some ways, but in reality it is a very, very serious problem. Edward has no interest in me in a physical way – even if he did, he isn't old enough to be able to make that decision – and so any action I take in that aspect would be rape, pure and simple. The darkness of that thought makes me shiver, and my resolve to maintain a purely platonic relationship with him strengthens.

I could never live with myself if I were to take advantage of him in that way.

Shaking off those dark thoughts, I go back to remembering the good times we'd had today, and I smile again with hope.

We drive through the gate well past sunset, and Edward wakes up as we pass over the grate. He rubs his face sleepily, and I smile at him. I park the car in front of the house and turn off the ignition. I'm about to say something to Edward when I hear the distinct sound of footsteps coming from just behind the house. And not just any footsteps.

_The soft footfalls of a vampire._

A growl erupts from my chest, startling Edward. I throw my door open quickly, motioning for Edward to stay put.

"Stay in the car!" I hiss before taking off towards the sound. I round the corner of the house in a flash, just as an enormous, hulking silhouette emerges from the far corner. I stop dead in my tracks, shocked, as the familiar figure approaches slowly. I swallow hard, drawing myself up, and address the shadow.

"How the hell did you find me?" I ask, my voice a snarl. The figure stops just in front of me, his tall, muscular frame blocking out the moonlight. Golden eyes stare down at me, the familiar deep voice echoing through the darkness.

"We need to talk."

**A/N: Ooooh Cliffy! Sorry folks, but at least this chapter was long, right? The reviews are great! Thank you all so much for taking the time to leave some love. It definitely helps me write faster! **

**So, do you know who it is? Take a guess and review! Next chapter we open up a whole new can of worms, as my dad would say.**

**Picture of the lake is on my profile.**

**Review, please – it keeps the madness going.**

**-GTA**


	21. Heretic Anthem

**A/N: Oh my god, is this an update ALREADY? Yes, my loves – it is. See you down there!**

**Mad World, Chapter21: Heretic Anthem**

_If you're 555 then I'm 666_  
_(whats it like to be a heretic?)_

_everybody's so infatuated_  
_everybody's so completely sure of what we are_  
_everybody defamates from miles away_  
_but face to face_  
_they haven't got a thing to say_  
_I bleed for this and I bleed for you_  
_still you look in my face like I'm somebody new_  
_toy, nobody wants anything I've got_  
_which is fine because you're made of everything I'm not_  
**  
**

**EPOV**

_Why does everything bad seem to happen to me?_

I sit stiffly inside of the Volvo, trying desperately not to panic. Isabella had seemed pretty freaked out when she'd bolted out of the car, and a second later she had disappeared from sight. Now, alone, I strain my eyes and ears, hoping to get some kind of indication as to what exactly is going on. _Is there a burglar? A vampire? Damnit, this is just my luck!_

The only thing that keeps me from totally losing it right now is the knowledge that Isabella is on my side…kinda. Besides the total confidence and deadly authority she radiates, I have witnessed firsthand the ease in which she can take down a vampire. I know I personally don't want to be on her bad side, and so I feel fairly confident that she can stop whatever is out there.

Today has been a strange day, to say the least. After last night, when the vampire surprised me by being more controlled and open than I'd ever seen her, I wasn't sure what to think. Deep down, I doubt that I'll ever be able to forget all the terrible things Isabella has done to me, or forgive the fact that she is holding me against my will. Forgiveness is, truthfully not one of my strong-suits. I've had a lot of time to stew in the absolute fear and loathing I feel for Isabella, and so even though she's asked to try and earn forgiveness, I can't help but scoff at the idea.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what to do about this whole mess. At first, once the surprise wore off, I was incredibly angry at the vampire for acting like I was supposed to just forget all the shit I'd been made to endure at her hands. The scars on my back have faded, but are still discernable in the mirror. I wanted to scream at her, tell her it would be a cold day in hell when I'd feel anything but hatred towards her.

After I'd had time to calm down, though, I tried to think reasonably (again, not my strongest suit). Maybe it would be better for both of us if I tried to accept her "kindness" with an open mind. I was tired of being lonely and angry all the time; yet it was hard to imagine being friends with a vampire, especially Isabella. My head began to ache from the turmoil, and again I got angry. I ended up getting so frustrated that I just lay down upon the bed and tried to go to sleep.

Today, I had been wary to say the least. The tension in the room was palpable, and I watched as Isabella struggled. I felt little sympathy for her, though; she was the one who made it this way. The trip was, I admit, pretty awesome – I love hiking and it felt so good to actually do something outside. We had a little blow up on the edge of the cliff, when I let my confusion and anger get the best of me and so did she. Truthfully, I am still afraid of Isabella, but today I began to feel a little…_sorry _for her.

Since then I have been at war with myself. Hatred, pity and… _something _else battle for dominance of my feelings towards her. And then, though it shames me to admit it to myself, for a moment all I felt was sheer desire. When she dove into that water, wearing only skin-tight clothing, the male part of me didn't give a shit if she was my captor, a monster; the only thing that it could focus on was the fact that she is inhuman in her beauty. I know, I _know _that her appearance is only a ruse to ensnare unsuspecting humans, but _holy shit. _I remember the way my throat felt dry, and before I knew it I was hard beyond belief. Immediately, I felt disgusted with myself, and so I quickly got into the water, hoping to distract myself with the cold. For the rest of the trip I continued to bat down the unwanted feelings of attraction, though it was more difficult than I'd care to admit.

_It's only natural, _I tell myself. Still, I feel ashamed of my body's weakness.

Now, however, these thoughts are far from my mind. The darkness holds danger for me at all times, it seems. I wonder if it Isabella is a danger magnet or if it's just me. I dare not get out of the car, even as the seconds turn into minutes and still Isabella has not returned. I clench and unclench my hands, fighting the urge to leave the car and check to see what is happening. All I can do is hope that my monster is stronger than whatever's out there.

_My _monster?

I shake my head at myself. Just then, Isabella appears suddenly in front of the car. I jump in surprise, then begin to truly worry as I see the anger in the vampire's ruby eyes. She walks quickly over to my door and opens it, pulling me out by the arm none-too-gently. Her expression is angry yet also worried, and I see concern flash in her eyes for a brief moment as she looks at me.

"Inside," she orders, her voice low and deadly serious. She walks beside me, letting go of my arm but staying very, very close. I walk quickly towards the front steps, scared, but freeze as soon as an enormous shadowy figure appears from the side of the house. Frozen with fear, I meet the silhouette's eyes for a moment before realization strikes me.

_Golden eyes._

"Emmett?" I call, disbelief flooding me. Isabella snarls softly at my side, but I strain my eyes trying to see the face of my potential rescuer. _It must be him… golden eyes, enormous body…_"Emmett!" I try to run towards him, but Isabella snags my arm quickly, growling out a warning. I try to jerk my arm free, but a low, cold laugh stops me dead.

"No, little human – I am not your Emmett."

Shock overtakes me as the figure steps forward, illuminating his face at last.

**BPOV**

_A few minutes before…_

"We need to talk."

I narrow my eyes, staying poised for a fight. Admittedly, I feel a bit relieved. For a fraction of a second, I'd thought this huge, looming vampire with such burning golden eyes was Emmett, and I was paralyzed with fear.

But darkness can hide nothing from a vampire, and after that split second of panic, I recognized the face of the intruder. I am not entirely pacified, however; for this vampire is equally dangerous.

And we have never been friends.

"You are not welcome here," I growl, rising up out of my defensive crouch at last. The other vampire approaches, holding his hands out with an exasperated look on his face. I growl again, warning him off as he comes too close.

"Stay where you are."

"Give it a rest," he growls back, though he stops in his tracks. "I'm here to talk, not to fight. We're on the same team, remember?"

"This had better be important," I say, still wary. "You should have waited."

"This cannot wait."

Sighing, I relax my stiff posture. I glance over my shoulder, debating on what to do with Edward. "Come on, then." I huff, frustrated. "Stay away from the boy."

"Of course." I do not miss the contempt in his voice, but I ignore it. I rush to Edward's door, startling him. Feeling extremely protective, I haul him out of the car and hurry him towards the house, not wanting him near another predator any longer than necessary.

When Edward stops in his tracks, I curse myself for being so stupid. If even I was fooled for a moment, why shouldn't Edward be entirely convinced? I snag his arm as he tries to run, imagining a savior to be there.

"Emmett!" he cries, and I snarl as he tries to free himself. A harsh laugh stops Edward's movements, and the words that follow disillusion him.

"No, little human – I am not your Emmett." The vampire steps forward, into the light, and I growl at him in warning.

"Come no closer, Felix." I place myself between Edward and my unpredictable captain, prepared to kill the other vampire in defense of the human.

Felix ignores me, his now hungry eyes fixed on my singer. He has a dangerous-looking smirk on his pale face as he takes two slow steps forward, inhaling deeply. I no other incentive; I launch myself towards the much larger predator, slamming into his diamond-hard chest. He flies backwards several feet into the stone steps, snarling in surprise and rage. I ready myself to attack again, but Felix hold up his hands quickly in surrender.

"Finire!" he growls, getting to his feet. I pause, wary, but Felix makes no move towards Edward. "Stop. It was purely instinct. Send him inside – I cannot think straight with his blood so near. Let us speak alone."

"Get out of the way," I hiss at him, watching him as he moves away from the steps, backing away with a distrustful look on his face. "Try it again and I'll rip you to pieces." He growls at my threat but stays where he is. I turn to Edward, who is watching with wide eyes, and gesture for him to move. "Go upstairs and stay there." My voice is hard, but I hope that Edward will understand that he needs to obey. Thankfully, he goes quickly inside, and a second later I hear his feet upon the steps.

"Thank god," Felix sighs, dragging my angry gaze over towards him. "How can you stand it?" he asks, shaking his head.

"You tell me. I'm not the one who's been drinking animal blood." I turn to face the vampire fully, trying to release my pent up frustration. Felix glares at me, but I ignore it. "What is going on, Felix?" To my surprise, my question seems to erase the captain's anger, though now he is looking at me warily. He stalls, glancing around him as though looking for somebody else.

"Is there somewhere more… _private_ we can talk?" he asks, his voice low. I tilt my head, incredulous.

"Nowhere except the house." Felix sighs and rubs his massive chest – a nervous gesture. "I assure you, however, that the likeliness of someone overhearing us is nearly nonexistent."

"I managed to surprise you," he points out, and I struggle not to growl.

"Yes, and do you think that I did not check to be sure that you were alone?" Felix shrugs, and I hiss in annoyance. "I am losing my patience – say what you must, and say it quick. I do not appreciate the disturbance."

"This is no light matter!" His deep voice is louder, angrier now. I narrow my eyes at him, surprised and curious. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Deciding that this must really be serious, I raise my hand, getting his attention. I point off to one side, drawing my hand in a clockwise circle. His mouth twitches upwards just as I take off towards the tree line, hearing his footsteps behind me. As soon as we hit the trees, Felix takes off in one direction as I go the other. Together, we cover the entire perimeter of my property, each of us listening and watching intently for any signs of other vampires. Nothing.

We meet in exactly the same place that we'd separated, and Felix looks much more at ease. He looks reluctantly appreciative, and we head silently back towards the house. When we reach it, I surprise him again by jumping up onto the roof, landing quietly. Felix follows my lead, and when I sit down facing one way, he sits facing the other, our backs almost touching. Between the two of us, we can see for miles in either direction – no one will be sneaking up on us. The giant vampire sighs heavily, and I wait for him to start.

"Someone is trying to kill Aro."

Those words, spoken in Felix's quieter-than-a-whisper bass voice, cause me to frown, though I know he cannot see me.

"That isn't exactly unheard of, Felix." I respond, my voice just as inhumanly quiet. I wait as he pauses again, wondering why the threat towards Aro should be so much more worrisome to the experienced guard. "Vampires try to kill the Ancients all the time."

"It's Caius."

My whole body freezes up in shock. The two words sink slowly into my brain, taking hold and smoldering there. Thoughts fly by so quickly that it's like a blur inside my mind, and I struggle not to explode with the turmoil inside. _Caius is after Aro. Son of a…_

"You're sure." It's a statement, not a question; Felix knows as well as I do that saying such a thing will get you killed, if you're lucky. All vampires have a volatile, violent nature, but Caius is in a league of his own. Whereas Aro is a collector of sorts, and Marcus simply uninterested, Caius is an enthusiast of _pain. _The cruelest of the three by far, he has been the foremost explorer in methods of torture and mind-breaking punishments in all of vampire history. He is ruthless, merciless, and unpredictable; in short, he is deadly beyond belief.

The only reason Caius gets away with all that he does is because of Aro. The unofficial head of the Ancients has always turned a blind eye on Caius' instability, for reasons only the oldest of vampires could understand. Basically, Aro is in some way in Caius' debt, and so anything and everything the malicious vampire does is always forgiven by his dark-haired friend.

"How…" I trail off, and Felix picks it up.

"James." Again, I'm left reeling. "He told me – tried to _recruit _me for their cause. Two days before the Challenge. I couldn't even give him an answer, I was so surprised. He told me to think about it and get back to him. I didn't know what to do, and then…"

"I killed him." I close my eyes, trying to wrap my mind around what Felix is saying. "And Caius? He didn't…"

"Try to kill me?" Felix laughs softly, humorlessly. "Twice. He waited for about a month after you took James' place, but when he found out you'd gone to rescue Emmett—"

"Emmett?" I ask, my voice louder. I jump to my feet and turn to face Felix, who gets up slowly and turns around. His face is deadly serious, and there is a depth to his stare that shakes me. "What does Emmett have to do with this?"

"Everything," Felix answers cryptically. I wait impatiently for him to explain, and after a moment he does. "Emmett may not be one of us, but his brother was."

"His brother?" I frown, bewildered. "Eleazar has been dead for half a century, Felix. Caius… Caius killed him himself!"

"Yes," Felix murmurs, his eyes flashing. "But not for the reasons he claimed to have done it. I don't know what the real reason was, but the very idea that Eleazar was a traitor is absurd. I knew him when he was in the Guard, and there was no one so against killing and treachery. Caius was up to something even then, and it had to be something to do with killing Aro."

"So does Caius think that Emmett knows something? Did Eleazar tell him something?" I turn away to pace, feeling so incredibly confused and frustrated. "Why would Emmett keep something like that secret from me?"

"I was hoping he hadn't," Felix says quietly, and I turn back to him. He meets my gaze steadily, sighing once again. "Isabella," I start at the use of my given name, but do not stop him. "Why do you think I tipped you off about Emmett's planned killing? I knew you'd go to save him, and so I pretended to be goading you into a fight, to make things seem less suspicious to others who may have been working for Caius. I sent you there to save him, and I was hoping that he'd tell you whatever it is that Caius thinks will ruin his plans."

I am speechless. I examine Felix's words, and I can hear the sincerity behind them. Suddenly, everything starts to make more sense… "So it was Caius who ordered Emmett's death," I murmur, and Felix nods gravely. "I wondered… I mean, I couldn't figure out how the Ancients would have found about it in the first place."

"You were the only one I knew could save him," Felix adds, closing his eyes briefly. "I was so certain he'd know it was Caius and fill you in. When you came back with the boy, I thought maybe _he _was the secret Eleazar kept." He shakes his head, seeming frustrated. "But even then it didn't make sense—the human is too young. So I knew Emmett hadn't told you. In fact, I now am certain that Emmett has no idea that he may hold the key to bringing Caius' downfall. Anyway, Caius figured out that I'd been the one to foil his plans, and so he sent Laurent after me."

"The Frenchman?" I ask, a dark laugh escaping my lips despite the seriousness of the situation. "He would be no match for you."

"He wasn't," Felix says, smiling dangerously. "But the message was clear. I stayed as far away from Caius as possible, but even that failed to appease him. Last night, when I came home, Jane was there."

"Jesus Christ," I whisper, dread coursing through me. "You didn't…"

"No," Felix assures. "She didn't even attack me. She is no fool, Jane – she listened to everything I knew and told me to get out of town. She's going to tell Caius I'm dead, so I need to lay low. She pointed me in your direction."

"But surely Caius will have you tracked." I say, suddenly worried for Jane and for Edward, if Caius sends someone…

"He can try, but they won't find me." Felix smiles slightly, pointing up at his golden eyes. I frown, perplexed.

"I don't follow."

"When we drink animal blood instead of the blood of humans," Felix explains, "our scent changes. We emit a wholly new smell, and so Caius will not be able to track me because he won't recognize my scent."

"Brilliant," I murmur, and Felix smiles arrogantly. "But how did you get your eyes to change so quickly? Shouldn't it take days for that to happen?" Now, the big vampire looks sheepish, avoiding my gaze.

"I… threw up all the human blood left in my system." I blanch, disgusted and surprised that's even possible. "And I drank a lot, I mean a _lot, _of animal blood." He rubs his stomach, grimacing, and I myself have to struggle not to vomit.

"Charming. But, Felix, why do you not go to Aro? Let him see your thoughts, and let him end this madness. Jane would back you up; she heard Caius ask her to kill you."

"That's the problem," Felix growls, clenching his hands into large fists. "Caius has something hidden up his sleeve – I can't even tell you what it is, but we can't go to Aro."

"What are you talking about, Felix?" I ask, my fear mounting. If Caius can block us from Aro…

"There are three others who know of Caius' plan, besides you, Jane and I. There used to be four. You remember Sam, the guard who tried to kill Emmett?"

"He knew?"

"After, yes." Felix growls again, louder now. "He found out after they came back, empty-handed. He tried going to Aro, thinking to convince him, but the second Aro touched Sam's hand, Aro snarled something and killed him where he stood."

"Shit," I whisper. Aro does not lose his cool easily, and I only think I've heard him _snarl _twice, ever. "How could… how did Caius –"

"I have no idea." Felix says simply, his shoulders slumping in defeat. I let out a long, slow breath. _How is this possible? _I wonder. _If Caius can somehow influence Aro in this way…_

"So what, then?" I ask. Felix tilts his head, unsure of what I am asking. "What do we do now?"

Felix looks at me as if I am a slow child, and rubs the back of his head. "Isn't it obvious?" I shake my head, annoyed, and he sighs. His next words are _not _something I want to hear.

"We have to go to Forks."

**A/N: Well, I hope your minds have not literally been blown What do you think? Were any of you expecting this? I doubt it, but if you were then good for you! I know it is a bit short, but it had to end here, sorry!**

**Most of you thought the mystery vamp was Emmett, but that would be far too predictable, wouldn't it? Felix is about to be a big part of this story, folks, so I hope you don't hate him now! **

**Figured I should give you all a little EPOV, just to get a look inside his head. He's even more confused than Bella, but he may or may not be coming around.**

**Ok, wrapping up, you guys had better review the shit outta this chapter because I have been writing non-stop! If I get tons and tons and TONS, you will only have to wait days, not weeks, for the next one :P We're going back to Forks, people! Leave me love, you little crazies!**

**-GTA**


	22. Everybody's Changing

**A/N: College... how dare you make me write term papers instead of FF?**

**Mad World, Chapter 22: Everybody's Changing**

_So little time  
Try to understand that I'm  
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game  
I try to stay awake and remember my name  
But everybody's changing  
And I don't feel the same_

You're gone from here  
And soon you will disappear  
Fading into beautiful light  
Cause everybody's changing  
And I don't feel right

So little time  
Try to understand that I'm  
Trying to make a move just to stay in the game  
I try to stay awake and remember my name  
But everybody's changing  
And I don't feel the same

_His next words are not something I want to hear._

_ "We have to go to Forks."_

"Not yet," I murmur, trying to mask the panic that Felix's words instill in me. _Forks is the last place I want to go._

"No," the hulking vampire responds, shaking his head. "Not yet. But soon – before Caius tries to finish what he's started."

"We'll need supporters." Felix nods in agreement, and his brow furrows in thought. "If Caius got to James, he must have others. Even with whatever it is he is using to keep Aro from reading the truth in our minds, Caius will need an army big enough to take on the Guard."

"But how do we know who is still on our side?" Felix asks, worry clouding his golden eyes. "There's no telling who Caius has enlisted. How will we avoid alerting them to the fact that you know?"

"We'll have surprise on our side, for now." I move to stand on the edge of the roof, looking down at the ground below as I fight the urge to pace. "I am the last person they'll expect to be hiding you." I look over and Felix smiles wryly at that, shrugging. "Why did you hate me so? Did you think I was in on it too?"

"No, of course not." Felix chuckles, coming to stand next to me. "Quite the opposite; I knew you couldn't be, since you killed James. Plus, it was no secret that Caius hated you. I only acted like I hated you so that Caius wouldn't come after you too."

"Hmm." I pause to let myself think. All of this has happened so suddenly. "Well, we'll have to start forming our own 'team', won't we?"

"Who do you suggest?" Felix asks, looking at me expectantly. I turn my face away and close my eyes, weighing my options. We have to be careful, or we'll be painting a target on our backs for Caius and his forces. We cannot go to Aro, either. There is little to work with, but an idea comes to me eventually.

"We'll have to look outside of the Guard." I open my eyes and turn to Felix, who looks confused. "We'll need to gather a considerable force before we can risk exposing ourselves by recruiting from inside Volterra. If we give ourselves away too soon, with too little support, we're done for."

"Where then?"

"Tomorrow, I will go into the city and find Demetri."

"Demetri?" Felix seems surprised. "The tracker? He will be no help in a battle."

"We need to find others," I insist. "Who better to find vampires scattered across the globe than the best tracker in existence?"

"True." Felix considers my words, staying silent for a moment. "Who will you send him for?"

"I have many connections," I answer vaguely. My mind is in overdrive, trying to think of anything and anyone I can use to prepare for a battle against one of the most vicious and well-connected vampires in history. This will be no easy test. Almost instantly, I find my mind drifting back toward Edward… and I feel worried.

_Once again, he is in danger because of me._ My mind races as I try to think of some way to safeguard him, for there is no way I will be around enough to be able to do it myself. _But if not me…_

"You, unfortunately, will be of little help." Felix narrows his eyes at my words, insulted. "Only because we cannot risk you being seen." He seems to relax at my words, but still looks annoyed by his predicament. "You will need to stay here."

"And what good will that do?" he growls, frustrated. I consider my words carefully before speaking.

"I need you to do something for me – perhaps the most important thing I could ask for." Felix waits expectantly as I muster up the courage to voice my request.

"I need you to protect Edward."

There is silence. Almost five seconds tick by without so much as a blink from either of us. I hold my breath, wondering what the reaction will be. Slowly, Felix's face twitches, the shock wearing off.

"I don't know whether I should laugh," he says slowly, "or hit you. Did you really just say what I think you said?"

"Don't mock me, Felix." My voice is low, tense. I run a hand through my hair, sucking in a deep breath. "You don't understand how important—"

"Ha!" Felix barks a laugh, folding his arms across his chest. "He's a human! He matters to no one but you, General. What has gotten into you? You have let that human rule your mind."

"Listen to me!" I hiss, angered by his mocking words. "I don't care what you think of me. Edward is my singer; there is nothing I can do about that. And there would be nothing I could do if Caius were to get his hands on him!"

Felix is silent as my words sink in, realization slowly dawning. I turn and begin to pace, aggravated. "The boy is my Achilles' heel. If Caius gets Edward, there is nothing he could ask me to do that I could refuse. I… I am bound in a way that makes me vulnerable, Felix. As much as I hate to admit it, it's the truth. If Caius gets Edward, he has me."

Silence again takes over. I pause my pacing, closing my eyes. I feel terribly weak right now, but Felix needs to do this, and he also needs to realize how important it really is. I get sick at just the thought of Edward being used against me, but what I've told Felix is true.

"So change him, then." I visibly flinch at the words. I shake my head quickly, and Felix sighs in extreme annoyance. "It's the best chance he has."

"I won't do that to him," I murmur, still shaking my head. "And I won't let anyone else, either." I turn to look at Felix, meeting his gaze with a hard look of my own. "That is non-negotiable." He shakes his head at me, growling in annoyance and runs a hand over his face. We stare each other down for a moment, but I will not give in.

"Fine. But you better understand just what you're asking of me. Are you sure you… trust me?"

I start, surprised, and then bare my teeth at the other vampire. "If you hurt him… I'll kill you." The words are a deep growl, and I feel my hands ball into fists. Felix holds up his hands in surrender, frowning.

"I wouldn't do it on purpose," he argues. "But I'm not really used to resisting."

"You better get used to it." I sigh in frustration, struggling to calm down. Felix is glaring at me, unhappy, so I try to make my voice less threatening. "I mean… yes, I know it will be hard, but you must do this. It could make or break this whole plan."

"I said I would do it," he growls, turning his back to me. "But don't expect me to like it. Keep him as far away from me as possible, so I don't have to struggle all the damn time."

"Of course." I pause, thinking. "In fact, you should stay outside whenever I am gone. Stay in the trees, make yourself hidden – I don't want anyone to see you unless you plan on killing them afterwards. When I get back, I'll take Edward somewhere, and you can have the house to yourself. Questions?"

Felix curls his lip but shakes his head. Without another word he leaps off the roof and takes off into the darkness. I watch him go, knowing he's angry but not finding it within me to care. I have more important things to worry about now.

Well…just one thing.

_An hour later._

"Edward?"

I can tell the boy is still awake – I can hear him moving around in his room. I knock lightly on his closed door, and I hear the sound of him shuffling towards the door. It swings open quickly, and I look up into his wide green eyes. Swallowing hard, I remind myself that I need to hunt again soon – his scent burns my throat. I force myself to focus as Edward stares down at me, looking concerned.

"What's going on?" he asks, looking past me as if expecting to see something behind me. I feel bad that he's worried, so I try to calm his fears as quickly as possible.

"Everything's fine," I assure him. "Well, not really," I amend, "but we are in no danger from Felix." Edward cocks his head, looking unsatisfied with my answer.

"Why is he here?" Edward asks. I wonder if I should tell him, or if it will only worry him. I guess, if he wants to know, it would be right to tell him the truth; however, I have not the time to do so now. I want to get moving tonight, so as to avoid the hassle of getting around unseen in the daylight.

"He's here to help, actually." Edward appears surprised by my explanation. "And he'll be staying for a while. Speaking of which…" I run a hand through my hair, suddenly nervous. "For now, I think you should stay inside at all times."

"He's outside?" I nod, turning my head to look out the window, scanning the trees but finding no signs of the vampire. Edward frowns, and I turn back to him. "And you're leaving?" Again, I nod.

"For a while. I'll be back, though – soon. There is something I need to get done quickly." I can tell Edward is annoyed by my vagueness, but time is running out already. "I'll tell you all about it when I get back. For now, you should just get some sleep. I'll be back by tomorrow night, if all goes right. Remember – stay inside."

With that, I turn sharply and dart down the stairs and out the door. The warm night air rushes past me as I take off on foot towards the gate. Felix's golden eyes watch me unblinkingly as I hop the tall fence with ease, never breaking stride. My feet glide over the moonlit ground, the sound of cars on the highway reaching my ears through the dense trees. I follow the road, my course straight and sure.

_It's time to go back._

_An hour later._

"Isabella?" Demetri stands in the doorway still as a statue. I smooth my hair back, looking up to meet those familiar eyes.

"May I come in?" Demetri is quick to oblige, stepping out of my way and gesturing for me to enter. His scent is powerful as I step past him, and for a moment I am lost in my memories. Shaking my head slightly, I walk into an unlit room decorated sparsely and looking unlived in. I look around slowly, gathering my thoughts. Demetri walks around me, moving into my line of sight.

"To what do I owe this pleasure?" he asks, a polite and hopeful smile forming on his lips. I cannot help but return it, though I feel a stab of guilt that I don't bring the news he is hoping for. "I hope this is a matter of pleasure and not business, Isabella."

"I'm afraid it is an entirely serious matter, Demetri." The vampire raises his perfectly-sculpted eyebrows at my words, looking surprised. He moves to sit down on one of the chairs, and I marvel at his human habit – so familiar even now. I follow his lead, wincing at the way the wood creaks under my feet. This house is old, as is its owner. Demetri seems not to notice, though he stares at me intently. He waits for me to continue, and so I oblige him.

"We are going to take down Caius." From there, I tell Demetri everything that Felix told me. His face betrays his shock, anger, and worry at all I say, but he lets me continue uninterrupted. For half an hour I recount everything that I know, and at the end of it I am eager to hear Demetri's response. For a long time, he remains silent. Turning his face downwards, his eyes study the ground as he thinks, and I do not try to force an answer from him. After ten, maybe fifteen minutes, he raises his gaze to meet mine and draws a long, deep breath.

"What am I to do, General?"

_Three hours later._

"Be careful," I warn, hesitating in the doorway. Demetri turns to look back at me, holding nothing but a cell phone in his hand. His bright red eyes search mine.

"I'll be fine," he says confidently. "Keep your phone on you at all times, and I'll be in touch." He glances up at the sky, studying it for a bit before looking back at me. "I'll find them."

"Thank you," I murmur, and he smiles. Without another word, Demetri takes off down the street, and soon he is out of sight. I watch him go before shutting the door to his apartment. I walk down the steps, not bothering to lock up –there's nothing in there worth stealing. I look down the road that Demetri disappeared down and pause, hoping I haven't sent him into danger. Shaking my head, I start off in the opposite direction, pushing those thoughts far from my mind.

Creatures like me can't afford regret.

I decide not to go to the underground today – it's too risky when I smell like Felix and Demetri. Plus, there's stuff I need to get, and the sooner the better. The sun is starting to come up, so I head towards the nearest store in search of an umbrella. Sure, it looks a bit ridiculous, but I can't afford someone noticing my shining skin peeking through heavy clothing. I cut it close; ducking inside just as the sun fully rises above the horizon.

_I need to be careful._

For the rest of the day I move from store to store; silent and on a mission. I skirt around two vampires on the street with relative ease, and so far I seem to have gone unnoticed. As bag upon bag of purchased items start to pile up, I start to worry I look conspicuous – the bags, while not heavy to me at all, are pretty hefty by human standards, and because of the umbrella I have to carry all of them in one hand.

Improvising, I walk up to an old man standing on a street corner next to a beat-up old motorcycle with a "For Sale" sign hanging on one handlebar. He shrinks away from me as I approach, instinctively sensing that I am unsafe, but I offer him my best calming smile. Behind my newly-purchased sunglasses my eyes rove over the old bike, noting that while it has obviously been used quite a bit, all the essential parts seem to be in fair condition. In its prime, I'm sure it was a nice piece of machinery. Running my hand over the worn leather seat, I turn to the old man.

"Does it run?" I ask, repeating myself in Italian when he frowns in confusion. He nods and tells me he rode it over here this morning. I give it another once-over and reach into my pocket, pulling out a roll of cash. The man's eyes bug out as I count off the bills, and his hand shakes as he takes the amount I offer him.

"Grazie, Signora." he murmurs, smiling widely at me. I give him a nod and ask him to hold the bike for me for an hour or so, trusting that he won't do anything stupid – like try to take off with the cash and the bike. I offer to give him more money upon my return, and he agrees to wait.

Heading back the way I came from down the street, I make my way to a bike shop and buy myself a leather jacket and a visored helmet. The old man is still there when I return (luckily for him) and he takes the money with a grin as I place the helmet and jacket on, allowing me to rid myself of the umbrella. He hands me the key as I hop up onto the bike, and the engine starts up right away. I rev it for a bit, warming it up, before leaning down to pick up my bags, which I secure to the handlebars. The engine roars as I take off down the street, weaving my way through traffic with ease.

The bike is fun and useful – the helmet and jacket perfect for hiding my vampirism from humans. I leave the bags outside when I go into a store, knowing that no thief would stand a chance against me. As I exit the last store, I realize I have quite a lot of stuff. It takes a bit of re-arranging to get all the bags to hang upon the handle bars, but at last I take off with all of them secured. The sun is beginning to set, and the traffic is high. I, of course, see no reason to follow the rules of the road, and I weave my bike easily through the line of cars.

Hitting the freeway is a relief. I fly past the other motorists, testing to see what this old bike can _really _do. I get the finger from several people, but I just laugh to myself and continue on my way. I wonder why'd I'd never thought to get a motorcycle before – they're much more fun than I'd thought. The miles slip by as I race down the road, eager to get back. I hope everything is ok, and a twinge of worry causes me to push the bike even faster.

The bike skids to a stop outside the gate as I dig the key out of my back pocket. I swipe it across the reader and the gate swings slowly open. I can feel Felix's eyes on me as I ride up the driveway, and by the time I'm setting up the kick-stand he is standing next to me. I jump off the bike and look up at him, relieved when he nods to confirm that nothing worrying has happened.

I move to grab all the bags off of the handlebars, but Felix beats me to it. I roll my eyes at him, but let him act the gentleman. He gathers them all up easily into one of his enormous hands and gestures for me to lead the way inside. As I turn to head up the stairs, he speaks.

"Well?" We move at vampire speed up the steps, and I enter the code to open the door quickly. Slightly worried about Felix's reaction to Edward, I pause with my hand on the door.

"Everything went as planned," I respond, looking over my shoulder at Felix. "Demetri left early this morning."

"So he agreed," Felix murmurs, pausing to frown at me. "You can open the door, General. I'm not going to attack him." I narrow my eyes at him once in warning, but do as he bids. Edward's scent washes over me as soon as the door swings open, and I feel myself aching to go to him. I swallow back my venom and hear Felix do the same behind me. Tense, I keep my senses focused on Felix even as I locate Edward's heartbeat, which is coming from the kitchen. I can tell by the way his pulse quickens that he has heard us enter, and despite my distrust of Felix's control I head towards the sound.

"I told you he would," I respond to Felix's earlier statement, trying to contain my excitement at seeing Edward again. "He harbors no loyalty towards Caius." As the words leave my mouth, I turn the corner and enter the kitchen. Edward is sitting at the table, and his eyes find mine as soon as I enter. I nod awkwardly at him in greeting, but he quickly turns his attention to Felix as he enters behind me. I watch him stiffen uneasily, and behind me I hear Felix swallow back more venom. I place myself between the two of them, but keep my gaze fixed on Edward. He stares at Felix a moment longer before turning back to me.

My whole being aches to go to him, but I force myself to remain in control. "Hello, Edward." My voice sounds strained even to my ears, but I try to act calmer than I feel.

After a brief pause, Edward clears his throat. "Hello." His eyes shift from me back to Felix, and then back to me again. I turn to look at Felix too. The vampire's expression is strained, and he crosses his arms across his chest in clear discomfort. Felix drags his eyes from Edward over to me, and I can see them darken with thirst. I battle my instinctual need to protect Edward from this other predator, because I know Felix can't help it. Still, I keep myself placed between them, unwilling to put too much faith in Felix's self-control.

"This is Felix." Felix smirks at my awkward introduction, but when I glare at him he nods half-heartedly at the human. Edward doesn't reply, and I can see that he is incredibly wary. Not wanting to send him away, I motion for Felix to follow me into the library/study. I reluctantly turn away from Edward, but I can feel him watching me as we leave. As soon as we are out of sight, Felix lets out a quiet, mocking laugh.

"You are so fucked," he says, vampire-quick and quiet. I stop dead and whirl about to face him, and he takes a step back, still smirking.

"We are not discussing this," I spit, and Felix laughs. I shake my head at him, turning back around and stalking into the library. He follows behind me, sobering up when I sit down in one of the chairs and point for him to sit next to me. He sits down, handing me the bags. I start going through them, getting back to business.

"Cell phone." I hand him the pre-paid disposable phone, which he powers up immediately. "Don't program any numbers in – dial them from memory and then delete the record. I'll buy you a new one each week." Felix nods and I tell him my phone number, which he memorizes instantly. I hand him the next bag. "Clothes. I had to guess at the size." I reach into another bag and hand him a pair of shades, a netbook and a large roll of cash.

"You thought of everything," Felix says, sounding impressed.

"We need to be very careful," I warn. "From now on, you'll need to order everything you need online. You can have it delivered to this address," I hand him a piece of paper with an address for one of Demetri's houses in France on it. "You'll also need to hunt out of the country, and only when I am here at the house. It'll be a bit of a run, but we can't risk you being seen."

"I hate being so useless," he growls, looking frustrated. "I didn't sign up to be some fucking babysitter."

"Suck it up," I growl back, earning a glare from him. "This isn't some game."

"Don't patronize me." His voice is borderline snarl, and I glare angrily at him. He takes a deep breath to calm himself, and he turns his head to glare at the wall beside him. "I know how serious this is."

"So be careful," I snap. I run a hand over my face, trying to calm down. "We'll need you soon enough." He nods reluctantly at this. I gather up the remaining bags and stand. "Tomorrow I'm going underground. I'll get in touch with Jane, and start trying to figure out what we're up against. The following day, you can go hunt and I'll stay here. Agreed?"

"Whatever you say, General." Felix stands too, looking unhappy.

"It's just Isabella, Felix," I sigh, and Felix nods. "You can have the house to yourself tonight. I'll take Edward somewhere else. We'll be back before dawn."

_Later._

"Edward?" I knock lightly on his door. I hear him get up and walk over, and as the doorknob begins to turn I swallow nervously. He appears in the doorway, his expression questioning. His eyes widen slightly as he looks me over, and I swallow again. He meets my gaze again, and his expression is hard to read.

"You, um…" he starts, stumbling over his words. "Are… are you going somewhere?"

I fidget slightly under his gaze, tugging absentmindedly on my blue dress. It's a tight, one-shoulder piece I found today in a small little store on the outskirts of the city. It's simple enough, but Demetri always said this color did wonders for me. I fight the urge to clear my throat nervously, and force myself to meet Edward's gaze.

"I thought I could take you to dinner – I mean, I thought maybe you'd want to eat out. Felix needs the house, and it's better if we're not here. So…" I run out of words, feeling like an idiot as I trail off. Edward swallows hard as I run a hand nervously through my hair, and my hope rises as I notice the way his eyes glance up and down my body one more time. He notices that I catch him doing so and he coughs, mimicking my actions and running a hand roughly through his hair.

"Ok," he stammers out, and I nearly sigh in relief. "But, um, I don't know if I have anything this…" he gestures at my dress and then coughs again. "Fancy."

I hold up the bag in my hand, smiling sheepishly at him. "I figured, so I got this. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, but…" Edward, thankfully, takes the bag from my hand, stopping the stream of babble. I mentally berate myself, but at the same time I'm pretty proud of myself for being so far out of my element.

Edward holds up the bag and studies it, his eyes widening. He looks at me with an expression of disbelief. "Armani?"

I, again, can do nothing but smile uncomfortably. I am so far in unfamiliar territory, but though it is terrifying, it doesn't necessarily feel _bad. _It's not like I've never given anyone a gift before, but… it was never in a situation quite like this.

"You don't have to wear it," I repeat, trying to sound nonchalant about it all. "I can take it back."

Edward watches me for a long time, and it is all I can do not to try to hide myself from him. I wonder if I have messed up yet again, and I wonder when he started being so damn intimidating to just have a conversation with. Felix's words come to mind, and I find myself agreeing with him; _I am so fucked._

"Ok," he says at last, and my worry fades into relief. I feel my muscles relax as he steps back into his room, beginning to shut the door. "Just give me a minute to shower."

_Oh, that so is not helping. _I choke back a growl, willing myself not to leap at him. Taking a reluctant step backwards, I nod mutely. Edward shuts the door at last, and I clap a hand over my eyes.

_What have I gotten myself into?_

**_A/N: Review, or I will procrastinate writing the next chapter as much as I am procrastinating finishing my homework. Seriously... do not test me!_**


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